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Rats - Notte di terrore (1984)
Rats: Night of 'Laughter'
This film is so bad, that it's just laughable. It is absolutely terrible compared to most films, but it should definitely not be avoided. Films like this could probably take over the comedy genre.
On post-apocalyptic Earth, some human survivors (from the 70's apparently) stupidly claim dominion over a tiny town, where they discover a lot of flesh-eaten corpses. Lo and behold, they discover that the resident rats are hostile, and naturally, people start dying in ridiculous ways.
The rats are so nonthreatening, you might wonder if you're partially blind and missing some terrifying special effect. But no fear, this film's most technical special effect is some rat silhouettes on a conveyor belt. The acting is pretty atrocious with hideous overacting and trashy dubbing.
The characters are so stupidly idiotic, you wonder how they managed to survive nuclear war while the intelligent people perished. We have the dumbest leader ever (who sets his comrades on fire if they have a few rats on them), an equally stupid guy who decides that he wants charge of the group, a blonde who WILL NOT STOP SCREAMING, a black woman (quite offensively named Chocolate) who threatens to shoot people with a spike, a technical nerd (named Video) who thinks machines have balls, a heroine who falls fatally ill after a few rat scratches (or rats jumping on her basically), a Mohawk-headed guy who speaks in cliché foreboding (which he learned from a book), an ugly pallid drunk who gets annoyed when he can't get laid, a freaky big-eyed girl with a leather studded corset,Halloween Dracula cape and top hat on (UGH!) and (unfortunately) a few other idiots too.
Despite this idiocy in the film's plot, characters and premise, the gore effects are relatively decent but the film's general crappiness gives one the feeling of a zombie movie that is missing the zombies. I collect old controversial horror films (mostly Italian horrors) and I've seen some pretty silly stuff, but this film took the biscuit completely out of my hands. The only thing we're left with is the hilarity of the film's events and once you've seen the ending, I wouldn't be surprised if your rectum prolapses from the laughter.
Final word: Don't expect a masterpiece, but wallow in the film's sheer stupidity.
After Death (Oltre la morte) (1989)
Soooo Baaad!!!
I saw this movie quite recently as 'Zombie Flesh Eaters 3' on Vipco DVD. Anyway, to put it bluntly it was awful. I've heard similar things about 'Zombie Flesh Eaters 2' (Zombie 3) which I haven't seen yet but trust me; 'Zombie Flesh Eaters 3' (Zombie 4: After Death) is a cacophony of rubbish, definitely not something Lucio Fulci would have approved of.
We open in an old cave on a remote tropical island with some cheesy jungle 'Eye of the Tiger' style music playing and this black priest in robes is chanting while a lady nearby (his wife) goes ballistic, eventually sinking into the ground, agonisingly slow too. Some safari lookalikes enter (they're actually scientists) and accuse the priest of spreading a plague on the island that reanimates the dead because the priest's daughter died of cancer while in their care. Stupidly, the priest doesn't care and says his wife will avenge her daughter and he himself will 'come back for your intestines!'. Wifey returns as a ridiculous fanged creature and starts mutilating the scientists in sadistic fashion. We then see a mother, father and daughter running through the island being pursued by zombies. Daddy cops it, mummy gives amulet to the little girl and tells her to run, then mummy suffers same fate as daddy. In the next shot, the little girl is now completely grown up after somehow escaping the island and just happens to pass by the island when the boat conks out. They dock at the island and explore. Three other kids are on the island and they find the cave from the beginning (looks a little different) where they find a movie prop, the book of the dead (really, its an ancient book, yet someone has just written 'The Book of Death' on the front in black marker!). Anyway, one of them reads it and zombies are upon them. After that, the strangely intelligent zombies grow in numbers and bite (not devour) everyone in the group till they are whittled down to just two. The grown up girl thinks she can stop it using her mummy's amulet, but alas it fails and while her companion is mauled to death behind her, she pulls off her own face and becomes a zombie. The End!
Plot holes are abound so much in this film, its really laughable. First, you're driven to think the dead are back via a plague or virus unleashed on the island using voodoo. However they are brought back by the book of the dead?? Plus, there are already zombies loose on the island before they read the damn book! Then we have the candles and the amulet, which halts all the zombies movement. Why didn't they keep the candles lit all the time? And why all of a sudden are the zombies part of magic curses and gates of hell? The priest in the beginning mentioned nothing about the dead coming from hell, except for his wife whom he personally sent there.
Even the zombies themselves are stupid. They do so many things zombies just DO NOT do, like being able to sprint like an Olympic runner, they only have a tiny nibble on humans just to transform them or they just kill them in a gruesome way. They can even speak and fire weapons, taunting their former allies and such. And they are dressed in silly cowls that make them look like ninjas! Why is it called 'Zombie Flesh Eaters 3' if the zombies don't even eat?? I normally love zombie movies but this one really was just too painful to bear. The acting is atrocious, the plot is too thin and full of holes and errors and there is no satisfactory or logical conclusion at the end of the film. There is one thing I must credit the film with though: Although some make-up effects look silly, overdone and just out of place, the gore effects are well done and plentiful as well. I'd only recommend this movie to someone interested in just seeing a few gory death scenes stringed together. Really bad stuff people.
Haunted (1995)
One helluva ghost story!!
I remember seeing this film when I was only little, around 6 years old and I always remembered it to be a crappy horror film. Years later when I got it on DVD to re-watch it, I found myself completely wrong. The film is about a supernatural skeptic called David Ash who tries to debunk fake paranormal events. He is summoned to a house called Edbrook where an old lady named Nanny Tess is convinced that her house is haunted by spirits.
The film itself is a return to the slightly cliché but still effective ghost themes, with creaking doors, bumps in the night, etc. The film's story and narrative from Frank Herbert's novel is absolutely brilliant and there are enough twists to keep anybody entertained. Aidan Quinn is brilliant in his role, and Kate Beckinsale shines in one of her earliest roles.
I feel though that this film has been marginally overlooked and ignored by many and it does deserve a watch for anyone interested in psychological horrors. The film itself is out of distribution but copies are still available as Dutch imports (with English audio). All in all, a fantastic film!
La casa nel tempo (1989)
Atmospheric yet a little confusing
The House of Clocks was a film by Italian horror master Lucio Fulci made in his later years. Although not up to the standards of his earlier works, it certainly didn't disappoint. Apart from the distracting dubbing, the acting and plot is reasonable enough to make for a good watch.
Three teens travel to an elderly couple's house intent on robbing the place. The elderly couple aren't exactly feeble and prudish however; they act out their homicidal intentions on whom they see fit to. Anyway, the teens' plan goes pear-shaped and they end up murdering the whole household: the couple and their gardener. The old man's collection of clocks then turn time backwards, allowing the couple and the gardener to return to life and seek revenge.
After that, it gets a little confusing as time seems to then repeat itself yet still go backwards (two police visit as they did 12 hours previously yet the teens die and time goes back all the way to when they were on their way to the mansion). I just think the film could have been brilliant if the plot was just a little clearer and more explained. That said, the ending was satisfying and very fitting. All in all, not Fulci's best but not his worst either.
Quella villa accanto al cimitero (1981)
Brilliant film! I think I have an explanation for the plot...
"The House by the Cemetery" was the first Lucio Fulci movie I watched and considering its rushed, incoherent storyline I was quite impressed. Fucli manages to pull off quite a reasonable combination of 'haunted house' and 'zombies' story but explanation is lax and might confuse some viewers.
We see two teenagers getting slaughtered by an unseen killer (one pinned to a door with scissors, and another with a knife through her head) in an old house. We then have a family, Mr and Mrs Boyle and their son, Bob, from New York moving to that house while the boy has conversations with a ghostly girl called Mae, who tells him not to go there. Alas they go there anyway, and eventually pay the price. Along the way, an estate agent is stabbed to death with a poker, the babysitter Anne is painfully decapitated with a kitchen knife, a bat bites Mr Boyle for about an hour, spewing gore everywhere and the family are ripped apart or beaten to death, leaving just little Bob left. It turns out the previous occupant of the house, Dr Freudstein is somehow still alive and needs bodies to keep himself alive. Then Bob is saved miraculously by his friend Mae and whisked away by Mae's mum (who is Freudstein's wife, which makes Mae his daughter).
First, how did Dr Freudstein stay alive anyway and how does he uses bodies to stay alive? Does he eat them, take bits off and add them to himself or just regenerate when he kills them? We'll never know! There's also a silly side-story about Mr Boyle and Anne which is unclear and unnecessary. After the babysitter is murdered, Anne is actually cleaning up the blood when Mrs Boyle comes in and sees it... and doesn't suspect a thing! Plot problems beside, the movie has a great horror quality that is less fantastical than Fulci's other movies and is understandable in comparison. The fearful atmosphere is prevalent throughout and the death sequences are excellent and nerve-wracking. The gore keeps on coming and the basement scene is like a vision of hell itself with blood, cobwebs and corpses everywhere! The music is hugely atmospheric and is the same style throughout.
From what I can glean out of the thin story and little references, this is what I'm thinking: Mr Boyle and Anne have been having an affair. This is supported by Mrs Boyle being told by Mr Boyle to take more rests and pills, the fact that Anne is evasive and appears to dislike Mrs Boyle. Many town residents say that Mr Boyle has been here before, with a daughter (probably thinking that Anne is his daughter). And the eye contact between Mr Boyle and Anne suggests a lot. This also opens up a bit of an opportunity for the main storyline. Mr Boyle originally goes to the house because his friend killed himself and his mistress, wife and kids. Mr Boyle himself dies, his wife, mistress Anne and his kid disappears into the ghost world. Maybe time is repeating itself with Freudstein killing a man, his wife and mistress and his kid going to the other side. The kids crying when Bob goes with Mae and Mrs Freudstein could be all of the kids that have had their families killed and subsequently taken by Mrs Freudstein. That's what I've sort of formulated from the suggestions in the film anyway. Sadly I don't have an explanation for why Mrs Boyle ignored the blood spills, except for maybe she thinks its normal to have some blood in your home?
Paura nella città dei morti viventi (1980)
Fantastic Fulci Flick!!
"City of the Living Dead" will divide people into two groups, ones who love it because of the amazing gore and make-up, and ones who hate it because of the wafer-thin plot and poor script. Actually, I'm sort of in between the two.
We have a priest hanging himself who either accidentally or intentionally opens a portal to Hell which causes the dead to rise from their graves in the town of Dunwich. Strangely enough, the zombies are capable of teleportation, which makes them sort of zombie ghosts? Anyway, a reporter and psychic team up to close the portal before All Saint's Day, when apparently the dead can walk forever. Not too surprisingly, they're too late but they somehow win by defeating the evil priest who returned as a zombie ghost too. But the ending is painful, really painful. Absolutely no one in the world will understand the ending at all, probably even Fulci didn't understand it! Besides the terrible storyline, the rest of the film's features make up considerably for its flaws. Zombies rip off the backs of people's heads and squeeze brains out, a poor innocent lad has a drill through his skull (very realistic!) and a girl vomits up her own guts while crying tears of blood! The atmosphere is thick with horror and fear, and the gore will make you grimace at the least.
All in all a good film, but not recommended for those who prefer lucid story lines.
Event Horizon (1997)
Scariest Sci-Fi I've Ever Seen!!
This film is the only sci-fi horror film that has truly scared me out of my wits and that makes this film unique in every sense.
The film itself is about a spaceship which disappeared a long time ago. The ship was fitted with a gravity device capable of creating a black hole to act as a gateway to a place in space normally unable to reach. It reappears and a crew is sent to investigate (Laurence Fishburne, Sam Niell etc). But they find the crew as either frozen disfigured corpses or splattered blood entrails on the walls. The best description I can give to encapsulate the situation is 'a haunted house in space': the spaceship is kind of possessed and everyone on board suffers terrifying hallucinations.
The acting is brilliant and extremely believable. The film sort of builds up tension for most of the film, with the deaths occurring towards the end of the film. Horrible deaths to be exact: someone being vivisected and someone ripping their own eyes out to name a few. The thing that makes the film scary is that you expect something tangible as the cause of the horror (an alien or monster) but its the ship itself. Also the unfamiliarity of space adds a kind of xenophobic feel to the events.
All in all, this is a movie you should not miss. I cannot find any flaws in it whatsoever and as I said before, this is the ONLY sci-fi horror that has scared me. Ever.
Frogs (1972)
Quite creepy surprisingly!
I remember seeing 'Frogs' on some horror channel when I was about seven but I switched over after about ten minutes because it was so boring. Now that I'm much older, I've watched it all the way through and it's not as bad as I thought it was! First off, we have Sam Elliot as a nature photographer who's scouting around Ray Milland's island seeing a lot of dumped waste and rubbish everywhere. Milland's island itself is host to a large family who only care about their money it seems. But the frogs nearby are getting sick and tired of the pollution from the family and start getting their revenge. There are so many shots in the film of frogs just watching and croaking. It's almost as if they are telling every other animal on the island to kill any human they see and that's what happens! Once the first death begins, the deaths just keep on going until the end of the movie. We have tarantulas, lizards, almost every snake in existence, leeches, alligators, a snapping turtle, crabs, even birds and butterflies contribute a little bit. All of them killing everyone in their path, even the frogs get their own back on Milland at the end. It's not so much scary, but more squeamish and creepy, especially the bit with the tarantulas. It makes me shiver just thinking about it! But 'Frogs' does have its bad points too. Milland's character is a bit too unbelievable, after all of his family's deaths he still wants to celebrate his birthday. The first twenty minutes as I said before are devoid of anything remotely interesting.
A snapping turtle killing a human also seems pretty silly to me, although I found out afterwards that snapping turtles actually ARE perfectly capable of killing someone. When we see birds attack someone, it is unclear whether the people were killed or just ran away, but I assume that we are meant to think them dead as they dropped their bags and stuff. Also half the animals in this movie aren't probably even native to the area where it is filmed.
Despite its bad points, I really liked this film and it still delivers shocks albeit in small doses.
Le notti del terrore (1981)
One of the strangest "Zombie" movies ever!
"The Nights of Terror" (or "The Zombie Dead" as my copy is called) is a prime example of classic Italian zombie movies, stemming from the likes of Fulci. However, before you see this movie, you should discard all of your impressions about zombies and zombie movies.
Firstly, we have no idea exactly how the zombies are revived. All we see is an old professor who vaguely mentions a 'secret' and starts hammering at a cave wall, and then suddenly the zombies appear. The zombies themselves are quite creepy with skeletal husks and maggots oozing from every orifice. In comparison to the socialites seeking refuge inside the nearby mansion, the zombies seem far more intelligent, literally scaling walls and utilising garden tools for their cannibalistic rampage.
The gore in this movie is plentiful too, with each victim almost automatically disembowelled and devoured. The music as well as the rubbish picture quality adds a stylish nightmare aspect and a feeling of certain doom throughout the film. Even though the film itself is trashy and ridiculous, you can't help but find it a ton of fun, with hilarious dubbing, acting and dialogue just adding heaps to the appeal. Some of the characters give the strangest responses and comments, such as "Mother, this cloth smells of death" and "We'll let them in! (the zombies!) Maybe its something in the house they want!" and the infamous "I've always been so terrified of the dead!". Another highlight of this movie is the casting of Peter Bark, an adult dwarf portraying an adolescent with an Oedipus complex, lusting for his mother before and after he becomes a zombie, which leads to a nasty scene where his mother's nipple is bitten off.
All in all, the bad qualities of the movie are also its strengths as they keep the viewer entertained nonstop, there's never really a static moment in the film at all. Not the best movie of course, but certainly worth a look at for laughs!