Krog__ Reviews

Joker (I) (2019)

Meh

[3/10 · 5 October 2019]

• Knock, knock.
• Who's there?
• A collection of moments from better films shoved together in a half-assed unintelligent, empty, and unnecessarily long waste of time.
• A collection of moments from better films shoved together in a half-assed unintelligent, empty, and unnecessarily long waste of time who?
• Joker.

Aggressively uninteresting and without a point, this movie just steals moments from other, better movies and doesn't handle them nearly as well. The two main influences are Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy, both of which are overrated and yet still much better than this trash.

The worries about violence are overblown, mainly because the movie doesn't even have a real point of view. Does it want to be an exploration of someone with a mental health issue? There's only occasionally surface-level rumblings. Does it want to be a villain origin story? We've already had multiple, better origins for Joker. Does it want to be a superhero take on The King of Comedy? De Niro is barely in the film and not realistic in the slightest as a character. Does it want to be a Psycho-esque story of a crazy boy and his crazy mother? It hits all the wrong notes. Does it want to be about a woman who finds out her boyfriend is insane? The neighbor shows up rarely and without logic - there's no reason to have her in the movie at all. Does it want to be a Breaking Bad sort of story of how one man goes bad and starts murdering? He was never good to begin with; the story is almost pointless. Does it want to be a commentary on modern rich v. poor, conservative v. liberal protests and issues? There's nothing remotely close to any substance there, and any relation to the real world is extremely convoluted and poorly thought out.

Every plot turn is easily seen a mile away but treated like it needs a huge buildup. All of the relationships are hollow and unearned, the characters being mere pawns for plot machinations that aren't even worth the time. Joaquin Phoenix is great in the role, so I guess there's that.

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Great

[10/10 · 13 July 2019]

Quite simply one of the greatest films of all time. I watch it at least once a year. Every viewing makes the movie richer and more interesting.

Midsommar (2019)

Shallow, Empty, Pointless

[3/10 · 13 July 2019]

A shallow and empty exercise that mistakes vagueness for complexity and change for character work. The opening 10-20 minutes of the film is brutal; extremely well made and extremely true to life, but completely unnecessary and somewhat contradictory to the main points of the rest of the movie. Then we move into a slow burn look at a group of friends as they travel to Sweden to visit what they slowly discover is a murderous cult. Slow burns work best when there is mystery present, when the audience has questions they want answered. This movie doesn't have that. The characters are mostly *less* than two dimensional, other than the boyfriend who is an interesting character to watch but awful person. Every one of the main characters acts against what we know about them; this is especially rough in the climax where an important female character makes a decision that doesn't fit what we know about her at all (although the fact that all of the friends stayed after a horrific act occurs early on already destroys any sense of character that exists). There's also a character with a disability put there entirely to be "weird"; way to go, filmmakers - let's use a disability to show how weird these people are.

Shallow, empty, pointless - but apparently well-researched, so I guess that's something to think about during the 2 1/2 hour runtime

Miracle at St. Anna (2008)

Expectations

[3 January 2009]

It seems that most of the negative comments on this board were expecting something different from the film. It is not a typical war movie; the war is the background for the story. There are some moments in the war scenes toward the beginning that could have been done better, and perhaps the Ally "bad guy" could have been less cliché, but other than that, I thought the movie was perfect.

It focuses on the soldiers, the people of the town they get stranded in, and a small boy who has never seen black people before. The movie has great moments of both humor and drama, something I look for in films (if you prefer movies, especially war movies, to be completely serious and devoid of any humor, keep looking). There is also not a whole lot of action, something that is probably a turn-off for many war film fans.

The meat of the film, however, is something that most of the reviewers overlook. The title of the movie is "Miracle at St. Anna". Yet, at St. Anna, hundreds of people were slaughtered. Where is the miracle? Does one life being saved make a miracle? Where is God in all of this?

The film also keeps you guessing as to what is going to happen next. Most war films are at least somewhat obvious in where they are going; this one isn't.

If you're looking for a war film, this isn't for you. If you're looking for a film with a great story, solid characters and more thought put into it than the average movie, this might be what you're looking for.

Hero (2002)

The Usual Suspects meets Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon... yet not nearly as good as either

[5/10 · 21 September 2004]

Excellent visuals. Brilliant cinematography. Superb directing. Wonderful fight scenes.

And yet the movie still sucked. Well, okay, it didn't suck, but it wasn't that good, either. It was... middle-of-the-road. Of course, if you like a movie only for its action and visuals, then you'll probably love Hero. Otherwise you might want to stay away from it.

THE STORY (poss. spoilers; I mean, not really 'cause you can see it coming anyway, but oh well) <----> Centering in flashbacks around a great warrior known as Nameless who comes to the Emperor of China, it tells the tale of Nameless and his exploits with three deadly assassins after the Emperor. If you've seen the Usual Suspects, you know what happens; if you haven't, then you should go see that instead.

I gave it 5/10 because it's not really anything special, but it isn't horrible, either. Just lame.

Anger Management (2003)

Funny, But Not THAT Funny

[6/10 · 22 August 2004]

So the ever-predictable plot (which doesn't matter in a comedy anyway) is about this down-on-his-luck guy who has a run-in with trouble on a plane and has to attend anger management classes with a crazy psycho guy who happens to be stealing his girlfriend from him. Much hilarity ensues. Well, SOME hilarity ensues.

What really makes this movie work is Jack Nicholson. He's a great actor, and this role is just perfect for him. If only the movie were funnier... doesn't matter, I guess. It's still fairly funny. If you wanna' see a non-thinker fluff comedy, I recommend this, if only for "the Jack"'s performance.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

9/11: A Romance

[2/10 · 22 August 2004]

Okay, so just a quick rant here, but imagine if 50, 60, 70 years from now filmmakers make a movie about 9/11; except, instead of it being about 9/11, it's a dumb soppy romance that has nothing to do with 9/11 itself. Wouldn't you be just a little p***ed off? I know I would be. Taking a horrible tragedy and turning it into an insanely stupid movie with a lame romance story would be terrible.

Now imagine that that tragedy actually took place 50, 60, 70 years ago, and that the insanely stupid movie was released today. As a matter of fact, make it be Pearl Harbor. Oh, wait, THEY ALREADY DID THAT. Talk about totally disgracing and disregarding a horrible tragedy. Good job, guys; now let's watch you make fun of disabled people.

Anyway, that's just my little rant. Now back to the movie...

It was sh!t. The romance was stupid, the acting subpar, and the writing was like jamming a screwdriver into your brain through your ears. The only decent thing about it was the special effects, but since many other movies have just as good if not better effects, that's probably not a good reason to see it.

I don't recommend this film at all.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

I Love Lamp

[2/10 · 21 August 2004]

Will Ferrell is a comedic actor who not everyone enjoys. And when I say not everyone, I mean I don't enjoy him either.

That said, I did like the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skits. Doesn't matter. Ron Burgundy is typical Ferrell humor; if you like it, then you'll like this movie--otherwise, steer clear of it.

To me it's like a SNL skit drawn out way too far. Ron is an anchorman who has some problems with the new reporter at the station, a woman. Then some stuff happens, there's some other crap that happens, and generally a whole bunch of lame jokes bombard the theatre-goer.

I only recommend to fans of Ferrell.

America's Sweethearts (2001)

Surprisingly, Not As Bad As You Might Think

[6/10 · 21 August 2004]

Personally, I found this to be fairly funny, quite cool in how it dealt with movies and movie stars, and all in all, well worth the money I paid to see it.

The story is about two movie stars: the guy, played by John Cusack, is desperately in love with the girl, played by Catherine Zeta-Jones. She, however, doesn't want anything to do with him. Then there's the sweet sister of the girl movie star. This is Julia Roberts, and she happens to be in love with John Cusack.

The really fun part of the film, however, is Christopher Walken, who happens to make every role memorable. If you're in the mood for a good rom-com, this would be a choice I'd recommend.

Almost Heroes (1998)

Um... Okay, So It's Cliche, But More Like Almost Bearable

[3/10 · 21 August 2004]

Wow, what a lame movie. Chris Farley does his standard crazy white fat guy routine, and Matthew Perry does fine, but the movie just isn't funny no matter how you look at it.

The story is about two guys who want to beat Lewis and Clark to the west coast, I think. I'm not sure; but in a comedy, the plot doesn't really matter, now does it? There's some problems along the way, resulting in what I think the writer thought were hilarious moments. By the way, in case you hadn't noticed, they weren't. The movie just isn't funny. Seriously.

Go rent something else, like Airplane! or Eurotrip. This was just a waste of a videocassette.

Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie - Pyramid of Light (2004)

Pokemon meets The Mummy meets a rules booklet

[1/10 · 20 August 2004]

For five thousand years, it was not meant to be awakened. For five thousand years, it was not meant to be awakened. For five thousand years...

I must've heard that phrase (or whatever the hell else they said) three times in the first ten minutes. Which is really, really stupid. Okay, so basically the plot is something about the card game, which is all the movie really is about. They spend a whole bunch of time explaining the cards that are played ("I'm playing Deck Virus or whatever! This means that you lose ten cards and it gets really annoying when I keep explaining everything! By the way, your shoe's untied! Ha ha ha! It wasn't! That's the joke, right? I told you your shoe was untied and it wasn't! I'm so witty! Why do I keep doing speed balls?"), which gets VERY daunting. The movie sucked, seriously, although I'm sure Roger Ebert just had a blast.

Anyway, this is probably the worst movie I've ever seen; at the very least, it's the worst I've seen in a while. Right up there with Mystic River and The Dark Avenger. See it if you want to understand the way suicidal people's minds work. Otherwise, go see ANYTHING else.

Unless, of course, you enjoy being bombarded by senseless images and explanations of a card game.

Open Water (2003)

Duh-dun... duh-dun... duh--oh, wait, wrong movie....

[6/10 · 20 August 2004]

Plot: Two scuba divers get left behind from a diving expedition and gradually become more and more frightened as it becomes increasingly likely that they will not be found. Still, they have each other....

For what it is (a movie made with virtually no budget on a prosumer camera and without special effects of any kind), it's pretty good. As a movie separated from that, though, it's lame. Not horrible; just kind of boring. I do like the ending, but the lead-up to it was plain and didn't have enough punch to it.

I saw the movie for the technicals. I wanted to see how a movie made like how this was would turn out. If you're someone looking for a movie that's good as opposed to an independent DV movie, don't go see this. If you want to see this for what it is, wait 'till it comes out on video. Not really worth seeing although it does have some good moments. I gave it 6/10, but I'm also crazy fidgit fidgit.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie....

[7/10 · 20 August 2004]

I have to admit, I'm not the biggest Aliens or Predator fan. The Alien movies were good actioners at best, and the first Predator was the only one of the two worth any merit, even if I was laughing the whole time because it featured governors of California and Minnesota. So I didn't come in expecting a great movie. And I didn't get a great movie. But I got a good movie, a movie that is what it is supposed to be: a good action flick.

The plot is about this group of adventurers who find a pyramid buried under Antarctica, or Alaska, or Alabama... I don't know. Doesn't matter. They go there to find a giant hole in the ground leading to the pyramid, a hole that wasn't there the day before. Down at the pyramid they find that it's an ever-changing--okay, so basically, it's a movie about aliens fighting predators. Some cool fight scenes, but it needed more oomph, and there was too much pointless backstory. I kept waiting for the Pepsi-Cola thing to come into play or SOMETHING to happen with that, but apparently the makers just felt like throwing a whole bunch of money around to make a rather expensive set for a backstory that isn't needed. Grr. Right, because we're supposed to feel for the characters... yeeeeeeah....

Anyway, it needed to get to the aliens fighting the predators part quicker, and it needed more action, but sans those it was still a pretty good movie. If you're in the mood, I recommend it.

50 First Dates (2004)

Well, I Have To Admit, I Saw This On a First Date With a Girl

[6/10 · 20 August 2004]

Okay, that has nothing to do with anything, but I couldn't think of any good titles. Basically, the movie is about this guy who, in relationships with women, loves 'em and leaves 'em, yet he falls in love with a girl who has short-term memory. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore put in par performances as the leads.

One of the things that got me angry about the movie was that one of the funniest parts of the movie was in the commercial. I hate when they spoil great moments. Oh, well. It was pretty funny, fairly standard for a romantic comedy, but it made me want to go to not only Hawaii but Alaska as well. The end was not exactly what I was expecting (I was thinking cliche), but it was still pretty good, and I definitely recommend it if you're in the mood.

The Alamo (2004)

Remember the... the... What Was It Again?

[5/10 · 20 August 2004]

Not a very memorable movie at all.

Billy Bob Thorton is the most memorable of a great ensemble cast perfectly suited for this movie. However, the writing and direction hinder what could have been great and turn it into a film not worth seeing unless you're bored and nothing better is on.

The film follows the small group of brave men who defended the Alamo with their lives... and failed. It wasn't a war so much as a massacre, but that's a debate I'll leave to the historians.

Anyway, it's far from great, but it's not that bad, either. Fairly middle-of-the-road, actually. Then again I'm not a big fan of epics. The only one that I truly thought was great was Love, Actually and that's something that's debatable, too.

At least it's better than Troy....

Alex & Emma (2003)

More Like Alex and... Suck

[2/10 · 20 August 2004]

What a waste of an interesting comedy. Could've been wonderful, seriously, it could've been, but...

Anyway, I've grown tired of this recent trend that romantic comedies can't be either romantic or a comedy. Well, I guess it's not a recent trend, but there's a huge problem with it. This movie was neither funny nor tear-jerking nor anything of importance. Which is really sad, considering its director.

The "plot" is that a writer has a limited time to write a book and so he dictates it to a hired secretary. Two romances are going on; one in the book world and one in the real world. Neither are romantic. A waste, a crying shame, whatever you want to call it, DON'T see this movie. Go watch Love, Actually or another good rom-com. Let this burn in the depths of Hollywood Hell.

About a Boy (2002)

Well, Really About Two Of 'Em....

[8/10 · 20 August 2004]

About a Boy is probably one of the best films I've seen in recent years. At times funny, at times touching, it works throughout the entire movie.

So you wanna' know what it's about? There's this guy (played by Hugh Grant) who lives alone and has never had a real job because he lives off of the money his father made from a song that's been popular around Christmastime ever since. He meets this boy who has been having difficulty in school and whose mother is suicidal. Together, they discover that no man is an island, or rather every man is an island, except... ah, well, I'll leave that for the movie.

Seriously, though, this is one of my favorites of recent years. Go out immediately and watch it. Never have I seen a touching movie so funny, or a funny movie so touching. Worth every penny.

Adaptation. (2002)

In a Word, Awesome

[9/10 · 20 August 2004]

One of the best films I've seen in the past few years, which is saying a lot.

Charlie Kaufman writes movies. However, he goes largely unnoticed by most people, living in the shadow of his more popular brother Donald who has an ego the size of a small planet. After the success of the movie, "Being John Malkovich", he wants to continue to do great movies. But his next assignment is a real doozy...

He has been assigned to adapt a book about orchids, titled "The Orchid Thief", into a movie. However, it's such a powerful and moving book about what seems to be absolutely nothing, he has no idea how to begin.

The movie is a wonderful comedy-drama about the trials and tribulations of being a writer. I don't know, maybe it spoke to me a lot more than other people, but it was a great movie and one well worth seeing.

About Schmidt (2002)

No, Kathy, No!!!

[9/10 · 20 August 2004]

Kathy Bates nude... uuuhhhh....

Anyway, Jack Nicholson stars as a guy by the name of--that's right--Schmidt. He's down on his luck, seeing as how his wife, who he didn't really appreciate in the first place, just died. So he goes on a road trip to stop his daughter from marrying the wrong man. He soon discovers himself and that he can't always control everything.

Great acting, great characters, but a fairly plain plotline. Which it's meant to be. I suggest seeing it if you're in the mood for a good character study, or if you're a Nicholson or Bates fan.

But man, why did she have to go nude? Just a little rant here, but from what I understand, she did it to sort of say that hey, other people than "beautifuls" can do nude scenes. But the problem is... THERE'S A REASON only "beautifuls" do nude scenes... anyway. It's still a good movie, just... eww....

The 6th Day (2000)

Only Girlie Men Won't Like This Film

[4/10 · 20 August 2004]

Well, and most other people too, but that's beside the point.

Gov. Schwarzenegger plays a pilot who gets cloned by some shady characters. The clone gets put in his place... and then his best friend, a fellow pilot, dies. Or maybe the order is reversed. I don't remember. Sort of like the rest of this movie...

Medium-grade action fills up this cliched movie telling about the dangers of cloning, only not telling about the dangers of cloning. I hope Arnold got paid a lot of money to be in this because otherwise, it was SO not worth it. Don't see it, really, but at the same time, it's far from the worst film I've ever seen. Then again, seeing the governor of California in ANY movie is worth a good laugh....

Air Force One (1997)

Wow, If Only We Could Vote For Harrison Ford....

[8/10 · 20 August 2004]

A good action flick. Worth seeing if you're in the mood. That's my take on it, anyway.

So the plot is that a bunch of terrorist baddies take over Air Force One in order to get their ransom: the release of their evil general leader from prison. However, who could save the poor people trapped on the plane? Who, pray tell, who?

Well, it turns out that the president himself is the one who gets the chance to rescue everyone else. It's sort of lame in how that happens because you already know what's going on and they drag it out like you don't know, but never mind about that. It's a good action flick and I've always been a big Harrison Ford fan. You'll enjoy it if you're into actioners, Ford, Gary Oldman, or politics. Well, maybe not the last one... still, a good film.

Albino Alligator (1996)

Kevin Spacey's Directorial Debut

[2/10 · 20 August 2004]

Wow, this could've been such a great movie... such a shame that a great premise was wasted.

One of the only things I liked about this film is the story from which it gets its title. Something along the lines of, "Every once in a while, in a family of alligators, they'll get a white one, pure white, an albino alligator. Now, it's weak, and it can't do anything, but what happens is all the other alligators will send in the albino one to another alligator family's area. The other family will kill it, but this gives the first family information on how many and where the other family are. Deliberate sacrifice for deliberate gain."

I don't know why I put quotation marks around that; it's sooo far from what they actually say. Anyway, don't see this movie. It was crap. Actually, it was fairly decent up until the ending, but that just makes it not worth even mentioning again except as a warning to others.

So in that I've seen it so you don't have to, it's like I'm an albino alligator, and... never mind. Just don't see it, 'kay?

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)

The Hair... DAMN THE HAIR!!!

[3/10 · 20 August 2004]

Ace Ventura returns for more...

After a serious animal-rescue accident parodying a little movie called Cliffhanger, Ace resigns himself to a monestary at the top of a loooooooong set of stairs. The kidnapping of a bat, however, forces him out of retirement, along with his pet monkey Spike and a slinky.

Personally, I like it better than the original, but at the same time it's still a kiddie comedy. Nothing too special about it, and once again, Jim Carrey pulls the weight of the movie, although the supporting cast is a bit better.

Not recommended for anyone in the mood for a good laugh.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

Allll Righty Then

[4/10 · 20 August 2004]

Jim Carrey is a great actor. He carries this movie completely. That said, it still ain't a funny movie.

This is kiddie humor but involves adult themes, mostly the sex part of it. Not something I would recommend for anyone above about fifteen years old to see.

Still, it's a good "tweener" movie; not quite a teenager and a bit past a child. The story follows this guy called Ace Ventura who, as you might have guessed, is a pet detective. What does this mean? He solves cases dealing with pets. And he's the only one of his kind.

When Snowflake, the Dolphins' mascot, is kidnapped, Ace is called in by Courtney Cox. He slowly solves the case while making stupid jokes. Not a movie I recommend, but Sean Young and Courtney Cox are still hot.

Bud-a-bing.

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

And the Sequel Gods Say...

[6/10 · 20 August 2004]

Not the worst comedy ever, but not exactly something you should rush out and watch immediately.

Copying some jokes from the original film, then overusing its own new jokes, this gets a bit daunting at times. Yet there are still some pretty funny moments. If you're out for a comedy but have already watched the original Airplane!, Top Secret!, The Naked Gun!, etc. too many times, you might enjoy this. But don't get your hopes up too high... it's still only about 1/3 as good as the first.

Then again, it does have William Shatner, who I absolutely love in comedic roles. Remember that one Saturday Night Live where he totally dissed Star Trek fans? Kick-ass. But this movie, although good, isn't really worth going out of your way for. At least it's not one of those Mike Myers crap-on-a-stick Austin Powers flicks.