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Le_Canadien
Reviews
Rambo (2008)
This movie was a first for me!
This was the first Rambo movie I saw. This was the first movie I ever walked out of.
The movie opens with violence. Expected. Then a marauding John Rambo. Then more violence. Then the missionaries come. They offer the worst acting, and worst dialog I have heard from a movie since the Crocodile Hunter Movie. I did not expect a Scorsese movie, I went to see this for the ridiculous over-the-top action I saw in the Red-Band trailer, but good god almighty, they could of at least not made the characters sound like "The more you know!" commercials, and the actors could have tried to make it sound like they weren't reading off cue-cards. But that was just what made me offer to my friend that we could leave. It was the assault on a village where (I will now spoil 3 of the 100,000,000,002 acts of violence in the movie)It was when one CHILD was shot (graphically) One was pushed to the ground and bayoneted (graphically) And a toddler was grabbed from her mother's arms and thrown into a burning hut. THAT is when I walked out. I am not scared of violence, but that is not entertainment, that is brutal and disgusting.
The saddest part was looking back and seeing nothing but blank expressions on the audience's faces. If we are desensitized to that, that is sad. This was one of the, if not the, WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN. It is a sad, disgusting excuse for a movie. Bad plot, Bad dialog, Bad acting, and disgusting violence.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Honestly an Awful Movie
I believe i may be a rarity, someone who didn't like Sweeny Todd, but the movie is in all, bad.
(NO SPOILERS YET) 1. Most of the actors are awful singers. This coupled with the music being very boring and uninteresting lead to large chunks of the movie being impossible to enjoy. (just a note, listen to Elton John, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, all British singers whose accents disappear when they sing, it just happens, but Depp and Carter force out bad cockney singing. The bad music got old really fast. I am not biased, I really liked Chicago, Cradle Will Rock and other musicals, but the music is bad and the singers worse.
2. The story is really, really dull. Leave it to Stephen Sondheim to make a mass murderer boring. Not to mention the daughter falling in love with the young man despite only seeing him that one time and not even talking to him. She wants to spend the rest of her life with some man she just met.
(SPOILERS) 3. The Judge became more sympathetic than Todd. Its impossible for a person to sympathize with a man who murders innocent people for his own gain. But its easier to sympathize with a man who tried to redeem himself for driving Mrs. Todd insane by caring for, educating and protecting her Daughter, only to have his heart broken. Watching Todd kill the Judge just seemed wrong. Todd became a murderer of innocent people, its like siding with Gacy or Dahmer. If they had made a movie following the descent of a man into madness for his lost love or becoming obsessed with something (in his case revenge), it may have been a good movie. But Sweeny Todd does not explore any of that, the changes are cartoonishly simple and they clear out all psychology or character development to make way for that horrid music.
(SPOILERS END HERE) Redeeming Qualities: Every Scene with Sacha Baron Cohen and to a lesser extent the kid.
In all, the movie was boring. Even the gore (which looked foolishly like red paint) was not enough to make the movie entertaining. The characters were empty, the story was lame and predictable, and that singing, oh god that singing.
Also on a final note, I see a lot of mention of "Darkly funny" or "Comic". I laughed once maybe twice. The movie wasn't funny... at all.
Constantine (2005)
Success, total success.
Keanu Reeves fights demons, in a movie with Shia LaBeouf, that sounds terrible. But this movie is a fine contrast of terrible, Reeves does the melancholy jackass type with perfection, his inability to show emotion does him favor as John Constantine has the same trouble. The theology of the movie is perfectly done and everything is adequately explained, even though at some points the theology is read in dialog form and it doesn't work to entertain enough. The performances and the casting are done with great excellence, my only two problems in that department were Rachel Weisz's reading lines of her background story and Djimon Hounsou's accent changes, the first couple of lines he had were in cockney and I was excited as hell to hear that, but it faded to American English then back to the creole accent. The story unfolds beautifully with twists and turns I didn't expect, and the direction is spectacular. The scene in midnight's club with the half-breeds and the perfect circle song playing was a cool element, and anytime Balthazar(Gavin Rossedale) was on scene there was a burst of awesomeness in the style of the legendary movie bad-asses. But the Prize of the entire movie is the scene between Satan and John Constantine, Peter Stormare brings in a devlish form of the timeless carachter never seen before. Every time you look at him you get the feeling he's about to burst from his skin, he has an unusual eccentricity that is almost sick, it's totally deranged, almost a Kubric like monster. And any scene that an angel was shown, there was a lightening and outstanding presence on screen, most notably was Tilda Swinton's Gabriel, she played it spectacularly, the angel knows no feeling or emotion but she made a feeling of attraction to Constantine that was delightful, as small a screen presence as she had, it radiated throughout the movie. Shia LaBoeuf's carachter hadn't much use but a failed comic-relief and was lost throughout the movie. Pruitt Taylor Vince was perfectly cast as alcoholic father Hennesy, a psychic priest, his creepy, one of a kind eye movement utilized in Identity served amazingly in this one. All in all I loved this movie, I've always loved theology and history and this was a great touch to that sweet tooth, it's with defiance worth seeing more than once.
The Alamo (2004)
A Beautiful human portrayal of War, Great in the best sense of the word.
In the usual thoughts of The Alamo, you begin to think, Hardcore Action, Superheroes like Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie. Boy, you were wrong. The main reason for this film's bad rap is because the trailer marketed it as a Braveheart or Saving Private Ryan, this one proves to find itself in the more personal side of war. Despite constant bombardments by the Mexican army the film keeps a low-action tone until the last half hour or so. It, instead of focusing on the battle to defend the Alamo, John Lee Hancock depends on the "soldiers" defending it.
The film lays more on the shoulders of Sam Houston(Denis Quaid), Jim Bowie(Jason Patrick), William Barret Travis(Patrick Wilson) and Davy Crockett, The Lion of the West(Billy Bob Thorton). You would go in expecting Crockett to be the John Wayne infalable, super courageous, bear killing immortal but instead Billy Bob Thorton gives a human depiction of the legend. You can see the fear in his eyes and the determination in his soul with his suprise that the war ISN'T over when he arrives like he thought. He repeats to everyone, he can't jump the mississippi or fight bears. This, without a doubt is one of Thortons best performances. He dosen't take control and lead the Americans, this is left to Willam Travis, created flawlessly by Patrick Wilson.
An unexpectedly good Performance by the newcomer, he shows how Travis was inexperienced but still had the courage, inteligence and determination to fight who or whatever was thrown his way. When the time comes, he gives a speech to lead his men no matter how difficult the task is. He has a great quarrell with Jim Bowie for control, until finally the sick Bowie is forced to give Control to Travis because of his ailness. Bowie is played dead on by Patrick, he, even on his deathbed takes as many enemies to the grave with him before they steal the last minutes of his life. It was painful to watch Bowie do up the buttons of his waistcoat to join the battle, struggling to hold on to his own life. The men of the Alamo knew no help was coming especially from Houston who would not sentence his men to death trying to hold an old spanish mission.
The great Houston played by Denis Quaid in a simply "scrumtralescant" performance as the drunk war man trying to salvage what he could of his reputation by giving Texas it's freedom. Every carachter has their moment; Travis's speech, Bowie's attempt to do battle, Houston's "remember the Alamo!" and of course, one of the best scenes I have ever experienced in film when Crockett plays the violin along with the Mexican artillery march. This short moment is a scene of edenic quality inside the filthy deathbound fortress. Heaven visits the men as they live a minute or two of harmony in the dark hours of the seige, mexican and american alike.
By all this film proves it's excellence with it's spectacular battle scenes and outrageous sets deserving of an Oscar nomination, as well as Hancock's unique portrayal of lonely men in a war for their home. This film has found a high place in my favorites and is third(behind the passion and Eternal sunshine) as the best movie of the year so far. Hancock deserves awardment, as well as the rest of the Alamo. If I were to give this any other rating than A+, 10/10, two thumbs up, I would be a traitor to the world o film that I love so. I will always remember the Alamo.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
All is Silent, for the passion is shown in it's beauty
It's February 25th, I'm sitting in a large dark room jammed with people, everything is silent, nothing but whimpers from the the crowd can be heard. I'm inside the palace cinemas watching the Passion of the Christ. This film is the most violent and the most emotionally impacting film I have ever seen. The flogs and torture of The Christ are more emotionally painful than physically for the crowd. We see the one we know as our savior in truth, as we have never seen it before. Violence and gore that even shook my brother(of the Friday the 13th / Nightmare on Elm Street Crowd) To the point where he walked out.
That opening paragraph is more a warning that a review or comment. If you are to see this film BE VERY PREPARED because you're going to be shaken to the bottom of your soul. The acting, though not a film about performances, technique or cinematography, is flawless, James Caviezel disappears on screen and we're watching Jesus Christ through the eyes of a Jewish Peasant. The Music is perfect that it dosen't disrupt the emotion but it pushes it further. More importantly the Idea of this film, a personal message of the Passion of the Christ is hit home with power in which I have never seen. There may be complaints about the violence and the subtitled Arameic and Latin but I have this to say. The violence heightened the story and showed Jesus' love and devotion everytime he prayed for the men beating him. There are no subtitles. You subconciously read them and it's translated in your mind. The grace of this movie makes the usual distraction of reading from the screen nothing, mere nothingness. The stations of the cross are followed letter for letter creating one of the most beautiful, powerful and spiritual films in our history.
I have seen near 600 movies that I can remember and rate from D- to A+. This work of art is a sure A+ and finds itself in number 4 of my top movies. This IS not offensive. This IS not racist. And this IS not propagandha. THIS IS PERFECTION
A+
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
So it's come to this. (tiny spoiler, you've probly heard it allready)
So it's come to this, after one hundred or so years we reach the higheest point in cinematic history. Peter Jackson's stellar cast and flawless special effects combined with Tolkien's superb infallable storytelling create the greatest 3 and a half hours in history.
Eventhough some things were done that I disliked (i.e: Removing the Dol Armroth, Eliminating the Scourning of the Shire, the ending was too quick and forced, it felt uneasy and hadn't let as much emotion settle as it could have, Sam's wedding and homelife are unnesecary without the scorning, (!!SPOILER!!) Eomer's battle cry after the kings death that gave me chills when I read it was removed and given to Theoden before the ride of the rohirrihm, They never explained that Denethor had gotten hold of a Palantir and that's why he went mad and worst of all shuffelling Saruman (Christopher Lee) and Grima Wormtongue (Brad Dourif), two of my favorite carachters out of the picture without even a frame of their faces.) This winds up as a pure and honest masterpeice.
They never showed if Gamling survived or not, we saw green and gold caped men being crushed but they never specify if it was Gamling, Grimbold or Irolas. Madril's death was quite a suprise too. For the performances there are congrats all around but a few shinning stars; John Noble's chilling performance as the mad steward of Gondor. Billy Boyd and Dominic Mohnaghan give very good, quite emotional performances as Merry and Pippin. David Whenham as he did in TTT gave an outstanding portrayal of Faramir, eventhough his last scene where he is married to Eowyn is not explained that they fell in love.
Arwen's (Liv Tyler) scenes were kept to a bare minimum, which is a breath of fresh air after they out and out ruined the Two Towers. The special effects make Helm's Deep look like a tiny little schoolyard rustle. Pellenor field are truly breathtaking as they are filled with orcs, mumakil, horsemen, winged wraiths, trolls and Gondorian soliders. The scene in Shelob's lair is exhilarating, nothing in the history of movie monsters compares to this spider.
This movie, These movies, are in my opinion is the greatest task any creature living or dead has ever accomplished. Lets hope FINALLY it takes home the Academy Awards it deserves.
Johnny English (2003)
As funny as a family death. *possible spoiler*(movie's so predictable it dosent matter)
This complete mess of a film is most likely one of the worst of the year. I say "one of the worst" because it's intolerably unfunny antics are only beaten in cruelty by My Bosses Daughter. I have two questions of logic in this film, one is: WHY JOHN MALKOVICH!? WHY!? I'd like to be John Cusak for awhile as to crawl inside Malkovich's head and see what he was thinking by making this trash. Question Two: Who in the hell is Intelectually challenged enough to fund the creation of this worthlessness. This film and a landfill actually match well, a landfill is made from left over, unwanted trash. Johnny English is made of unfunny, unwanted, crude(as in revealing the nude behind of and elderly Cardinal) garbage. I hated every inch of this movie from Malkovich's french-stereotype of a character all the way to the last three seconds of the credits. (seeing a plain black screen was a relief). In total, avoid this movie **AT ALL COSTS** even if it means jumping in front of a bus, it's less painfull.
My Boss's Daughter (2003)
RUN FROM IT! RUN LIKE HELL!!!
In a year of Giglis, Marci Xs and From Justin to Kellys, there seems to be no hope in the film industry. Well don't be fooled! There is! Just not in this piece of crap! I researched at many movie sites to find the correct running time for this atrocity, I first saw 85 minutes and couldn't beleive it because of how slow this worthless trash moved. The only things in the "movie" that made me laugh were Dave Foley's scenes, he's the only actor they didn't make look like Geraldo Rivera. Even the great Michael Masden was brought into this mess. They blatanly ripped off the Vic "Mr. Blonde" Vega character and put it in a way under average movie(if you can call it a movie). If I began to name the things wrong with this movie, I would crash IMDB's database, so I wont elaborate. UNFUNNY, ILLOGICAL, DISGUSTING, SOON TO BE THE CAUSE OF MORE SUICIDES THAN THE STOCK CRASH... anything else you can think of to express hate. SOME ADVICE: Go see Seabiscuit, Open Range or Thirteen, because if this is your favored kind of film, you need some serious eye opening.
Along Came a Spider (2001)
An entertaining thriller loosely based on it's novel**possible spoiler**
I didn't find this movie to be as bad as the critics seem to label it. It was entertaining but should have been made by itself. The James Patterson novel is just barely seen portrayed on the screen, the only similar aspects are: The Character names, The Crime(just barely) and the final results of the case. In the end of the book Jezzie was put to death by the state, in the film it was by Alex Cross' bullet. They not only screwed that up but they cut the crimes commited by Gary Sonjei. He was a genius maniac in the novel, in the film he's a garden variety kidnaper/two time murderer. I am appauled with the adaptation, I myself could write/direct a better adaptation than the idiots making this one up. When you adapt a novel you dont rewrite it, you portray it on a screen.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
The only marks this left were scars from my sides splitting! **possible spoiler**
***Impossible to spoil because it is so predictable and idiotic***
This attempt at the slasher horror genre would have faired better in the same category as Scary Movie and Spaceballs. It works as a parodie more than a horor feature. Leatherface is a mentally chalenged monster, the leader is a psychopathic redneck and leatherfaces brother is insane and non-threatening. Franklin the cripple could have taken him in a knife fight. Worst element of all was the 40 minute chase between the hit chick and leatherface. The end of that chase was stupider than the whole movie itself. The crocodile hunter colosion course was a better peice of work than this, and crocodile hunter is the most terrible film I had ever seen before this.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Inadvertant Comedy
This movie had spectacular special effects, and great battle scenes. But the plot was worse than something Madonna would write. They put a retarded love story in the midst of what's Important. PEARL HARBOR. To call this by that is pretty stupid, loosely based on Pearl Harbor is more like it. One more thing to point out is the acting. John Voight, Colm Feore, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alec Baldwin and Tom Seizemore. They were magnificent in this film. Kate Beckinsalt, Josh Hartnet, and Ben Affleck(The last two cant act period) were aful. The only thing that was tear-jerking about this attempted Drama was the Acting by the main (screen hogging If i may say) Lead cast.
Road to Perdition (2002)
Hanks, Law, Newman, Tucci, Masterpeice!
First setting us up with American Beauty then Knocking us down with Road to Perdition. This Geniusly made Drama-King has a spot in my top ten for a sure thing! A drama set in the thirties about Mike Sullivan(Hanks) a mob-like hitman who finds himself running from everyone and everything he held dear to save his son from ultimate tradjedy.
Paul Newman's academy award nominated role as the rich boss of Mike Sullivan is played flawlessly. Hanks gives a first rate performance along with his acclaimed supporting cast. I loved every bit of this movie so much I had trouble returning it to the videostore! I applaud this film but mourn the unjustice of it's Academy Award passover only being nominated for 4 or so awards. Not including Best Picture unfortunately, it would have fared much better there than that Boring, flawed, just plain annoying mistake of a film Chicago.
Hamlet (1996)
a Masterpeice beyond all just word
A shame indeed that this epic film of pure greatness was overshadowed by the half-assed Jerry Maguire when it came to the academy awards. By far the best telling of Shakespear's play since he himself directed it. Kenneth Branagh is now deemed a Genius in my book, this film was all it took.
Se7en (1995)
A darkly magnificent thrill-ride
Dark and mysterious, the ways of the film, along with it's villain. Further and further into the film you feel the fear inject itself into your veins. Untouchable performances from Freeman, Spacey and Emery but an awful performance by Brad Pitt. A little advice, don't watch the movie in the dark... at least not with your eyes open.