paris_whitney_hilton_nyc Reviews

Megalodon Rising (2021)

LADIES DAY AT SEA

[1/10 · 30 November 2022]

A handful of very incompetent sailors and an annoying female captain battle giant phony sharks on a US Navy warship. The crew must have been drafted from a bankrupt McDonalds to star in this floating turd. Tom Sizemore looks bloated and sick and does next to nothing but sweat. There's also a white sailor wearing a war surplus German helmet, and a frightening black sailor roaming the ship's corridors with a large hunting knife. And of course a captured female Communist Chinese officer who will help save the day. Honestly, if you enjoy listening to a bunch of nonsensical women chattering incoherently, tune into the View instead. Somehow this US Navy cruiser magically turns into a WW2 Victory transport ship at times. Megalodon is more like a bad 4th grade school play where everyone gets a part, than an actual movie. No Acadamy Awards here but everyone is likely to be nominated for a Razzie, especially Wynter Eddins. Definitely, a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reject. Avoid Megalodon Rising at all costs.

Better Call Saul: Saul Gone (2022) Season 6, Episode 13

Saul Is Screwed

[1/10 · 13 September 2022]

If I would have known how this series would end, I would have stopped at " Fun and Games," four episodes sooner. In that episode Kim leaves Jimmy after telling him their relationship is toxic and they are no longer good for each other. Unfortunately, I got suckered in for the last four black & white episodes which I now deeply regret. Starting with " Nippy " the show seamed to horribly veer off course. Years later a very haggard and guilt-ridden Kim Wexler has a completely new life in Florida. She now has a full head of hair that looks more like a bad Halloween wig. Her new friends are simple minded housewives, and a boyfriend that likes to say " Yep" when they are having sex. So, let's move on to the final episode where Jimmy is finally caught by the police. Being the master of manipulation in the courtroom, Jimmy manages to wangle an 86-year prison sentence into only 7 years. But, now for the love of Kim, he convinces the court to reverse it back to 86 years. Kim and Jimmy each smoke a final cigarette together. Kim can go on with her life in Florida, and Jimmy is now a remorseful reformed criminal. Everybody wins? ... I don't know who wrote this awful script, but I suspect it may have been a class of high school kids. Apparently, the grand finale got high marks from most viewers, but not from me. I feel Gilligan and Gould ruined this perfectly great series with this dumb cop out finish. So, if you enjoy silly, anti-climactic endings, this episode may just be for you. I rate it at only one star, but I'm so sorry I actually watched it.

Alien: Covenant (2017)

Alien Covernant Meets Mystery Science Theater 3000

[2/10 · 22 May 2017]

I bet most of you Alien fans can name the entire crew of the Nostromo without hesitation . Ripley , Dallas , Brett , Parker , Lambert , Ash , and Kane .That was easy, now how many names can you remember from Alien Covenant ? I can only remember gay David and redneck Tennessee . That was one of the main problems with this outer space stinker . The space craft Covenant is heading for the planet Origae-6b with a few thousand colonists and a couple of thousand embryos on-board, all set to repopulate that new world . Well, they hit some kind space storm and damage is done to the ship and some unlucky crew members are killed . So the damage is repaired and our merry space travelers are on their way again . But wait ! They just picked up this strange radio signal from an unknown and uncharted planet . Why not go there instead ? After all, Brand X is always much better than the proved item, right ? So after a little back & forth over who knows more, they're off to the planet of the monsters . A shuttle craft is launched and lands on the 'Forbidden Planet' . And before you know it,the crew becomes infected with little alien monsters . Kangaroo sized aliens start popping out like a pan of jiffy pop in a microwave . Unlike in the first Alien movies, they don't waste gestation time . You get infected and boom, out pops a monster ready to take on another crew member . The surviving shuttle member is rescued only to have an alien monster baby pop out of his body and kill another female crew member . This seems to happen an awful lot in this movie .Alien Covenant borrows very heavily from Alien and Aliens . If you remember in the first movie, the Nostromo is diverted to an unknown planet to check for possible survivors . Well, you know the rest . Kane gets infected by sticking his head over an open alien egg and Oram gets suckered into sticking his head over an open face grabbing egg . Ash is a double crossing android, and so is David . Expect to see very similar scenes in Alien Covenant . Many of the action scenes in Aliens are also repeated in this film . Even some of Ripley's use of the F word is repeated in a similar manor by Daniels . What I object to mostly is the way this movie is filmed . The phony CGI cartoon like action scenes between aliens and humans, human vs robot, etc are 20 times faster than they need to be . I know all action and sci-fi movies are made like this now but I still don't enjoy it ! ..... I gave this unoriginal movie a 2 rating ... Not Hot ! ..............PWH

Interstellar (2014)

Interstinker , A Space Odyssey

[1/10 · 8 November 2014]

This dreary , boring , depressing , and overly long sci-fi flick is about the dying Earth and the last desperate attempts to repopulate another world with human beings . Unless you are Stephen Hawking or Neil deGrasse Tyson, or you possess a degree in quantum physics , thermodynamics , time warps , black holes and worm holes, you will not understand all of the technical jargon the viewer is constantly bombarded with . To make matters worse, Matthew McConaughey is probably the best mumbler in Hollywood . I did not understand a single line that came out of his face !... Anyway, The Great Dust Bowl of the 1930's has returned to wreck havoc on the world, only this time it really means business . Matthew McConaughey , the world's greatest astronaut turned farmer , is chosen to be the Earth's savior . His interstellar space craft Endurance ,is capable of traveling through the vastness of space and time . It is also armored like a battleship that can withstand explosions , collisions , and a gigantic tsunami wave 1,000 feet high . Anne Hathaway is the cryogenics expert . She looks a lot more convincing playing Catwoman than the Endurance's genius co astronaut . This movie is quite confusing for the average movie goer with an IQ of under 140 to comprehend . Interstellar is gloomy and awful and definitely not worthy of your two and a half hours . I would recommend George Pal's 1951 sci-fi classic " When Worlds Collide " over this boring and lifeless piece of space junk . ... Not hot, PWH

Christine (1983)

Christine is a Lover not a Serial Killer

[8/10 · 1 November 2014]

I have read the book and seen the movie several times . There is a world of difference between the two . In the movie version we see Christine more as a victim than a murderer . So what does Christine really want ? Well, mostly Arnie Cunningham's unconditional love which unfortunately turns into jealously and possession . Christine also desires to be respected much like a lady would want to be treated . She does not want to be touched inappropriately . She does not want cigar smoke and ashes dumped in her lap . She does not enjoy being slapped or called names . But most of all, she does not want anything to come between her and Arnie . Christine will protect her lover from harm and take her vengeance out on those who bully Arnie or attack her . Poor nerdy Arnie Cunningham, never gets any respect from anyone until he meets up with Christine . He never had a date and is bullied by everyone including his mom . When we first meet 20 year old Christine she is nothing more than a pathetically battered up old wreck of a car . She is waiting for her prince charming to come along and revive the life that still lives in her . And of course that's exactly what happens after Arnie spots her while on his way home from school after a very bad first day . Christine is driven back to Arnie's house but not allowed to park in the driveway . His domineering mother does not want that old piece of junk anywhere near her nice neat home . So it's off to Darnell's garage which will become Christine's new home where her total restoration will take place . Once Christine becomes brand new again is the beginning of what I would call a most bizarre love triangle . She does not want to be second best . If necessary she will use her powers to eliminate the competition . Christine is also a victim too . One night Arnie's tormentor's sneak into Darnell's garage and nearly pound her into rumble with sledgehammers . She is torn to pieces inside and out . This scene suggests Christine has just been brutally gang raped, mutilated, and beaten within an inch of her life . So do we have any compassion for her assailants when it's payback time ? Certainly not, as we want revenge too ! Unfortunately, there are only three scenes where Christine does her thing . I would have preferred a higher body count as was in the book . During the grand finale, Arnie's best friend Dennis and ex girlfriend Leigh challenge Christine to a duel to the death . Only this time Dennis brings a bulldozer with him which makes the climax a bit predictable .There is a touching scene after Arnie is mortally wounded and dies in Leigh's arms . Christine dims her lights and turns her motor off for a brief moment of silence to show her sadness for her now deceased lover, Arnie . But the fight is not over yet . Christine desperately tries to kill Leigh in the garage but is unsuccessful . The inevitable does happen as Christine is crushed and flattened by Dennis's superior bulldozer . After her death Christine winds up in the junkyard the next day and is compressed into block of scrape metal . I would have liked to have seen some extra scenes added about the relationship between Arnie and Christine . The newest DVD version includes some of the deleted scenes that were missing in the original movie .This movie could have been a lot better if the main characters where better developed . In the end, Christine is little more than a standard revenge movie with the novelty of a killer classic car instead of a maniac wielding an ax . Christine is neither Jason, nor Freddy Kruger , nor Michael Myers . She won't give you nightmares either . I would love to see either a sequel or better yet, a prequel to Christine . Christine, the love obsessed killer Plymouth born in hell and manufactured in Detroit . Love her or hate her, but I think she's one helluva Red Hot Beauty who continues to look better and better with age ! ..........PWH

Fury (2014)

The Good , The Bad , and The Silly

[7/10 · 26 October 2014]

April 1945 with the war in Europe practically over the men of a Sherman tank named Fury must go on one final secret mission . It was so secret we were never told exactly what it was ! The Good : Shia LaBeouf is the young new replacement for Fury's recently killed crewman . Shia is also the only American soldier left in the army who has not lost his humanity towards his fellow man even if they happen to be the enemy . The Bad : Brad Pitt as the ruthless sergeant who for no good reason forces Shia to murder a German POW in cold blood and thus becoming a war criminal in the process . The Silly : After Fury is disabled by an enemy land mine , Sgt. Brad Pitt decides to take on 300 elite German SS troops rather than simply walk away from the immobilized tank and certain death . Don't get me wrong , Fury is a very tense and somewhat disturbing movie about men in war . It does not glamorize warfare as most movies often do . Other than Shia , there are no likable American soldiers in this movie . Except for the grand finale, the battle scenes seem very real . Four Sherman tanks taking on a huge Tiger tank was exciting . However, in the final scenes Fury is reduced to that of a typical action / war movie . How can one poorly armored tank and 5 men take on so many enemy soldiers before being blown to rubble ? A few SS soldiers drop 2 hand grenades down the tank's hatch but they don't go off . The enemy gunfire seems to stop whenever someone in the doomed tank has something to say . The most unbelievable scene is when Pvt. Shia sneaks out of the tank's trap door in the floor and partially covers himself with dirt . An SS soldier shines a flashlight on him and gives a smile but for some unknown reason doesn't shoot lucky Shia ! ... I once saw a 1943 war movie called Sahara . Sgt. Humphrey Bogart and a few British soldiers he picks up along the way manage to kill or capture a few hundred thirsty German soldiers with a single tank called Lulu Belle . But then again, that was a typical feel good movie that was made during the darkest days of WW2 ...... Fury is seriously flawed and not a feel good movie but still worth seeing . I think the director must have filmed a few alternate endings but chose to go with this one as not to have the movie end on a such a depressing note .. After all is said and done, Fury is better than average ! ............. PWH

Non-Stop (2014)

Another Non Stop Super Flop

[2/10 · 11 March 2014]

What starts out as a fairly interesting mystery on board a jetliner eventually turns into a run of the mill silly action flick that you have come to expect every time you buy a movie ticket these days . Liam Neeson stars again as yet another depressed figure similar to the character he portrayed in the Grey . This time he plays an unhappy alcoholic ex cop that is now US air marshal, Bill Marks . ( no relationship to Groucho or Harpo Marx ) Soon after take off Neeson receives several threatening texts on his ultra secure cellphone from a diabolical extortionist . A demand of 150 million dollars is made to be transferred into a certain on-line bank account, by the mysterious caller . Otherwise the air pirate will kill someone every 20 minutes . Now really, who is going to cough up 150 million bucks for some ordinary frequent flier ? Aging redhead Julianne Moore requests a seat change so she can look out the window and sit next to Neeson during takeoff . We immediately suspect her of being part of the extortionist's plot . Tough guy Neeson claims he's a white knuckled flier afraid of take offs and and cons Moore into holding his hand . As the movie progresses, the suspense gives way to lots of passengers getting threatened at gunpoint or beaten up by Neeson . The pilot gets mysteriously murdered with a poison dart half way thru the movie . There is some nonsensical post 911 plot to frame Neeson as a terrorist so the airlines will increase security at the airports . The jetliner makes the obligatory crash landing without casualties . The little 8 year old girl who is flying unescorted survives the flight unharmed . Not surprising Neeson had a daughter her age that that died of cancer . Then there are the usual cast of characters you would expect to be flying on this idiotic airliner . The stereotypical New York City cop , the friendly Middle Eastern doctor who is not a terrorist , and Nancy the flight attendant who gets bounced off the ceiling during some violent turbulence but not a single hair on her lovely head is harmed . What impressed me about this movie was how large and comfortable those fully reclining airline seats appeared to be . Save your money , don't connect with Non Stop because its not worth the cost of a paper barf bag .. Not Hot ... PWH

RoboCop (2014)

RoboFlop

[3/10 · 23 February 2014]

There is an old saying in Hollywood I believe to be true . When you decide to remake a good movie there is no way to go but down . The original Peter Weller Robocop was refreshingly new and exciting to watch when it first appeared in 1987 . Even the sequel, Robocop 2 was pretty good I thought although it suffered from mixed reviews . Robocop 3 was just plain awful . Next came the Robocop TV series in 1994 which I admit to seeing only the first episode . The show lasted from March to November which meant it was a stinker . So now they decided 24 years later to return Robocop to the big screen . However, newer does not necessarily make it any better . Less than half way through this film I lost all interest and couldn't wait for it to end . Lots of shooting and CGI's but short on plot . I doubt you will be seeing a sequel to this very forgettable version of Robocop . This is just another remake that should never have been made ! Not hot ... PWH

3 Days to Kill (2014)

Taken 2 Meets 3 Days Of Stupidity **

[23 February 2014]

3 Days To Kill is your typical run of the mill action movies you've probably seen hundreds of times before . CIA agent Kevin Costner is chasing the Wolf who possesses some dirty nuclear bombs he would love to sell to some very naughty terrorists . The movie begins with the now too familiar shootouts, explosions, chase, and fight scenes . And then comes the idiotic subplots . Costner is dying from brain cancer and has only months to live . Not to worry because a beautiful, fast driving, platinum blonde, leather clad, CIA boss, Amber Heard comes along in the nick of time . She pulls a hypodermic needle the size of a football pump out of her handbag . It contains a not yet FDA approved anti brain cancer drug . This gives Costner a temporary new lease on life . So he goes back to his rundown tenement house located in the shabbiest part of Paris . Well guess what ? A large homeless North African Black family decided to move in to his dilapidated apartment during his absence . They have even taken the liberty of painting his bedroom an awful shade of yellow ! Don't worry, Costner's arsenal of handguns and assault rifles have been well cared for by the older gentleman squatter who now resides there . Subplot number 3 is next as the dying Costner decides to look up his ex wife and rebellious 16 year old daughter he hasn't seen in about 10 years . Predictably, the movie goes from Costner being a complete stranger to the most annoying hands-on, know it all dad, and of course the most merciless cold blooded killer the CIA has ever had . Unfortunately, seductive Amber Heard's sexy scenes are few and far between . I enjoyed seeing her various hair styles and leather dominatrix outfits in this otherwise tedious and imbecilic movie . The ending is similar to that of Taken 2 . All the bad guys, I guess about one hundred , are dead . His wife and daughter love and idolize him dearly , and for Christmas he receives not a necktie but another giant hypodermic horse needle filled with the magic potion to keep him alive a little longer . Hopefully, it's not to make a sequel ! I would rather spend 3 days in the dentist's chair getting a root canal than having to watch 3 Days To Kill again .

I gave 3 Days To Kill a generous 2 ** stars out of a possible 10 . Pass this awful mess up . You will thank me later . Not Hot ! ............. PWH

Stand Up Guys (2012)

American Geriatrics Meets Butch Cassidy And The Sunset Kid

[1/10 · 20 January 2014]

It's really such a shame to see once talented actors like Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin star in this dull and boring laugh-less comedy . Unfortunately, Robert De Niro was missing from this idiotic mess because he would have fit right in . The film takes place over a 24 hour period where the three old geezers take on the mob , outrun the police in a stolen car, rescue a nude damsel in distress, break into a drug store, snort a lot of Rx drugs, turn prostitutes into jelly with their sexual prowess, and beat up a lot of people along the way . Spoiler Alert : With an automatic pistol in each hand, Pacino and Walken have a Butch Cassidy-style shootout with the bad guys at the grand finale . Although this film was only 95 minutes long it felt like it would never end . Chris Walken slept throughout most of his scenes while Al Pacino was just pathetic as the other aging ex-con with a date with destiny . Stand-Up Guys was a truly awful movie not even worthy of being on Mystery Science Theater 3000 . Al Pacino received a Razzie Award for Jack & Jill in 2012 . I guess that's the only reason why he didn't get it for Stand Up Guys ! ....... PWH

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Gatsby, Catch Me If You Can

[9/10 · 12 January 2014]

Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio is back again as the ultimate filthy rich con man in this hilariously funny and completely vulgar black comedy that would make even Jay Gatsby blush ! Jordan Belfort makes Bernie Madoff look like a rank amateur with the help from his gang of Wall Street pump & dump stock swindlers . There certainly is no shortage of gratuitous kinky sex , full frontal nudity, excessive profanity , and over the top drug use . Although this film really does glamorize the perverted behaviors of white collar Wall Street criminals , one can not help but to envy their excessive lifestyles . The script is sharp and crisp and holds your attention throughout most of this very long but fast moving three hour movie . With little surprise, the film ends as you would kind of expect it to do . This is not a family movie and it's definitely not for everyone . Leave the kids and your elderly parents at home . I highly recommend this film to everyone who has ever dabbled in the stock market or anyone that fantasizes what it would be like to be ridiculously wealthy ! DiCaprio scores big in the leading role and should win an Oscar for Best Actor .. I gave The Wolf Of Wall Street a solid 9 ... That's Hot !.. PWH

Gravity (2013)

Lost In Space Indiana Jane Meets Apollo 13

[3/10 · 6 October 2013]

George Clooney and Sandra Bullock go tumbling through space as their space shuttle gets pulverized by debris from a blown up Russian satellite . Not long into the film, Astronaut George runs out of air and goes floating off into deep space . Sole surviving Sandra must fend for herself now . Her only hope is to hop over to a few nearby space stations for help . Unfortunately, there just isn't anyone left to give our damsel in distress a helping hand or a few words of encouragement . Every place unlucky Sandra lands is only short lived . One by one each new sanctuary catches fire and blows up . Klutzy Astronaut Bullock is all thumbs at the beginning of the film . She can't even screw in a simple bolt to an outside panel . Yet she does manage to read the handy instruction manual on how to operate the Chinese space station that will blast her back to Earth . There's no sense revealing how this silly cliffhanger ends but let's just say it was highly implausible . Astronaut Commander George Clooney's character is very similar to that of Robert Downey's sarcastic and obnoxious Ironman . Aging and flat chested Sandra Bullock looks like she just escaped from the circus . Her face appears to be painted with clown white make up which happens to match her bulbous clown's nose. Thank god Bullock's lines are brief . She has nothing intelligent to say except lines like , Oh No ! , You've got to be kidding me ?, or Now what ? . Short on plot but long on CCI special effects ,Gravity was definitely meant to be seen in a 3D Imax theater . I imagine this movie would appeal to video game addicts and lovers of comic book super heroes . I would recommend Apollo 13 , Alien , or even the 1950's classic, Destination Moon, if you really enjoy seeing disaster in space flicks . While Gravity is not an awful movie, Gravity just doesn't seem to live up to all the media hype . Fortunately for the unhappy viewer, it's only 90 minutes long ..... Not Hot ..............PWH

Iron Man Three (2013)

Iron Man 3 Is Not Worth It's Weight In Scrap Metal

[1/10 · 3 June 2013]

I haven't seen the other Iron Man movies but did have the misfortune of seeing him in the equally awful Avengers flick last year . Yes, Iron Man 3 is every bit the Stinkeroo the Avengers was if not worse . Robert Downey Jr. again plays that smug and obnoxious creep Tony Stark you either love or hate . He seems to get nothing but delight from spewing out non-stop quips and one-liners throughout the entire movie . I wasn't sure if he was doing a cheap impersonation of James Bond or was suffering from a severe case of Tourette syndrome . Early on in the film, Tony Stark's Malibu dream house sitting on top of a mountain is attacked by a squadron of enemy helicopters . After the first missile detonates inside it should have been enough to obliterate the love shack and kill Tony and girlfriend Pepper . But in true cartoon style , they are merely blown from wall to wall and just barely singed . Several more direct hits are made as the bombed out house slowly tumbles off it's foundation and falls down the cliff . By then Tony's Iron Man Halloween costume has gotten onto him as he flies away to deal with the marauding aircraft one by one . While Iron Man 3 may not be any worse than your average run of the mill comic book action movies , I just couldn't wait for it to end . If you have the maturity of a 12 year old boy you may actually love Iron Man 3 . But for adults I would recommend you waste your time and money elsewhere . Not Hot ... PWH

The Great Gatsby (2013)

The Great Stinkeroo

[2/10 · 16 May 2013]

I believe this is the third remake of the Great Gatsby . Unfortunately, whatever faults the original film may have had is nothing compared to this silly time waster . Fine actors have been replaced by lots of stupid CGI's you would expect to find in your run of the mill action flick . Lot's of needless car races between Gatsby in his yellow Duesenberg and next door neighbor friend Nick Carraway who drives a blue Auburn Speedster . In one scene they speed all the way to get to a Harlem nightclub to watch a risqué show with scantily clad ladies dancing to Hip Hop ! Yes, the time line is 1922 but you won't hear Rudy Vallee singing in this picture . Gatsby seems to enjoy indulging himself with huge parties and millions of people he doesn't know in his gigantic mansion . The romantic plot between Gatsby and Daisy is downright boring ! I couldn't wait for this movie to end as I had absolutely no feelings for Gatsby or any of the other characters . Fortunately, Gatsby's Duesenberg survived the movie with only a cracked windshield . Don't see this movie in the theater . Instead rent the DVD for $1 when it arrives next month at your local supermarket Red Box . At least you will be able to take a snooze on your comfortable couch if you happen to doze off like I did ! Not Hot !

Gangster Squad (2013)

The Untouchables Meet Dick Tracy

[2/10 · 13 January 2013]

The plot may be similar to that of either Brian DePalma's 1987 Untouchables or that of Warren Beatty's 1990 film Dick Tracy . Both movies had a good storyline with lot's of action and colorful characters , and good acting too ! That's where Gangster Squad parts company with the others . Gangster Squad is just a mean & ugly movie from start to finish . In 1949 a special band of Los Angeles detectives are brought together to form the Gangster Squad . Their orders are not to merely arrest and bring Sean Penn's terrible gambling & prostitution empire to an end but kill most of during the process . This is one of the most reprehensible and senselessly violent movies of all time . Short on substance but not lacking in gun play , Gangster Squad should be able to fill everyone's thirst for blood for a long time to come . If you are obsessed with playing ultra violent video games that contain nothing but machine gunfire , car chases , fiery explosions , bloody beatings , and murder after murder , this is your movie ! Although the setting is post war 1949 L.A., Gangster Squad would have looked less out of place if it happened during the Roaring Twenties or maybe the Great Depression of the early 1930's . If you love classic cars as much as I do you may be dismayed to see them get shot up . I felt sorry for that shiny new Packard that got banged up and a few of it's windows shot out . Gangster Squad is a movie that should appeal to every obsessed gun lover and video gamer in America right now . I wouldn't be surprised if the N.R.A. completely funded this worthless piece of trash . As I said before , if all you crave from a movie is machine gunfire, car chases, beatings, murder, extreme violence and very little substance , Gangster Squad is your movie ( not mine ) . I gave it a generous 2 stars because of the classic cars and late 1940's era setting . ....... Not Hot ! ... PWH

It Runs in the Family (1994)

Bottom of the Barrel Sequel

[1/10 · 25 December 2012]

If you loved A Christmas Story as much as I did , please don't watch this awful mess of a movie ! They said it was a sequel yet I never felt these two movies were connected in any way . . There is nothing one can relate to that has anything to do with the famous holiday classic . Different actors , boring story , worthless script , totally unfunny ! If you are going to make a sequel you best do it with as many of the original characters and cast members as possible . Just as important is a good storyline where viewers can make a connection between both films . It Runs In The Family is just another crappy time waster that I hated seeing . I would rather shoot my own eyes out than watch this piece of junk again ! I gave it only one star but even that is being too generous !

*** Totally Not Hot ! ......... PWH ***

End of Watch (2012)

A Must Watch Police Movie

[9/10 · 13 October 2012]

End Of Watch is not your typical mindless buddy-cop, movie you have seen a million times before . This film was made for people who desire something more than the average trashy action flicks the motion picture industry has been pumping out week after week, year after year . In a way I found it similar to the Hurt Locker . You don't need a gigantic budget or big name actors to make a truly suspenseful nail biting edge of your seat thriller ! The police officers are believable, the villains are convincingly loathsome , the violence is disturbingly real , South Central L.A. looks like the gateway to hell, and even the obligatory car chases and machine gun fire scenes work very well . If you are tired of wasting your time watching pointless junk that is geared for teenagers , I strongly recommend End Of Watch for you . My only complaint was the shaky hand held video cam that is used in some of the scenes . For me this was one of the best movies of the year ! End of Watch , see it , enjoy it ! .. That's Hot ! PWH

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Bat-Quano

[3/10 · 5 August 2012]

There was no reason why this silly comic book movie should be nearly three hours long . With proper editing they could have shaved this film down to 90 minutes without losing any memorable scenes . So what do you expect when you see a super hero movie anyway ? Yes, an endless amount of fight scenes , chase scenes, machine guns blazing , rockets flying everywhere , doomsday plots , sub-plots , neck twisting , cops running every which way , innocent school children looking very bored on a bridge , one liners , minor romances, and so on and so on . Anyway ,the only thing I came away with after the movie was over was : Catwoman was very capable and sexy , Batman was the king of all mumblers , and Bane was a fairly entertaining and cruel villain that sounded a lot like Sean Connery . The rest was all water under the Gotham Bridge . My advice to anyone that is not obsessed with comic book super hero movies is : rent the DVD and fast forward through the boring stuff . Don't worry about the silly doomsday plot . You've seen it a million times before ! ...The Dark Knight Rises , Not Hot ( except for Ann Hathaway of course ! ) PWH

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Illegal Alien : Deport this mess back to Planet LV-426

[1/10 · 9 June 2012]

In 1979 Ridley Scott directed a wonderful science fiction thriller named Alien . The plot was not terribly complex yet very effective . The crew unknowingly brings aboard a merciless creature that captures and kills then one-by-one in a Ten little Indians fashion . We all remember the 7 crew members on board the ill- fated Nostromo, Captain Dallas , Ripley , Parker , Ash, Brett , Lambert , Kane , Jones the Cat , and Mother the ship's computer . In 1984 Aliens was released as the sequel to Alien . A good movie that had more action than scares . In 1992 Alien 3 came along and was just plain awful . 1997 brought us Alien Resurrection that was only slightly better than the previous Alien 3 . The Alien vs Predater movies I never bothered to see . So now we move ahead to 2012 and have Ridley Scott back in the driver's seat with the prequel to the 33 year old classic Alien masterpiece called Prometheus . How can we go wrong? First, I would like to say how disappointed I was with the cast . Except for Charlize Theron , I was totally unfamiliar with everyone in the film . I couldn't care less for any of the characters and was very happy to see them being killed off one, two, and three at a time . Something must have occurred while they were writing the screen play for Prometheus . I hate to think Scott would have intentionally want to direct this overly long and confusing mess of a film . The first hour is pure boredom and nothing exciting happens as we travel to and arrive at the forbidden planet . The interior of the Premetheus looked more like the Costa Concordia in her better days than that of the Nostromo . As for monsters , we have lot's of laughable squid like rubber creatures coming out from everywhere . There is a huge and threatening humanoid creature reminiscent of James Arness in the 1953 version of The Thing . We're seen this creature's remains in Alien, and now he's back and has run amok as he battles our crew and another fake alien monster . We also have a very old gentleman that reminded me of the elderly astronaut from 2001 A Space Odyssey . The CGI's looked better at the beginning of the movie but later became too very fake looking . Almost every action or sci-fi movie now-a-days suffers from that same phony video game /cartoon effect . Beautiful Charlize Theron's talents were wasted in this awful movie . She added nothing to the story and could have easily been replaced by Paris Hilton . I'm not sure if she was supposed to be human or android ? Her character had no human emotions and she walked & talked like a robot . While Ridley Scott may have had the recipe for a truly great Alien movie , he didn't have all the proper ingredients . This film failed in several ways . A dumb storyline and a poor choice of unknown actors was my biggest complaint . There was nothing scary about Prometheus . If I could rewrite the script and replace all the actors , I would have used the entire cast of Ghostbusters and made a silly comedy out of this very forgettable movie . I gave this flick only one star because I waited with great anticipation for Prometheus only to be disappointed again . Definitely Not Hot ! Send Prometheus and all future sequels back into deep space and please leave the Alien franchise alone ! .. PWH

The Avengers (2012)

Kids Stuff

[1/10 · 31 May 2012]

When my friend asked me to see the Avengers with him I thought he meant the Steed and Mrs Peel Avengers . Unfortunately , it was the comic book Avengers . While I am not such a big superhero action movie fan , I did enjoy the Batman and Watchman movies . However, the Avengers is one film I could have easily passed up . After first battling each other , the Avengers unite and join forces to save the world from the same common enemy . A lot of the action takes place on a gigantic flying aircraft carrier ,No.64 ( not the CV-64 USS Constellation ). This movie consists mostly of very fast paced CGI's and cheesy Iron Man Robert Downey Jr one-liners . Our heroes and (super villain) are practically indestructible as they are beaten to a pulp but always manage to bounce back time after time . I don't know what the Black Widow's super powers were except martial arts and pistol shooting . Some unintentionally funny moments came when Iron Man Downey was speaking from inside his metal suit . It looked like a talking head from inside a goldfish bowl . It just looked so silly ! There isn't much chemistry between these cardboard characters either . If you are 10 years old or an adult with the maturity of a 14 year old boy , who is obsessed with reading comic books, and are addicted to video games, I'm sure the Avengers is your cup of tea . If not, you will be thinking of the 143 boring minutes you just wasted or what other movies were playing next door you could have seen . If you do decide to see this movie , select a seat in the last row to avoid nausea . I would like to see movies that rely so much on CGI's to be made into animated full length cartoons instead . At least the unaware movie goer has a better idea of what is in store for them when they purchase a ticket .

This film was definitely not for me ! .... NOT HOT ... pwh

The Grey (2011)

The Edge meets Flight of the Blair Witch Project

[4/10 · 30 January 2012]

I probably would have passed this one up if I hadn't heard a famous radio personality give high praise to this movie . I should have known better ! From the storyline I was expecting it would be similar to the exciting movie called The Edge . Unfortunately The Grey is a dreary, creepy, colorless movie that looks like it was made on a shoestring budget . Liam Neesan heads the otherwise no star cast . Unhappy and depressed Mr Ottway ( Lian Neesan ) is a hired gun who works for an oil drilling company in Alaska . His job is to scare off or bump-off any wild animals that may threaten the lives of the workers . OK ,so now our cast of unfortunate frequent flyer's board an old creepy aircraft that Stephen King would be proud of . The flight is short lived as the apparent iced up wings causes the plane to stall, I guess ? We don't see any good special effects of the plane going down as in Flight Of the Phoenix . Instead we get the " Shaky Cam effect " as in the Blair Witch Project to simulate vibration in the cabin . . In the next scene we see the remains of what's left of the airplane scattered all over the snow covered landscape . How 7 people manage to survive the crash is nothing less than a miracle . As expected , the wolves start to move in same as sharks would have if this flight had been over water . One by one our band of unlucky travelers get picked off by the marauding wolves in some truly frightening scenes . The volume is turned up high so when the wolves growls the audience gets scared out of their seats . The close up scenes of the big bad wolf are almost comical . It is quite obvious they used fake looking stuffed animals for many of those scenes . As expected the wolves begin to whittle down the survivors one by one . There are no colorful shots of the landscape . Everything is bleak and colorless . Many scenes are filmed in black & white . At nearly 2 hours this movie is at least 20 minutes too long . I felt myself dozing off . The final climax between sole survivor Ottway and the wolf is disappointing . The movie goes black as the credits start to roll . Most of the audience exited in disgust . I waited a few minutes to see if they were going to continue the grand finale' but not wanting to be the last one in the theater , I left too . I assume Ottway became lunch for the hungry wolves ? ... The Movie The Edge had style , a good subplot, top notch actors , great cinematography, and a real bear that was one heck of a good actor ! The Grey is a so-so horror film that is only worthy of seeing on your TV . .. I give this thriller only 4 stars . Not-So-Hot .....PWH

The Man from Planet X (1951)

A crappy review for a crappy movie

[1/10 · 28 December 2011]

I was watching this film last night and dozing off and on so I can't write a completely accurate review . A lady in Scotland gets a flat tire in the middle of nowhere . Instead of changing the tire or driving on the rim , she walks over to a glowing light she sees out there on the moors . When she gets up close to what looks a lot like a silver porta potty or giant Christmas tree ornament , a little guy with a big face resembling Pee Wee Herman, peeks out of a port hole and scares the living bejesus out of her . She runs home and tells her boyfriend to-be about it . I refer to him as the guy in the World War Two bomber jacket . He goes back to the site with his friend and they come upon the man from space . The little alien pulls a ray gun on the pair of earthlings but has a faithing spell and passes out . Instead of grabbing the ray gun , The bomber jacket guy decides to do a good deed and opens up an oxygen valve that makes the unconscious spaceman come to . That valve looked a lot like the old fashion petcocks on classic automobile radiators . Anyway, the two guys run away but the spaceman follows them home like a lost puppy . Our hero tries to communicate with the alien dwarf but the little guy is not too bright . Later on another guy who used to play Patty Duke's TV father roughs up the little fellow in what looked like a scene from good cop - bad cop . Anyway, the alien turns out to be a bad guy after all . He hypnotizes a lot of the townsfolk into digging holes around his spaceship . I thought they were going to grow a victory garden for him or something . It turns out that Planet X where he came from was going to pass by the earth . All his buddies were supposed to somehow jump off their planet and on to ours . But a few British soldiers fired a few rounds with their pop guns and foiled the plot to take over the Earth . During the battle , Patty Duke's father gets hit by shrapnel and dies . The other men had already wandered away because the hero convinced them to follow him . Planet X whizzes by the Earth at about a million miles an hour and disappears into deep space . The British bazooka team score a direct hit and the space ship goes up in smoke . Only the spaceman and Patty Duke's Father die in this no so exciting sci-fi movie . In the final scene the hero and his girlfriend go strolling near the seaside during a typhoon wearing their brand new overcoats .... The End ! ... Did people actually pay money to see this waste of time ? I think teenagers went to the theatre just to make-out while the little kids were more interested in the candy counter than the movie . ..... Definitely Not Hot !

Bud and Lou (1978 TV Movie)

More Costello than Abbott

[5/10 · 2 December 2011]

Somebody gave me an old VHS tape of this movie that was recorded off a late night TV show . I never cared for most made for TV movies anyway but Bud and Lou kept my interest until the end . I must agree with most of the negative reviewer's comments I read here . Costello comes off looking like a mean-spirited buffoon very early on in the movie when he tells Abbott " Don't ever call me little again " .

There is no sense in me rehashing what some of the other reviewer's wrote about the plot . I didn't find Korman or Hackett that awful to play the leading roles as this was after all just a 1978 Made for TV movie . What I didn't like about this film was it leaves you with more questions than answers .

Buddy Hackett and Michelle Lee paired together truly look like the Odd Couple . There is no mention of how they met . Bud Abbott ( Harvey Korman ) and Anne Costello ( Michelle Lee ) share many scenes together from beginning to end . Although the movie suggests their relationship was merely platonic , I was lead to believe otherwise . Abbott appears to be a dapper, well dressed ladies man yet he is never seen in the company of any other woman except Anne Costello . I couldn't decide whether Abbott was gay or having an affair with Anne ? There is no mention of Abbott's two wives that were former burlesque dancers from what I understand . Nor is there any mention Costello had three daughters that were born after Lou Jr tragically drowned. Bud Abbott had a few kids that were also omitted along with his two wives . There isn't any mention of the TV series that ran for two years in the early 50's . We see Costello's 1955 Ford Thunderbird being auctioned off along with his home and all his other belongings to pay the IRS for back taxes . I imagine that all happened in the late 1950's although no exact year is ever given . Anne Costello becomes an alcoholic . Her early death at the age of 48 is never mentioned which happened not long after her husband Lou died . No mention is made as to what eventually became of Bud Abbott who lived somewhat longer than Costello . TV movies in general are boring . I didn't expect too much from this film, however I wish they would have given the viewer more facts than filler . .... Luke Warm !

True Grit (2010)

movie was over hyped , terrible god awful dialog , mediocre acting , feels more like a junior high school play

[3/10 · 30 January 2011]

I really thought I was going to enjoy this movie a lot because of all the media hype . I saw the original 1969 version of True Grit on TV years ago but vaguely remember it . Opening scene , Mattie Ross the young 14 year old daughter is seeking justice for her murdered father . Her first confrontation is with a man she feels owes her $300 . That was perhaps the her best scene throughout the movie . Unfortunately, that's when I detected something was terribly wrong with this film . The little girl played by Hailee Steinfeld , delivered her lines as unemotional as Mr Spock would have during an old episode of Star Trek . Enter Jeff Bridges in the courtroom scene . Looks like things will pick up from here on . But unfortunately they don't . The dialog is just plain awful . I closed my eyes for a moment . I imagined I had wandered into a Charles Dickens 19th century English classic rather than an American western . Because of this cheesy dialog, the actors appear to be very uncomfortable whenever it's time to deliver their lines . There are no academy award performances in this so-so of a movie . After a half hour into this film, I started wondering who wrote and directed this mess ? I have never listened to such boring dialog or seen such wooden acting in a western before . The characters appear to be somewhat one dimensional at best . Hailee Steinfeld is either a robot or comes from the planet Vulcan, completely without feelings or emotions . She used the " I am going to get my lawyer after you " reference on four separate occasions . I never felt any true sense of peril for our heroes . The bad guys don't seem all that frightening, or maybe I just became numb by that time ? If it were up to me I would have used more contemporary dialog of today rather than that that old stodgy Quaker nonsense . Jeff Bridges as always is a pleasure to watch on the big screen , unfortunately even with both six guns blazing, he couldn't save this mediocre flick . I say wait for the DVD and rent it for a dollar . It's Not Hot , but lukewarm at best

Unstoppable (2010)

Unstoppable almost Unbearable

[4/10 · 19 November 2010]

I went to see this film because I always kinda liked movies about trains . I've seen many good railroad movies on video or TV such as : " The Runaway Train," ..."Silver Streak, "... " The Taking of Pelham 123 "( original and both remakes )... " The Emperor of the North," .. and a real, real oldie " Union Pacific " .... So what did these films have that Unstoppable doesn't have ? A meaningful story, memorable characters, interesting dialogue, good special effects, action and suspense ! There really isn't much of a plot here . I don't think I'm giving anything away when I tell you an incompetent fat oaf somehow lets his glue carrying train sneak away from him . The rest is pretty much predictable stuff . In fact most of the leading characters seemed only slightly upset that this uncontrollable behemoth has gotten away . Most scenes are only so-so with just one worthwhile wreak . As the out of control runaway takes-off we are told it's doing upward of 70 miles per hour yet we see it crawling around sharp curves and switches at a leisurely 5 or 10 mph . ( OK they did it in the movie Speed with the bus ) . Denzel Washington has to take time out to call his daughter at Hooters to tell her he loves her . We see lots of people watching the runaway train on TV as the Fox news helicopter is never far behind . I don't like machine guns or automatic weapons in most action movies . I guess you just can't make an exciting movie without the obligatory Rat-Ta-Ta-Ta of an M-16. Yes, the cops do take a few pot-shot at ole' #777 in a feeble attempt to get it to stop . I thought this movie would appeal to most railroad buffs but after reading some comments I guess not . What you get here is something that looks more like a made-for-TV disaster flick. I felt myself nodding off during that last 15 minutes and was happy when it ended . If you enjoy railroad movies or you have small kids that love toy trains, wait for Unstoppable to come out on DVD and watch it with them . I wish they would have given this film a touch of the Final Destination movies . The out of control killer diesel locomotive #666 that seems to have a mind of it's own ! I give Unstoppable a generous 4 **** , but that's only because of the colorful trains . Don't hop aboard Unstoppable ! " Not-so-Hottable " P.W.H.