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Restless Natives (1985)
Cheese sandwiches
One of my favourite films. The story of two friends in their early twenties in Scotland who are in need of money and some direction in life, who then stumble upon the idea of holding up tourist buses. They do this in the most charmingly naive way possible and become local heroes. Until that is, one of the two gets involved with a criminal gang and wants to turn things nasty and start making more money on the robberies.
What follows at this particular fork in the story is, for me, one of the most beautiful moments in any film. The more driven of the two, Ronnie, wants to break up the partnership and start using violence. When WIll disagrees, Ronnie says they owe each other nothing and can go their separate ways.
To this, Will responds with such passion that he seems close to tears. He shouts just two words: "cheese sandwiches". The meaning behind this he goes on to explain is that for two years, while they were at school, he smuggled a cheese sandwich out of his house to feed Ronnie so as Ronnie could save his lunch money and eventually buy a motorbike.
How this incredible friendship is written so simply amazes me every time. At the start of a burgeoning criminal career, Ronnie is pulled back to the days of school and simpler times when it was the two of them together and they lived in a world of ultimate mutual trust.
With those two words, Will reminds Ronnie of those days, of the risks he took for every day, for him. To an adult, preparing a cheese sandwich every day would be nothing but to Will, it was a risk every morning, which he took because he loved and trusted his friend.
This clash of life prorities makes for one of the most incredible scenes ever filmed.
Hereditary (2018)
Boring, boring boring, 5 minutes of the Exorcist, really stupid and predictable ending
What a waste of time. I haven't been this disappointed with a horror film since the Witch. Literally just a family adjusting to the death of a child in an accident for over an hour with the occasional ghost standing in the corner.
Then five minutes of Exorcist style horror scenes and a really stupid and predictable finale.
Basically, the same story as Skeleton Key but not nearly done as well.
Star Trek: Discovery (2017)
Just don't call it Star Trek
More disappointed with Star Trek Discovery each week. The thing I love about trek is the same thing that makes non-trekkies think it's boring. Roddenberry set Trek in a future utopia where all human conflict has been resolved so they are free to explore space as one race, there's no deceit in Starfleet and if there is, it's a rogue captain who will be eliminated. They are peaceful and always seek to avoid conflict with other races. This new series is just a continuation of what Abrams did really. The main character seems to be the only one who embodies the real spirit of Trek and she is fighting against a corrupt, power-hungry, war-mongering Starfleet, which really seems no better than the Klingon Empire at this point. One of the things that really irks me is the lack of voice over in the introduction. I'm not sure what DS9 or V did, but it needs that "Space, the final frontier..." to kick it off. The only reason they've cut it out is to try and appear cool and create more distance from the old trek series. If that's what you want to do, then just make a new series with a different name. Don't try and cash in on the name Trek with this generic sci-fi. I would still watch generic sci-fi piece of crap happily, if they weren't trying to sell it to me under the guise of a new trek series.
After the Dark (2013)
Writer obviously hates philosophy
It starts off with a fairly interesting premise, some philosophy students debating moral issues at the end of the world. But it quickly falls down when it succumbs to pathetic teenage morals and self-righteousness. But I think it's the misrepresentation of philosophy that make it so infuriating. The idea that at the end of the course the so-called top student still isn't able to disengage her own moral code long enough to join in the thought experiment. What have they been doing all year, if this is the first time that her sense of moral right and wrong is being challenged? Also, philosophy is the exploration of ideas and thoughts. So, what kind of philosophy teacher starts marking down his students because they show thoughts and opinions that differ from his own? He should be encouraging independent thought. Then, in the final act the right shows his true disregard for philosophy when logic is utterly shut down by emotional arguments. I assume this is just to make an appeal to the over emotional teens this movie is aimed at. Serves me right for watching this rubbish, I suppose.
Red State (2011)
Kevin Smith forgot how to write
The joy of watching a Kevin Smith film is always the great dialogue. This was what really made Clerks stand out, no budget, no famous stars, nothing - just genuinely well written dialogue, which really made you laugh.
So what was Kevin Smith thinking when he wrote and directed this?
He just totally ignored dialogue and instead made a pointless action film which tries to piggy-back on the general consensus of hatred which everyone (rightly) has for the Westboro Baptist church to make itself popular.
The last half hour is pretty all gunfire, and the film features non of the interesting dialogue and conversations which make Kevin Smith films normally so entertaining.
The Purge (2013)
Don't bother - watch the 1971 Straw Dogs instead
This would have been an amazing film if it had been made in 1971, and starred Dustin Hoffman and it had been called Straw Dogs. O wait that film already exists doesn't it?
The initial premise is an interesting social commentary, but after tricking you in the film only briefly touches on that idea. Instead it retells to same old tired king of the castle story which has been done better so many times before.
Save yourself the night of boredom and watch Straw Dogs instead (the Sam Peckinpah version obviously), it doesn't rely on an absurd future and you actually have some vested interest in the characters.
Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)
Turn out the lights and fall asleep
Starts quite interesting (a bit like the Langoliers) but gets boring after about half an hour, and continues in the same way with the characters and the plot stumbling around in the dark with no direction at all. The plan was half-baked and anyway how do you escape from "a darkness"? There was no ending and no explanation, a little bit of character building, but you would have happily sacrificed any of them to find out what was actually going on. Watch the first half hour, and at that point if you start getting bored, don't expect it to get any better, because it won't, just turn it off. Shame you can't give negative votes.