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Pussytiddy
Reviews
Star Trek: Is There in Truth No Beauty? (1968)
Guest starring a trout...
Fred Freiberger's hatchet job mission nears completion as this episode guest stars the dreadful Diana Muldaur and the senior crew of The Enterprise (Kirk, Spock, Bones and Scotty) are somewhat ridiculously fawning all over Muldaur's character and calling her every beauty under the sun...she's blind, but there IS taking pity too far!!A boring episode that goes nowhere, though the ship DOES leave our galaxy for a short while they do ZERO investigating...odd for a crew employed to seek out strange new worlds.Because the episodes centres too much around Muldaur it is a complete waste of time 'action' wise. Muldaur was dreadful in TNG, and she was dreadful when she guest starred in the Original Series.Give this episode a miss...you'll be missing VERY LITTLE and you'll avoid having to gaze upon something much worse than a Medusan...namely an ugly old trout named Muldaur!
The Transporter (2002)
Vomit
This film is like something bad that the dog rolled in and brings into the house. It holds a personal record: the shortest viewing time of a bargain basket DVD before I felt compelled to yank the damn disc out of the machine and throw it across the room....and they hadn't even completed the credits. It came paired with "Vanishing Point" which I already had. The Transporter had 'Macho Duck' written all over it from the opening scene and I'm afraid that was enough for me....yet another example of modern movie maggot husbandry where 'action' and "Look at me...look what I can do!" (like some little brat sat in an amusement arcade racing car/fighter jet) is all that matters. Dennis Weaver in "Duel" never felt the need to wave around his ketchup coloured Plymouth Valiant like an extension of his penis...so it became a 'cult movie'...a very good one at that. It also had the decency to let you sit down before the action began...what is it with movie makers today thinking that you've got to start a bloody film before the credits are through??
The Parade (1984)
A parade of great acting!
I WASN'T in this film...and I don't think Pussytiddy came within a million miles of being invited in as an extra...still, I won't hold it against the makers because this little gem is one of my 'go to' movies when I'm struggling for something to watch.
The story is a reasonable one I guess, in a small Kansas town where everybody seems to know each other's business, and where being at the head of a parade is a big deal. A small town where having a convicted dad no matter how innocent he is, is a mark against even the prettiest girl. And conservative mid-western values like going to church and not getting involved with handsome young hoodlums is certainly gonna get the congregation chattering when you go against these social mores. So the tale of a family man released from prison for a killing he didn't do and not being able to adjust is very realistic.
Frederic Forrest as that freed jail bird is his typically brilliant under stated self. He comes across as decent and nowhere near as bitter as one might expect because he realises he has made mistakes. He just wants to be back with his family and somehow make it up to them and prove that he can get things right.
Michael Learned plays his lovely wife who has gotten by without him, as he wouldn't even allow her to visit him in jail. She is still in love with him, having refused the attentions of her understanding boss. Now she is worried that her young adult daughter is getting mixed up with a slightly crooked fellow...just as she once did all those years ago.
Geraldine Paige was absolutely wonderful as the matriarch of the house. She pretty much steals every scene she was in and very much like Ethel Barrymore in "Young At Heart" she could steal those scenes from a seated position with just a look and not a word spoken. Now THAT is acting.
Rosanna Arquette was simply divine as the daughter who is desperately in love and wants to escape the confines of the small town...but realises that her timing is poor because her dad is just returning and he wants to get to know her. Her character is so fragile that I find myself just wanting to hold her.
If you were a fan of series like The Waltons...gentle family drama, this film will surely appeal...Michael Learned's character is like Olivia Walton with a tad more spunk. The daughter is much like the wilful Mary Ellen. The matriarch has more marbles/street savvy than Grandma Walton. The father would work just as hard as John Walton, if someone will give him a chance. I guess this family are The Waltons with the added realism of some rough edges. They don't make enough films like this...sadly.
Only 9/10 because as Rosanna leaves town on the train, I'm left wondering what became of her and the family...it was crying out for a sequel.
True Crime (1999)
"We go fast...." Yeah....straight into cinema oblivion Mr Eastwood.
This Produced and Directed by and starring Clint Eastwood vehicle comes across as yet another Eastwood ego trip, he's even shoving his love of jazz down the viewer's throat again...and I think what we have here is a clear example of what happens when there isn't anybody there to say 'NO!'
The story is ruined by knowing from the early scenes, the 'race against the clock' conclusion. It's all too obvious. The acting isn't great either. Denis Leary has one expression on his face throughout...a face that was just crying out for a good kicking! James Woods was under used and yet I thought his scenes were the film's highlights but a mere cameo couldn't save this wreck. Mary McCormack was equally wasted in her little part. The very worst piece of casting was Bernard Hill....truly bizarre. I don't suppose America has much idea about Yosser Hughes...
I don't think it's possible to act and direct and give your best to both jobs. The pacing is all ponderous and Eastwood's performance is lazy...just the typical late era Eastwood characterisation of a hard drinking, lecherous b***ard who just happens to be the best at his job and it's lucky that it all just comes easy to him. Swap Dirty Harry's nose for his reporter's nose in this bilge...it's like Mr Benn trying on a different uniform each week.
I loved Dirty Harry but those films became formulaic...and so has much of his acting since. The Space Cowboys bilge was even worse than this clunker, so maybe he's trying to kill his iconic status before he dies?
The Devil's Arithmetic (1999)
Schindler's List Lite....
This was yet another pickup out of the bargain basket...I'd never even heard of Kirsten Dunst nor Brittany Murphy...vacuous 'teen movies' don't appeal to me and here in Pussytiddy world, all celebrity 'news' is avoided like the plague...or dental plaque. Schindler's List is an all time favourite of mine but I knew not to expect a blockbuster here. I was struck by the authentic scenery...Eastern Europe has tended not to have changed much from the actual days of occupation by the Germans and then the USSR. I still find myself looking for satellite dishes...pvc windows...but everything looked suitably spartan. The story...well I'd not realised that we were going off on a fantasy trip, having merely glanced at the synopsis when rummaging through the bargain basket.
Other reviewers have highlighted the small budget short comings like the camp being far too small and too sanitary, the guards not being numerous or nasty enough....hence Schindler's List Lite. This IS a 'teen movie' after all, an introduction to what the Nazis did, but without every gruesome detail of Schindler's List....fetid latrines, rats, corpses, all were missing here. With a '12' rating in the UK, it was never going to be 'detailed' regarding brutality.
I looked up on Google about the two stars and now I'm afraid that I couldn't watch it again without thinking about what happened to the once beautiful Brittany Murphy. Schindler's List has made this reviewer cry when Oskar breaks down with guilt. This film isn't really aimed at hard boiled Pussytiddies, but even I thought it was a clever movie and for kids of 12 and over it has a lot of merit.
Star Trek: Arena (1967)
Hilarious...
This is one episode I'll watch over and over because of the hilarious fight scenes between Kirk and the Gorn. Wrestling commentator Kent Walton used to make a lot of 'speed and agility'...well I wonder what he would've made of the Gorn!! Telegraphing his punches? He was using carrier pigeons.
The actual storyline is a bit daft because the Gorns want the human 'invaders' off 'their planet' Cestus 3, yet they lure more humans there with a fake distress signal. This heralds the chase to the death where the Metrons intercede. Not a brilliant entry to the Star Trek legend, but the scenes on the asteroid are a laugh with the breathless lizard throwing huge polystyrene boulders at Kirk. Then later, Kirk's at the top of a cliff where there's a boulder waiting on the edge (that's straight out of The Roadrunner Vs Wile E Coyote!)...our poor giant lizard is industriously making a man trap below and Kirk looks at the boulder...then at the Gorn...and I feel for the Gorn just like I do for the poor Coyote because we know what's coming...poor bugger!
This isn't really a classic episode, but an unintentionally very funny one.
Star Trek: The Conscience of the King (1966)
Better left on the cutting room floor...
A dreadful Enterprise outing. A really dull story poorly told. Guest star Barbara Anderson over acts her way through this story...or was she simply over acting as the actor's talentless actress daughter? We get the chance to see again, Lt Kevin Thomas O'Reilly....'demoted' to auxiliary control (after his nearly destroying the ship at the planet Psi having turned the engines off, I'm surprised Kirk would trust him!) and a poisoning kitchen gloved hand spraying machine oil into his glass of milk. Sad because he's alone, life gets worse for him when Nichelle Nichols starts 'singing'....surely a fate worse than poisoning!! So we get a dull story line with little real action...then Uhura warbling...it doesn't get much worse than that. Those are the stand out moments for me...and that says it all for this episode.
Agency (1980)
Tongue firmly in cheek...
The cast play this movie as a camp comedy....the main plot line that a crooked would be secret government are using subliminal messages in TV ads to sway elections could make for a fine straight political thriller. Agency isn't played as a gripping thriller but it comes across that the cast were having a ball...especially Bob Mitchum as comic book baddie. Lee Majors is okay as 'the hero'. He has his comic moments as he escapes from Mitchum's goofy henchmen...villains straight out of Batman!Saul Rubinek almost steals the film from under Majors and Mitchum's noses...but his witty cat loving character, Goldstein just isn't in the thing long enough. Valerie Perrine as Lee Majors' love interest is pretty much a throw away part. Meanwhile, Alexandra Stewart just exudes a cool Teutonic type beauty...it's noticeable that her character is seen getting on a private jet with the man who was obviously Mitchum's boss/paymaster...as if she was planted at the ad agency to keep an eye on Mitchum. It also left a way open for a sequel! The quality of the print for my DVD was just awful...it seems that no decent print survives and though some might say "Good!!" I think it's a shame because this cheesy and cheap Canadian flick is not so bad as long as you don't expect a stellar movie...this was obviously not a film to boost any actor's reputation, merely to pay the rent check, played with tongue firmly in cheek...
U-571 (2000)
Utter garbage
It's a pity that I can't award this stupid piece of Hollywood a big fat ZERO for that is what it deserves! Hollywood re-writing history again...thankfully this crap doesn't get shown on TV as often as The Great Escape used to be...they share the typical macho duck stupidity when it comes to the action scenes and heroic phooey. I didn't actually manage to stay with this film until the end because it actually began to make me feel ill! I'm English and it truly annoys when the Hollywood mob start re-writing history to the extent where it's now America who won WW2. My advice to anyone with at least half a brain, is to avoid this movie and certainly don't bother BUYING it! (even when it's on offer in the local supermarket bargain basket)
House on Haunted Hill (1959)
Classic Vincent Price
I don't need to watch the 'modern' rehash of this campy 50s horror classic because I have the original and modern remakes tend to be pointless,politically correct and totally inferior in every way! There are certain scenes that stay in my mind and the best generally involve Price...for example, down in the cellar with the acid bath as his character dispatches his tiresome wife into the afterlife with what is supposedly his own ghostly skeleton...only it's hard not to notice that where he once towered over his wife, she now towers over his bones. It's an hilarious scene.So too is the one where the grizzled old bat of a house keeper seemingly floats along the cellar floor. In typical 50s horror fashion, the lead female (the one the evil wife and doctor are trying to drive insane) is expected to scream....a lot. This film over does that...I generally mute the TV when I know she's about to let rip! Vincent Price is his usual hammy self...he seems to be really enjoying himself...it's hard not to join him with House on Haunted Hill! The remake's 'guests' maybe offered a million bucks apiece rather than the ten grand of the original, but I know that inflation won't have improved the telling of this story one jot!
Only When I Laugh (1979)
Enough to make me feel ill
A dreadful TV series that I used to know as "The Suppurating Bedsores Show".(In those days my family only had one TV and I didn't always get the final say about what we watched).The idea of the three main characters being sat in a hospital bed for the duration of this series honestly made me feel ill! It's been a long time since I've suffered this garbage but I'm sure it never gave me a laugh. Richard Wilson as the curmudgeon of a doctor would later strike TV fame with his portrayal of cynical pensioner Victor Meldrew.
Maybe the greatest handicap that the likes of "Only When I Laugh" and the similarly dreadful "Wish You Were Here" had, was that UK TV sitcoms were,in general, better if they WEREN'T made by one of the ITV franchises. (similar era...compare these shows with the BBC's far superior "Porridge" or "Citizen Smith" that were still funnier even as repeats).
And is it merely my memory playing tricks or didn't ITV sitcoms have more manic sounding 'canned laughter' as if the makers were desperately trying to convince everyone that these shows were really funny...but only served to put sensible people off watching them.
The Thin Red Line (1998)
modern era garbage
That this piece of garbage, littered with "big name actors" was nominated for 7 Academy Awards in 1998 (inc Best Picture) but not in the 'Best Actor' category says all you need to know about the apparent mindset of the makers...let's fill this thing to the gunnels with a multi million dollar cast...then we don't need to worry about the laughable script, laughable acting and lack of action. Indeed, I watched the death of Woody Harrelson's character and I felt sure this scene was an attempt at high comedy!! Nobody seemed able to die without making a big palaver over it. This film is best seen as an unwitting comedy because the viewer will never get those hours back. It's also best considered as one of those dreadful films of the 'modern era' that proves that the art of good film making died in Hollywood a long time ago. If you haven't already been suckered into buying a cheap DVD release, maybe my suffering won't have been for nothing if I can save you your time and money: DON'T BUY THIS FILM if you're expecting a straight (and sensible)war movie action flick!
Original Intent (1990)
Mawkish garbage...
I watched it and wondered about Candy Clark's career decisions. I have had a soft spot for her but she sure has been involved in some clunkers and this is one she could've done without. Her character as the career wife has her made out to be almost the bad guy in this movie about hand wringing pity for the homeless getting in the way of the bad big business types.
Worst of all are the parts played by Kris Kristofferson and Martin Sheen. Sheen turns in his standard performance as an alcoholic ("Beyond The Stars", "Shattered Spirits")and Kristofferson is the goody two shoes worker at a shelter for the homeless. They aren't believable. Sheen is so bad that he's almost comedy...Kristofferson is merely puke inspiring.
Jay Richardson as the lawyer who had forgotten his 'original intent' (to help people) is cardboard...soft and floppy cardboard soaked by the rain. He wrings his hands and gets the guilts that he has never really noticed the homeless before. WHY should he?? Add to this 'plot'/ baloney that his wife is in cahoots with (and can't afford to upset) the big bad businessman that wants to tear down the Shelter for the Sheen...well it's contrived hokum designed to jerk tears, with homeless mothers begging a bed for the night for her young daughter (Garrrrd give that girl a carrot!) and the shelter being full. (It's a wonder that they resisted throwing in Christmas)
It could've been worse...they might've turned this garbage into a TV series! 4 out of 10 simply for the Candy factor.
Falling from the Sky: Flight 174 (1995)
Can I get you anything sir? Some cheese perhaps?
Yup, another cheesy 'disaster movie'...true, it wasn't made in the 70s, but it's all here, including we the viewer being able to hear the victims' thoughts! There's the quick biographical nonsense that doesn't really matter cos we don't really care about the people going through this terror in the sky. We also have Mariette Hartley and Gloria Carlin exchanging gossip...Coffee Morning Woman is alive and well, and on the ground!! I don't know why they bother with the scenes involving this pair...just obvious padding.
possible spoiler There's a curious anomaly with the ground radar...174 drops off the screen after the engines die of fuel starvation because the transponder has no juice. The snappy radar man announces that he's switching to primary- which SHOULD show an unidentified blip on his screen...but it doesn't...as if the big jet liner had stealth properties! How to hide a 150 ton Boeing...silent running (!) AND radar invisibility...wow! Yet through all the cheesy scenes and oh so cheesy dialogue, I still found the film has a charm. Perhaps its nod towards the 70s disaster movie fad. Also, that this happened for real gives it a gravitas it would otherwise have lacked. Fans of Gerry Anderson shows might like to note Jeremy Wilkin as the old RAF pilot who shows stiff upper lip as the plane falls out of the sky.
The end credits tell the viewer that our snappy radar man finished his shift and was at work the next day...err...why should it be otherwise? he didn't bring the plane down, it was the flight deck crew!
Star Trek: The Alternative Factor (1967)
It's that whispy beard one....
...that's what I remembered most about this awful entry to the Star Trek pantheon. I mean this episode just had to be the most boring of the season and as other reviewers have intimated, it really belonged in the weaker third season when the Original Series was dancing with the Grim Reaper and awaiting the inevitable axe. Confusing to viewer and cast alike; did ANYONE know what was going on in this aimless outing for the Enterprise and her crew? The guest star, Robert Brown, just annoyed the hell out of me with that damn awful beard! He had the same effect on me as the equally annoying Diana Muldaur who showed up on Star Trek too often: OH NO!! It just meant an episode that wasn't going to be as watchable because the guest star was an annoying trout that detracted from the story....a weak story in this case. Kirk, Spock and Bones met 'Lazarus' on his own private planet (purchased at Planet Mart by a 'Mr Brack'??) where he built beautiful androids because he was bored by humans and their petty squabbles...he had nothing to do with a boring, ugly git with a whispy beard and badly applied Elastoplasts! James Daley made a better guest star than the alternatively factored Robert Brown hastily levered in with a tyre iron....beam me up Panda!
The Lightship (1985)
The Lightship should've been sunk
I bought this movie on video from a charity shop (PDSA)...well that was MY excuse. I expected better from Robert Duvall who was incomprehensible for much of this film's 84 minutes. He wasn't alone...the plot, such as it was, was also incomprehensible...I've watched the damn thing twice now and I still can't make out what nor why. There's far too much chat and not nearly enough action. It takes some dragging out to 84mins so that explains the funereal pacing. There doesn't seem, least not to me, to be any good reason for setting this film on board a lightship. Did the makers think that the novel setting and its exclusivity would make this malarkey stand out from the crowd?? The lightship outshines the cast...but it takes more than a rotting hulk of a boat to save this incomprehensible clunker. I wouldn't be unhappy if the player chews up this particular video!