poisonrock29 Reviews

The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966)

Wonderful

[17 May 2004]

Well i was born in 1975 and i live in the UK and had never heard of "The Dick Van Dyke show" in my life since it wasn't shown in my day in the UK. My parents had heard of it but they were around in the 60's so they knew all about classic sitcoms. I'm always looking out for more sitcoms to get into and i find that the old ones are the best ones such as "Bewitched" (when Dick York was Darrin)and animated sitcoms such as "The Flintstones" and "The Jetsons" I first came across "The Dick Van Dyke show" this past April (2004)yes all these years simply because television in the UK had no exposure to old sitcoms, instead favoring soccer and soap operas (which seem to be all about people screaming at each other and nothing else). When sitcoms are shown in the UK they are usually British with the exception of "Friends" which is given a lot of exposure. I have Sky Digital and this past April i was watching old reruns of "On the buses" (a British sitcom) at 1.00am on Granada Plus and i saw an advert of "The Dick Van Dyke show" coming on next. I thought well i got nothing else to do and it looks interesting so i'll watch that and who knows, maybe it will turn out to be a good show i can get into, although i was not expecting it to be. I'm so glad i decided to give it a go. It grew on me more as i got to know the characters and i was hungering for much more. I looked forward so much to 1.30am five nights per week where i could release the days tension and have a good laugh before going to bed. Unfortunately Granada Plus was only showing selected episodes from the different seasons so i had to use eBay to locate the DVD boxsets from the US. The DVD's are simply wonderful, i'm almost finished watching season one and i have season two and three in my home currently awaiting viewing. The first episode i saw on Granada Plus was titled "The attempted marriage" which caught my attention and gave me a few laughs. After that came some of the most memorable i have seen thus far such as "Gesundheit darling" "Empress Carlotta's necklace" and "Punch thy neighbor" I'm looking forward to watching all five seasons on DVD and reliving the magic many times over in years to come. "The Dick Van Dyke show" is very well written (the Emmey awards are proof positive of that)it's very funny, well acted and lighthearted. I recommend "The Dick Van Dyke show" as quality entertainment for the whole family, there's something for everyone and it's humor is still very funny today. My rating is an easy 10/10.

Long Time Dead (2002)

Worst horror ever

[1/10 · 11 March 2004]

When i watched this i had a hard time trying to fight the temptation to sleep. 'Long time dead' has to be the worst horror movie i ever saw in my life, and there are some very bad ones on the shelves in the video stores. There are no real scares and it's a story that has been done before too many times only much better. The film is incredibly dull and boring from the first moment to the last and how can you remain focused on a film that just drags on endlessly and makes you wish you were doing something else. Unfortunately i can't think of anything nice to say about 'Long time dead' so i'll end with my rating 1/10. It's not worth the 1 but IMDB haven't given us the option of using a 0 or else that would have been my rating.

The Bridges of Madison County (1995)

Superb

[9/10 · 11 March 2004]

I like these type of films which follow the relationship between two people all the way through without focusing too much on other characters. 'The bridges of Madison County' does just that. About 15 minutes into the film Clint and Meryl meet for the first time and the majority of the film is about the blossoming relationship between them from that first moment. The performances were so great from both of them and Meryl Streep captured the Italian accent so well. The surroundings were very beautiful too, i don't know if this was really filmed in Iowa or not but the beautiful surroundings fitted the film perfectly. It's a very slow moving film but that works very well for this genre. I found it to be one of those types of films were you can't miss a single word, i needed total and complete silence and i couldn't take my eyes away for a single moment. Also this would have to be the most moving and romantic tearjerker i have ever seen. Unmissable entertainment.

The Flintstones (1960–1966)

My thoughts.

[11 March 2004]

I spent my whole life watching this show and now that the first season is about to be released on DVD, theres no better time to talk about why i like 'The Flintstones' so much. I was always made fun of during my school days for being such a fan and even though i'm 28 now, my passion for 'The Flintstones' is still as strong as ever. So what is so special about this show? From episode 1 to episode 166, we are treated with laughs and clever animal gimmicks as well as good storylines. The voices are great especially Alan Reed (Fred) who has such a loud and obnoxious voice which fits Fred Flintstone's character so well. The only problem is the amount of mistakes that were made throughout the 6 seasons. They will stand out if you have watched the different episodes enough times. For example one episode will tell us that Fred and Wilma had their honeymoon in Boulder Beach, another will tell you it was Bedrock Races and another at the Rock Mountain Inn. Also do The Flintstones live on Cobblestone Lane, Stonecanyon Way or Gravelpit Terrace? There are many other mistakes like this but they don't take away the fact that 'The Flintstones' is top notch entertainment for the whole family, not just children. William Hanna and Joseph Barbera have given us some fantastic cartoons that have stood the test of time and 'The Flintstones' is my favourite out of all of them.

Pretty Woman (1990)

My thoughts

[6 January 2004]

Pretty woman is more appealing to the female audience. I am male but i love these romantic comedies. Pretty woman is very well acted and the script was great too, with these two factors you have a winner for sure. I'm certainly not surprised about the success this film achieved and it deserves to go down in history as a classic. Check out the soundtrack too, Roxette, Go West, Peter Cetera, very 80's even though this film came out at the start of the very dull and boring 90's (musicwise). It's great to look back on these classics all these years later and remember how great Hollywood movies used to be.

Rock Star (2001)

Quite good, need to see again.

[5/10 · 23 November 2003]

I live for 80's Hard Rock music and that's why i wanted to see this movie (and because Jennifer Aniston is in it). I can remember when 80's Hard Rock was everywhere and i thought it would never die but unfortunately it did when the new Hip Hop sound came out. Even at the end of Rock Star as the credits were rolling, Mark Wahlberg basically said Metal was out and Hip Hop was in, that's what happened in 1991 at the MTv music awards when the leaders of 80's Hard Rock, Poison, gave a memorable and very bad performance (due to the lead guitarist doing a solo in the middle of a song which caused an embarrasing situation and the song had to be started over again) which led to the end of this feel good music but that's another story (i'm trying not to ramble too much). Rock Star was an okay movie which i feel i need to watch a second time to enjoy more. It's shows the lifestyle of a Rock Star very well, not just the good points, but Rock Star points out all the downsides to being a Rock Star too, all the things we hear about have been put into film for our entertainment. It's a fast moving movie which manages to hold your interest if your into this style of music, there is quite a bit of comedy too which is also worth mentioning to it's credit. It's very obvious that Mark Wahlberg was miming when he was singing, the real voice was by Michael Matijevic of the band STEELHEART, and also some of it was by Mark Slaughter of SLAUGHTER, two of the best 80's Hard Rock bands. You can tell Michael Matijevic's voice anywhere as it's so loud and piercing his voice can blow up your CD player if your not careful. Rock tar is worth watching just for the music, anyone who remembers 80's Hard Rock will have their memories flowing back after watching this with a soundtrack from BON JOVI, DAVID LEE ROTH and AC'DC among others. It would have been nice if some of the old Rock stars from the 80's were given guest appearances, especially Bret Michaels of Poison since he was so influential to the success of Hair Metal and he has an acting background too.

Hell Asylum (2002 Video)

Below average

[4/10 · 13 November 2003]

Hell Asylum has a similar storyline to HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, but don't expect it to be as entertaining. A group of young girls enter a haunted house in participation in a reality television show, if they last the night, they will recieve a million dollars. That's the whole story. Hell Asylum even plays like a reality television show by filming from the diffrent cameras located in the house, which are all black and white and often very snowy, add to that, the house is always in darkness so we get some confusing hard to watch footage of the girls getting killed. The death scenes were very bloody but it was hard to tell what was happening because of the darkness and snowy picture. On the plus side the characters were very interesting, each girl had a very diffrent personality to the next and i would have been more interested in seeing how they got along some more, but the girls began getting killed one by one before they even had a chance to settle in. My rating 4/10.

Zombie Holocaust (1980)

Sickening

[5/10 · 13 November 2003]

I love horror movies and i got fed up with watching ones which keep on holding back the gore scenes and nudity. I decided to try something Italian and ZOMBI HOLOCAUST was my first. There are both good things and bad things i can say about this one. First off i got what i was looking for from the start. The gore doesn't let up very often and there is one sickening scene after another. The first 20 minutes of this movie are set in a hospital where someone is stealing bodyparts from corpses and eating them. After the first 20 minutes it's off to a Caribbean island where there is a tribe of cannibals slaughtering innocent people and devouring them. I never would have believed that the devouring scenes would have been so graphic but they were, the throat cutting scene was just as bad, no camera angles which hide the violence, you see the knife cut across the throat and blood spurt out. I couldn't eat my dinner tonight after being so grossed out. The nudity was there too, not just breasts but there are two full frontal scenes. On the bad side...the title is very misleading. The first zombie doesn't appear until about the 45 minute mark and nothing happens anyway, infact none of the zombies kill anybody throughout the whole movie, all the violence is by the cannibals and the mad doctor. If you intend watching this for the zombies, forget about it. If you intend to watch this for bloodthirsty cannnibals, you can't go wrong. My rating 5/10.

The Woman in Red (1984)

Great stuff

[23 August 2003]

I literally laughed till i cried at this super piece of work. I am a big fan of Gene Wilder, he seems to have a natural ability to make me laugh, so i knew i was in for a good laugh here. I must have seen The Woman in Red about 12 times now over the years and it just keeps getting better. What a shame Gene Wilder doesn't make movies any more, i feel there is no good talent around for comedy these days. It seems to be just young guys who are good looking so people would like them whatever they do. Gene Wilder on the other hand is a comedy legend, not just an actor but a director and writer, he is a man of many talents and i really miss him. Also worth noting about The Woman in Red is the soundtrack by Stevie Wonder, it's so 80's and it just brings me back to those days again. Gene Wilder plays a man seeking adventure in his life and becomes obsessed with the woman in red played by Kelly LeBrock. That's your basic storyline, simple and straight to the point so the laughs begin immediately as Teddy (Wilder) pursues Charlotte (LeBrock) and gets into all kinds of trouble as he chases after the woman in red. Hilarious.

Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)

Yeah yeah

[18 August 2003]

I really like the character of Inspector Clouseu and Peter Sellers is the one who is taylor made for the character. Expect the usual from the Pink Panther movies, namely alot of cartoon style comedy. This is one of those movies that gave me a pain in my gut from laughing so hard. Herbert Lom is in this one once again as Chief Inspector Dreyfuss and as always he never fails to give us a good laugh. The finale takes place in Hong Kong this time and it's simply hilarious, don't miss Peter Sellers playing Inspector Clouseu for the last time before his tragic death.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Skip this part

[6/10 · 18 August 2003]

Well i don't see what's so terrifying about this movie but that's just me. I didn't watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for chills but i did watch it for excitement and it delivers BIG TIME. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was banned in the UK for 25 years so i expected something really shocking. It's not, there is very little blood and gore but the idea was shocking. I mean a maniac running around wielding a chainsaw is shocking but your not going to see any gruesome injuries caused by the chainsaw so if your looking for that, then avoid this one and watch horror movies like The Burning and The Prowler. There is quite a long dull gap in the middle of this movie with not much happening but the movie itself only lasts for around 75 minutes so it doesn't get that boring. If The Texas Chainsaw Massacre lasted 120 minutes then it would be hard to stay awake so i'm glad it is a short movie. The finale is very thrilling and turn up the volume on your TV to get the full effect. The sound of the chainsaw mixed in with the constant screaming of the leading lady is unparalled in any movie and will always be remembered by me. On the whole The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is better than most other slasher movies even without the blood but for the life of me i can't think why those awful sequels were made.

Don't Say a Word (2001)

okay

[4/10 · 11 August 2003]

I don't have much to say about this one. I love movies with Michael Douglas and i have really taken to Brittany Murphy, but this one failed to capture any real interest from me. The cover of the DVD said a thriller to end all thrillers. In what way is that, i mean i wasn't thrilled at all and i consider this movie to be more of a drama than a thriller. I do like Brittany's character here and Michael was good as always but the movie itself is quite slow and uninteresting so my personal rating is 4/10. This type of movie has been done before, but better. If you have nothing better to do then you might want to give it a go, just don't expect too much from it.

Big Fat Liar (2002)

Funny

[5/10 · 3 August 2003]

I like Big Fat Liar. My reason for watching this in the first place was because Amanda Bynes is in it and after seeing how hilarious she is in The Amanda Show, i had to check out more of her work. After the success of Home Alone, it would appear that the majority of people enjoy seeing children getting their own back against grown up bullies and this movie is the same thing again. It's not as funny as Home Alone but i never expected it to be, my only regret is that we didn't get to see enough of Amanda Bynes. Big Fat Liar contains many pranks pulled by the teenagers seeking their own back against Marty Wolf, it's fast funny and theres lots of cool music in there too including an 80's tune from Duran Duran, great stuff.

Mad Dog and Glory (1993)

It just gets better and better.

[3 August 2003]

I keep on watching this movie and i like it more every time i view it. I am very surprised with Bill Murray's character, it was something diffrent from his usual parts. This movie is a black comedy and it's very very funny in parts, some great performances here too especially from Bill Murray who i never expected to see working with Robert DeNiro. This ones a keeper.

Predator (1987)

You know what to expect from this.

[3 August 2003]

I first saw Predator when i was about 12 or 13. It appealed alot more to me then, Most of Arnold's action movies are the same old thing, lots of action and little storyline. But don't get the wrong idea, i still enjoy Predator and i have the DVD amongst my collection, it's just not one i watch that much because all it has to offer is the thrill of the action. If you like action movies you would love Predator because it's high on action but if you like good storylines to keep your interest, give it a miss.

Beethoven (1992)

Good clean family fun.

[1 August 2003]

I have seen Beethoven about three times now and it's still funny. I can reccomend this movie for the whole family. It's one that the parents can enjoy along with the kids. Here we have laughs galore and a story thrown in there too. I also found this movie to be moving, which i did not expect, and towards the end it went quite dramatic which i did expect since theres always a bad guy in these type of movies who is trying to harm the innocent animals. Be careful your kids don't throw tomatoes at the television screen whenever the bad guy shows up, he's a real stinker.

Mother's Day (1980)

skip this part

[2/10 · 30 July 2003]

Er...what can i say about Mother's Day. I just watched it last night after being desperate to see it for ages. I had the DVD imported from the US to the UK and was it worth it. Certainly not, but on the brighter side at least now my mind is put at rest and i can forget about this movie. What we have here is just what i expected from a Troma movie, lots of wacky bad humour, over the top gore scenes and alot of time wasting to make up the 90 minutes. Can someone tell me what happened in the final scene just as it goes to the credits. It was stupid and i still don't know what happened. I want to say at least one nice thing so here it is, there is a scene early in the movie where the blonde takes off her shoes to walk barefoot through a dirtroad and steps right on a big piece of dung. That scene was funny and i had a good laugh, the only time i laughed through the whole movie. Because of this one good scene i will be generous and rate Mother's Day 2/10. You will get the impression this movie is a comedic version of Last house on the left, so if that sounds good to you, give it a go but i think Troma movies were made to be bad.

The Amanda Show (1999–2002)

Hilarious

[27 July 2003]

Okay i realise i'm going to make myself very unpopular here just for my one line summary above, but i'm not going to let most of you say bad things about this show without saying why i think it ROCKS. This sketch style of comedy isn't usually my scene but Amanda Bynes is the most hilarious teen i have ever seen. She has the natural ability of being funny and a truckload of talent to go with it. When she does that hillbilly sketch i completely crack up. Infact i have laughed till my stomach was so tight i thought i would die. The only thing i don't like about the show is the segment on Moody's Point, it seems so dull and unfunny so i find myself channel hopping until that segment is over but the rest of the show is a total scream. Teenagers would prefer this style of entertainment to older people, i'm not a teenager but i never grew out of kids shows so i can still appreciate lighthearted comedy like The Amanda Show. Amanda portrays many diffrent characters and i think she performs great in all of them but i especially like the character of Courtney with the glasses and huge teeth. Courtney's appearance alone is enough to make me laugh and Amanda adds so much more to make Courtney even funnier than she already is. I'm not surprised Amanda Bynes is moving on to bigger things like her part in Big Fat Liar and i'm sure that's just the start for her. I'm looking forward to seeing alot more of Amanda in the future.

Showgirls (1995)

One of my favourites.

[27 July 2003]

I can't figure out why this movie is given such a hard time. Keep in mind that the story here is of a woman who seeks fame and fortune in Las Vegas, but she wants to be known for her talent rather than her body. What would you expect to see from that storyline, sex, nudity, betrayal, people trampling one another to reach the top? It's all here and if that's what was expected, it delivers BIG TIME. The movie made me feel as though i was right there watching in person, it seemed to come alive before my very eyes. Elizabeth Berkley gave a fantastic performance which captured my attention from start to finish, i can't believe she is the same actress who was in Saved By the Bell. The rest of the cast were all great too, the movie has the most dazzling dance performances i have ever seen. Forget Dirty Dancing and Flashdance, i'll take Showgirls anytime. Showgirls would be listed among my top ten favourite movies of all time and i have seen thousands so that's saying something.

Starship Troopers (1997)

What a ride

[9/10 · 31 March 2003]

Wow what a wild ride this was. Starship troopers doesn't have a dull moment in the entire movie and it will keep you on the edge of your seat right up til the end. This is what i call an action packed movie, full of special effects and enough gore to repulse even the most die hard gorehounds. The cast is terrific with upcoming names such as Casper Van Dien, Denise Richards, Dina Meyer and Patrick Muldoon, what a great idea to put up and coming names in this, rather than a bigshot moviestar who would only steal the spotlight. Starship troopers may be two hours long, but it doesn't drag on with meaningless drama the way alot of recent movies do, this one is one for your home DVD collection, i think this is one of the very best movies of 1997.

Hoffman (1970)

The best movie ever

[10/10 · 29 March 2003]

There is nothing bad i can say about Hoffman. It is very unusual and it might take some getting used to before you learn to love it. The first time i watched Hoffman, i didn't know if i liked it or not, but it stayed on my mind and i felt a desire to watch it again. After viewing it a second time i found it to be much better, perhaps because i knew what to expect so i could reflect more on the good points. Now i have seen Hoffman about ten times or more, and i still enjoy it more every time i watch it. Peter Sellers performance as Benjamin Hoffman is simply amazing and held my interest all the way through. Sinead Cusack's performance as Janet Smith was just as good, i think she was perfect for the part of a woman who finds Benjamin Hoffman to be a repulsive creepy and offensive man. Sinead's facial expressions completely cracked me up and her constant whining throughout the movie is just hilarious. Hoffman focuses entirely on the relationship between Benjamin and Janet for the entire movie, Benjamin blackmails Janet to stay with him in his apartment for two weeks where he would treat her with respect, that's the storyline, they work at the same place but have never talked, Benjamin just admires her beauty from afar knowing that a woman like her would never be interested in a man like him, especially with his maniac face as he puts it, there are no other characters except for at the beginning and end. The movie starts with Janet saying goodbye to her fiancee at the train station where he believes she is going to visit her grandmother for two weeks, however this is just a plan so her fiancee won't know she is really staying in the apartment of another man. She makes her way to Benjamin's apartment and is so uptight for the first part of the movie, refusing to take off her hat and coat, it's so nice to see her loosen up slowly as the movie progresses, to become more comfortable with Benjamin and talk to him, but whenever she starts to like him, Benjamin will say something crazy to ruin things between them. Two words i can think of to describe Hoffman are ABSORBING and HEARTWARMING, a black romantic comedy which can make you laugh, smile and cry (it's quite moving in a good way). These type of movies are very predictable, therefore you can guess what is going to happen at the end but Hoffman delivers laughs, clever lines, romance, brilliant acting and lots of nice piano music which was very suitable for the movie. Hoffman to me is an undiscovered masterpiece, it's worth every penny you would pay for the DVD which is available in the UK.