Coventry Reviews

Who Is the Black Dahlia? (1975 TV Movie)

Nothing alive and pretty is ever permanent...

[8/10 · 30 April 2024]

There's only one thing more sensational and fascinating than a gruesome murder case, and that's an unsolved gruesome murder case! Why are authors and filmmakers still inspired by Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac Killer, and - of course - the Black Dahlia? Well, probably because we can't stand the idea that someone capable of committing such cruel and gruesome crimes is still walking around free and unpunished (even though that's highly unlikely since these cold cases are almost a century old).

Black Dahlia is the nickname given to the unfortunate Elizabeth Short. She was a young girl who moved from Maine to California to find success and happiness, but - during the turbulent WWII years - all she got were a few difficult years and ultimately a tragic death. Elizabeth's corpse was so barbarically mutilated that the case deployed a huge police investigation and massive media attention, but the culprit was never identified.

"Who is the Black Dahlia" is something between a documentary and a fictional crime/thriller, but rest assured, it's an excellent film and absorbing from start to finish. The narrative structure is sublime with, told in parallel, sequences revolving around the slow-moving police search and flashbacks showing Elizabeth's daily struggles. The letters to her grandmother, in which she writes that everything is going swell in LA even though she's suffering, are harrowing. The film isn't entirely accurate or truthful, but it's respectful, overall well-researched, and - do I daresay - hundreds of times better than Brian De Palma's 2006 effort.

Dragged Across Concrete (2018)

All this building up... And for what?

[4/10 · 29 April 2024]

The entire film can basically be summarized using a quote from lead protagonist Brett Ridgeman (Mel Gibson). During their stakeout, when Anthony takes the last bite from a sandwich he spent eating for an exaggeratedly long time, Brett stoically says: "A single red ant could have eaten it faster". That is also my main message to writer/director S. Craig Zahler. Any other living director could - and would - have told this story faster.

Zahler is undoubtedly a gifted writer/storyteller, but he has one major problem. His scripts are unnecessarily and intolerably overlong. "Bone Tomahawk" was long, but at least it featured a thrilling and spectacularly horrific last half hour. "Dragged Across Concrete" is even longer and sadly just features a mundane and predictable climax. 99% of the film exists of people sitting in cars and having pointless conversations, or extensive introductions of insignificant supportive characters.

The best example to illustrate the length is the part of Jennifer Carpenter. What a melodramatic and theatrical appearance, simply to reach the conclusion: if only she stayed home one more day... I appreciate the whole idea that each character has a background and personal situation that is worth telling, but there is a limit to everyone's patience (and certainly mine)

Maya (1989)

Don't Mess with the Maya!

[5/10 · 29 April 2024]

Ah, late 80s horror from Italy... Gory deaths, beautiful nude women, and zero explanations given!

At the great Italian University of Cult & Horror Movies, Marcello Avallone certainly wasn't the brightest or the most gifted student. Six out of the eight movies he directed are completely forgotten, and the two horror flicks he made during the late 80s aren't exactly high-flyers neither. I concur with most reviewers around here, stating that "Maya" is slightly better than "Specters", but it still is a muddled and thoroughly incoherent flick.

Avallone was clearly fascinated by macabre history and ancient civilizations. "Specters" revolved around a feline monster escaping from a sarcophagus in Rome, whereas "Maya" takes place - supposedly, at least - in Mexico and revolves around an entire village falling victim to a vicious Maya (duh!) curse. Old prof Slivak (veteran William Berger) is the first to die when he climbs up a Mayan temple and awakes "something". The evil but invisible force spreads and kills several people in brutally imaginative ways, like impalement through the mouth or hung up by chains. The sexiest girl even has her pretty nose split open when she gets smacked around in her bathtub.

The pacing is sluggish, the occult aspects remain underdeveloped, and the macho protagonist Peter Phelps is an insufferable jerk, so unless you're an avid fan of Italian 80s horror, there aren't many reasons to search for this obscure title.

Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)

Suitably named after where it belongs...

[3/10 · 26 April 2024]

I never was a big fan of the "Phantasm" series but could certainly appreciate the high level of morbidity and cuckoo of the first two movies. The third was so trashy that I forgot about the series for the following 20 years, though. This fourth installment has the big advantage that it nicely summarizes everything that happened in the first three movies but, on itself, it's a weak and unremarkable sequel (albeit, apparently, very popular among the diehard fans of the franchise)

"Oblivion" - quite an apt title - has two storylines running in parallel, each of which follow the two protagonists. Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) is chasing after the Tall Man, through various time portals and dimensions, while Reggie (Bannister) is looking for Mike. Mike's adventure is boring and overly psychedelic, and that's exactly what creator/director Don Coscarelli wanted. Back to the low-budget, mysterious and macabre roots of "Phantasm". Admirable, but it isn't nearly as compelling or hypnotic as it used to be. Reggie's trip is more enjoyable, especially his encounter with a demonic traffic cop (although the scene looks stolen from "Maniac Cop 2") or his affair with an unearthly beautiful girl (Heidi Marnhout) with peculiar breasts. For fans and completists of the franchise only.

Scanners II: The New Order (1991)

The Scanner-Force is strong in this one...

[7/10 · 26 April 2024]

Remember at the school's playground, when you were about 10-12 years old, and discussing with friends which super-powers you wanted to have, or which Superhero you wanted to be? Everybody wanted to be Spider-Man or Superman, or desired for X-Ray vision or the ability to talk with animals... Yours truly wanted to be a Scanner. Read people's minds, make them do stuff for you, etc. And if teachers, or adults in general, become annoying, you could always make their noses bleed and their foreheads sweat, or - why not - make their heads go kaboom! Admittedly, I was a weird kid.

In all seriousness, though, the original "Scanners" - written and directed by the almighty David Cronenberg - is one of few movies that made a deep and everlasting impression on me. The fact I was far too young when I first saw it plays a role, but also the idea of telepathically gifted people causing harm to others and abusing their powers truly disturbed me. And yes, that exploding head is still in my top 3 of legendary horror moments. I loved Cronenberg's film so much that, for 30 years, I refused watching the sequels and spin-offs. There was only one "Scanners" for me. Only recently, when I watched and enjoyed both "Scanner Cop" movies, I've been looking for the two direct sequels.

"Scanners II: the New Order" is as good as a belated (10 years gap) sequel can be, especially considering director Christian Duguay was inexperienced, and the film doesn't feature any of major cult stars from the original, like Michael Ironside or Patrick McGoohan. What I liked most here is that the good characters are genuinely likable and sympathetic, whereas the bad characters are truly loathsome and terrifying. Police Commander Forrester and Doctor Morse are not Scanners themselves, but they developed the fiendish plan to create the New Order; - a superior police army existing of Scanners enforcing a zero-tolerance policy. Their only problem is that their Scanners are either dangerously volatile projectiles (like the psychotic Drak) or drooling zombies addicted to medicines. They stumble upon the powerful but pure Scanner David Kellum from the countryside, but he fights back!

There are multiple highlights in "Scanners II: the New Order", like the opening sequences in which crazed Drak trashes an entire Arcade video-game hall, the liquor store robbery when David discovers his powers, the quest for the milk-poisoner, David hearing the truth from his parents, or the brutal and gore-soaked finale at the hospital facility. The anonymous cast does a terrific job, notably Yvan Ponton as the evil Forrester and Raoul Trujillo as Drak, and the special effects & make-up art is downright sublime. Whoever said 90s horror wasn't worthwhile?

Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1992)

Officer Matt Cordell wants a girlfriend!

[6/10 · 25 April 2024]

"Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence" is a textbook example of a sequel that doesn't have any valid reason to exist, but nevertheless one that is tremendously fun to watch! Why redundant? By the end of "Maniac Cop 2", anti-hero Matt Cordell got what he wanted. The prominent people who sent him to Sing Sing Prison are dead, the inmates who made his already ugly face even uglier are dead, the corruption was publicly admitted, and Cordell was granted his honorable burial with a few years of delay and his soul could finally rest in peace. So why does the voodoo priest wake him up again? Perhaps because Katie Sullivan, a female police officer in the NYC Corps, risks undergoing the same outrageous treatment he did, due to corrupt politicians and sensationalist reporters? Okay then, but perhaps more because there was still a lot of easy financial gain to be made with a third film.

A better question is perhaps: Why so much fun to watch? Well, despite - allegedly - a lot of production issues and disagreement on set, "Maniac Cop 3" is a delicious old school slasher with a gloomy hospital setting, gruesome kills, spectacular stunts, and a fiery climax! Let's not overcomplicate things: Matt Cordell returns from the dead to slaughter a lot of random cops and arrogant doctors, while he helps the real thugs to escape. Robert Davi returns as well, but he's more interested in chasing after the lovely Dr. Fowler than after Cordell. Can't blame Davi for this, because actress Caitlin Dulaney truly looks amazing!

Most interesting thing I learned watching "Maniac Cop 3": New York hospital have basements and underground tunnels that are somehow directly connected to voodoo-churches!

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

To Attack and To Slay!

[7/10 · 24 April 2024]

There's a vicious urban myth going round in horror land... No, not that Matt Cordell might sneak into your bedroom at night and break your neck, but rather that "Maniac Cop 2" is one of those rare sequels that surpasses the original. Myth-buster (and devoted fan of the original) Coventry goes undercover...

Better than its predecessor? I beg to differ, although there's definitely a "The Terminator VS. Terminator 2: Judgement Day" similarity here. What I mean is that the budget for the sequel was four times higher than for the original, and hence it looks a lot better. Obviously, the budget is still quite low (especially compared to films like "Terminator 2"), but $4.000.000 versus $1.000.000 makes a giant difference in what you can achieve. Moreover, director William Lustig and writer/producer Larry Cohen (we can easily speak of a dream-team) put every cent to a good use! The make-up and special effects are undoubtedly superior, and the film features a couple of impressive stunts. It starts with the physical appearance of anti-hero Matt Cordell, who looks a lot more monstrous and horrific, but Lustig also inserts two spectacular car chases and a fiery finale that is downright brilliant.

Spectacle aside, though, I don't think "Maniac Cop" is better than the original. The surprise and shock element of a relentless killer in a tidy and honorable NYC police uniform is gone, and personally I didn't buy the whole 'teaming up with a serial killer' plot. Cordell wants revenge and murders a lot of cops, I get that, but his collaboration with a psycho who kills strippers to purify them is implausible; - particularly because the latter is such a needy and whiny freak. Also, as much as I appreciate Robert Davi, he's not a substitute for both Tom Atkins and Bruce Campbell. Great sequel and an awesome trilogy altogether, but my personal favorite of the three is still the original.

Monster on a Plane (2024)

Whatever happened to good old snakes?

[4/10 · 20 April 2024]

Remember the (internet-) hype caused by "Snakes on a Plane" back in 2006? It was a big hit, simply because the title was straightforward and because the film delivered exactly what the title promised. 18 years later, writer/director Ezra Tsegaye considers it's still a brilliant idea to rip off the idea! Obviously, "Monster on a Plane" will never cause a hype. It probably won't even been seen by many people, but one thing's for sure: it is a lot of fun to watch under the right circumstances.

Make no mistake, "Monster on a Plan" is a terribly bad movie! But it's a FUN bad movie, and sometimes horror fanatics can really enjoy those. There's nothing remotely original about the film. The concept is stolen from "Snakes on a Plane" - duh - while the monster looks exactly like the design of "Critters", and its infrared vision is borrowed from "Predator". Oh wait, there is one original gimmick! The monster's flatulence is a sophisticated attack-mechanism a causes people to hallucinate. Awesome! Some irresponsible scientist smuggles it on board of a charter flight to Berlin, it escapes during a bit of turbulence, and naturally goes on a bloody killing spree.

"Monster on a Plane" is a German production, but entirely shot in English, and the language skills and accents of the entire ensemble cast are hilariously atrocious. Although gory, the digital effects are lousy and the complete opposite of disturbing. Luckily, the film doesn't take itself too seriously. The performances, the inside jokes (like casting a pilot who's a dead ringer for Peter Graves in "Airplane!"), the evolution of the critter into a giant kind of Venus Flytrap, ... it's all very tongue in cheek.

Five Minutes to Live (1961)

She has five minutes to live, while he has seventy-five minutes to chatter, sing and play the guitar!

[5/10 · 19 April 2024]

It's typically Johnny Cash that he, still at the start of a promising and successful career, nevertheless stars as a loathsome and merciless villain in this low-budgeted thriller. That's just who he was: a rebel, and a stubborn and quirky one to boot! How many country singers at the verge of their breakthrough do you know who would depict a mean thug who shoots his mistress in cold blood, assaults a petrified housewife, or uses a small child as living shield?

"Five Minutes to Live" is not a very good film, but it's a worthwhile and remarkable thriller for several reasons. Johnny Cash, obviously, even though his acting skills are mediocre at best and the title song isn't exactly an earworm classic. More noteworthy is the fact this is a still relatively early example of a home-invasion thriller; - and a rather brutal one. Possibly inspired by "The Desperate Hours", starring Humphrey Bogart, "Five Minutes to Live" stars Cash as trigger-happy crook Cabot who holds a housewife hostage while his partner sits at the bank where her husband works and demands $70,000. The partner doesn't use a gun or violence but threatens that Cabot will execute his wife if he doesn't pay up. Complications arise when the husband was apparently planning to run off with his mistress, and the phoneline is constantly occupied by callers from the local Ladies' Club.

The concept is original and ensures there are a handful of suspenseful moments. Still, even at barely 80 minutes of running time, "Five Minutes to Live" feels overlong and too many extended parts exist solely of Johnny Cash chatting with the woman or singing the title song (though only the first two-three sentences) while jamming on his guitar. The acting, as said, is poor. It must be quite embarrassing for the ensemble cast when the best performance comes from 7-year-old Ron "Ronnie" Howard!

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

T-Rex Double T-Rouble

[4/10 · 19 April 2024]

Confession time! Never-ever have I watched "The Lost World: Jurassic Park" before. Sounds difficult to believe, but I was so overwhelmed and deeply impressed by the original "Jurassic Park" when I first saw it at age 12 in the cinema, that - back in 1993 already - I decided that nothing could ever surpass the experience. I never watched parts 2 and 3 but started again with the "Jurassic World" movies as per 2015. Since the most recent one - "Dominion" - was so terribly awful, I figured I might as well watch the older sequels too.

The good news is that "The Lost World" isn't as awful as "Dominion", for sure. The bad news: it's bad and undoubtedly the worst piece of work that Spielberg has ever put to the table (yes, including "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull").

Let it be clear, though, the special effects and dinosaur creatures obviously still look amazing. If you were crazy about the T-Rex from the original (and who wasn't?), there are now two T-Rexes plus a little one! While we're mentioning the strong points, there also are a few nail-bitingly suspenseful and incredibly spectacular sequences, like when Julianne Moore falls - seemingly painful - on the windshield of a camper, which subsequently starts cracking while hanging hundred meters above a stormy and rocky ocean.

The problem simply is the script that contains too many utterly implausible and exaggeratedly ridiculous twists and turns. A 12-year-old girl joining a supposedly well-planned and hi-tech excursion as a surprise-stowaway? I don't buy it. Battling a vicious Raptor using gymnastic tricks? Are you serious, Steven? Preferring the jaws of Tyrannosaur of the ticklish feeling of a snake in your shirt? Get out of here! Finally, can someone please explain how the T-Rex locked itself back in the below cage after devouring everybody aboard the vessel?!? Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Malcolm character was so cool in 1993, but he's dreadfully annoying here, and it seriously isn't normal that I liked the arrogant hunters (Postlethwaite and Stormare) the most. By the time our T-Rex goes on an old-fashioned and "Godzilla"-like rampage in San Diego, I had long given up on "The Lost World" and melancholically drifted off thinking how great and effective simple the original "Jurassic World" was.

The Enforcer (1976)

Dirty-Harrying by the Numbers

[4/10 · 19 April 2024]

"The Dead Pool" (fifth and final entry) is generally considered as the worst in the "Dirty Harry" franchise, but personally I think "The Enforcer" (which is number three) is just as weak or perhaps even weaker. I can think of a few reasons to clarify why this is a major step down from the previous two. The original "Dirty Harry" was a landmark of raw and violent 70s cinema, but also a hugely controversial film at the time of its release. Its authenticity and shock-impact simply cannot be equaled and, moreover, the sequels had to milden the criticism towards the police system and depict protagonist slightly less as a derailed and semi-psychopathic law enforcer. "Magnum Force" is already a lot softer, and "The Enforcer" even more so. Also, by 1976, there was an overload of brutal & unorthodox cop action movies and thrillers; - ironically spawned by the success of "Dirty Harry" five years earlier.

But, most importantly, "The Enforcer" mainly suffers from the weak and uninspired direction by James Fargo. It's perfectly acceptable that Fargo doesn't have the same directing capacities and talents as Don Siegel or Clint Eastwood himself, but he approaches "The Enforcer" too much as a tribute to the previous directors and seemingly doesn't dare to put his own stamp on the film. Too many sequences look and feel as recycled moments from "Dirty Harry" and "Magnum Force".

Just when you think peace and quiet has returned in San Francisco, Dt. Callahan is up against a dangerously deranged band of ex-combat veterans that have stolen half a warehouse of explosives and threaten to blow up the city. Harry has also been sanctioned again, due to his rather robust handling of a liquor store robbery, and to infuriate him even more he gets assigned a new female partner because the media-attention loving mayor wants more diversity on the streets.

The best things I can write about "The Enforcer" is that it contains a handful of explicitly and juicily violent executions and gunfights (but, again, many 70s flicks did) and that Clint Eastwood is as cool as ever. Tyne Daly's performance as his partner is quite good as well, but the role is clichéd, and she must sacrifice herself to proof she's a tough cop. "Sudden Impact" is the only one left in the series I have yet to see, and I hope it'll be better with Clint himself at the steering wheel.

The Deep Dark (2023)

Deep in the underground is where genuine horror lives...

[7/10 · 19 April 2024]

First, maybe a little word on the original French title "Gueules Noires", which is very different from the international title "The Deep Dark" and can roughly be translated as "Black Snouts". It refers to how the hard and devastating work in the mining industry makes every person equal. Regardless of what race you are, or what skin color you have, working underground in the mines makes everyone's face black with dirt.

"The Deep Dark" is a prime example of the type of horror in which the French are specialized. Raw, sinister, unpleasant, and relentless terror with exclusively unsympathetic characters and without the slightest bit of comic relief. Pure and genuine horror, in other words, and I - for one - love it (despite several flaws).

In the 1850s, in Northern France, 27 miners tragically die when the shafts collapse shortly after they made an archeologically groundbreaking but deeply disturbing discovery. 100 years later, in the same mine, a versatile group of miners is forced to accompany an arrogant anthropologist down the shafts, because he's convinced the deep underground layers hide evidence of a previously undiscovered civilization. They find a new civilization, all right, but its deity turns out to be a terrifying and invincible monster.

The script of "The Deep Dark" certainly isn't without holes or massively implausible plot elements, but you simply got to love the grim atmosphere and claustrophobic tension that writer/director Mathieu Turi creates. And the monster, of course! I have seen thousands of horror movies, and I guarantee the monster of this film is one of coolest and most jaw-droppingly astounding ones of the last two or three decades. The creature is also as violent and bloodthirsty as it looks, which results in a handful of excessively gruesome deaths and make-up effects that are not meant for squeamish viewers. Highly recommended to true horror junkies.

The Soul Eater (2024)

Intense and compelling French folklore/mystery

[7/10 · 19 April 2024]

Rarely before in the history of horror cinema, one director (or a directors duo in this case) made such an impressive debut than Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury with "À L'intérieur" (aka "Inside"). That film is - hands down - one of the most forceful, shocking, astounding, and nightmarish horror flicks ever made. It is also why I have been and will continue following these directors in whatever they do, even though thus far they were never able to repeat the brilliance of their debut. "Aux Yeux des Vivants" (aka "Among the Living") is another authentically raw and disturbing effort, and their Hollywood ventures "Leatherface" and "The Deep House" are more than adequate, but the true genius of "À L'intérieur" has yet to be equaled.

"Le Mangeur d'Âmes" (aka "The Soul Eater") certainly isn't a masterpiece, neither, but nevertheless another professionally made, compelling, suspenseful, and frequently unsettling thriller worth seeking out. The main difference between this movie and Bustillo & Maury's previous films (except "Leatherface") is that they are not working from a screenplay they wrote themselves, but from a novel adaptation. It's also more of a murder mystery and thriller instead of a genuine shock-horror film, but rest assured there still a handful of nauseating moments to enjoy.

When the gruesome death of a married couple in a remote little French mountain town seems somehow connected to a series of unsolved children's disappearance cases, two different police superiors are sent in to investigate. The embittered Elizabeth Guardiano must try and understand the couple's bizarre death, while gendarme Franck de Roland is obsessively searching for answers regarding the missing children. In the creepy town, where nobody really wants to cooperate and where more strange things have happened lately, there exists an old folklore tale about a horned creature that feeds on children's souls. But, surely, two mature police officers can't believe local legends, right?

"The Soul Eater" is not highly original, but the story contains a couple of unforeseen twists (one of which funnily reminded me of the recent "Cocaine Bear") and there are many vile supportive characters to keep the suspense at a high level. Bustillo & Maury once again prove themselves masters in using the ominous French landscapes and old buildings to keep you fascinated, and the excellent cast (particularly the amazing Virginie Ledoyen) give away dedicated performances. I can understand why some people refer to "The Soul Eater" as a standard and forgettable type of thriller, but I think there are plenty of reasons to enjoy it.

Your Monster (2024)

Rom-Monster-Com

[4/10 · 17 April 2024]

Being an open-minded and tolerant movie fan, or at least trying to be, I believe that good combos and crossbreeding of all genres are possible. Often very difficult, but possible. Mixing a romantic comedy with a monster horror movie? It's not very likely, but sure, why not. What about a mix of rom-com and monster horror, with musical aspirations thrown in? Err, I suppose...

Nope, I must be honest, I didn't like "Your Monster" at all. I thought it was dull, silly, derivative, predictable, not funny, and not nearly featuring enough horror. Then again, it might just not be my thing and I'm not the target audience. At the Brussels' International Film Festival, where the film had its world premiere, it seemed as if there were many people who enjoyed it.

You'd think the film is similar to "Beauty and the Beast", but it's actually much more reminiscent to - believe it or not - "Fight Club". Of course, by mentioning that title I'm already revealing the big twist, but it's really quite obvious throughout the entire movie (but still the reason why I'm adding a spoiler alert).

In a Violent Nature (2024)

Chris Nash, DO NOT EVER direct again. Please!

[2/10 · 16 April 2024]

If you're a horror fanatic, and your hobby is attending world premieres at bizarre and eccentric genre festivals, you regularly encounter misfires or even downright bad movies. It's inevitable. The trick is to be mild and open-minded, and to look for a few inventive ideas and brief highlights in each film. That usually works when you're an overall tolerant person, ... except in the case of "In A Violent Nature". This film is just irredeemably and infuriatingly awful.

Apparently, writer/director Chris Nash had the brilliant (on paper, perhaps) idea to make a raw back-to-basics 'killer in the woods' slasher movie, but - and here it comes - from the perspective of the heavily disfigured, intellectually underdeveloped, and undead killer. Now, I know what you're thinking. "That actually sounds quite cool". Well, no. Be mindful the gimmick means you're basically just watching how a freak endlessly walks through the woods, makes circles around the cabin, and gazes at teens around the campfire. And I do mean endlessly! 75-80% of the running time is not an exaggeration. The remaining 20% is even duller, though. Old ladies nagging about bears, dumb kids remaining at the massacre site instead of running as far away as possible, and idiotic Rangers staring at the temporarily beaten body of the psycho instead of shooting it full of bullets or hacking it up to pieces.

The only reason why I give one extra point is because there are a handful of creative and excessively gore massacres. Notably the industrial lumberjack-device kill and the sequence in which a poor girl's head is pulled through her own stomach via a meat hook (don't ask...) are impressive. The supreme make-up effects shouldn't come as a surprise since Chris Nash previously worked as effect wizard for films like "Psycho Goreman" and "The Void". He should continue this line of work, and never ever attempt to write or direct another movie himself.

Abigail (2024)

Don't come closer, tiny dancer!

[6/10 · 13 April 2024]

The Radio Silence collective, and directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett in particular, don't take a lot of time off. After releasing two "Scream" sequels in as many years, they're back again with an original tale, similar to (and practically as good as) their previous hit "Ready or Not". "Abigail" isn't a masterpiece of cinema, nor is it the most innovative or best vampire movie in history, but it's massively entertaining to watch; - especially together with an outrageous crowd of horror fanatics (like I did at the Brussels International Film Festival).

"Abigail" starts off with a clichéd premise. A group of criminals that don't know each other, and each with their own area of expertise, are brought together for a special assignment. They must kidnap the ballet-dancing daughter of a wealthy person and babysit her for 24 hours until daddy pays the ransom. The kidnapping went easy, and the babysitting is supposedly the easiest part because - honestly - what could a 12-year-old girl in a cute tutu do against six heavily armed and professional criminals, right?

After the derivative but mandatory first half hour (criminals showing off, traumatic background stories, pinky swears, ...) "Abigail" turns into a fast-paced and gore-soaked horror crowd pleaser with funny one-liners and superior make-up effects. The vampires don't look like traditional counts in cloaks, but more like demons with filthy teeth and blood red eyes. There are good performances from familiar faces (Kevin Durand, Dan Stevens, Kathryn Newton) and particularly the young Alisha Weir is impressive as the titular monster in her uncanny ballet dress. Good splatter fun, nothing more but certainly nothing less.

Close Your Eyes (2002)

When I snap my fingers, you may enjoy your next cigarette...

[3/10 · 11 April 2024]

"Close Your Eyes", "Doctor Sleep" and "Hypnotic". How is it possible that a thriller has three different a.k.a. Titles, and all three of them are boring?! And how can you set high expectations for a supposedly compelling serial-killer flick if all three titles (and the DVD-cover, and the cast list).

"Hypnotic" - I'll go with the title on the DVD that I borrowed from a friend - is one of the most uninteresting and slowest moving thrillers I had the displeasure of viewing. The uncharismatic Goran Visnjic stars as an uncertified hypnotist specialized in helping people to quit smoking. When he "sees" the image of a drowning girl in the thoughts of a female police officer, she promptly recruits him to work on an unresolvable case. Her supervisors think it's a terrible idea, and they are right, but allow her to continue nevertheless. The hypnotist becomes obsessed with the case, satanists are involved, and blah blah.

Dull beyond words, overlong, completely devoid of thrills and/or gore, and every single cast member looks & behaves as if they didn't want to be part of this project. Admittedly, I was already half asleep by the third act, but from the looks of it, the climax was preposterous (shapeshifting, evil reincarnated, etc.). The plot of this film is even dumber than the idea of quitting to smoke via hypnosis therapy.

Last Straw (2023)

Today's specials: idiocy and randomness!

[3/10 · 11 April 2024]

"Last Straw" premiered at the Brussels' International Fantastic Film Festival, at the main screen at around 10PM, and that used to mean something. Not even too many years ago, only quality horror films/thrillers with the potential to become cult classics played here. "Last Straw" offers everything but quality. The host at the BIFFF already warned the audience, though. He said: it'll be fun, it'll be gore, but you will have forgotten about it 15 minutes after you walk out of the theater. Well, I think he was far too gentle. It wasn't fun, it really wasn't that gore, and I want to forget about it as soon as possible.

The script has three insurmountable defaults: unoriginal, idiotic, and totally random. The plot revolves around a young and troubled waitress who must survive the night in a sloppy roadside diner while besieged from the outside by evil perpetrators with uncanny masks. How special; - I can at least think of half a dozen movies with the exact same premise. Secondly, and even more irritating, ALL characters are incredibly dumb and do the utmost random and illogical things. It's quite a challenge to point out who's the most loathsome and implausible character. The burger-flipper who transforms into a stone-cold killer, the kitchen help who doesn't realize that it's totally normal that his fingerprints are all over the place, the police officer who deliberately brings a person in danger by taking her outside for no apparent reason, or the lead girl herself who doesn't do anything right.

When Michael Calls (1972 TV Movie)

I just call ... to say ... I haunt you!

[5/10 · 10 April 2024]

Early 70s TV-thriller stars a young (or younger, at least) Michael Douglas, but he's not the titular Michael who makes sinister prank calls. Douglas stars as Craig, the brother of Michael who - suddenly and out of the blue - calls up his auntie Helen in panic to say that he's lost and can't find his way home. That doesn't sound too abnormal, except for the little fact that Michael is presumed dead for 15 years already! Michael ran off after his mother was put in a mental institute (where she quickly committed suicide) and custody of her two sons was given to auntie Helen. He got lost in a blizzard and never returned, but now Michael apparently found a phone in the afterlife. The already fragile Helen is terrified, obviously, but luckily her ex-husband Doremus (what kind of name is that?) and Craig approach the mystery rather rationally and investigate further.

Solid, captivating premise based on a novel by John Farris ("The Fury", "Dear Dead Delilah") and perfectly fit for a TV-thriller, and this in spite of the reasonably predictable outcome, the overuse of clichés, and the lack of genuine surprises. The first half hour is strong and contains two noteworthy death sequences, one involving bees and another - quite shocking - one during a school play.

I will always watch whatever early 70s made-for-television thriller that I can. They usually depart from intriguing and original ideas, and somehow always maintain a bleak and sinister atmosphere throughout. Moreover, they're always short and often available for free on YouTube! Apart from Michael Douglas, "When Michael Calls" also stars Ben Gazzara, whom I personally consider a strong and undeservedly underrated actor.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)

Even Nostalgia has an expiration date...

[5/10 · 9 April 2024]

You didn't have to summon the ghost of Nostradamus to be able and predict that the successful "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" would quickly lead to another sequel, and maybe even a completely new series. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed that 2021 comeback film, but it was basically everything that Hollywood loves the most: big financial profit through minimal creative effort. Everybody wanted to see the new generation of ghostbusters team up with the original members. Everybody loves nostalgia; - including me.

But the second "legacy sequel" - apparently that's what they call this type of films - already painfully makes clear that even nostalgia has an expiration date. "Frozen Empire" simply isn't very good. The plot blindly follows the structure of all the previous films, and popular gimmicks/fixed values are dragged in purely for nostalgia, but they aren't adding any value (like the Slimer-creature, the little marshmallow-men, and even Bill Murray himself).

Like in the old days, Ghostbusters proves that people - and inhabitants of New York in particular - are ungrateful hypocrites suffering from continuous memory loss. Despite having saved the city three times already, the Ghostbusters are only blamed for reckless behavior and receive lawsuits for destroying half of the city whenever they go out to bust a ghost or creature. The familiar looking mayor even wants to shut them down permanently. Meanwhile, a new and almighty evil creature manifests itself through an ancient artifact and patiently awaits the right time to turn NY into the titular frozen empire. Its name is Garraka, and this malignant ice deity is by far the biggest reason to seek out the new "Ghostbusters" movie, as it's imposing and genuinely uncanny.

It certainly isn't a punishment to watch this new entry in the 40-year-old franchise. Paul Rudd is always fun to watch, the sub plot about two melancholic teen girls - one alive and one dead - is endearing, Kumail Nanjiani has a few funny lines, and it was nice to see Dan Aykroyd in a significant role again. In the end and rationally analyzed, though, it's an unmemorable Sci-Fi/action flick of which you realize you wouldn't bother to go to the cinema for if it hadn't the "Ghostbusters" label on it.

The Boy from Hell (1988)

Demonic Dad kills your bullies!

[5/10 · 7 April 2024]

Oddball and hyper-obscure late-80s horror flick that is perhaps not highly memorable, but at least very entertaining while it lasts. The story doesn't make much sense, but it's strangely compelling and keeps you curious. A satanist father pursues his son Daniel into an institute for troubled teenagers - where his mother hid him - and takes possession of his body. Being demonically possessed has advantages, though, as you can joyfully set bullies on fire or throw them into a woodchipper just by using telekinetic powers! There isn't much suspense, but the gore and the make-up effects are surprisingly decent, and there are reasonably good acting performances from teenage beauty Alexandra Kennedy and Linda Hamilton look-alike Twink Kaplan. I probably won't remember anything about "The Boy from Hell" in six months from now, but I wasn't bored or annoyed at any moment.

Jurassic Park (1993)

30+ years later, still breathtaking...

[9/10 · 7 April 2024]

There's nothing - absolutely nothing - that I can write down in a review for "Jurassic Park" that hasn't been said or printed thousands of times before. Spielberg's (and Crichton's) landmark is three decades old already, but still one of the most influential and inspirational movie-adventures ever made. This wonderful website alone holds nearly 1.500 praising reviews, it launched an incredibly popular franchise and countless of rip-offs, and since 1993 every kid in the world plays with dinosaur toys thanks to this film. "Jurassic Park" remains fantastic Sci-Fi/action entertainment, even after the 20th viewing.

Oh wait, maybe there is something useful I can add! About the timelessness of "Jurassic Park". Yours truly is one of those annoying film-freaks who imposes his childhood favorites onto his own children, and I deeply desire that my offspring loves my favorites as much as I do. But with practically every film that I show to my children (aged 8 and 14), I always get the same comments: "Dad, this movie is so old". "Those special effects look so fake". "This is boring". Well, there was none of that during "Jurassic Park". More than 30 years after the special effects and dino-designs astounded 12-year-old me at the cinema, they still astound my demanding kids via the TV-screen. "Jurassic Park" is a classic that defies several generations, and there certainly aren't movies that can do that.

Knock Knock (I) (2015)

All men are easy & weak. Point taken.

[5/10 · 7 April 2024]

My guess is that 95-98% of all heterosexual men, happily married or not, will do the exact same thing as Keanu Reeves' character in "Knock Knock". Heck, I even think it took a long time before he gave in. I would, if I'm honest, be a defenseless prey as well. You just don't say no when two girls with the looks of Ana de Armas and Lorena Izzo are standing naked in your bathroom, soaped up and promising it'll remain "our little secret".

So then, what is the point "Knock Knock" is trying to make? That all men are easy and weak preys? Okay, point taken. Or perhaps the point is that you can't keep unfaithfulness secret? Or maybe there isn't a point to make, and Eli Roth simply wanted to show how hot and sexy his wife Lorena Izzo is.

"Knock Knock" is a remake of the obscure but original & entertaining "Death Game" from 1977, starring Colleen Camp and Seymour Cassel. Evan Webber (Keanu Reeves) is home alone on Father's Day, as his artist wife and two kids are spending the weekend at the beach. Evan obviously loves his family because the house is full of adorable photos of the four of them. Seriously, I have never seen so many family photos in one house. It's almost sickening. Evan also really tries hard to resist when two stranded (and insanely beautiful) girls show up at his doorstep and literally throw themselves at his feet, but his resistance eventually breaks, and Evan experiences a hot threesome in his bath -and bedroom! Was it all worth it? Of course not! The next morning, Bell and Genesis refuse to leave, turn into stalkers, and their behavior gets more psychotic with each hour that passes, until they even set up a fake trial against poor tied up Evan.

If it was Eli Roth's intention to make a nail-bitingly tense and disturbing home-invasion thriller, I'm sorry to say that he failed. "Knock Knock" never becomes suspenseful, probably due to the mediocre acting performances and the implausible plot. Especially compared to similarly themed films (like "Funny Games" or "The Strangers"), it's a rather weak and forgettable effort with only two highlights: sex in the shower - duh! - and Pixies on the soundtrack.

The Suckers (1972)

The proof of the pudding is in the ... title!

[3/10 · 5 April 2024]

The makers of this drive-in exploitation disaster probably want us to refer to their film as another version of the almighty cult/thriller monument "The Most Dangerous Game". No way, though, as it's truly way too much honor to mention the name of that immortal classic in the same paragraph as this dud. "The Suckers" is nothing more than a dull and monotonous sex film; - absolutely nothing. A typically early 70s sex flick, I may add, because the women are incredibly beautiful and perfectly curved whereas the males are filthy pigs with beer bellies and hairy backs.

Three hot models, their agent, and a notorious big game hunter are lured to the estate of a sleazy millionaire named Vandermeer, supposedly for a totally new and innovative kind of hunting party. The first 55 minutes purely exist of overlong and dreadfully unexciting softcore sex sequences, and during the final 20 minutes there's a little bit of action and a disgusting rape sequence. Trust your instinct and the warning in the title on this one: it genuinely sucks.

Busting (1974)

Underrated but terrific 70s buddy-cop thriller

[7/10 · 5 April 2024]

In the early 70s, and more particularly in the years after the tremendous success of Clint Eastwood's action-landmark "Dirty Harry", there were several movies about tough and robust cops disobeying their superiors and using harshly unorthodox methods to bring down criminals that were always abusing the weak justice system. Although none of these movies are as iconic as Don Siegel's "Dirty Harry" or William Friedkin's "The French Connection", quite a few of them are intriguing and unjustly forgotten, like "Badge 383", "Fuzz", or "Busting".

This was one of the first efforts of the multi-talented but shamefully underrated writer/director Peter Hyams. Hyams is at his best when he's working from his own screenplays. "Capricorn One" and "Outland" are his best, but "Busting" as well is a really clever, genuinely funny, and terrifically made R-rated buddy cop/exploitation thriller. The chemistry between lead actors Elliot Gould and Robert Blake is splendid, depicting two LA vice squad officers. Their modus operandi is always the same. Keneely (Gould) provokes, which always works smoothly since he also genuinely looks like a sleaze bag with his big moustache and messy hair, and then Farrell (Blake) joins for the arrest. They intend to bring down the prostitution & sex clubs imperium of local mobster Rizzo, but Rizzo is powerful and has influential friends in high places.

The tone of "Busting" is delightfully cynical throughout, and many sequences and dialogues are laugh-out-loud funny. There's also a good portion of graphic and relentless cruel violence, like a confrontation in a supermarket and a brutal retaliation by Rizzo's henchmen against our two detectives. Blake and (especially) Gould own the film, but there are also excellent supportive roles for Michael Lerner, Allen Garfield, cult-icon Sid Haig, and the unearthly beautiful Cornelia Sharpe.