Change Your Image
boots_mcg
Reviews
Pig Blood Vampire (2020)
He killed a pig
"I killed a pig" the first words spoken in the movie. It really isn't a good movie in any way, however is it hilariously bad in so many ways it is still supremely enjoyable. I do take issue with the tag like "Face blind man is accused of killing a pig." Nobody accused him of that, he just went around randomly telling people he had done so. This is an excellent movie to put on if you want people to stop asking you to pick movies.
Nukie (1987)
By no stretch is this the worst movie ever
The praise for this movie is mostly in things it did not do. They did not shoot day-for-night. No ten minute voids where driving happened (and nothing else) there was no TORGO. (The gimpy character from Manos the Hands of Fate)
It is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. I knew what was happening the whole time. The characters were consistent, they remembered the quest the characters were on AND wrapped it up in the end. It feels like they didn't have a budget of money, but rather favours owed to the director. . . What kind of life lets you be owed access to both a tame lion and a helicopter? Why did you make this movie with those favours instead of an autobiography?
The best part of the whole movie were the twins, Toki and Tiko. Child acting is almost always shaky at best. Their characters were bad but they did the absolute best they could. It is a real shame they didn't appear in more movies.
It also feels like the bulk of the movie was shot in the early 80's, then shelved for years, until somebody pulled it off the shelf and stitched it together with painful and superfluous narration, from "Man".
Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)
Still not as bad as Actium Maximus
This movie was poorly thought out, badly executed, and terribly acted. The cast was bored, the crew was incompetent and they recycled the plot of and characters (including bridge scientist and Tree Hugger) which I guess is green...
Having said that, the 'special' effects are less 'special' than the original. The CGI birds occasionally interact with the world around them and are not fixed to the spastic camera. Also the driving scene has been replaced with a somewhat shorter swagger walk scene.
This is not a movie to watch sober, or alone. I spent so much time correcting my typos. This movie is still not as bad as Actium Maximus: Alien Dinosaur Wars.
The existence of Actium Maximus is the one reason this movie got 2/10... We have seen rock bottom and this is not it.
Actium Maximus (2005)
This movie is distilled pain.
OK, what to say about Actium Maximus...
There are some bad movies that are so horribly awful they circle 'round to awesome. There are bad movies that just suck in their own right. There are good movies, and so-so movies, and movies that are just fun. Then there's Actium Maximus. You can't make a spoiler for this movie because to do that you would have to understand the action enough to comment. This particular movie is worse than Turkish Star wars one and the sequel too. Those movies are so bad they circle 'round to awesome and they make you feel drunk even if you're stone cold sober. Actium circles 'round from bad to awesome, but then it doesn't stop there, it takes another trip to badville, then 'round again to awesome, then finally it sets up a little feudal kingdom on the border of "Bad" and "stock footage of paint drying while a harpy screams incoherently." If you are into self punishment this movie is for you. It actually will cause your brain to hurt.