theroscoevine Reviews

Silo (2023– )

Stupid

[1/10 · 13 July 2023]

Boring, stupid show, with a pointless, contrary ending. I can't believe people like this. Another long story told VERY, VERY slowly. Hardly any actual content, but dragged out to ten episodes. This would have been just as boring even if it were condensed into two episodes, but at least you'd get the whole, mundane story line delivered without wasting hours and hours of your life. If you're impressed with this show, I'm shocked. I don't know what you could possibly have liked about this, or why you'd recommend it to any other unsuspecting tv buffs. I like sci-fi shows. The Expanse was amazing, for instance, being a realistic approach to futurism without the clutter of bland, aimless characters with no intellect, just sheep to be led down the path. I can't even believe I've got ten hours gone on this.

The Munsters (2022)

A Comedy of Missed Opportunity...

[2/10 · 1 October 2022]

...but not a funny one. This "movie", if you can call it that, was 1 hour and 49 minutes of jokes that fell flat over sets and costumes that were clearly done on a shoestring budget. Just looking at Herman's costumes, with the absurdly puffy padding meant to represent his blocky physique, to the poorly aligned stripes on his black and white striped shirt, and the amateurish, wildly inconsistent, and bizarrely multicolored lighting that looks like something from a local stage production instead of a movie, was enough to show the near total lack of money and effort put into the visual aspect of the production.

That's not to say there wasn't anything visually interesting about the film, because, as with everything else in it, there were brief moments shining through. The same can be said of the acting, which wasn't terrible, in and of itself, though, overburdened by a script that can only be described as TERRIBLE, unfunny, and tiresome.

Rob Zombie has directed a fair selection of movies ranging from "not bad" to "quite effective", and even "chilling", (along with some real stinkers), but where Zombie shines is NOT in the writing department. The nearly complete lack of laughs in this supposed comedy falls squarely on Zombie's shoulders, while the very few moments of actual comedy, (or almost comedy, at least), are owed solely to the performers. Jeff Daniel Philips and Daniel Roebuck, as Herman Munster, and The Count, respectively, are the shining stars in this attempt, and they really gave it their best shot, admirably struggling under the weight of the script. Even Sherri Moon Zombie, as Lily, really hammed it up, but appropriately, given the setting, and really wasn't bad, in my opinion. The inclusion of the awesome Richard Brake, along with some fun moments from Jorge Garcia, did take some of the pain out of watching the whole thing through.

The potential for sequel, while most likely ruined, thanks to Zombie's writing, the IMDb ratings, (4.5 stars, so far), and the fact that I don't think this one is going to get ANY positive word of mouth, is at least POSSIBLY served by the hope that Zombie could get replaced as writer, on the slim chance that it can happen, at all.

I like Rob Zombie, and I liked the cast of this production. It's worth noting that Zombie and his team went all in on faithfully recreating the general overall look of the characters, even if quite cheaply, and I think his love of the original show, and the material, shines brightest. The actors, too, really did a surprisingly good job of matching the tone of their counterparts from the original show, (except that the show was REALLY funny, and this really wasn't). I just think it needed a LOT more support to be worth watching, which this really wasn't.

Interceptor (2022)

Die Hard for the Me Too generation, not bad

[5/10 · 5 June 2022]

This one isn't good, but it also isn't terrible. Die Hard for the Me Too generation, it puts a healthy spin on the weird crap that happens to women in uniform. I liked it well enough, though cheesy and predictable. It's just a fun time killer. Fun fact: it was written and directed by an author I like, Matthew Reilly, who wrote Ice Station, a very fun action novel, and several others.

Emergency (2022)

I didn't care for it

[4/10 · 30 May 2022]

Pretty tone deaf, to me, on several points. I found the basic premise unreliable. The lead character supposedly has doctors for parents, supposedly rich ones, but never calls them to ask for advice in a medical crisis situation spinning beyond his control? He's also got a massive gap in his front teeth, and I'm supposed to believe his doctor parents would have ignored that? It's just full of holes. Also, the whole "n word" bit was a fail, at least in terms of the characters onscreen. Maybe the subtext is more balanced, but the characters in the movie pretty much skipped over some of the most important parts of that particular issue, and I think some of the viewers may, as well. Having a movie tell you how you should feel about something, and then agreeing with it, is a pretty disastrous course. The character of Sean claimed the typical "white people can't say this word" bs, but completely glosses over the question of who gets to be considered black enough to say that word. Do mixed people count? What about people who are white, but through circumstance, have never known any family or culture other than that of black people? Are they to be excluded? If the movie is supposed to make you think, then it should make you think of all sides of the topic, not just the one that the writer or director feels strongly about. In addition to what some may consider stupid complaints, I'd also highlight the lack of pacing or anything genuinely interesting about the plot, aside from the very basic concept of goodwill being misconstrued as malice. It was sadly boring, to be honest. I'd really hoped for something a bit more thought provoking and sincere, but this didn't do anything more for me than a 1 minute Tik Tok of some random person blandly discussing the basic topics of race, discrimination, police brutality, or the cultural use and misuse of that most controversial of words. I'd ask for much better execution and follow through on the ideas that this movie took 104 minutes to barely scratch at.

Prey (VI) (2021)

Trash movie

[2/10 · 19 November 2021]

If you want to see a cool flick about some guys who mostly have no business hiking in the deep woods, watch The Ritual, and skip this. It's terrible. So boring, the characters are all self serving wimps. There's not a glimmer of courage amongst the lot of all 5 main characters. It's so bad.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Not for the fancy people

[8/10 · 13 September 2021]

Look at all the people coming on here and saying anyone who liked this movie has no movie credo. Whatever. This is just a very FUN horror flick. I have NO interest in a sequel, because it could ONLY be stupid. There is NO further story here!

Don't let anyone spoil it for you, and don't read any descriptions. I'd also avoid all trailers. I went into this movie totally blind. I had no idea what it was about. I thought it might be a haunted house movie, but no. Just watch it. It's really violent and fun, which are two of my main points for enjoying anything.

Reminiscence (2021)

Hugh Jackman's worst movie....

[3/10 · 20 August 2021]

....and I've seen Real Steel.

As far as future settings with idiotic premises, a world of people primarily entertained by remote controlled boxing robots is like a paradise compared to the stupidity of a world where people pay, over and over, for a trumped up VR experience in which they're immersed in THEIR OWN MEMORIES. This is a DUMB movie!!

Hugh Jackman has done so much better! I EXPECT better! I couldn't even get past the stupidity of the main idea of the film. Add to that the idea of all these people in the movie seemingly willing staying in swamped out Miami instead of going to high ground in the middle of the country somewhere.... It's just so bad.

The visual FX of the flooded city were neat, but you could see the telltale signs of so-so CGI in some scenes. Even still, those visuals were the only good thing about this flick.

Also: Cliff Curtis, normally a passable character actor, was horrible in this. Really bad. Most of the other acting was fair to middling, but his was BAD.

Chaos Walking (2021)

Just a weird, terrible SciFi movie

[5/10 · 9 June 2021]

It's not ALL bad, there's just very little good about it. The main plot conceit, being "the noise", where the conditions on the alien planet make it so that all the men's thoughts are visualized above their heads and played aloud, as if on some magical Bluetooth, for everyone to see and hear, is just contrived nonsense. Corny and weird, all attempts to at uniqueness loop back around to tired cliches. For low budget scifi on a forested planet with weird conditions, I'd recommend Prospect, and you could just skip this one.

Them (2021– )

Not Divisive

[6/10 · 16 April 2021]

I agree with the lady who said "we didn't start the fire" and that this show will only be seen as divisive to people who aren't really willing to accept the reality of race in the world, today, but 99% of those people won't even watch the show, they'll only hate it, unseen. That said, I will admi that it would have been nice to see more than one or two white people who weren't total villains, (Betty's wife, Clarke wasn't feelin' the hate, but sort of went along with it, and then the brown haired lady in the flashback tried to stop the lynching, but sadly gave up pretty quickly), but I did like the story. Great acting and characters, though some of their motivations are still a bit mysterious to me. Why did Lucky bully her husband into force feeding himself the pie when she knew he had good reason to be revolted by it? When he forced himself to eat the whole slice without vomiting, and he was crying, she was crying, too. WTF did she do that for? I thought she looked like a REAL a-hole in that scene. Then, Henry just seemed to be totally ok with murdering his boss, sucker-punching the dude on the street, and then straight up killed the cop, (yes the cop was dirty, but Henry didn't know that). It was all just a bit weird, but I still liked the show, overall. It's a VERY dark ride, particularly the flashback to frontier times, that was really messed up. Some decent spooky scenes, lots of tensions, a few nice, tender moments, and even a couple thrills.

Don't Leave Home (2018)

Dark mystery, not horror

[6/10 · 12 May 2020]

This one's a dark mystery of a child disappearance in rural Ireland, but with a visiting American as the lead. It's beautifully shot, with lots of awesome scenery and a wonderful, creepy setting. It's well written, well acted and with a fairly likable lead. No kills, no gore, no sex, no nudity, probably not even any swearing, and it's only somewhat disturbing, but with some very haunting and effective scenes and what I felt was a great ending. There is some extremely brief comic relief in the form of a very creepy, silent, Lurch-looking butler. I recommend it, but it's absolutely a slow one with no kind of action, so just be prepared for an atmospheric mind bender that may be hard to understand and will absolutely confound a great many people who watch it.

Terror in Woods Creek (2017)

Tons of effort in Woods Creek

[3/10 · 6 May 2020]

They tried hard on this one, so I appreciate the effort

The good: Royce Hobson as The Drifter- that guy has a promising future, he's really quite good as a creepy, grinning, likable villain

Rob Barger as the absurdly named Detective Smith Wesson, I was into his work in this

The setting, nice town and they had some beautiful spots for filming

The opening scene with the girl was very effective, probably the best scene in the whole flick

The story, or at least the basic framework of it, including the hint of it all continuing in another town

I liked all the boob shots of the bar tender, though some action shots of the hot, young ladies would have helped

The bad:

Everything else, really.

Matthew Ewald as Jesco was overacting in the extreme. He was explosively chewing the scenery whenever he was on screen. I looked at his IMDb, and I can see that he's been in tons of stuff, including well known feature films, and he's even worked with Clint Eastwood, amazingly. I say it's amazing because it doesn't show in his work in this movie.

The pacing was so wrong.

There were scenes dragged on far too long, with other scenes way too short. The introductory scene with the detective and the reporter seemed fairly vital, but then it went on and on and on....

Basically next to nothing in terms of on screen kills

There was the scene with the tramp peeing on the tree, and then the very next time you see her, she's dead, being carried by the faceless axeman. No suspense or lead in to the killing, no reaction shot from the girl as she's being attacked. I don't get it. The money shot in horror is when you see the reaction of the victim, why was that not included?

The murder suicide in the car.... couldn't that have had some lead in? A "what the F--?" moment from the girl in the driver's seat seeing her friend slash her own wrists right before stabbing her in the neck would have been GOLD.

I fully understand the budgetary constraints, and the effort on screen is obvious. It's super evident how hard the crew must have worked on this, but I feel like a stronger hand from the director, and probably a finer hand from the editor, could have really helped them out. I know this is a product of sweat and it shows in the positives.

Howlers (2019)

Stupid fun...

[4/10 · 1 May 2020]

I was having quite a good time watching this SILLY movie. I was actually reminded of The Dead Don't Die on account of many of the characters being dorky small town cops and other people, plus the presence of an otherworldly character who knows all about the enemy, but shockingly I enjoyed this one more. That's possibly because I really thought The Dead Don't Die was going to be cool, thanks to Jim Jarmusch having directed Dead Man, an excellent black and white western/comedy starring Johnny Depp, but it really wasn't, while I fully expected this one to be trash, and it is! Just do what I did, which was kick back with my wife and giggle at the silly, corny, SO cheap werewolf action. This is NOT a good movie, have fun with it!

Brews Brothers (2020)

"Skunky" would be pitting it nicely...

[3/10 · 17 April 2020]

....this one is spoiled. Bad writing, bad acting, NO comic timing. NOT GOOD!

The Greasy Strangler (2016)

Just no

[1/10 · 6 February 2020]

Watching this for 10 minutes was like being tortured. I definitely didn't "get it" and I absolutely don't want to. The frame of mind that can appreciate this movie is not one I'd care to experience.

Star Wars: Jedi Knight - Jedi Academy (2003 Video Game)

This game is a blast

[9/10 · 8 September 2019]

Here it is, September 2019, and I'm finally playing this game. I'm playing it on Xbox one via backwards compatibility. It's fantastic. I never got around to playing it many years ago when it was out, even though I enjoyed Knights of the Old Republic, (KotOR), immensely, (though I played that game when it was brand new and beat it at least twice, {I also played KotOR 2, but never beat that one}). KotOR also features its own version of the Jedi Academy, but it's quite a different experience, (amazingly fun), understandable, since that game was set 10,000 years before Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy.

This game isn't really similar, because it's not an RPG, and it's not turn-based, but it's still a great Star Wars setting and very fun. The graphics, gameplay, and control schemes are clearly old-school, and somewhat clunky in respects, but not enough to ruin the game. I have played a little bit of some of the other old-school Star Wars games for the OG Xbox, but now I'm tempted to go back and play them all. This is a really terrific game.

I Am Mother (2019)

True sci-fi, the real deal....

[7/10 · 6 September 2019]

While not the greatest I've seen, this movie is absolutely, abundantly, the genuine article. I've seen no other recent movie that stuck the landing so hard in terms of its science fiction setting, characters and theme. No other, at least not recently. I wouldn't want to spoil the plot for anyone, but this is one of those that you'll either love or hate. People are going to be pissed about the ending, the final resolution to WTF is going on, confusion over what one is meant to take from the movie, etc, but I'm not concerned about any of that. If you're looking for a movie to pull you out of "reality" and into a sci-fi setting that, while not exactly original, is completely authentic, then this is it. You may see better movies this year, maybe even better sci-fi movies, but I'd be surprised if you saw one that was more dedicated to creating a cold, futuristic, unearthly ambience than this one.

Mindhunter (2017–2019)

Season 1 was fantastic, but.....

[7/10 · 28 August 2019]

Season 2 ground to a halt somewhere in the middle and never started, again. I was very disappointed. If it had been titled "Wendy's Broken Romance" or "Bill Tench's Crazy Kid" I wouldn't have watched it. They made BTK the central focus of the season, right from the outset, and then just let it fall. The Atlanta child murders, as heinous as they were, were introduced to the viewers under what seemed like a side plot and then quickly evolved into the main plot of the show, but then they dragged it out so long, had it been a rope, it would have snapped early on. They ultimately told very little story, very slowly, and with unnecessary side plots cluttering the whole bit. That's not even to mention the practical absence of the awesome serial killer interactions from season one. They did do a few interviews, but very few, and at least half weren't even conducted by Bill and Holden, and the ones Bill was involved in were corrupted by his rage at his unfortunate family situation which obviously distracted him throughout, and ultimately made the interview segments devolve down to the level of side plots when those segments were a principal factor in making season 1 as great as it was. It wasn't good. If I had known how it was to be handled, I'd have banked season 2 so that I could watch it and season 3 back to back. Watching season 2 by itself felt like a real non-starter. For what it's worth, I've already seen some compelling depictions of the madman that was BTK. I could just go watch those again.

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Really?

[5/10 · 16 August 2019]

I'm a bit shocked by the positive reviews on this one. It really wasn't good. The story, including the characters, was very corny, the acting was so-so at best, and the only redeeming quality was the action scenes, but even they really weren't above and beyond any of the other current robo-centric actioners out there. I can't say I was disappointed, though, because I thought the ads looked terrible, (seeing the ads was when I first found out about this movie and it was also then that I got my first glimpse of the extremely off-putting manga eyes), so the movie didn't exceed my expectations by anything. ALL parties on this one have turned in FAR superior work.

Pet Sematary (2019)

Nope!

[4/10 · 21 May 2019]

Full disclosure: I caught this one at the discount cinema, ($2!), and I admit that I missed the spooky intro and title sequence, but then I watched it for 20 minutes and that was a LONG 20 minutes! I was SO bored I exchanged my ticket for another horror movie currently in the discount cinema- Us. It hasn't started yet, and I may find myself equally bored, but I REALLY doubt it.

Glass (2019)

Not an exciting movie

[4/10 · 18 April 2019]

This movie was dumb. Split was pretty good, mostly because it was completely self-reliant, since it wasn't revealed to be a sequel to Unbreakable until the very last scene, and of course Unbreakable was pretty good itself. Glass was boring with no more than a few fight scenes, all poorly filmed in some kind of weird first-person style which made no sense. The plot was pretty much nonsense, with a psychiatrist who's supposed goal was to convince the main characters that they weren't superpowered. It was especially anticlimactic, overall, even whilst including the signature moment that viewers have come to expect from Shyamalan. I don't recommend it, though Unbreakable and Split are at least worth watching.

Michael vs Jason: Evil Emerges (2019)

The killers who will not be killed....

[7/10 · 13 April 2019]

Fun one. Good times. It's obviously low- to no-budget, and most definitely a family affair, but it offers a great deal in terms of quality horror action, and at a great price, being a free fan made film on YouTube. I liked it very much and the closing line suggesting the possibility of a sequel was a welcome sight, assuming that the Pedder family has another $5,000 lying around......

Ghost Ship (2002)

I remembered it wrong?

[4/10 · 26 March 2019]

I remember liking this movie when I saw it on dvd like 17 years ago...... it's so *****y that I can't help but wonder if I was thinking of another movie. It's awful. Bad acting, bad writing, idiotic plot, just ******g stupid.

A MUCH better, but GLEEFULLY cheesy cruise ship salvage horror movie is Deep Rising, with Treat Williams. I still love that one, even with the crappy vfx. It was campy as ***k and loving it. Super fun.

Love, Death & Robots (2019– )

Ignore the haters...

[10/10 · 20 March 2019]

There really are some people just not smart enough to get this kind of stuff. There you have the hateful reviewers.

That said, this is one of the best things I've ever watched. Not every idea is "original". Some of it is homage, some of it just similar in plot or theme to other things that have come before. Here's what's IMPORTANT to know: the great majority of these shorts are AS GOOD or BETTER than anything and everything that came before. Lucky 13, Aquila Rift, Sonnie's Edge, it goes on. All have a scifi or fantasy bent and all are animated beautifully. There is one that's mostly live action, but it's cool, too.

CHECK IT OUT!

Final Score (2018)

If Sudden Death hadn't been corny and stupid....

[7/10 · 28 February 2019]

....It might have been as fun as Final Score. Silly action romp with the great Dave Bautista. It's super fun. I really enjoyed it. Another reviewer compared it to Sudden Death, but the main difference is that this one wasn't completely stupid. I'm a fan of JCVD from way back, but that was not one of his better ones.

IO (2019)

Not here to gripe about the pace....

[4/10 · 5 February 2019]

... though it IS an extremely slow, pretty boring flick. My complaint is with the ending. Am I supposed to believe that the girl in the movie is now capable of breathing ammonia, and she can get pregnant from just one screw, (oh, if it were that easy), and the dude didn't like her enough to stay and try to survive with her? It made no sense. Thumbs down.