joyomi Reviews

The Invisible Man (I) (2020)

Boring and predictable.

[4/10 · 10 March 2020]

The movie was to long, and it was very predictable and boring at parts. I also wouldn't really call it a horror, it had a couple of decent creepy moments, but devolves into an action/sci-fi in the second half. I wouldn't rush out to watch this in the theatre.

Phantasm (1979)

Great atmosphere

[7/10 · 8 July 2019]

Phantasm has a great atmosphere and feels very dream like. The plot doesn't make to much sense, but the effects and the Tall Man make up for it. The movie has a foreboding feeling throughout. I would definitely recommend Phantasm.

Child's Play (2019)

Terrible Horror Mixed with Unfunny Comedy.

[3/10 · 21 June 2019]

Don't waste your time with this and just go watch the original Child's Play, a classic. The kid characters were all terrible and I wanted them to get killed, the lady who played the mom was atrocious. Chucky looks terrible and has no personality at all, he's no longer scary or funny. Every joke in the movie falls flat, and I was never tense or even once scared. It also lacks the great gritty atmosphere of the first. I was very disappointed, everything about this movie is forgettable.

Us (II) (2019)

Overrated and Overhyped!

[5/10 · 28 March 2019]

I was suckered into watching this movie because of the rave reviews, and other than a few creepy scenes this movies fails as an horror film. The plot starts off alright but quickly becomes a confusing mess with many holes and makes zero logical sense. I was never excited or tense while watching this, it was really even somewhat boring. The film has no real atmosphere other than about three total scenes that where somewhat unnerving. The acting was fine I guess, but this movie is not a great horror film, and I believe it is very overrated. The movie could have been better if the ending nonsense was left out, it's really bad.

Suspiria (I) (2018)

Pretentious Horror that fails.

[4/10 · 6 November 2018]

Suspiria was not scary, it had no atmosphere and the music from the douchebag from Radiohead didn't fit the tone of the movie. Suspiria from the 70's had a very colorful and creepy atmosphere, plus the music was actually eerie, the 2018 version has none of that. I feel like this movie tries so hard to have some deep meaning to it, but it's just pretentious artsy garbage that hipsters will be into. I was never tense or excited, and in the last half hour the film goes over the top and not in a good way. I would recommend anyone to watch the classic from the 70's and not waste 150 minutes on this bore. I will say I did like the scene where the girl gets contorted like a pretzel, but that's about it.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Lighthearted fun.

[7/10 · 29 October 2018]

A movie about alien clowns crashing into small town America and turning the residents into cotton candy. This is not to be taken seriously, and it's a fun cute movie with cool 80's effects and some over the top kills. I love the way the clowns look, and everything feels really creative and imaginative. The story is pretty basic, killer clowns crash into a small town and college kids have to save the day. The movie knows it's having fun, and if you're looking for a silly movie to waste time on, I would definitely recommend this.

Halloween (I) (2018)

Alright, but had no atmosphere.

[6/10 · 20 October 2018]

Halloween (2018) was alright, but it lacks atmosphere that made the first one a classic. Some of the scenes are lifted from the original but pale to the atmosphere and scares of the 1978 film. I was never really bored though, and the pacing was good and I was entertained. So yeah, Halloween is alright, it could have been much better and memorable if it was directed better. Also, I though the comedy was terrible.. but the audience in the theatre where into it.

The Meg (2018)

Enjoyable but not stupid enough to be good.

[6/10 · 13 August 2018]

I enjoyed The Meg, it is a fun action/thriller about huge killer sharks staring Jason Statham and Bingbibg Li. I was never bored during the film, but it's just not going to be memorable because it was not over the top or stupid enough to be remembered. I'm not saying it has to be like Sharknado, but it would have benefited with more cheese and insane action. I liked Jason Statham as Jonas, even though he's a generic action hero. Bingbing Li is terrible though, she has no emotion in her lines and is extremely flat. She was included to pander to the Chinese and Asian market.

The CGI is really good, and the action is exciting, so I would recommend you to watch this, the story is shallow but expected. It just could have been so much better if it didn't take itself so seriously. One other complaint is that it should have been rated R, there was hardly any violence and it had a good setup for a bloody finale, but since it was PG-13 we missed out big time. Way better than Jurrasic World Fallen Kingdom..

Suspiria (1977)

All style with no substance.

[6/10 · 23 July 2018]

An American girl goes to Germany to a prestigious ballet boarding house, only to find out its controlled by a coven of witches. The movie has good style and atmosphere, but that's about it. There is no memorable story, and it feels disjointed and random. I don't care about any of these characters, since there is no development. The best thing about this film is the bright colors and the last 20 minutes were pretty tense and actually quite creepy. The kills are also pretty gory for the time. So yeah, Suspiria has good style and atmosphere, but lacks a story and characters. The only character I will remember from this is the blind piano player and the nasty dance instructor, everyone else is forgettable. It is worth a watch just to see the creepy dance academy and all the strange colors, but that's about it.

Skyscraper (2018)

Bland summer action that will be forgotten in a week.

[5/10 · 13 July 2018]

This movie involves Dwayne Johnson going into a burning skyscraper to save his family. I felt like their was no tenseness or excitement throughout the whole movie, it was dumb and over the top, but not dumb enough to make this movie memorable. I could not have cared less about any of the characters, and the plot was almost non existent. I did not also understand the reasoning for the bad guys to burn the building in the first place. Dwayne Johnson is alright as the good guy, but we have seen him play this character multiple times by now. The CG looked alright, and some action scenes were alright, but once again were not memorable in the slightest. I would not want to watch this again, but the audience were into it cheering and clapping, so maybe you might enjoy it.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Fallen Kingdom Sucks Dino Ass.

[4/10 · 23 June 2018]

This movie has no tenseness or excitement at all. It's boring, bland and the characters and story are terrible. The first part of the movie takes place on an island that is being destroyed by a volcano, and the second part is in a mansion. The characters are terrible and annoying, and you could not care less about them or this stupid plot. The only good thing about this movie was that the effects were alright, and it's somewhat entertaining I guess. But this movie has no horror, thrills, or fun, it's just a dumb action movie that will be forgotten a day after you see it. Nothing in this movie is memorable, no classic scenes like in the original Jurrasic Park. I would only recommend it if your bored or a super fan of the series (you will not like it though).

Creep 2 (2017)

Disappointing sequel.

[5/10 · 20 April 2018]

Creep is one of my favorite found footage horror movies, it was unique and actually quite scary. So I was excited for Creep 2, I watched it and it does not hold a candle compared to the first. A girl named Sara has an internet series called "encounters" where she basically films random weird people from the site Craigslist. Her series has low views and she finds an add to document this strangers life, so she travels to a remote house in the country, just like the first Creep. The first thing is that Sara is completely stupid for not walking out of the door because Josef actually shows her the video of him killing the guy in the first film. He even calls himself a serial killer, yet even with all of his odd behavior she still stays. What made the first film so good what that even though we knew Josef was insane, we didn't know that he was a killer. No person in their right mind would stay with this guy, no matter how much you care about views. Josef is also even more insane than in the first, it's over the top to being comedic. I know the first had some funny moments, but this has zero scares, and parts of it drag on.



I would have to say, this film does not even have the jump scares that the first film has, which could be a positive to some. I didn't have the tense feeling as Creep while watching this sequel, it is completely disappointing. This is an sequel that did not need to exist, and taints the first one somewhat. So, if anyone reads this, watch Creep and if you liked it and your curious, give Creep 2 a watch. Many people seem to like this film better than the first, so maybe I'm in the minority.

Terrifier (2016)

The creepiest clown in movies.

[6/10 · 19 April 2018]

I must say, Art the clown is far creepier than any other clowns in horror movies. Pennywise from the 2017 IT can not compare to Art. The design and the way Art mimes and taunts his victims are extremely well down and unsettling. But, the movie on whole is just above average, it starts out great, with the clown stalking to girls late Halloween night. The first part is way better than the second half, although the kills are extremely violent, it's so cartoony and over the top it's almost laughable. The atmosphere is alright, it takes place is some type of abandoned warehouse. Like I said, the second part of the movie somewhat drags and their are many cliches and dumb character decisions that are typical in horror movies.

So, I would probably recommend this movie, but mostly just to see how creepy the main clown antagonist is. I really think this is by far the scariest clown I have seen, and I am not one of the many scared by them.

Creep (I) (2014)

Scary stalker

[8/10 · 18 September 2016]

Creep is a entertaining horror with a manipulative stalker named "Josef". The movie is about a man named Aaron who picked up a job of filming Josef's day on Craiglist. We can tell that Josef is not all the way their mentally, and is way to clingy to Aaron, who soon becomes scared of Josef's weird manners. The Peachfuzz scene is actually pretty creepy, and there are a lot of jump scares in the movie. The actor who plays Josef is very good at conveying a insane stalker, and is unnerving to watch. I would say their is some dumb logic that Aaron uses that does not make a lot of sense, he is very gullible and passive. The movie definitely is creepy though, and Josef's story about raping his "wife" in the Peachfuzz mask is disturbing. The isolated house also adds to the atmosphere, and the camera work makes it feel like this could be real. I would recommend Creep to horror fans, the only negative in my opinion would be Aaron's reactions to some of the staking incidents, but still a very enjoyable movie.