dave-847 Reviews

R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (2022)

This ain't your mother's R.I.P.D.

[3/10 · 4 December 2022]

Aside from the main character being a younger incarnation of Roy from the original "R. I. P. D." and the overarching theme of the cops vs the "Deados", this shares little with the first move. Different actors, cheezy plot, poorly written script... it just FEELS cheap. It almost feels as if this is the result of an elementary school script writing contest. You can miss seeing chunks of this for a bathroom break, or a run for some snacks, and you'll never know it. It is THAT predictable.

No offense intended to Jeff Donovan (Roy Pulsipher). When you're handed a bucket of icky smelling mud, there's only so much you can do with it.

Stay home. Watch the original R. I. P. D. It's MUCH better, and your brain will thank you for it.

Alexander the Great (1956)

Syrup moves faster, in the winter.

[3/10 · 21 August 2020]

The story of Alexander the Great is fascinating, and, handled by the right Director, should hold your attention.

This, however, is not that production.

It is a plodding, ponderous examination of the progression of Alexander from a spoiled teenager trying to please his father, to an early death after conquering the better part of the known world ... while trying to please his dead father.

The acting is often stilted from all principals, with occasional flashes of the rapid and inspired delivery that served Burton so well in his career. The best acting in the entire film was done by Fredric March. When he and Burton were together you could see the scene working. No long, awkward pauses between dialogue unless the scene called for it. March was Excellent as Philip

The battle scenes are almost comical at times. When Philip is in battle, back to a large rock, with enemy soldiers closing in on him, you can see them holding back, waiting for the rescuing Alexander to swoop in to the rescue his father. Waiting for HIS entrance so he can kill them as the script decrees. It's almost as if the battle scenes were shot by a 2nd or 3rd unit under the direction of an apprenticing Director.

The scenery is great, although Spain isn't a really good substitute for Persia. The sets are grand, and look very real instead of like plaster and cardboard.

The scene of the departing Macedonian fleet is quite impressive, as is the long shot of the Persian army camped the night before The Grand Battle of Issus.

But too often through the production what could be an excellent scene is brought to a screeching halt by, well... bad acting. A better score might have helped. Or rather a more involved score. Long stretches of acting are done with no atmosphere setting background score whatsoever.

A lot of the movie felt more like the Dailys just strung together by a ham fisted editor rather than a finished film after a competent editor was able to tighten up everything.

This was originally supposed to be a 3+ hour movie, complete with an intermission. We should all be thankful that it was cut down to the 2hr, 23 min. film we are discussing. And truthfully, if the editing were tightened up, and the frequent pregnant pauses were excised, the existing film might have come in at slightly over 2 hours instead.

I waited a long time to see this film, having heard that it was pretty good. It was not worthy of the anticipation.

Moontrap: Target Earth (2017)

A plot in search of a suitable story

[4/10 · 22 May 2017]

Somewhere in this plodding, underdeveloped mish-mash of a movie there is a story worth doing. Sadly, it wasn't done correctly here. You will find yourself wondering why they didn't do "X" or "Y" all the way through it. That is, if you can stay with it long enough. This movie could have been done in half the length of time it took, and the result would have been far superior. Vast chunks of time are wasted on long, lingering shots of ...... nothing important. Or s-l-o-o-o-w pan shots that do nothing to advance the story. The SFX are mediocre, at best. The dialog goes from snappy to dull in the blink of an eye. With a few more bucks in the budget, and a director and cinematographer who actually cared, this could have been a half decent B flick.

Save your precious dollars, and find another flick to watch.

The Switched-on Symphony (1970 TV Special)

A truly magical music hour

[10/10 · 29 March 2017]

This was one of a long series of programs known as The Bell Telephone Hour. They were always well done, educational, and entertaining. Sadly programming of this sort no longer exists, and we are all poorer for it.

I watched this program when it aired on March 14th, 1970. Having been raised in a family involved in classical music, as well as being a teenager and fan of all things Rock And Roll, the idea of combining the two seemed a bit outrageous. Watching the show, however, was a kick in my music appreciation.

The 60 minute production mixed artists like Jethro Tull, The Nice, Los Angeles Philharmonic, Ray Charles, Christopher Parkening, And Santana. The juxtaposition of the sometimes harshness of rock music with the melodic classical tunes was fascinating.

It won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Achievement In Tape Sound Mixing, and was nominated for Outstanding Comedy-Variety Or Music Program, as well as for Outstanding Achievement in Lighting Direction.

The program was taped over a 3 day period (February 13 to 15th, 1970) in NBC's Studio 2 in Burbank, California. Zubin Mehta, then Conductor of the L.A. Philharmonic, was the host, and his well conducted journey showed how both forms of music could be woven together to form something new and different. At one point the Philharmonic was playing a well known classical piece only to have an abrupt change to The Nice playing the SAME music, but with their distinctly rock flavor. The transition was nearly seamless, and the effect was electrifying.

Ray Charles performed a version of The Beatles "Yesterday" that still sends shivers down my spine just from the memory.

Sadly, memories are all we have of this program. I understand that licensing issues for the music of all the groups involved have never been resolved, something that would be necessary if this were ever to be made available for sale.

Also sadly, the audio tape I had of the program has long since been lost. If this program is ever finally released for new generations to appreciate I highly recommend it for purchase. Barring that, those who have never seen it can only imagine what it was like, and those of us who saw it can only rely on our memories.

Clash of the Titans (2010)

For better or for worse, this movie is a kick

[8/10 · 10 July 2010]

Most people, yours truly included, usually approach writing a review of a movie as a chance to rip it. Finding faults with historical misrepresentations, factual blunders, inept acting or direction, even criticizing the composer of the soundtrack for a less than stellar score. This review is different. While I have read some of these criticisms about this movie, I personally do not think that any of them apply.

This movie is, above all things, great fun.

Anyone who watched the Harry Hamlin version of this story back in 1981 and wants to compare it with this one would do well to remember the differences in cast and production capabilities. The special effects for this new trip with Perseus are excellent. The creativeness and production values are way up there on the scale. And, while the dialog may occasionally slip into the region of corn and cheesiness, the story flows in an entertaining manner and doesn't leave the viewer wanting for much.

Probably the only real criticism I had was regarding the Kraken. Yes, it was fearsome, ginormous, loud and, in general, everything you expect a mythical monster of mass destruction to be. But you never get to see a complete picture of it. OK. I'm picky. So sue me.

So grab your popcorn, Jujubes, sodas and hot dogs and sit down for a rousing and action-packed movie. And if you think about Harry Hamlin even once while you're watching it then I hope you spill your hot buttered popcorn all over the furniture.

The Silent Force (2001)

Dear Producers: Your low budget is showing

[3/10 · 16 March 2010]

If bad acting won awards, this flick would have a shelf full. The cutting is, at best, quite choppy.

The continuity errors are endless. The technical mistakes are too numerous to cite.

Even the fight choreography, the one thing that could have made this worth enduring, is painful. The moves are very stilted and predictable, to the point where even those untrained in martial arts can see what's coming.

The plot is VERY formula: "Man defies overwhelming odds to wreak havoc and revenge".

There is the usual gratuitous sex, and plenty of silicone enhanced topless young ladies, all designed to try and make SOMEthing in this 90 minute exercise in tedium worth watching. In the end, it all fails and you're left with the feeling that this should have gone straight to $1.98 bargain bin at the video store.

If you spent money to watch this movie you should demand a refund. I gave it a 3 out of 10 only because I like silicone.

Transmorphers: Fall of Man (2009 Video)

A new type of distribution is needed.

[1/10 · 25 September 2009]

After watching the first half of this tedious flick I am convinced that there should be a new class of distribution worse than DTV (Direct To Video) I propose the new designation should be DTDB (Direct To Dollar Bin). This movie definitely belongs there. As others have noted the special effects are worse than atrocious. They could have used an etch-a-sketch and gotten better results. I can only assume that Bruce Boxleitner owed someone a large favor to have appeared in this production.

This production is so bad, it even falls below the standards for the Sci-Fi Channel made for TV stuff. The only way this could have been worse is if it was animated, and the cels were drawn using crayons.

The basic story concept, as you can imagine from the title, is basically the same as "Transformers", a far better movie than this could ever hope to be.

If you wish to see how movies should NOT be made then rent this. With luck you'll find it in the dollar bin and expense will be minimal. The best use for this CD would be as a target at a rifle range.

The Marksman (2005 Video)

The Marksman misses badly

[2/10 · 27 January 2009]

This is the kind of movie that gives the "Direct To Video" genre a bad name. Everything about this movie screams "CHEAP!".

Modern movie-goers are sophisticated enough to notice things like the same clip being used over and over again to represent something different. They notice it when a Russian MiG and a US Tomcat have the same ejection seat, and the same fire control panel. Plainly put, the production values in this movie reek. Horribly. I'm prepared to lay reality aside somewhat when watching a flick, but this one stretches credulity beyond all reason.

Wesley Snipes must have either owed Producer Andrew Stevens a freebie, or he did it to fulfill a contract he just wanted to get out from under. I can think of no other reason for his appearing in this. He could have phoned his performance in.

Speaking of Andrew Stevens, his production company has 13 films in release and 2 listed as "In Production" (as of 1/27/09). Of those in release, SEVEN of them went direct to video. Make of that what you will.

I gave this a 2 out of 10, and it's only that high because I have a soft spot for Emma Sams.

Cyborg (1989)

Save your money for something important

[3/10 · 22 August 2006]

As a rule whenever I run into a movie that has music created entirely using a synthesizer my brain flashes on the word "CHEAP". Add to that the tired post-apocalyptic settings, and a cast you never heard of (except for Van Damme, of course), and you've got a reason to leave this one in the bargain bin. It didn't help that this was the last film from the nearly dead, and already bankrupt, Cannon Films. Sadly, they went out with a whimper instead of a bang. Wander through the credits and there are signs everywhere that money was tight. There are several people listed for multiple positions in the production team, and Van Damme is even took a turn as a Film Editor.

The movie itself is trite, and the plot is very basic: Main characters go from here to there in a world where civilization has crumbled, surviving attacks from savage gangs. Said travel includes flashbacks for The Hero to an earlier time when he suffered heavily at the hands of the same savage gang. Strictly formula.

The character development is extremely basic, and could have been handled better. Watching this movie one gets the impression that the idea was just to cash in on the Van Damme mystique and spend as little as possible doing it. So, this one is heavy on fighting, albeit poorly done, and light on everything else.

Calling this movie "Cyborg" was a lie as that particular character has a minimal part in the movie. So if you're looking for an action flick involving a Cyborg battling humans, don't stop here. As a matter of fact, don't stop here at all. There's nothing to see.

The Curse of King Tut's Tomb (2006 TV Movie)

This movie IS the curse

[3/10 · 21 August 2006]

I seldom stop a movie part-way through and refuse to watch the rest of it. "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb" provoked that exact reaction. It tries to be an action movie and fails. It attempts, badly, to imitate elements of both "Mummy" pictures and falls v-e-r-y short. It desperately tries to grab onto parts of the "Indiana Jones" series and misses the mark every single time.

The acting varies widely from stilted, to just plain amateurish. Any resemblance to historical accuracy is fleeting, at best, and CG work is about on a par with a talented child wielding an Etch-A-Sketch.

The only reason I can fathom for hanging on to this DVD is to use as a coaster when you get unexpected company. I can only imagine that Messers McDowell and Hyde desperately needed work. They should have been more discriminating.

The Director, Russell Mulcahy, seems to be on a role at this point. His version of "Mysterious Island" (2005) suffered from similar shortcomings and is another Movie Worth Missing. It is interesting to note that both "Mysterious Island" and "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb" were produced for The Hallmark Channel. Thankfully Hallmark greeting cards are much better than their movies.

If you see this movie coming on, go floss your cat's teeth. It will be much more productive.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

It coulda been a contender ...

[6/10 · 9 August 2006]

It seems like an idea that would make an excellent movie. Well, maybe with others playing the major characters it might have been.

Uma Thurman as "Jenny" came off as being about 3 seconds away from having a major meltdown during the entire movie. What could have been a great comedic part was turned into a rather dark character totally at odds with the intent of the movie. Think of "Kill Bill"'s "Bride" on steroids.

Luke Wilson gave the part of "Matt" a valiant try, but he didn't quite hit it. I could see Ben Stiller, Tom Arnold, or Bruce Campbell doing a better job. And while Luke did have his moments his performance wasn't consistent enough for my taste.

Then there's Anna Faris, most familiar to many as "Cindy Campbell" in the "Scary Movie" franchise. I actually thought she would have been better in the roll of "Jennny". Still, she did a good job with what they gave her.

As for the sidekick, "Vaughn". Rainn Wilson played the part well. I have seen him previously in "Six Feet Under" and "The Office" and he does the support rolls quite well.

So where did it all go wrong? There are a lot of possibilities. Timing, as they say, is everything. "Superman" came out not long before this was released. The comparisons were inevitable, and "Super Ex-Girlfriend" did not fare well by comparison. Also, you can't argue with Star Power. Uma Thurman isn't, in my opinion, enough of a draw yet to hold a movie like this together on her own. And while the supporting cast was mostly adequate the whole thing just didn't gel. Call it chemistry if you will, but whatever it was the lack of it turned what could have been a romp into just a pleasant 95 minute diversion. I have seen far worse films, but I've also seen much better.

Killing Hitler (2003 TV Movie)

A real plot to kill Hitler, told BBC-style

[8/10 · 7 August 2006]

Part documentary and part movie, this joint BBC/History Channel Mini-Series examines "Operation Foxley", a real SOE (Special Operations Executive) plot to kill Adolph Hitler in World War II that was never carried out. This 2 part mini-series uses actors and narration, mixed with archival footage, to tell the story of the development of the plan in November of 1944. It also utilizes a modern panel of experts who hash over the entire plan, dissecting and discussing the whys and wherefores and ultimately come to their own personal decisions as to whether or not the plan should have been carried out, and why. Additionally the program draws on some personal recollections of people who were alive at the time, both British and German. The film also touches on the cross-agency conflicts between the SOE and the SIS (Secret Intelligence Service - aka MI6). The entire story is told from the point of view of "LB/X", the code name for the British Staff Officer responsible for developing "Foxley".

The production is up to the usual BBC standards with accurate costuming and sets for the recreation of past events. For Americans the British documentary style can be occasionally jarring as the production switches from the modern panel of experts to the recreations and back again. Once you get used to it, though, the transitions are easy to take.

If you're looking for spies and war-time shootouts this is not the program for you. If you're interested in the historical facts, and educated "what-ifs", then this is for you and will keep your interest for the approximately 90 minute running time.

Batman & Robin (1997)

If the TV series episodes had been 125 minutes long, they would look like this ...

[4/10 · 30 May 2006]

The best way to fully realize how horrid this movie is as an entry into the Batman franchise is to watch "Batman" first, then grit your teeth and hit the play button to watch "Batman and Robin". You'll swear you're watching the TV series. The wild colors, the slanted camera angles, the campy lines ... The only thing missing is "POW!" and "BAMMM!" balloons flashing across the screen. Watching this film you have to ask why Joel Schumacher was allowed to take the original concept and warp it into a big screen version of the TV show. I'm almost convinced that he's related to William Dozier in some way.

If you can completely forget about "Batman" and take "Batman and Robin" as a stand-alone flick then it's not a bad one. The cgi special effects are occasionally recognizable as such. The term "campy" fits it perfectly. Between the cliché' lines and over the top acting it probably appeals to the younger audience fairly well.

It's entertainment. Don't expect anything else and you won't be disappointed.

BloodRayne (2005)

It should have stayed just a game

[2/10 · 17 May 2006]

OK. I admit it. I watched this out of a sort of morbid fascination just to see if what everyone was saying was actually true.

It was.

This movie is bad on so many levels that enumerating them becomes a task worthy of only a dedicated zealot. Not being such a zealot I will keep this mercifully short.

Escapism is one thing, but when it is done with such careless regard for believability it descends to the level of just pathetic. The continuity errors are legion. The acting makes your neighborhood community theater performances look like a night on Broadway. Michael Madsen, Billy Zane and Ben Kingsley merely walk through their parts with as much emotion as a marble statue. The only person in the whole cast who actually put some effort into her part was Geraldine Chaplin, and she was in only about 5 minutes of this exercise in animating cardboard characters. I can only imagine that she took the part for a little lunch money.

The dialog is stilted, cryptic, and seems to exist solely to keep the various blood-gushing mayhem scenes from slamming into each other.

I'm told there really is a plot, but trying to find it amongst the dead bodies and truly bad swordplay is a monumentally impossible task.

I do have some nice things to say about this movie. The costumes are pretty interesting, the sets are not bad, and it mercifully ended after only 95 minutes.

Why was this movie made? I keep getting the impression that Uwe Boll is trying to act out the plot of "The Producers" in real life. This movie will likely show up in your local video store Bargain Bin in a very short time.

Leave it there.

Judges (2006)

Time better spent flossing your cats teeth

[2/10 · 2 May 2006]

The plot is rocky. The acting is somewhere south of a Jr. High School play. The cinematography is not bad but it looks like it was cut with a machete. I couldn't decide of this was an intentionally hokey flick or if the people behind it actually thought they were making a good film. Think Death Valley Days meets Mayberry RFD. People running around in a 'lawless' modern town wearing quick-draw 6 gun rigs. It has more than its fair share of 'cutsey' stuff. Picture the Good Guys pulling up to an old farm house, and parking the Ford Mustang right in front of a hitching rail. Picture the clerk in a hotel watching an obviously western (hemisphere) movie sporting a Japanese sound track but with English sub-titles. It's all really strange but might be improved if watching it while partaking in a little peyote. It's a real curiosity with modern parallels to every western movie cliché you can think of. There's even a modern version of the good hearted dance-hall girl, AND a twanging Jew's-harp in the soundtrack. Really! If someone brings this to your home for a Saturday night movie session, tell 'em your DVD player died.

Mysterious Island (2005 TV Movie)

On a scale of 1 to 10 this one owes ME points

[1/10 · 22 March 2006]

Picture a pirate captain (NOT Long John Silver) with really long hair and a constant 1 day stubble of beard. Now make him try to talk like the most famous pirate ever (played by Robert Newton) and have him do it very badly.

Picture beautiful Thailand with lush vegetation. Now superimpose cheesy giant CGI critters that look like they were thrown together in an afternoon of programming while playing the original "DOOM!" game.

Picture Jules Verne rolling over. And over. And over. Which he undoubtedly did during the writing of a script that ignores both the ideas and the spirit of his masterful book. I'm accustomed to seeing novels hacked at to transition them from print to film, but this is the very epitome of a hatchet job. Necessary characters are dropped completely, and unnecessary characters are added. The plot has been changed in not-so-subtle ways. And while I have great respect for Patrick Stewart and his talent this movie even makes him look bad.

The kids may enjoy this simply because they are kids, but this is not something I would recommend for a serious fan of Jules Verne. They might hurt themselves while they are kicking the TV.