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colinhawksby
Reviews
Pacific Rim (2013)
soulless and predictable
Cliché after cliché, followed by more cliché.
The script is terrible. Contrived and predictable it seems to deliberately as cheesy as possible. There is no characterisation, no real drama or plot, just the usual Hollywood sturm und drang.
The actors do their best with what they're given but they can't work miracles. Burn Gorman is a typically clichéd British character, and the only weak link in the cast.
There are numerous plot holes but some really distract from the story. Why don't the Jaeger's use their weapons more? how do the escape pods emerge unscathed from the breach? Did anyone not know which characters were going to die? and the governments of the world were pinning their hopes on a wall?!?!?!?!
The beginning of the movie irked me. Why were we thrown into the movie several years after the first attack?
Not very good..might be worth a rental
Elysium (2013)
they should have called it tedium
Had great expectations for this as I enjoyed the director's previous film District 9. Unfortunately this film fell far short of what I was hoping for. The problem is that its all been done before, usually better. The exoskeletons, the social observations, the action scenes. There is a disappointing sense of deja vu.
Damon is competent in his role but lacks the intensity and charisma to make any real impression. Sharlto Copley acts him off the screen.
Many commented on the left wing message of the film. As I'm politically left wing that aspect didn't bother me.
For those who are impressed with CGI the spacecraft and weapons are beautifully designed. This was hardly sufficient for me to be satisfied
The Bourne Legacy (2012)
far better than the reviews would suggest
I was shocked to see some negative comments here about Bourne Legacy after being fond of the first three. Many of them were basically..different character therefore the film is no good. I find this attitude confusing. Obviously there were others agents or assets in the CIA and their stories might echo or entwine or be influenced by Jason Bourne's.
Having got this out of the way The Bourne Legacy was rather enjoyable.
Jeremy Rener is a good replacement for Matt Damon and he does the required heroics ,stunts and romancing in fine style.
Tony Gilroy once again writes and makes a good directing debut. The motorcycle chase in Manila is unforgettable.
Zombie Women of Satan (2009)
pathetic
This is an attempt to make Viz style humour..outrageous, dealing with taboo subjects, pushing the boundaries of good taste, overdosing on profanity. While it does all those things, it fails to remember to be funny, scary or interesting. There are no jokes to speak of and no plot. These things wouldn't matter if it had decent actors but it doesn't. No-one involved in this has ever done anything mainstream and probably never will. Even at the most base level of possible appeal ie as an attempt to titillate it fails because while there is a good deal of nudity it is all of unattractive people. Avoid this as if your life depends on it.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
pointless tattoo remake drags on and on
This was the movie that has been shoved in our faces as the next big thing for all this time?? I am always a little suspicious when something has to be sold so hard as a work of genius and in this case my suspicions were well founded.
It cannot be denied that the leading lady gives a very fine performance but its wasted in this movie.
There were times when I was appalled and repulsed, which I'm sure was the writers intent but it was pointless as I was never *involved*.I didn't care what happened next. There were times when I just wanted the movie to stop.
At the end I just felt that I'd wasted my time watching this. Apparently the film's box office means that the sequels might not be made. Good. Let's hope it frees RM to do something more worthy of her talents than this rubbish.
The Adventures of Tintin (2011)
not sure what all the fuss was about
Saw this while spending Christmas stateside with my in-laws.
I was asked if Tintin was really big in England. I said no. Most of the fasmily seem to think Britain loves Tintin so I guess this was some marketing ploy for the US. To be honest in the UK my family never goes to the movies for Christmas but when in Rome.
Anyhoo I had read some euphoric reviews on here so my expectations were quite high. All I can say is that the reviews were either by fanboys or studio plants because I found Tintin to be a dry experience.
Surprisingly given the names involved the cinema was less than a third full. There wasn't much reaction except to one striking scene. Obviously I'm far too old for Tintin but I got the impression that some younger viewers- not from my party- were not into it.
Oh well, even if the flick was weak a Xmas visit to the pictures made a welcome change of pace.
The Expendables (2010)
i've seen better film on teeth
I knew when watching the trailer that this movie would be bad but nothing prepared me for how bad it would be.
There are a lot of fake reviews on here that go on about funny one-liners ( the reviews never supply any examples because there are none ) and wall- to-wall action. The action doesn't even start for over half an hour and when it does its sporadic and mediocre.
There is no plot and as for characterization ???? to give you an example Dolph Lundgren's character is a goodie, gets fired and turns traitor, is shot through the chest by Stallone after trying to kill him and beating up Jet Li (yeah right) then at the end he's in the bar again as a goodie.
"what's it like to come back from the dead?" mumbles Stallone. Lundgren's reply is inaudible and incomprehensible but I get the feeling I'm not missing much.
No-one in the whole sorry effort makes any attempt to act, there is no reason for Charisma Carpenter to be in the movie and the General's daughter- another man who is incapable of speaking clearly- is badly written and acted.
The only impressive moment comes from Gary Daniels. Stallone looks ancient despite the facelift,toupee and dyed beard. Lundgren looks worn out. Don't believe the hype. Thank God I downloaded it.
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
hated it
man this movie wears out its welcome really quickly.Its the kind of thing that might be funny as a sketch on TV but a full length feature film? no way.
Brand is far too irritating when he's more than a cameo and the rest of the cast are all doing stuff they've done before. Brand is doing his usual bit as well but i'm not familiar with his routine so its not too bad at first. I'd realised he was a one trick pony long before the film ended.
Ah the end!!!!!!!!!!!to go outside, feel the warm sun on my face, breathe fresh air and forget about this horrible load of old tripe. I enjoyed the end best of all!!
Colour from the Dark (2008)
not much cop
I'll be totally honest: I gave up on this movie after a quarter of an hour. It was badly made and acted but I switched off seconds after one of the main characters made a comment so unbelievably stupid that I couldn't care about them.
The comment was this( spoilers) The characters are poor farmers in Italy and they discover a supernatural force in their well.While the male lead and some girl watch the well water explodes, turns black and gives off noxious fumes. So what does the father do? he lowers a bucket in, drinks from it and pronounces it " pure and fresh".He then tells his family to continue to drink it, cook with it and bathe in it.
I know you have to suspend disbelief with characters and plots in low budget movies but there is a limit. Why should I be expected to care about people who behave so stupidly..in ways that no real person ever would.
I stopped watching then and I'd advise you not to bother
Doomed (2007)
better than I expected
when you get the chance to buy a DVD for £1 in your local supermarket you take a risk that it's pretty poor. Doomed was better than I expected..it avoided all the usual clichés.. timid blonde wins,army guy saves them all etc... Its certainly not a work of art and I don't think the makers ever expected it to be. I certainly didn't expect it to be. It is however fast paced and with nice in-jokes for gamers and genre movie lovers.
At least it has a comprehensible story that held my interest and was technically competent unlike most of these "footage only horrors" such as Cloverfield, Rec and the Zombie Diaries
Redneck Zombies (1989)
bad
This movie is the cheapest biggest worst pile of rubbish that I've ever seen.The worst zombie movie ever...and thats saying something. It has nothing to recommend it.Not the actors, the script ( what script?) the effects....nothing.Nada. Nowt.
I need more lines so I'm off to find a dictionary to find more words for garbage.Trash.Excrement.Rubbish.
Do not waste time on this unless you're desperate...and even then think twice. its bad avoid....it is rubbish stay away...do not watch this suckfest.. I wish I had never seen it and you will too if you don't take my advice and watch it.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
much worse than the first one
I liked the first Aliens Versus Predator movie. It was well shot, well designed and well acted.There were some great oneliners.
This sequel is soooo predictable. Its not a whodunnit its a whogetsit.Except that you know who'll die, where when and how.
Acting is not good but the whole thing is so darkly lit that I couldn't follow what was happening.What is the point of spending millions on special effects of two famous monsters if you can't see them.AS for humour, well I did laugh during the film but I'm not sure I was meant to.
if they had followed the guidelines of the first one they might have had something but this just kills 2 great movie series with one poor flick.
Ten Dead Men (2008)
cheap but fun
Ten Dead Men is one of 2 low budget films I watched recently.The other was Jack Says.The 2 have quite a bit in common- they start with someone being tortured by gangsters, girlfriend is murdered,revenge etc.
Whereas Jack Says tries to be cleverer, 10DM just charges in like a Bull in a China Shop and uses the plot as an excuse to shoehorn some brutal fight scenes into the story.
Brendan Carr is the lead..playing a proper psycho he is believable and ( unlike Jack in Jack Says) quite intimidating.All the heavies in this film seem more than capable of damaging someone.
We only see his girlfriend briefly but she seems very sweet..just the type to take him out of his criminal life.
Production values are rubbish..at times this looks like it was filmed on a mobile phone.There is little dialogue and the story is driven forward by a narrator..Pinhead from Hellraiser.( He must need the money badly). He is the wrong choice to play the voice over of the lead character....he is far too posh.
This is not a great film by any means but it is the sort of thing you might enjoy with a few beers
Jack Says (2008)
could have been good
I'm not sure what it is with indie film-makers that they all want to make films about cockney wannabe gangsters.In the last few days I've watched Ten Dead Men and this. Ten Dead Men was a martial arts movie that looked as though it was filmed on a mobile phone but contained some amazing action scenes.
Jack Says has more of a brain. Based on a comic (?)it begins, like 10 Dead Men, with the scene of someone being tied up and tortured by thugs. Apparently all low budget films have to have this.
The set up is interesting..Jack wakes up surrounded by dead bodies with no memory.OK so its Jason Bourne but a good idea is worth stealing.. the problem is that eventually you have to stop leaving clues and solve things.This is where most films fail and JS is no different.Too many coincidences, quirky bits that seem out of place.
The photography looks good, the costumes, music and locations are good which makes the film look more expensive than it probably is.
The film would have earned more than 3/10 if it had better actors.The idea of Jack as a fearsome force in the underworld, or an undercover cop is ridiculous.He is short and pudgy. I'm sure there are lots of short plump hard men but the guy playing Jack doersn't work at all. When he keeps his shirt on in the love scene to hide his spare tyre you know something is wrong.He is dull and seems to be reciting his scenes rather than acting them.
The girl who plays Jack's girlfriend is pretty.She is a better actor than Jack but still not quite good enough. The french singer is plain and can't sing. MIke Reid as a hardman???? Could have been a good film but needs better actors
TimeSplitters 2 (2002)
unbelievably good
this is the best of the timesplitter games..better than the impressive first and far better - in my opinion- than the lame third game.
The solo adventure is a lot of fun with some nice touches of humour.
The multiplayer is totally addictive with fast and frenetic gameplay, great visuals and wacky characters.
The fact that you can design your own levels is awesome but to be honest the multiplayer levels supplied with the game were so good I didn't have much need to design my own.
I thoroughly recommended this game...I've had my copym for ages and still play it regularly
Wacky Races (2000)
silly but hugely enjoyable game
I really enjoy this game. Its silly but tremendously playable and I laughed out loud several times when playing it.
There is a lot of childhood memory and the characters are very similar to the ones in the old TV series.
Love it!
Love it!
Love it!
just the thing to take out my frustrations on a Sunday morning
graphics are OK but its the sound that makes me chuckle voices are exact sound effects are hilarious