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jeremy-kelem
Reviews
The Little Mermaid (2023)
Best Disney Movie in a While
I haven't been watching Disney movies for a while, ever since The Avengers ended. I don't necessarily avoid them, but I tend not to watch them, mostly due to low quality and lack of originality. But this one wasn't bad. Good performances, and they didn't leave out anything important. The songs by Alan Menken are really good, and the VFX team did a good job making all the fish. I would have liked to see some new ideas, maybe a fresh take on the story, or a new tone. Something to justify spending all that money to make it, besides more money. That said, overall, they did a good job, the movie is adequate. I wouldn't recommend paying to see it, but it's definitely worth a watch when it comes to Netflix.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Masterpiece. Strong Contender for Best Animated Feature.
I would like to start this review by saying that I had not heard of the Mario video games or any related media prior to the screening of this film. I normally prefer the films of David Lynch, and I regretfully cannot say that I enjoy the likes of Pixar or the dreadful Minions. However, the occasional animated film, such as Anomalisa or Shaun the Sheep, catches my eye. I am pleased to say that The Super Mario Bros. Movie is in the latter category.
This film is a shocking, absurdist deconstruction of the animated blockbuster genre. I can't remember the last time a film so expertly centered its production decisions around a central theme. The character design, set design, sound design, all tie into the central theme of life finding a way. Take the silly venus fly-trap monsters Mario must battle while traversing the terrain of the Mushroom Kingdom. They grow out of bright green sewer pipes, a not-so-obvious nod to the way fauna flourishes despite the urbanization of the modern world.
Not a single moment is wasted, with every second of the rather brisk runtime dedictated to sharp, poignant scenes. All have clear arcs, conflict, and the subtle build of tension. The characters are equally intriguing. Character development and world-building are cleverly shown rather than told. Why have a character say "nature will always beat the machines" when you could have characters obliterate outrageous, hulking monster trucks with a turtle shell? It's simply genius.
I can't recommend this film more, though it may go over the head of those not versed in classic cinema. I will definitely be buying it on 35mm when it becomes available. I didn't think it would be possible for a film to make me reconsider my stance on video games. The Super Mario Bros. Movie makes The Last of Us seem a little more palatable, in hindsight.
Jungle Beat: The Movie (2020)
Grand
I like it. It is a good movie. It is not too long. It has lots of characters to make you laugh and sing. It made me have fun and my grandson Jacob liked it too although I don't think he really understood it, he is only 10. I would like to tell who ever made this movie good job. Good job everyone. And good job you for watching this movie with me (although later haha ;). Anyway it is a good movie. Goodnight!
-Dan
Castle: Tone Death (2016)
Best Castle Episode, Hands Down
This episode is hilarious! I absolutely loved the drama between Castle and Beckett! But what I loved the most were those a cappella groups! Why do the Treble Boyz not have their own spin off series by now? That beatboxer guy was sexy. Having Corbin Bleu was such a surprise! He was hilarious. The riff off scene is by far the coolest! All those a cappella kids are so talented. ABC needs to bring those kids back. They could do an a cappella episode of The Fosters, or maybe whatever else is on ABC. Or just make a show about those a cappella kids. I'm telling you, that would be awesome. They'd be all hilarious and it would be just like Pitch Perfect but on TV and even more ethnically diverse and cool.
Video Game High School (2012)
Deluded Piece of Trash
This movie is atrocious. I will come out and say it, I'm not a gamer. I don't buy into internet culture. I have played video games before, but I was completely lost here. In the first ten minutes, at least fifty references to really, really specific video-gamey things were thrown out. I have played Call of Duty, but I have no idea what a lan party is. Is it like a lawn party?
The dialog was pretty bad. I was completely not sold on video gaming becoming as popular as it is. Characters who were supposed to be "cool" and desired by women first off did not have the looks or charisma to warrant such affection, and then proceeded to just make asses of themselves when they opened their mouths. There's a scene where the main character gets "bullied" by some scrawny Asian kids, who shove him and demand game coins, and then ride away together on a tandem bicycle. Why not just give them the coins? They're worthless! Just play more of the game you like, make more coins, and you'll be fine!
That said, the movie does look pretty fantastic for low budget. The effects hold up to today's standards, and even in moments of sheer disbelief at what I was seeing, it wasn't at the bad effects. When the nerdy bullies rode away on a flying tandem bike, I wasn't laughing because the bike's glowing rainbow wheels looked bad; they looked good. It just wasn't something that should have been in there.
This movie is something you should skip. If you like laughing at nerds, you might like it, because it's pretty great to see what their idea of being cool is. I do, however, have respect for the filmmaker, and am ready to watch his next project, assuming it does not pander to geeks.
Happy Feet Two (2011)
The Single Most Boring Movie I've Ever Seen
When I saw the trailer for Happy Feet Two, I was surprised to see that it didn't contain any real plot details, and just had a lot of singing penguins. I figured that it was just a teaser trailer, and that the actual movie was sure to be different. It wasn't. When I went to see the movie in theaters, (I walked out of Jack and Jill, and decided to settle with this.) I wondered how the creators were going to make a sequel to Happy Feet work. The answer is simple: They didn't. The first forty minutes or so serves as exposition. Just characters travelling from place to place, meeting new people, then moving on. Despite the dozens of characters that are introduced, only one of them has actual problems: Mumble's son, Eric. He has legitimate problems (confidence issues or something) but the problem is that once Eric's shortcoming's are introduced, they fade into the background and are never brought up again. Meanwhile, two krill break off from their swarm, and spew existentialist blather until they have a lover's spat, split up, then get back together again after a whole lot of screaming and being thrown around by characters who are actually part of the story. That covers the first forty minutes. After that, a huge chunk of ice breaks off of a glacier for no reason addressed on camera, and traps the penguin colony. Maybe it would have been more interesting if all the speaking character's weren't all outside the confinement. But whatever. Some humans show up to dig the penguins out, but a snow storm makes them leave, rendering the last ten minutes of watching them work pointless. Then the penguins try to fly out, thanks to the advice of what is obviously a PUFFIN, which everybody thinks is a penguin. The flying doesn't work, since penguins can't fly no matter how hard they believe in themselves and flap their wings, so in despair, Mumble starts tap dancing, something that was ignored for an entire hour of movie. The rest of the penguins start dancing too, and more and more different species show up to dance the penguins out of their entrapment. This is essentially a half hour long mash-up of songs that were good before penguins started trying to sing them in the wrong octave with an orchestra backing them up. This is interspersed with a horrid solo by Eric. I'm not sure how they achieved their end result, but it sounded like they chipmunked an adult, since Eric's voice sounded bizarre and metallic, and had way too much vibrato for a little kid.
The pros: Fantastic animation. I did not see it in 3d, but it strikes me as something that would have looked pretty good in it.
The cons" Everything else. I was bored almost the entire time. The only enjoyment I got out of the experience was seeing the trailer for the Lorax, and laughing about how The Lorax sounded like Frank from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
To recap, do not see this movie. It's dumb, it's pointless, and it's devoid of fun. It's the single most boring movie I've ever sat through.
Ratatoing (2007)
Not even as good as the title suggests...
The good news is that this isn't really a ripoff. The only similarity between the plots of this and Pixar's Ratatouille is that it has rats that cook. While Ratatouille was set in Paris, a city known for it's fantastic food, Ratatoing is set in Rio de Janeiro, (inexplicably referred to only as "the city", it's not like the name is copyrighted or anything)a city which probably has good food, but isn't known for it. The plot progresses as such: Marcell Toing and his friends steal ingredients from human restaurants to supply their own restaurant (they never take anything of any significance; they just steal one strawberry and claim it will keep the restaurant stocked for a week.). To put it simply, it's forty-five minutes of the first couple of minutes of Ratatouille, minus the animation, voice acting, and the coherent course of action. There is another group of rats who seek to discover the secret of Ratatoing. When they uncover the secret, instead of using it to their advantage and stealing food as well, they just ruin the restaurant for everybody by making the secret publicly known. The animation in the movie is god awful. Nothing has any texture, and there were multiple moments where I thought "What is that thing supposed to be?" or "What's wrong with that character's bone structure? They shouldn't move like that." So, should you watch this movie? Do you like laughing at how terrible some movies are? If yes, then this thing is a goldmine.
The Woman (2011)
Ultra-Feminist Garbage.
I went into this film knowing practically nothing. I hadn't seen any trailers, I just saw the poster and decided it would be cool to watch. The film started, and I was willing to overlook bizarre plot holes, such as why the man would want to capture the woman in the first place, and why he slapped his wife for no particular reason. As the film progressed, there were more and more of these moments that took me out of the film. There is a scene where the son is accused of molesting the titular woman. However, this did not actually happen, and while it might have happened off screen, what the child actually did was far more horrific and made more sense than molestation. When the film ended, there was a bizarre feminist message about how women are right, and at that point I realized how much I hated the movie. It all fell into place, the strange scene with a girl challenging a boy to basketball, the husband's bizarre woman-hating rant. This film gets a 4/10 because it kept me entertained while I was watching it, but loses the rest of the points for making me hate it when I was done.