helaumur Reviews

Good Witch (2015–2021)

Where's the magic

[1/10 · 17 May 2024]

I work from home so thought this would be good. Story about a witch in a town without little else. Oh boy. There's no magic no spells. Everyone is beautiful. It's like Days Of .our Lives but more bland. Literally nothing happens in it, everyone over acts and is super nice to each other. I had it on for eight hours my whole day and it was the worst piece of garbage I have ever seen. I thought it was going to be like practical magic. It's really saccharine. I think I have a diabetic coma coming. I'd rather watch paint dry than this I do not care about if the characters or the story lines it's so boring.

Unfrosted (2024)

Not that bad

[8/10 · 9 May 2024]

Watching this was ok. Not hilarious however when John Hamm came on I was totally in to it. It was such a great cross over. The lines were ok but I don't know they just seemed flat. Amy Shumer I cannot stand but she was good in this. And that one from Reno 911. He always plays a crazy person we needed more of him. I think this film failed as there were too many comedy cameos like who is the main star here? I won't watch it again but it was just ok. Not really memorable and what is happening with Hugh Grant. I feel he is broke and took this show for quick money. The little kids acted better. They should be in it more.

The Black Phone (2021)

I really liked it

[9/10 · 7 May 2024]

I really liked this film. Some parts I found disturbing as it echoed my own child hood when he was beating his daughter. The kid actors are really good and you really believe in them. I think there could have been a few murder scenes as you don't actually see any violence only the after math. It may have been good to be told both the brother and sister have psychic powers as I didn't get who and how they were calling. Ethan hawke was really scary in it. I love the kid that beat up the bully I got that he was the hero in this and would love to have seen more of him. The little girl actor was really good too.

Manhunter (1986)

Outstanding

[10/10 · 3 April 2024]

I could watch this film every day and never get bored of it. Brian Cox is the best Hannibal Lecter. He's so cold yet mesmerising. His nemesis Will Graham is so pained and determined. Francis Dolaryde. Has to be my favourite serial killer. He's a killer yes but I really feel sorry for him. You can feel his pain that he hates himself and can't control his jealousy of the blind woman whom he loves.

The colours and the editing in this are superb. I used to teach film theory and used this film as a perfect example. The sound track fits perfectly. The greens give it an other worldly look. The lack of music in certain scenes, the soft voice of Graham. There's no fear or urgency in his voice he's just half there as Lecter really affected him.

I cannot praise this film enough. Tom Noonan we d t see enough of you. Where are you now?

Just mind blowing.

The Snake Pit (1948)

Moving

[10/10 · 28 January 2024]

I was told to watch this as it changed politics and how mental health practices were improved due to this film. How many films can say they actually made a positive social change. I was not disappointed. Olivia's performance was so convincing. The other inmates were so convincing. The dance bought tears to my eyes it's so sad. They have been placed there and have to endure the worst indignities and abuse that today would have been much gentler. It reminds me of The Titticut Follies and the harrowing treatment.

Beulah Bondi from Its A Wonderful Life is in it too and there are some sweet and funny moments. Hester is the female equivalent of the Indian in One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. I was not disappointed by this and they really don't make films like this anymore sadly. I highly recommend this film.

The Haunting (1963)

So scary

[10/10 · 27 December 2023]

I have read the book and seen the film a hundred times and it gets better every time. Considering it's 1963 I always think what would audiences think watching what we now take for granted. The door moving on its own, the sounds, the shadows. You don't see any ghosts and everything can be explained but this film plays on your paranoia like a small child too scared to call a parent.

I had this in dvd for years but it stopped working as I watched it so many times. I now have it on blue ray. The acting is very natural, you really feel for Eleanor.

I can't praise this enough and I used to teach film and the kids were like urgh black and white but they jumped out of their seats. You know when, I won't spoil it.

No CGI, no swearing, excellent script, love it.

Oppenheimer (I) (2023)

Dull and mumbling

[5/10 · 25 December 2023]

I bought this for husband for Christmas as we were desperate to see it. Omg so disappointing. Mumbling their lines, we had to have the volume high it vibrated lol so put subtitles on, we're not deaf. Literally don't they teach actors diction any more.

The music was too loud and drowned out their lines any way. The story is slow, the characters just come on, say a line and leave like some stage production that does not inspire character feeling. I wasn't with any character, I didn't feel for any of them.

I had high hopes for this but wish I hadnt bothered as Nolan is a good director ie Batman, inception etc. They play old mumbling men and it could have been a lot better.

Not going to re watch it.

Maestro (2023)

Look at me I'm Bradley Cooper

[7/10 · 20 December 2023]

I really wanted to like this, I love a biopic of old Hollywood and I do at times like Bradley Cooper. It is shot well, very Woody Allen and a huge old Hollywood style shoot, however it does feel more of a Im Bradley Cooper look at my impression of a great composer and everyone loves me. Maybe it's just me, I think Stanley Tucci would have been better to play the lead or David Strathairn I think he's called from Good Night And Good Luck or the governor from Shawshank.

I don't care he has a false nose, actors wear make up. I just feel though it is an .Ok film but it just seems like a love letter to himself. Maybe if he didn't act and direct, like one or the other. He's not gritty enough for this role. Directing wise it is very good. He does taken on a huge amount of style from the Golden Age but acting, I'm gonna pass.

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)

Amazing

[10/10 · 4 October 2023]

I can't believe this has such a blow rating, just shows IMDb is rubbish. I love this now as much as I did as a kid. It scares me even now. Great to see such a believable family that look and act normal but weird things happen to them. That Kane is so scary and the thing under the bed, Craig and Jo Beth are great as the freelings I just love this and the first one. Don't be,I've the bad reviews I think it's great. The third one is rubbish but these first two I've watched hundreds of times and they never get dull.

The big Indian from one flew over the cuckoos nest adds some humour to it and angelina too.

The Ruins (2008)

Day of the triffids but in a temple

[9/10 · 1 September 2023]

I don't mind this film. Some kids meet some stranger, hey you wanna go see some historical stuff even though you don't know me, oh and the locals are cray cray, It's pretty good to be fair, likeable characters, nothing original really but the plants are good. I've seen this twice now as I forgot I watched it but still good though. I don't think it deserves the low rating IMDb has given it though. Typical characters the sexy young couples, a dr, a book work, cheerleader, yellow filter. It is set in meccico though. I recommend it it's not high brow just an easy film to watch. So yeah watch it. It's good.

Fall (I) (2022)

Pointless

[1/10 · 26 March 2023]

Everyone was telling me watch this film it's so good, so scary, so edge of your seat. They were right edge of your seat. I had to lean forward to get the remote to turn it off after I wasted my life watching this garbage. Unlikeable characters. The main girl Hunter is an absolute idiot. Didn't tell anyone where she was or when she would be back. No safety training. No worse case scenario planning then emotionally black mails her grieving friend who's dead husband she slept with and is supposed to be super sorry about everything. Then there's these characters and you think great they're saved I can turn something good on but no,they rob the car and that's the end of their role in the film. They may as well as not even be in it, it doesn't move the story on or anything. Then the grieving one clubs right to the top to plug in the drone whilst being attacked by a vulture. Vultures don't attack. They're scavengers. All the while holding on to a pole for hours in gale force winds thousands of feet above the ground, starving and de hydrated. FYI three days without water three weeks without food. That's how long you survive.

All for not as the drone gets hit by a truck. So she wedges the phone in her dead friends shoe in her gut whilst calling the 911. Then cut to her being in an ambulance running to her dad, hang on what about her gangrenous leg, nah that's fixed they ran it under the tap. Honest the biggest pile of rubbish I ever seen. Falling asleep it should be called. That Hunter deserved to die she was stupid and irresponsible. If on,y she landed on her push up bra she may have just bounced and lived. It would have been great if we could see the rescue and the tedious build up could have been cut out. That would have made a better film. But no, we had to sit through confessions and tears and delusions. Then an ambulance. Avoid.

White Noise (I) (2022)

Delightfully weird

[10/10 · 4 February 2023]

I loved this film. It has a hint of Wes Anderson in it. It's so sweet and weird like a funny dream. The acting is very natural like you're looking at a real family. Adam Driver is great and the actress who plays his wife who's a bit crazy and some imaginary disaster I loved it and it really stuck with me. The dancing in the supermarket was great it was a very quirky film. I don't know why people hate it but if you like Wes Anderson or Jim Jarmusch you will love this film. The soundtrack is great and though it doesn't follow a linear narrative and has moving emotional moments it's still a great film.

Journey's End (I) (2017)

On stage this week only

[8/10 · 5 November 2022]

If you are in Oldbury. The local theatre there are putting this on stage for this week only and as it's bonfire night the bangs outside work really well. I haven't seen the film but the play is very good and moving and if you're in the midlands you should check it out.

I hadn't heard if it until now so didn't know what to expect but, the story shows the futility of war and the desperation to stay sane losing your calmness with your fellow men that you may have gone to school with and saying things you didn't mean only for them to die.

It ended with the trumpets sounding the end and the terrible food that they also had.

The Iron Lady (2011)

Torn

[7/10 · 9 September 2022]

I am torn. Is it a great film because Meryl was superb or do I hate this film as Thatcher is portrayed as a sad old lady still seeing her dead husband? Thatcher was a fascist who ruined the country, closing the mines, the Falklands, introducing the council tax that today is used to line the pockets of corrupt councils, letting Bobby Sands die of starvation, and many other things. Arrogant, blind, narrow minded woman she was just awful. But this film portrays her as a nice lady fighting for her place and blindly making Britain great again something we hear in America. This film is propaganda. Meryl Streep is superb in it. She sounds and looks like her. But please don't watch this film for the truth. She was stone cold, elitist and a fascist hell bent on ruining the country.

M (1931)

I cannot praise this enough

[10/10 · 25 August 2022]

This film blew my mind. Peter Lorre is just so complex. Yes he's a child murderer but he is having his own battles internally that explode from him in an almost Shakespearean soliloquy. The acting is amazing and as it was between the wars some of them potentially were in the First World War along side Hitler. Some actors died as a result of the war either in the ghettos or the camps. Fritz Lang creates these amazing worlds with sharp lights, major close ups, atmospheric tones, expressions of fear through looks and paranoia Thant were resonating in Germany at the time. Two years after this film Dachau opened. When I watch this film I think how many of these actors were Nazis or victims of them. There aren't many films of this age that are still so thought provoking, so strong, or memorable.

Harry Price: Ghost Hunter (2015 TV Movie)

Nothing like the book

[4/10 · 20 June 2022]

I wanted to watch this because the book is really good. Such a contrast. They only keep the basic theme for the film. It's not even close to the book. Very disappointing and characters are missed from the film and new ones added to make it woke. Harry in the film is shallow and childish but in the book he's a scientist and desperate for proof. Avoid the film. The book is way better.

Freud (2020)

more about Bela Kiss than Freud

[10/10 · 27 April 2020]

I put this on netflix thinking it was the Keira Knightley film but was pleasantly surprised that it was a film loosely based on Freud and the Hungarian Vampire Bela Kiss. In the show there has been a murder that is reminiscent of Jack The Ripper, the police bring the body to Freud as he is the nearest Dr but they stupid police doubt release he's that kind of Dr. Anyway Freud is just starting out and trying to convince his peers about psychotherapy but he is laughed out the lecture until he meets a medium and her family who are adept in hypnotherapy. Clues abound and thats as far as i have got but its very dark and the acting is superb.

Ghost Stories (I) (2017)

predictable nonsens

[2/10 · 20 January 2019]

I will do you a favour and save yu the 2 hours, its all a dreams of one bloke in a coma. All the characters in it are the drs and nurses and cleaners in the waking world, he is a suicide on a ventilator. 3 stories, each without reason or merit, then it goes even weirder what is possibly the devil, a victim of buying who got killed when the coma lad was a kid comes back and haunts him, as with all British films, its pointless, long and super dull. Don't bother honest its awful, i mean Martin Freeman is in it, id rather watch beige paint dry on a rain Sunday afternoon in November when the internet is down.

The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

dull

[3/10 · 13 October 2018]

Having read the book and loved the Robert Wise film, i thought great a TV show for Halloween. How could a great text be madden to such a dull tv show. The house doesn't even feature in it that much,its more about Luke and his drugs, the children grown up and their failed relationships, even the kid fromET is in it and he may as well not be.

There is no suspense, its so slow you end up drifting off. How they managed to make a great thing like The Haunting, so boring , they really should find a better job or fix people with insomnia.

There is no atmosphere, no ghosts, noise, lighting, its just so bland. You got Theo the lesbian who is a child psychologist, Shirley the embalmer, i can't even be bothered to go through the rest, its just that dull.

Spend more time watching them wash up, talking, taking drugs, theres no house or anything, seriously don't bother, its just dreadful.

The Way Back (I) (2010)

book is amazing

[25 March 2017]

i haven't seen the film but the book is amazing, only a small book but its really, we see yetis, meet the Nepalese we lose a few people on the way and its a tale of a journey and the hardship and camaraderie and loss and muddling through to the end goal no matter what you face, deserts and mountains, bedouins

Wissper (2015–2018)

lovely

[10/10 · 25 August 2016]

i may be 36 but with all the death and pain in the world this show is lovely. follow Wissper and her friends on little inoffensive adventures. We have Herbert the horse, Monty the Merecat, Gerti the giraffe, Ed and Ted the beavers, Hayley and Marcus the mice, Kev the crocodile, then there's dad and mom and the elephant, Dan the Panda, Peggy penguin, osier the oxbird, mrs turnip the piggy and her kids, wissper can talk to the animals and rescues them with her big lovely eyes and magic bag. love it. its on channel 5 on milkshake before work, only on for a few minutes but its blissful. i wish i had kids so i could pretend its on for them not me lol

Grave Encounters 2 (2012)

so boring i had to skip bits

[1/10 · 14 April 2013]

Having seen GE 1 i thought the sequel must be at least a bit good , not as good but still good. Boy was i wrong. I don't think i could be more wrong. Slow, ham acting, no script, too much swearing which indicates poor script writing, its not suspenseful or jumpy and the lead guy Alex is such a tool i want the monsters to kill him. The ending makes no sense, how are they going to get away with what happens? i wont reveal it in case you unfortunately watch it. It so boring, 42 minutes in some stuff happens and then some other stuff an then nothing and then it goes off, good lord, boring. I ended up skipping bits as it was just so bad. Clichéd, poor acting, some of the characters were so under developed that when they died, it seemed a waste of time having them there in the first place. My choice was download this off film 4od or Fasttimes At Ridgemont High, i wish i had chosen the latter. This film both sucks and blows. Don't bother with it unless you just want it on for background or you cant sleep.

Immortals (2011)

just amazing from start to finish

[10/10 · 23 November 2011]

wow firstly i am really surprised about the bad reviews, apparently i am the only one who knows Greek Mythology and suspension of disbelief.

Heavily stylised, engaging, intense, moving, exciting, exhilarating, this film is just amazing.

It portrays the violence and beauty that is Greek mythology perfectly, the actors are all lit in gold and the Titans locked in a box until they are released, twelve in all held in a box cast in to Tartarus by Uranus as he feared their great power, his wife Gaea, created the Giants, three in all, Cottus, Gyges and Briareus who each had a hundred hands and fifty heads, though this is brushed over in the film. Mickey Rourkes portrayal as the brutal tyrant Hyperion is the part he was meant to play, he didn't need much make up and he was ominous and brutal, as a Titan should be.

Gaea came up with a plot for the Titans to overthrow her husband Uranus which was carried out by Cronus, and his wounded father his blood fell to earth and up sprang the Giant.

Anyway, Cronus with supreme power, predictably turned on his brothers and waged a war on the titans, and defeated them, sending them back to Tartarus.

This film uses gold and blue to the best of the film will allow, this film is so stunning i cant wait to see it on DVD, i really cant understand why ppl give it bad reviews, its not the most historically accurate but its loosely based on the story i just told you.

I wont explain every single character, Apollo was a nasty guy and Zeus wasn't as nice as this film portrays, but if you want to read about them the best book to read ever about Greek myths is Myths of Ancient Greece and Rome by E.M Berens, its the best book ever and you'll be lucky to get a new copy.

This film kept the Greek violence and beauty alive in its true form, the silver bull as a form of torture really existed, the film is a bit violent but it happens off camera, Frieda Pinto is brilliant, i cant praise this film enough.

Go see it, amazing from start to finish.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)

like a migraine except a migraine ends eventually

[1/10 · 17 September 2011]

i saw Tinker Tailor, i was hoping for a great thriller but it was a convoluted non starter that ended abruptly and make absolutely no sense. It didn't engage or have any tensity it was very disappointing. It left me with may unanswered questions and the ones i did get answers for only raised more questions. The performances are excellent, i think, i don't know because i don't know what was happening, Cumberbatch is dapper, i cant give a decent review as the film was poor and difficult to watch, at some points i was actually falling asleep as nothing was happening and when it was it made no sense. I didn't like this film at all, sorry but the cream of British cinema, whats the point of using them when the film makes no sense at all?

Babylon A.D. (2008)

only watch if your other choice is suicide

[1/10 · 1 June 2011]

Terrible script, terrible storyline, cheap graphics, total rip of Blade Runner, practically shot for shot in places, the ending makes no sense, and i like Kassovitz, La Haine was amazing, he was great in Amelie, just the worst film ever, Babylon AD, big dull dud, Vin Diesal mutters through out. All it needs is the Wilhelm scream, nothing is explained in ad i don't need to see a dead cat chopped up and eaten. Gerard Depardieu looks like a potato, it also rips off Star Wars when hes in Tattooine, god i cant hate this film enough. Im sure there is a wall with wet paint on it that is preferable to watching this film, its 90 minutes of my life i wont get back, what about Ramplings character? What happens to her? she just walks off after apparently searching for her kid for years, come on! I mean the only difference is she actually stayed fully clothed for once. Avoid at all costs.