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joemcdonne11
Reviews
The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005)
Knee-deep in the rough
I actually trawled through the entire set of reviews, searching for the ones which gave this film less than 5 stars. They were few and far between. Which is utterly baffling! Yes, I know it's a Disney film and it isn't directed by Christopher Nolan, but good Lord. This is straight-to-the-bargain-bucket nonsense. They should've had done with it and animated the bloody thing.
And what's even worse is the fact that IMDb won't let me simply finish my rant there, because my review needs to be longer!
The "Awesome" in-game camera shots are LITERALLY taken from Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf on the Playstation, the story plods like a sulking school boy, the multi-stranded character and plot development cripples an already weak setup, and the grand finale is plain boring.
Aside from that, it really was the greatest film I've ever seen in my entire life.
Good, authentic-looking costumes, sets and sports equipment. There, I said it.
One Man's Treasure (2009)
Watch it, I dare you.
Just totally, stupendously terrible. Never watch this film. It's incredible to think that good money was spent in the making of it. There's a full orchestral score, which sounds like it was played live - that can't have been cheap!
Disastrous is too generous an adjective. The acting is worse than "School Play," the script is choke-on-your-tongue guff and the direction is just bloody appalling.
Why did I watch this at all? Because I was practically catatonic after two days on the sauce, and it was hilarious! Probably not the intention of the film-makers, but that's what got it the single mark out of ten.
Advise a long, cold shower after giggling like a mindless child at this dross.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Do a Connery and avoid this film at all cost.
This will make you want to hunt down Spielberg and Lucas and personally put an end to both their lives. What a total disaster. Head firmly placed in hands for a solid 15 minutes towards the end.
Criminal use of a strong cast; unexciting and expensive CG effects (as per usual); extended chase scenes which lead nowhere; shonky old dialogue minus previous charm; story - WHAT BLOODY STORY? - oh dear oh dear.
Third best Jones outing? You must be kidding. I'm going to watch Temple of Doom on repeat for a whole year in the hope that my memory is "wiped clean by The Wrath of God."