retrocollage Reviews

Female on the Beach (1955)

Sand-trap for the idle rich

[5/10 · 31 December 2012]

Unfortunately, Joan Crawford throughout the 1950s often found herself typecast in dead-end genre films that followed one story line: thick- skinned, frigidly cynical middle-aged woman meets opportunist crumbs, revealing herself to have a heart exactly as hard as melted butter. While it's true that playing the stormy and lovesick heavy guaranteed Crawford continued work and starring roles well after the usual actress expiration date of that era, it also meant that her performances in such dramas degenerated into caricatures of the roles she had played in the previous decade.

The present story is no exception. A wealthy widow takes possession of her beach house, and promptly encounters several obstreperous neighbors who may be swindlers, an overgrown beach-boy gigolo, a negligent and ignorant woman real estate agent, a cunning, understated "beach-cop," and the mysterious death of the beach house's previous tenant. After several prickly encounters with this motley crew, widow Crawford's icy, sarcastic reserve thaws in record time, and she surrenders to the charms of said gigolo. Happiness seems to be just around the corner--but is it real? Will the solution of the mystery ruin our heroine's chance at a new life? Cue orchestral diminished chord...

FEMALE ON THE BEACH is not Joan Crawford's finest hour, sad to say. While it's far from her worst picture (alas, they became worse still), it's best enjoyed as a kitschy, campy romp. Make plenty of popcorn--covered with lots of melted butter--and come prepared to laugh.

The Outer Limits: The Mice (1964) Season 1, Episode 15

Good performances, weak supporting premise

[3/10 · 6 January 2012]

There are some good performances here, but they're marred by a ridiculously weak supporting premise.

This story was produced during the height of the Cold War; so how likely is it that: 1.) such an important project as teleportation would NOT be kept top secret (which would rule out the use of prisoners as test subjects)? 2.) the grounds of a major research organization would NOT be patrolled by military squads, instead of lightly-armed civilian guards in very thin patrols? 3.) trained scientists (whose job is to test the truth of everything) would take the words of an extra-terrestrial civilization at absolute face value, and, without proof, trust that the E-Ts'intentions were peaceful? 4.) an extra-terrestrial being would be allowed to roam the outside world freely, WITHOUT armed military escort or even surveillance?

A more minor point is that due to medical ethics, there has been a long- standing prohibition against prisoners being used as test subjects in what amount to medical experiments (teleportation would be a good example of such experiments), even when they volunteer. Prisoners aren't considered competent to give informed consent to being test subjects; they are not only detained by, but are considered to be under the protection of, the State.

The willing suspension of disbelief is one thing, but a poorly crafted premise is another. The screenwriters give us no incentives really to believe in the story when its premise is so weak.

Trouble for Two (1936)

A dreadful mangling of a highly entertaining story....

[1/10 · 19 October 2010]

"Trouble for Two" is arguably one of the worst film adaptations of a literary classic to appear during the 1930's. It's true that the original story ("The Suicide Club" by Robert Louis Stevenson) was a novella in three parts that had to be condensed to fit the confines of a movie. And undoubtedly there was a need to pander to the tastes of the time by introducing elements of romance and comedy into the screenplay. But Hollywood chose to satisfy these conditions by combining several of the original characters, mutilating their personalities and the plot in the process, and introducing a silly prince-and-princess love story as a foreground element and motivator. To make matters worse, the film adds superfluous bit parts to create a spurious "Olde Englyshe" atmosphere that actually wastes time.

The original novella presented an adventure of Prince Florizel of Bohemia, an urbane, sophisticated sovereign of high moral purpose, who delighted in plunging into underworld escapades, chivalrously assisted by his friend and confidante Colonel Geraldine, a dashing and resourceful young cavalry officer. But in the movie, Florizel (Robert Montgomery) has become a trifling, light-headed fop, and Geraldine (Frank Morgan) a foggy, timid, middle-aged bumbler. Worse yet, the villain whom they meet, the President of the Suicide Club (played by Reginald Owen), has been changed from a corrupt genius of crime into a political fanatic and fused with another of the book's more entertaining characters, softening and weakening the film's spirit considerably. Events only go downhill from the first encounter of these three. And the scarcely-believable attendance of a lady (Rosalind Russell as Miss Vandeleur) at a Victorian gentleman's club undermines the plot's premise and credibility even further, if that's possible.

To their credit, Montgomery, Morgan, Owen, and company play their caricatures tolerably well, though a depressingly wooden performance by Russell and the pointless disposal early on of the charming Louis Hayward contribute to the butchering of the story.

Anyone considering watching this movie would be well-advised to avoid it and save 75 precious minutes, and instead read the original novella (available for free online in Project Gutenberg's collection of Robert Louis Stevenson's works). It's a great but sadly neglected classic. Perhaps in future it will receive the film treatment it deserves, in all of its three-part glory, at the capable hands of the British film production companies that supply crime dramas to Masterpiece Theater.

Invention for Destruction (1958)

19th century-style prophetic science fiction of Jules Verne

[10/10 · 2 June 2010]

This marvelous film from Czech master animator Karel Zeman is a partial adaptation of the Jules Verne novel "Facing the Flag." The story treads the well-worn path of world domination as attempted by a piratical mastermind, who uses a morally myopic scientist's high explosive.

The animation technique of this film is touted as "Mysti-mation," which is probably a bit of hype on the part of its American distributors and PR people. No animation technique Zeman used was unknown; in fact, probably every physical effect he employed was used on 19th century stages, and all of his photographic effects were known to and put to work by Georges Méliès and early stop-motion animators like Winsor Mackay. But in this film, Zeman combines all the effects in novel and unexpected ways, and literally nothing is off-limits when he needs to create some striking scenario. From the look of some of his sets, it is evident that Zeman was a prime influence on Terry Gilliam, and possibly Jan Svankmajer as well.

Zeman has a wry sense of humor, which frequently goes straight over the heads of most of his critics. For instance, when they complain about the wooden quality of the acting in the film, they're completely missing the point: the performers deliberately use the techniques of farce and burlesque, the "bits of business" familiar to the audiences of one hundred years ago, long before the evolution of the personality cult in acting. The gag, its set-up, and its execution are far more important than the individual actors or their "feelings." Deep involvement between characters is secondary to the plot (a rarity in contemporary films). Which isn't to say that there's no focus on individuals: witness Simon Hart's distress before falling unconscious on the ocean floor, or Professor Roch's guilt-stricken state near the end of the movie. But the main point is still the story and its advancement.

In short, it's a film well worth seeing, if you are willing consciously to suspend your sense of disbelief and lose yourself in the narrative.