rogerebertsclone Reviews

Anger Management (2003)

Mixed feelings...Punch Drunk with Anger

[6/10 · 11 April 2003]

The marketing for this movie made Jack look like the psychotic one ("I SAID OVER EASY!!!"), but his role is quite the opposite. Jack plays a subtle, calm, and collected doctor who slowly but surely pushes Sandler to reveal his anger (which is used to great potential in the Monk scene, but that's it). Had I known Jack's handle on the role before I walked into the movie, I may have liked it a little more. I was expecting Jack in a role crazier than his "Joker" (anyone remember 'Batman'???). Gripe aside, Jack is very amusing and nearly steals the screen from Sandler. Tuturro and Guzman aren't given a lot of time to expand their characters to nothing more than borderline offensive stereotypes. The supporting characters are more or less walk-on roles.

"Anger's" laughs roll out slow but it begins to pick up momentum when Buddy (Nicholson) moves in with Dave (Sandler). This didn't seem like a Sandler movie. There were cameos, yes. Some were really bad (Ted Knight can't be himself) and good ones (Woody Harrelson never looked so weird) There was no crazy, oddball humor like "Waterboy" or "Happy Gilmore". This is a movie that is more palatable to Nicholson fans. Is Sandler playing the same nice guy character with rage? Yes, but to extent. Sandler never really takes off with his anger. He just makes constipated faces and curses. Do Sandler and Nicholson have chemistry? Yes. The ending may leave you either angry or just plain boggled but it's nothing to whine over. This is a comedy, not "Vanilla Sky." The movie won't bring belly laughs. There were times when I laughed because couldn't believe Nicholson was saying or doing things that were in reference to his past.

For Sandler, this seems like "Punch Drunk Love" -- the goofy comedy. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but it's not as laugh out loud as it could have been.

Don't go in expecting Jack losing his cool because he doesn't. Don't go in expecting Sander beating up people "Happy Gilmore"-style (with the exception of the monk scene). I'm mixed on my verdict. This is Sandler's most 'mature' comedy since 'Billy Madison.' There's singing, there's some weird stuff (Jack's fried hair), but Sandler's unique touch of humor seemed to have been lost in the editing room. This is Sandler lite. If you want his brand of craziness, nothing tops "Little Nicky." Don't get me wrong, this is not a bad film at all. There are laughs to be found in "Anger". Probably the funniest film so far this year. In terms of Sandler, it seems like he's holding back. As for Jack? He's great in this, psychotic free. I'll have to watch this once again, now knowing what I know. That damn marketing department.

Life (I) (1999)

Overlooked movie

[27 March 2003]

I'm not going to rant on about Eddie and Martin's bombs. This movie re-teams the two in a drama sprinkled with comedy. Yes, that's right. Don't let the previews or reviews fool you. This is a DRAMA and the comedy is subtle with a human touch, thanks to the direction of Ted Demme (RIP). Everyone involved with this film seemed to have done their homework on history, racism in the south, to the set designs and costumes. This was sorely overlooked by the Academy (who would nominate an Eddie Murphy film for costume design???), but let's get pass my ranting.

"Life" is a classic story of friendship. Two opposites are thrown together after being falsely accused of murdering a con artist down south. What surprised me most about this movie is the amount of comedic talent and how little they're allowed to actually be funny. It's like the plot is holding them back from going all out. And this is the first time Martin is actually playing the straight man, a role I believe he should play more often instead of his usual crazy schitck which most of the time doesn't stick.

Eddie's terrific in this movie, using his motormouth for a fully fleshed out character. When he's fast talking, he isn't doing it for the sake of it. The supporting cast including Anthony Anderson, Bernie Mac, Guy Torry, and (gasp) Rick James, all provide good roles. If you've lost faith in Eddie and Martin, this is the movie to watch. It's a good drama, and the humor comes from the heart.

How High (2001)

'Highly' underrated

[22 March 2003]

Being a proud fan of lowbrow humor and a fan of Method Man and Redman, "How High" seemed like a no-brainer comedy, and I was right! This movie can only do harm to people who get offended easily at racial stereotypes, pot smoking and more pot smoking. The movie pokes fun at everyone; class and race. One glance at How High would make you think they're trying to make another "Animal House". Well, I think it's up there. It's got everything except the fraternities. From childish pranks to goofy humor, Meth and Red carry the movie to its predictable conclusion. Many people will write this off as another "Black comedy", but it really is a comedy for everyone. It just "happens" to star two charismatic rap artists. Director Jesse Dylan (yes, Bob's son) knows how to set up a joke and pull the punchline. This film is far funnier than the last two "Friday" films combined (Yes, let's just compare it to other pothead comedies). The supporting cast is terrific as well, including the clueless Fred Willard and uptight Obba Babatunde. The only downside is Mike Epps' pimp character, done much better by Eddie Griffin in "Deuce Bigalow."

The bottom line: Rent it, have a few beers and some good laughs without taking it too seriously.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

AKA Point Break 2

[22 March 2003]

I've been wanting to tear into this movie for quite some time. I just haven't been thinking about it because it was such a horrible movie. How this movie "catapulted" stars Vin "Every Race" Diesel and Paul "Keanu" Walker to the A-list boggles the mind. One, if you're making a movie about import cars, 20 to 1 people are going for the cars because they can relate. Two, if you're making an 'action' movie about import cars, you'll at least need a decent story to build around it. Three, if you're making a movie about import cars, please please please do not add a rap artist with no acting talent to make a 'cameo' AND make the soundtrack to the movie.

Well, "F&F" violates those three sacred Ebertclone rules of making a good Import Car movie. One, the movie WAS about the cars but hack/aging hipster/ director???Rob Cohen (Dragon, The Skulls) wanted to exploit the rising star who is known as Vin Diesel (aka Mark Vincent, whether he likes it or not). Hey, let's just make him the anti-hero, the one we're not sure we should root for! Two, instead of thinking of a story (we have that thing called a brain), let's just rent "Point Break" (coincidentally a Keanu/Patrick Swayze movie) and replace the surfing boards with import cars! And hey, let's make the bad guys Asian, because they haven't been the bad guys in the past 30 years of filmmaking! Three, let's get that midget no-talent Ja Rule to make a cameo in our movie because at the time he was at the top of the charts! Let's give him the dumbest lines uttered in movie history too! And give him the right to produce a horrible soundtrack.

Nobody stands out in this movie. Not Michelle "Testosterone Pumped" Rodriguez, Matt "I'm A Bad Ass" Schulz, and not even the stunning Jordana Brewster. Okay, maybe if she got naked, I would actually like this movie a tad, but unfortunately she doesn't so this movie fails on all 'gears'. This movie even bites off "Point Break's" ending, showing no faith in the characters that they 'sketched'. The dialogue is atrocious, the action is implausible, and borderlines on parody ala "Commando." In fact, I believe "Commando" to be a way better film than this crap. The funny thing about this movie is that everything is taken seriously. Right down to the last line: "I owe you a ten second car." No, like we didn't see that coming. Stay far away. And a note to Ja Rule: Nobody lined up on a Friday night and paid $9 to see YOU.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

AKA Point Break 2

[22 March 2003]

I've been wanting to tear into this movie for quite some time. I just haven't been thinking about it because it was such a horrible movie. How this movie "catapulted" stars Vin "Every Race" Diesel and Paul "Keanu" Walker to the A-list boggles the mind. One, if you're making a movie about import cars, 20 to 1 people are going for the cars because they can relate. Two, if you're making an 'action' movie about import cars, you'll at least need a decent story to build around it. Three, if you're making a movie about import cars, please please please do not add a rap artist with no acting talent make a 'cameo' AND make the soundtrack to the movie.

Well, "F&F" violates those three sacred Ebertclone rules of making a good Import Car movie. One, the movie WAS about the cars but hack/aging hipster/ director???Rob Cohen (Dragon, The Skulls) wanted to exploit the rising star who is known as Vin Diesel (aka Mark Vincent, whether he likes it or not). Hey, let's just make him the anti-hero, the one we're not sure we should root for! Two, instead of thinking of a story (we have that thing called a brain), let's just rent "Point Break" (coincidentally a Keanu/Patrick Swayze movie) and replace the surfing boards with import cars! And hey, let's make the bad guys Asian, because they haven't been the bad guys in the past 30 years of filmmaking! Three, let's get that midget no-talent Ja Rule to make a cameo in our movie because at the time he was at the top of the charts! Let's give him the dumbest lines uttered in movie history too! And give him the right to produce a horrible soundtrack too.

Nobody stands out in this movie. Not Michelle "Testosterone Pumped" Rodriguez, Matt "I'm A Bad Ass" Schulz, and not even the stunning Jordana Brewster. Okay, maybe if she got naked, I would actually like this movie a tad, but unfortunately she doesn't so this movie fails on all 'gears'. This movie even bites off "Point Break's" ending, showing no faith in the characters that they 'sketched'. The dialogue is atrocious, the action is implausible, and borderlines on parody ala "Commando." In fact, I believe "Commando" to be a way better film than this crap. The funny thing about this movie is that everything is taken seriously. Right down to the last line: "I owe you a ten second car." No, like we didn't see that coming. Stay far away. And a note to Ja Rule: Nobody lined up on a Friday night and paid $9 to see YOU.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

AKA Point Break 2

[22 March 2003]

I've been wanting to tear into this movie for quite some time. I just haven't been thinking about it because it was such a horrible movie. How this movie "catapulted" stars Vin "Every Race" Diesel and Paul "Keanu" Walker to the A-list boggles the mind. One, if you're making a movie about import cars, 20 to 1 people are going for the cars because they can relate. Two, if you're making an 'action' movie about import cars, you'll at least a decent story to build around it. Three, if you're making a movie about import cars, please please please do not add a rap artist with no acting talent make a 'cameo' AND make the soundtrack to the movie.

Well, "F&F" violates those three sacred Ebertclone rules of making a good Import Car movie. One, the movie WAS about the cars but hack/aging hipster/ director???Rob Cohen (Dragon, The Skulls) wanted to exploit the rising star who is known as Vin Diesel (aka Mark Vincent, whether he likes it or not). Hey, let's just make him the anti-hero, the one we're not sure we should root for! Two, instead of thinking of a story (we have that thing called a brain), let's just rent "Point Break" (coincidentally a Keanu/Patrick Swayze movie) and replace the surfing boards with import cars! And hey, let's make the bad guys Asian, because they haven't been the bad guys in the past 30 years of filmmaking! Three, let's get that midget no-talent Ja Rule to make a cameo in our movie because at the time he was at the top of the charts! Let's give him the dumbest lines uttered in movie history too! And give him the right to produce a horrible soundtrack too.

Nobody stands out in this movie. Not Michelle "Testosterone Pumped" Rodriguez, Matt "I'm A Bad Ass" Schulz, and not even the stunning Jordana Brewster. Okay, maybe if she got naked, I would actually like this movie a tad, but unfortunately she doesn't so this movie fails on all 'gears'. This movie even bites off "Point Break's" ending, showing no faith in the characters that they 'sketched'. The dialogue is atrocious, the action is implausible, and borderlines on parody ala "Commando." In fact, I believe "Commando" to be a way better film than this crap. The funny thing about this movie is that everything is taken seriously. Right down to the last line: "I owe you a ten second car." No, like we didn't see that coming. Stay far away. And a note to Ja Rule: Nobody lined up on a Friday night and paid $9 to see YOU.

The Watcher (I) (2000)

Should've been called "Dances With Keanu"

[22 March 2003]

In what seems like a direct-to-cable subpar serial killer flick turns out to be one of the most laughable serial killer thrillers in years, thanks to the underrated comedic performance of Keanu Reeves. He dances, he kills, he dances some more with his victims. He's got the moves and the swerve to lure his victims to their deaths. Given the fact that we don't know why Keanu wanted James Spader to chase him (homoerotic undertones anyone?), we can just sit back and watch this trainwreck with ease. The film is unintentionally funny. Keanu is not a killer. He is Neo. Or better yet, Ted. Or even better than Ted -- that guy he played in Parenthood. ANYBODY BUT A KILLER! We all know Keanu has the acting talent of a totem pole, and to see him portray a killer is just plain funny. Spader isn't any better either. He needs to make a sequel to "Stargate" or something to erase this from our minds. And what the heck is Academy Award Winner Marisa Tomei doing in this trash? Does EVERYONE just wanna jump on the Post-Matrix Keanu Train? He's made about three bad movies after the Matrix (Replacements, Sweet November, Hardball). Let's hope he chooses better scripts and sticks to his strengths as an actor...Or Ted.

Old School (2003)

Quite simply one of the funniest movies in recent years!

[11 March 2003]

"Old School" is a classic college comedy that shouldn't be missed. It has two of the funniest and underrated comedians (Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell) at the top of their games. Vince is obviously channeling his "Trent" character from "Swingers" while Ferrell one-ups his psychotic and zany personality playing "Frank The Tank." Luke Wilson is the crazy glue that holds these guys together.

This is "Animal House" for our generation. Although nowhere close to the epic of that movie, I can't recall a college comedy that just went all out to make us laugh. The love story here sucks and we all know what will happen, but the sole purpose of this movie is to make you crack up and director Todd Phillips doesn't apologize for anything in this movie. I'm definitely buying this on DVD.

Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

Do not answer the question.

[29 January 2003]

This film is going to go down in history as "that film", and it's not a good thing. "That film" is defined as something so bad it has to be seen. I must admit, I am a fan of juvenile humor, as long as it's smart in its own pathetic way (Dumb & Dumber, a classic).

I had heard about this film and heard both yin and yang about it. As curious as I was condescending, I picked it up on DVD. I was ashamed to pay for it at the check out, but hey...

Basically, the story is self-explanatory in its title. Did I laugh? Maybe twice. But that's not good enough. Two laughs is like watching a drama or Mrs. Doubtfire. But this film had two things going for it: The stoned dog and the Chinese Takeout piece. That's it. My main beef isn't with the actors, but the director and the script. The director couldn't keep this film rolling as I counted down the minutes on my dvd player. The script was horrendous. I mean, shame on Fox for putting up even a million dollars for this junk. The script meandered from one stupid set piece to the next. It wasn't even structured in the comedy sense! The whole movie felt like an after thought. "Let's just put this in, since we can't think of anything else to do..." I'm happy Jennifer Garner climbed her way out of this piece of trash. But for those who are curious about "that film", don't touch. Please. Go rent a Charlie Sheen movie. You'll get more laughs there.

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

A Milestone in movie history

[29 January 2003]

Before "BHC", there really hadn't been a wisecracking cop in a movie, at least in the lead. But Eddie Murphy in his prime, took on the unforgettable role of Axel Foley. The action and plot are standard of course, but Murphy has all the punches and punchlines to drive this to break box office records, bring joy to audiences and break barriers in movie history. See it for Murphy.

Eddie Murphy: Delirious (1983 TV Special)

Classic Eddie

[28 January 2003]

Eddie Murphy doesn't do it for me anymore. When he makes an adult themed movie, it seems like he's trying too hard for the days of Beverly Hills Cop. In the '90's, he slowly segued into making kid films (Dr. Dolittle, Daddy Day Care). But for those who know his stand-up work, he is a raw, raucous, rude and ultimately hilarious comedian with dead-on impressions of celebrities. This show cements him as a comic legend. It's no wonder every new comedian says that Murphy was their influence. He was the King of Comedy!

Let's hope he returns to make one more stand-up film!

National Security (2003)

Lawrence returns to form, but he still needs to show us his full capabilities.

[23 January 2003]

Martin Lawrence is incredibly talented. Unfortunately, those of us who don't watch his stand up comedy movies don't see it. They get PG-13 Martin. These days it seems Martin Lawrence is just dying for a hit. His downfall started after "Big Mommas House". His follow-up, "What's The Worst..." was definitely not the movie for him [I think we can all agree on that he was out of place and character]. He returned to the Martin Lawrence Formula of Schtick in "Black Knight", trying to repeat the success of "BMH", and it would have, had the script been re-tooled, the director swapped, and the lead actor reigned in from spewing out stand-up comic jokes that seem completely unnecessary to the story. His star was falling, but his paycheck was rising (strange...). He continued with his LIVE tour which reminded us of why we love him in the first place. Now he's got "National Security", a return to the Martin Lawrence Formula of Schtick but with a veteran comedy director (Dennis Dugan of Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy fame) and an equally funny co-star (Steve Zahn). What sets this aside from latter Martin films is that this isn't a one-man show.

Simply, it's the Buddy Cop Action Formula (in the midst of the movie, the Buddies Bond). You know the twists and turns and you know the end. But you want to laugh, and this movie does. Fans of the Race Card humor will love it. Those who don't, well, Lawrence's character Earl is flat out racist and you will probably be offended by some of the punchlines. The humor is more akin to Rush Hour's (race humor of course; no Jackie Chan here) and the action along the lines of Blue Streak (cable T.V. production value), but Dennis Dugan known for his hilarious stunt set pieces, delivers the goods. The story is unbelievable, but Lawrence and Zahn make a good pairing. They may not break new ground, but it's a fun ride. A matinee or rental at best. And to Lawrence: Bad Boys II and Blue Streak II may be on the horizon, but stop chasing the past and do something wholly original; something that exploits your talents and shows the world how much of a truly talented genius you are.

American Psycho (2000)

Two Chainsaws Up

[15 December 2002]

Without a doubt the most underrated movie of the past decade, "American Psycho" is a piece of American cinema that shouldn't be missed by anyone, regardless if they do not like the violence (which does have its reasons).

Christian Bale gives a flawless performance as the troubled, deep down wannabe Yuppie who has psychotic, violent impulses. This is true acting here, folks. Not phoned in Tom Crooze acting. Some people object to Patrick Bateman narrating the movie [always a weak sign in a movie] and not letting us figure his motives out on our own, but if you watch closely, Bale shows us Bateman's vulnerablity through every minute of every day of his life. The movie is at times hysterical, as his character uses dominant Alpha Monkey behavior around the opposite sex. But again, it's all for good reason.

If not for Bale's performance, see it for the knife twisting satire of the '80's -- from the clothes, to the hairdos, to the music [I'll never be able to hear Phil Collins in the same way again!] The production value is rich in '80's nostalgia from the "Black and White" set designs to the enormous cellphones [how could we forget those?].

This is a movie that major studios are too afraid to touch. This is film making. Remember film making? When films took you on a ride in someone's life and you would walk away with a piece of their mind? American Psycho doesn't have any real morals or answers, but it shows the deep psychological insecurities some men suffer everyday. Oh yeah, and it was directed by a woman, so all you feminists shut up!

Friday After Next (2002)

Running out of gas...

[1 December 2002]

Having been a fan of the first Friday, my expectations for the second one weren't exactly high [no pun intended], given the fact that Chris Tucker wasn't in it. But it turned out to be an okay movie. I also noticed the direction it took the franchise to -- low brow humor. The first had a little bit of it, but the second one seemed like it just wanted to gross you out with its sick humor and poop jokes.

You won't find much difference in this Friday. Turning the series on its ear and giving it a fresh new spin with the Christmas theme seemed like an intriguing idea. Did it work? Hells yeah. With the uncontrollable Mike Epps once again playing the crazy sidekick to Cube's Craig, Chris Tucker seems like a distant memory. Out goes the semi-seriousness of the first one about the reality of the hood, and in comes the all out craziness that solidified the second. The only memorable characters in this one are Money Mike and Damon. If you're a fan of the series, by all means, rent it.

By the end of the movie, you'll ponder if this was the best way to close out the trilogy. Was it as funny as they could make it? Memorable? With a stronger script and more reigned-in performances, it could have been. Average at best. But let's hope Cube ends it here.

All About the Benjamins (2002)

Cube and Epps make terrific team

[21 November 2002]

Ice Cube has definitely flipped the script. He's done it all from acting, writing, producing and directing. "All About The Benjamins" isn't a great movie by any means, but it validates tomorrow's newest duo - Cube and Epps. When Mike Epps teamed with the Cube on "Next Friday", I thought it was gimmicky. "All About The Benjamins" cements it. They truly are a throw back to the great comedic duos from Laurel and Hardy to Gibson and Glover. There's alot of plot holes, implausible action scenes, but the chemistry between the two stars is undeniable. If I have to critique one thing, Cube needs to refine his screenwriting skills a tad. He knows how to tell a good story, but doesn't know how to write one. With Cube, the only way he can go is up.

Commando (1985)

One of the top 3 college drinking movies...Ever.

[17 November 2002]

Cheesy one-liners. Lots of goofs. Implausible action. No, this isn't xXx [see my review for that horrible film]. This Ah-nuld's own COMMANDO! Quite simply this is one of my top three college drinking films of all time. If you're looking to get wasted and laugh your heads off with you and your buddies, definitely buy the Commando DVD [It's cheap! 9.99 at best buy!] You won't regret it.

Top 3 College Drinking Movies

(1) Belly (1998) - Drink everytime you hear a curse word

(2) Commando (1985)- Drink everytime you hear a one-liner or when Arnie kills someone!

(3) xXx is a possible candidate, but I'll have to go back and check some older movies.

8 Mile (2002)

A solid movie. Nothing more.

[12 November 2002]

For the same people who bashed Eminem for his music and now say that he may garner an Oscar for his role as a struggling rap artist, he won't. For the same people who loved LA Confidential scratching their heads as to why an acclaimed director such as Curtis Hanson would jump into the mainstream, you'll like it, or admire it, at the least.

Once again, like in all my reviews, I will not write up the plot because you can read everyone else's reviews. Eminem will not, I repeat, will NOT get an Oscar nomination for his role as Jimmy Smith Jr, the young repressed white male struggling as a rapper. His character is three-dimensional, he's layered, full of emotions...but aren't all good characters supposed to have these qualities? Still, you won't be able to find Eminem anywhere in this performance. The performance stands out from many performances this year. I'd be really surprised if he didn't at least get a Golden Globe nomination.

Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. After the dissapointing box office that was "Wonder Boys", you decide to hop on the mainstream train to riches by casting one of the most popular properties in America...Shame on you...Just kidding. Watching the film, you can see how much Curtis fights the mainstream with the grainy cinematography, mug locations, and subject matter. Alas, if any other unknown was to star in this film, it would be of little to no interest of the movie going public. Hanson nontheless shows us a gritty portrayl of life on the streets. Where hope is just a dream and living a simplistic life is a reality. Mainstream movie? I think not.

The rest of the cast is more or less supporting Jimmy in this coming of age story, but they're all solid. I understand many wanted to see Jimmy succeed in getting a record deal, but they're missing the point. It isn't traveling down that formulaic road. That wasn't the point. He just showed that with a little confidence in yourself, you could do just about anything. The movie was about Jimmy having the courage to take the first step. A true inspiration. As far as him getting a record deal? Doesn't happen for all of us, but that first step could.

Using rap as a major subject in a movie is like the kiss of death -- most of us could care less for it. But it grabs you from the opening scene and continuously gets in your ears until the end credits, so when Jimmy's freestyling at a battle, it doesn't seem out of place.

This is nothing more than a good, solid movie that doesn't break any new ground in the drama genre, but sometimes all we need is an inspirational movie to help us through life.

xXx (2002)

PEOPLE! PEOPLE! YOU ARE ALL BEING BRAINWASHED!

[2 November 2002]

It's funny how you can all buy into a cheesy story, cheesy acting and cheesy action scenes and watch a bald headed riding on a tray. Yeah. OK. I'm sure a tall tanned dude is going to replace Bond. Wake up and smell the horrible everything of this movie!!!!

Mr. Deeds (2002)

Sandler Strikes Back

[20 October 2002]

Okay, "Little Nicky" was a hit-or-miss comedy. Sandler took a year off to do other things. Some think he fell off after "Nicky". But no, he's back with "Mr. Deeds!" It's a hilarious movie with heart that you can actually take the whole family to without having the young one ask "Why were they laughing after they ate that chocolate cake?" [From Little Nicky]

Now there are are a bunch of Sandler-ites who are p***ed off that Adam's not the same. He's not doing Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison. But that's not fair. Sandler's a few years shy of 40. He wants to challenge himself. He can pull out a Gilmore/Madison anytime he wants to. He just wants to go in other directions. If he'd made sequels to those classics, we'd probably see him on "Just Shoot Me." [Sorry Spade, you just haven't found the vehicle to showcase your abilities]

Yes, he's playing the same "Misunderstood Nice Guy", but it doesn't really matter to me. What matters is if it brings laughter to a crappy day. And it does. I'm not going to reiterate the story here because you can read it at the main page. Let's just say John Tuturro deserves a Golden Globe nomination for his role as the 'sneaky sneaky' butler "Emilio". He's so funny and likable that you'll remember him for quite some time. We haven't seen Winona in a goofy comedy like this before, and she fits right in. Buscemi drops in for a few scenes. Not as funny as his role in "Wedding Singer", but a little Buscemi don't hurt!

Everyone in this movie wants to make you laugh. Now to the critics --What's the harm in making someone laugh? It's not like it's "Rush Hour" comedy where the main characters viciously make fun of each others backgrounds for everyone's amusements.

Adam's made another funny movie. I can't wait to see Punch Drunk Love to see him...dare I say it...ACT. Although not as gut-busting as "Happy Gilmore" (my favorite Sandler film), it accomplishes what it sets out to do. Definetely one for the DVD collection.

The Wave (1981 TV Movie)

Better than Battlefield Earth!

[20 October 2002]

Okay, now I've probably p***ed off all the sensitive freaks for putting that in my headline. Look, I know it was based on a true story. I know Nazism isn't something to laugh at. But I just finished watching this in my history class and I wasn't the only one laughing at this movie. Given the fact this is an '80's after school special makes the knife twist deeper into the clown. Unintentional laughs for all.

For one, the acting is horrible. A stand-out performance is the teacher played by Bruce Davison (whose talent is backed up by his acting credits dating all the way up to 2002!), but the students are some of the worst (can i even call them) actors. Robert, the outcast, was unintentionally hilarious (look for the scene where he's in the bathroom by himself). He spews out lines such as, "I want to follow you home Mr. Ross!" or "I want to be your bodyguard, Mr. Ross!" It is obvious that the movie has some homoerotic overtones and that Robert is quite simply gay.

The script was just as bad as the haircuts, because how are supposed to believe (in a span of about 45 min.) that these kids would buy into Mr. Ross' rubbish? The dialogue wouldn't persuade me to put on one of those Wave bands around my arm. If this is based on a true story, then the kids in real life are some of the biggest meatheads. No kid I know likes discipline. No kid I know loves to do his/her homework. And how many schools do you know of where the ENTIRE student body stays afterschool for a WAVE-like seminar? This is the sad story of a man who has a serious ego-trip.

If you're tired of "Commando" (who would be?!), see this movie (if you can find it) for a good laugh or ten when you're wasted with your buddies. Nazism is not funny. The Holocaust is not funny. But movie makers trying to make a movie about it with a bad script and bad actors, is.

Rogerebertsclone, out....

xXx (2002)

Implausible...It SuxXx![Beware, contains spoilers]

[14 October 2002]

In the tradition of such classics as "Van Damme's movie career" and Schwarzenegger's own "Commando", comes the moronic "Triple X". A movie whose only mission was cashing in on Vin Diesel's rising star, "xXx" is one of the worst action movies I have ever seen in my life.

Now I knew what I was paying for - James Bond meets an X-Games athlete. Sounds like nothing more than a harmless Saturday nite at the movies, right? As Schwarzenegger would say: "WRONG!" Hey, I wasn't expecting this movie to break new ground in the action genre. Heck, director Rob Cohen makes genre movies (and there's nothing wrong with that, but..) I would have rather spent my evening pondering how the "Signs" alien could travel light years but couldn't get thru a pantry door instead of sitting through this garbage. I like Vin Diesel. I really do. He's a one of a kind actor. Sam Jackson's the self-proclaimed King of Cool. They're two reasons I plunked down 9 bucks for this. The third reason? I wanted two hours of escapism.

Director Rob Cohen had over 30 years of Bond material to make sure he didn't screw this up but unfortunately he screwed both the movie and the moviegoer. This movie isn't even close to a Bond movie. It's below it. It insults the audience's intelligence with predictable twists that we've seen in any Bond movie. No, this movie is along the lines of "Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot!!!"

First off, Vin Diesel's 6-foot-2, mostly taller than anyone in the movie which not only makes it implausible, but laughable when he sneaks around the villain's fortress. How could nobody see him? Implausiblity is the theme in this movie. I know, it's supposed to be nothing more than a fun time at the theater, but I found myself in stitches over many scenes including:

* See Vin point out all the contrivances in the faux diner to make him seem street smart [as if we didn't know the whole thing was set up]

* Sadfully, see the great Sam Jackson NOT ACT.

* See an "M"-like gadgets whiz/circus monkey spew out corny punchlines.

* See Vin ride a motorcycle off a ramp, do a Superman grab on the back of his motorcycle, have time to take out his gun and perfectly shoot a bad guy in midair. He's got aim! But since when does an xtreme athlete have perfect marksmenship?

*See Vin regurgitate "Commando"-style one-liners ["I told you that cigarette would kill you!"] that would be funny if he had comic timing and delivery.

*See Vin escape a massive computer generated avalanche, get buried in the aftermath, and still come out alive. I'm sorry, but no xtreme athlete I've seen would successfully survived a K2ish avalanche.

*See Vin's eyes bulge like a cartoons' when he tries to disarm the bomb in the 3rd act of the movie.

*See Asia Argento go from prissy girlfriend to secret agent with one sentence ["I was a spy--I just didn't have time to tell you!!!"]

And you're in big trouble when your villain's name is 'Yorgi', because I just couldn't wait for someone to say 'Yorgi Bear'. The villain seemed more like a Euro-trash porn director than an anarchist.

What befuddles me the most is how my better half, Roger Ebert gave this movie *** 1/2 stars. He knows what's wrong with this movie more than I do. He's sat through countless action pictures and pretty much sums this one up as a good James Bond movie. Yeah, right. Vin, go back to your indie movies. You weren't an action star. You stretched your acting muscles. Here, you took the paycheck and breezed thru the role. How one can sit through two hours of this and not even laugh at the ridiculous inanity is a mystery. I couldn't even let myself go and be entertained. The worst set piece must have been the prolonged Colombian drug cartel that was neither breathtaking or interesting to look at.

The only good thing this movie's got going for it are the beautiful women to look at, the poster, and the rockin' soundtrack. What's Vin's character arc in the movie? Well, he's an anti-social who ends up caring for the world. Like we weren't gonna see that one coming. No one would root for an anti-social. Especially in times like these. Bond, don't quit your day job just yet.

[Fun footnote: You know your movie sucks when you have to end it with a computer generated tunnel of colorful fire climaxing to the xXx sign with two pistols each side of it!]

• Rogerebertsclone, out...

Blade II (2002)

A mediocre sequel to a mediocre movie.

[12 October 2002]

**SPOILERS**"Blade" (1998) essentially revitalized Marvel's return to the big screen after those straight-to-video flops (remember Dolph Lungdren's "Punisher?"). I admit, I wasn't intrigued by the whole vampire aspect of the film but the action was what drew me to the theaters. It was average at best, but not without its flaws.

Now comes the highly anticipated sequel. Director Del Toro definitely brings his horror touch to the movie and a fan couldn't help but think of "Mimic" when watching this. The movie also has an '80's B-movie feel to it (check the scene when Blade comes out of the blood pool at the end - the music, the slo-mo, it's screaming B-MOVIE!!!). More wall-to-wall action. More weapons. More Whistler. More, more, more...It's essentially a style-over-substance movie and most will agree. But the style does look great.

Alas, I am mixed. I have a sneaky affection for it, yet I cannot fully recommend it because it lacks story. (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) It was only logical to have Blade team up with his enemies to fight a greater threat - The Reapers. In the third act of the film, it turns out that the Vampires created the virus to lure Blade, which brings us back to the format of the first movie. Frost wanted to bring about the Blood Tide and needed his blood. In this one, they need Blade's blood to continue their race. Seems like Blade's blood is the McGuffin to the series. We see that Blade has a character arc with his affection for Nyssa. But wait! He's back to killing vampires at the end.

I did like the way screenwriter David Goyer inserted Greek mythology into the Vampire mythology. The Reapers were nightmarish, a memorable addition to the Blade series. Snipes lightens up Blade, but in the next one, let's see more character depth. The soundtrack is great, especially Mos Def. View this movie as a breather in the Blade storyline and wait to see if Goyer will give us something interesting next time. All in all, could've been better, but still stylish entertainment.