KylieRempel Reviews

CQ (2001)

I hate the framing movie give me the 60s SciFi

[6/10 · 19 March 2020]

The framing device is boring and pretentious. I hate everyone and I don't care about their problems.

The film within a film, "Dragonfly" is a ridiculous piece of 60s nonsense and I love every silly minute of it.

Creepy Canada (2002–2006)

Compiled into Canada's Most Haunted 1 and 2

[4/10 · 28 January 2020]

As compiled into Canada's Most Haunted 1 and 2 on streaming services. 1 is slightly better as it has the fun of skeptic York University professor.

Canada's Most Haunted 2 suffers for lack of that York University professor.

I cannot speak to its episodes format. This is a review of the compilations only.

All I can say is you could be more bored, by other fare. This is at most only medium boring, providing you go in knowing the usual bs happening in haunted stuff "reality" / "documentary" fare.

Lady of Csejte (2015)

One of the better Erzebet Bathory films

[7/10 · 23 January 2020]

I have seen a couple attempts at putting the so-called Blood Countess on films. For instance The Countess with Julie Delpy, has fine acting, but is very slow and wants me to over identify with the countess and empathize with her.

This movie at least offers better production values, non-terrible child actors that you can root for and at least a nod in the direction of historical accuracy. (The one thing I am unclear on historically is any evidence that she might have killed any significant numbers of young boys. Her treatment of young girls is reasonably well-documented.)

So while it is a bit cheesy and overdramatic at times, it has much more going for it, than many adaptations of this historical tale. The actress playing the countess is also quite good at projecting a certain mixture of menacing intensity overlaid with a nonthreatening approachable veneer. Also these resourceful gypsy kid protagonists are great. Some small bits of it are predictable enough, but there a few surprises to hold your interest.

I'm not saying this should top any horror movie lists, but it certainly shouldn't be tossed at the bottom of the horror barrel with Asylum films either.

Center Stage (2000)

Best finale dance ever

[8/10 · 13 January 2020]

The plot is basic and at least one of the actors, the one who plays Maureen can't act her way out of a box, but who cares. It doesn't matter.

The dancing is what we are here for and it is flawless! From the salsa club scene to the modern dance class to the unbeatable finale. This dancing is on pointe!

The end dance which involves love triangles, motorcycles, canned heat and simulated sex is the reason to watch this movie. Dance movie finales do not get better than this.

If you love dance watch it, rewatch it and love it forever! Dance movies done right. This is best dance movie ever! Ever!

Center Stage (2000)

Best finale dance ever

[8/10 · 13 January 2020]

The plot is basic and at least one actress, the one who plays Maureen can't act her way out of

Lilies (1996)

Beautiful, heartwrenching, well-acted.

[9/10 · 31 December 2019]

I love this movie so much. It is one of my all time favourite films. The transitions to and from the framing device are imaginative and well-shot.

The three leads in the flashback narrative are amazing. Really everyone does an excellent job acting in their unisex world.

The love story is tender and full of young heartache. The use of the recurring St. Sebastian monologues is always moving. In many ways the film is very evocative of old school, hardcore Catholic Québeçois values and the toxic environment that can engender.

Danny Gilmore is so lovingly bathed in light in this film. The way his finely boned physique is captured in the bath scene with the water and leaves is striking.

I don't know how to describe this movie except as Romeo and Juliet between 2 men reenacted as a confessional play in a men's prison if Romeo and Juliet's tragedy was replaced with that of St. Sebastian with a hint of Iago's jealousy from Othello.

Just go watch it.

Hotel (2001)

I love this pretentious garbage!

[7/10 · 31 December 2019]

I'm not going to lie to you this film is not for everyone.

If you are not down for meta-weirdness involving a stellar performance by Rhys Ifans in a bizarre Marlowe play in a cannibal hotel, put it back on the shelf the metaphorical Blockbuster Video.

A friend and I rented this on accident. It was on the video rental shop shelves when Hostel came out and whoops this was a way funner film. We could not stop arguing about it after watching. Truly that causing passionate arguments is what ever experimental filmmaker strives for.

Do yeah if you're here for macabre, arthouse snobbery and navel-gazing. Enter the Hotel!

Heartbeats (2010)

A Breath of Fresh Air - Imaginary Loves Indeed

[7/10 · 8 May 2013]

First off, let me say that this movie is very chic.

The pacing of the main plot is inter-cut with clips of other characters discussing their own romances or failed romances Harry Met Sally Style - except the tales that these characters are relating is nowhere near as cutesy.

The basic plot of the movie is thus, a gay friend and a straight friend both have the hots for the same super-smooth blond, Nicholas (Niel Schnieder).

Both Xavier's character (who seems like he is Xavier himself) and Marie, played by Monia Chokri are friendly and flirtatious with the object of their affections - but in the end all is for naught and the player chooses neither.

The look of the movie is sleek in terms of style and there is a lot to enjoy here in terms of character development and dialogue. It also neatly avoids happy skip into the sunset endings in favour of brutal realism.

The Saddest Music in the World (2003)

Most accessible of all of Maddin's Movies

[8/10 · 8 May 2013]

So this is the most accessible of all of Guy Maddin's movies. It has a better blend of humour and seriousness than some of his other attempts.

Plus there are glass legs of beer to look forward to. Guy Maddin's movies are a unique Canadian treasure. They are stylized as old movies similar to very old German mountaineering movies. His movies make use of a lot of silent film era tropes and often tell stories particular to his Manitoban town.

What helps this movie excel, where some of his other attempts fall flat is that the main character for this movie is not the moody character, but rather the fun slick salesman, Mark McKinney.

Lady Helen Port-Huntley (Isabella Rossellini), is holding a world-wide radio competition for the saddest music to sell her beer as this movie is set in era when American prohibition was ending and her Canadian monopoly was about to end.

Contestants from all around the world show up to compete and old family feuds and grievances also come into play. Maria de Medeiros has an excellent turn as well as Narcissa.

Love Songs (2007)

This is not your average sappy musical

[9/10 · 8 May 2013]

I have watched this movie, over and over and over again this year. I get the songs stuck in my head all the time.

It's not your average boy meets girl musical. In this French musical, boy 1 and girl 1 are dating girl 2. They're happy and in for the most part in love as a triad.

Then tragedy strikes their happy triad in a totally believable way. Suddenly boy 1 and girl 2 are left adrift. Boy 1 meets boy 2. Girl 2 has her own problems.

It's a beautifully crafted piece of French cinema. Louis Garrel shines as Ismael and Ludivine Sagnier also does well as Julie.

It's a movie, where the first time you watch it, you're never sure how it will turn out and the music is lovely and catchy. It's modern romance - things aren't so simple, people don't necessarily live happily ever after and it's refreshing to see that on film.

Careful (1992)

Be Careful of So Many Things - But Watch This Movie

[8/10 · 8 May 2013]

I love Guy Maddin's work and this is my favourite of his films. It's odd and unsettling and it sticks with you long after you've watched it.

It's definitely not the most accessible of his works, but I like it. It's been described as a "pro-repressionist" movie, but I don't think that's entirely accurate.

The people portrayed in the village are deeply repressed and one small push makes their whole stack of cards morals come tumbling down. It's tale of three brothers and their trials and tribulations.

Their father is deceased and one brother, Vince Rimmer as Franz, is an invalid confined to the attic, who can do little more than watch as his brothers are tempted and run amok.

First Brent Neale as Johann, then Kyle McColloch as Grigorss give in to their desires and forbidden longings with tragic consequences. Kyle McColloch is a Maddin regular and he shines here.

Engagements are broken, people have knife fights and their mother is seeking to re-marry.

RoboGeisha (2009)

RoboGeisha

[8/10 · 7 May 2013]

Now this is what the Sushi Typhoon company is all about.

Ass swords, robogeisha, chicks with dick masks strapped to their boobs. Tanks, amusing one liners and a giant robot battle.

There's pretty girls scantily clad - kicking ass and taking no names. In this sort of movie, you don't need to worry about things like names.

Does our protagonist wish to join the goblin squad and become a body mod'd assassin? Or will she take a stand against corruption and fight the injustice.

And yes ass-swords the embarrassment required to wield them is all part and parcel of this movie's inherent charm and unsophistication.

Do you go to the movies to be entertained with bizarre feats or special effects and nonsensical plot lines? If so watch this movie.

The Machine Girl (2008)

Oh Sushi Typhoon I expected better of you

[4/10 · 7 May 2013]

Dear Tokoyo Shock,

I did not buy your movies to watch a girl take care of her younger brother... and beat up bullies with ridiculous hair and take a long, long time building up her back story, although that tempura arm was pretty awesome.

Tokoyo Shock I watch your movies to see girls Frankenstein-ed into helicopters by their crazily garbed doctor fathers. And geisha that turn into robots and giant robot buildings.

Come on now. That little brother of hers was pretty lame. You can do better than that.

Before the movie was even over - turned it off and subjected my friend to RoboGeisha instead.

Lexx (1996–2002)

Refreshingly mostly amoral, a delight in the Sci-Fi genre

[10/10 · 12 May 2008]

If you've ever spent hours detailing what you would do if you were in space with no obligations whatsoever most of the time, this is the show for you.

Instead of a hero doing right all the time we are given a coward and betrayer of a certain planet in the Light Zone universe as captain. Surviving with him are a sexually frustrated love slave who is part cluster lizard and therefore endowed with lots of lust and the attributes of a predator. To prevent these first two from being killed and maimed by evil outsiders there is a Divine Assassin for a now defunct religious order that worships an evil Insect race who was converted to the side of good. A dead hero like character who though gorgeous cannot show emotion very well and is informative but not useful in making decisions. And to balance out the assassin's extreme lack of emotion there is a robot head with romantic programming who becomes an unstoppable force of evil.

Instead of typical advanced mechanical technology we are given insect technology combined with machinery. To explain the occasional recycled and memorable extra and or guest star due to the incredible length of time the series extends over in Lexx time reincarnation is the explanation.

Other incredible and delightful things within this show: snappy dialogue, lots of nudity and sexuality, explorations of morality from points of view explained above, lots of sexy Canadian and German actors, original "alien music", awesome set and production design that has won awards and explorations of most movie genres especially B movie genres like sexploitation films, musicals etc.

For those of you that enjoy movies and Sci-Fi and seek a different model than Star Wars and Star Trek. This is the show for you and anyone else with a sex drive. Keep in mind like a B movie when it's bad it's really, really bad and when it's good it's awesome.

Blood and Chocolate (2007)

This was appalling it is as if the directors of Underworld high-jacked one of my dearest books

[5/10 · 10 May 2008]

This was terrible it's like who ever was responsible for the "Underworld" movies kidnapped one of my dearest teenage books and molested it on screen savagely. They ripped away Gabriel's character and made him a typical Hollywood villain. She ended up with the guy that tried to shoot her in the book... really.... the wuss... WHY?! Everything that made the book unique and beautiful was dismembered and reassembled to be terribly Hollywood accessible. I have rarely ranted so much about an adaptation from book to film. Annette Curtis Klause should have held onto the rights and given them to the Russian director responsible "Nightwatch" that would have been a better movie.