monstermonkeyhead Reviews

Cow and Chicken (1997–1999)

If Mentally Retarded Aliens Made a Cartoon

[10/10 · 18 February 2014]

This is the most wonderfully demented cartoon I've had the great fortune to come across. One might say it is hiney obsessed, since many characters flaunt their naked butt cheeks shamelessly. The only way this cartoon could be more perverted would be if feces and sexual organs were involved. The suggestion is certainly there in the forms of sausages, Cow's spurting udders, and the gay-to-the-tenth-power Red Guy. Superhero of voice actors, Charles Adler, is an awe-inspiring nutjob here.

I can sorta see why this hasn't been released on DVD in the U. S. It's not exactly for kids. So, I'd recommend splurging on a multi-region DVD player solely for this series. It's totally worth it. Plus, you get I Am Weasel, which is also awesome.

I thank the cartoon gods for this show.

Bates Motel (2013–2017)

Entertaining soap opera, but not much deeper than that

[5/10 · 19 October 2013]

This is some pretty cheesy stuff, rather predictable plots, not a classic series so far, but well worth a onetime watch. Kudos to Freddie Highmore for getting Perkins-isms down pat. This is perhaps the most impressive aspect of the show. He's got all the nervous twitches, sideways glances, charm, and innocence that Anthony Perkins conveyed.

One of the many downfalls is the uninspired directing. It gets the job done in a TV series kinda way, but this ain't no Hitchcock. Another downfall is that it takes place in modern times. I understand the reasoning of it being too much of a pain in the butt to make everything of a more appropriate time period like Boardwalk Empire did. There's also maybe trying to appeal to today's idiot youth. And the final downfall is that it's not scary or spooky in the least. With all the spectacles that are thrown into the various silly plots it comes across like a Twin Peaks or Smallville.

Still, the series accomplishes the mission of entertaining, so I give it that.

9 to 5: Days in Porn (2008)

Thought provoking

[8/10 · 14 October 2013]

As an obsessive voyeur, I've often wondered about the people involved in making porn movies. This movie satisfies at least some aspects of my wonder. So, for that I appreciate this movie. However, I wish it were much longer so it could be more in depth as many questions are left unanswered. My biggest complaint is the numerous long useless shots of traffic with the radio on. WTF? Who cares? According to the special features there were many hours of footage not included. So sad and annoying that time is utterly wasted with scenes of traffic. If anyone knows the director personally, please smack him for this. Thank you. In short, this is worth watching as it is interesting- especially if you like the stars.

Defendor (2009)

Kicks Kick Ass's Ass

[10/10 · 11 June 2011]

I saw Kick Ass first. Loved the first 30 minutes of Kick Ass, but then it devolved into illogical unrealistic Hollywood action spectacle. It did it extremely well mind you, but I wished It could have kept up the great realism of the first 30 minutes. Defendor gets kudos for maintaining its realistic premise without so much as a flinch. Beyond the super hero concept, I was reminded of The Exterminator, Vigilante, and many Clint Eastwood westerns. If I have any criticism of Defendor, it's that the hero is mentally incompetent. I guess the idea of an intelligent realistic hero, might be considered too inspirational for the P.C. mainstream. Then we'd have a how-to movie on taking out criminals. Yes, there are everyday heroes and heroines out there- some maybe even operating outside the law anonymously- but heaven forbid intelligent people stating taking out the criminals in an organized fashion. Dexter and The Star Chamber come to mind as does Death Wish. I think movies like this are made at times when we feel helpless in the face of growing chaos. It's great that movies are made to inspire. When will you stop watching and take the next step?

A Dangerous Man (2009 Video)

A kick step in the right direction

[9/10 · 29 March 2011]

Let me just start off by saying I love this movie. It's brutal, ridiculous and funny all at once. Some hilariously nasty insults, great characters to look at, some T&A, great fight scenes by Seagal, lots of gunplay, excellent soundtrack and directing. Seagal is an Indian talking like a black man? Ha ha ha! What a comedian. Any fan of over-the-top action movies should enjoy this. The gun face-beating ( "I'm gonna eff you up ugly") scene is perfect in its bloody violence. Other scenes should've continued this gory mayhem, but did not. Specifically, the giant log saw scene. There should've been decapitation, amputation, and guts flying all over, but instead we get some small unidentified piece of something is tossed. Hence, my only complaint about this movie: Amp it up more, not tone it down. Plot? We don't need no stinkin' plot. This movie should've been called "Everybody Kills Everybody."

Grizzly Man (2005)

Shame on you Werner!

[1/10 · 9 July 2010]

After watching about 20 seconds of Timothy talking, it was obvious he was a delusional half- wit. When I see people like him on the street, I walk to the other side. I'm sorry that he did not get the mental help he needed. But he should not be glorified or made to be a martyr or even preserved on DVD as a freakshow. Because I trusted Herzog, I watched the whole movie and regretted it. I felt dirty afterwards. There is nothing to be praised about a person who idiotically endangered another. I'm referring to his poor girlfriend. Yes, she made the choice to follow the idiot, but I'm sure she was not in the best place in her life and probably lacked self-esteem. She is the victim here. To have a movie devoted to her abuser is an insult. I have nothing but sympathy for her and her family and friends. Just as Herzog suggested that an ex-girlfriend of Timothy never listen to the video of the murder by grizzly and should destroy it, I would strongly suggest that you not watch Grizzly Man. My DVD of it was promptly smashed and thrown in the trash.

The Spirits of Jupiter (1984 Video)

Odd movie definitely worth a look

[9/10 · 23 February 2010]

Well, since no one has reviewed this movie, I feel it is my duty to. I came across this when a friend mailed me a pile of video tapes he didn't want anymore. It was put out by Video Search of Miami. This is a very special movie in many regards. The acting is not so hot and borders on annoying at times, but somehow that works. Many of the performances are over-the-top and a tad hammy. Considering that the plot is about people going crazy, such exaggerated weirdness fits right in. The music soundtrack is a bit overblown as well, but again it adds to the overall manic feeling. Plus, there are a couple of seemingly random songs thrown in there, which definitely raised my eyebrow. All this is very comical in a "bad movie" kind of way. However, this just makes the "people going crazy" scenes that occur near the middle of the movie more shocking. The pure mayhem of these scenes is actually frightening, and shows a real perceptive vision. I could easily see this being remade today to greater effect with more gifted actors. There are lots of good ideas here and it's quite evident that a lot of effort went into this. Somebody somewhere was trying. I think this is what they call a cult movie waiting to be discovered. For all its faults, it is very entertaining and even thought provoking.

Target: Harry (1969)

Great little movie!

[10/10 · 18 July 2009]

I feel the need to comment here because surprisingly no one else has! What the hey?! This is basically "The Vic Morrow Show." The plot is secondary to the strength of Vic Morrow's performance and the great dialogue. Vic plays Harry, a guy stuck between a rock and a hard place, a victim of circumstances. Or in this case: a Vic Morrow of circumstances. In just about every scene Vic lets hilarious one-liners gently roll off his tongue and bitches about everything. He's really funny and made me an instant fan. He is complimented perfectly by the heavy (pun intended), Victor Buono, who gives yet another fine performance. Every scene he's in generates chuckles. It's obvious he's having fun hamming it up. The ending is great too, which has Vic literally strutting down the street. Adding to the effect, he's wearing yellow-tinted sunglasses while he strikes cool tough-guy facial expressions. Totally awesome. Unfortunately, as yet, this movie is unavailable in the USA- or at least very rare. I recommend buying a Phillips multi-region DVD player off Amazon for about 65 bucks and then buying the PAL DVD of this movie that's now available.

Slapstick Studio (1984– )

Painfully horrid, but great if you like that sort of thing, and I do.

[5/10 · 19 November 2008]

Wow, no one has commented on this. I wonder why? I picked a DVD of a couple of episodes up off Amazon when I did a search for Dick Shawn. Ah, the wonders of the internet. And the wonders of DVDs that some bozo actually put this out. I guess that's why it was only a penny on Amazon. I'm not kidding: One penny. And a well spent penny too! This is a tough one to review because it is so amazingly awful. I wasn't sure whether to give it a 1 or a 10, so I gave it a 5 in the middle. Here's the show's wacky premise: It takes place in the 1920's I'm guessing. It's about a silent film studio. All the characters talk, but act, or I should say way overact, like they are in a silent movie. Ha ha, ain't dat funny! This means lots of wretched mugging at the camera, garish make-up, including most of the men (!), and exaggerated body movements. The sets are made of cardboard, or something very close to it, and sometimes the entire wall moves when somebody knocks on a door. Interjected at some point during the course of the show, we get to see a fake black and white short silent movie that the characters made. The movie, if you can believe it, is even worse than the show. The words that the characters say in the "silent film" are read aloud to us the audience, because obviously, we are too stupid to read them. Back in the "real world" as if all this weren't painful enough, there are ridiculous singing and dancing musical numbers for no reason. There is also a laugh track for the most insipid unfunny non-jokes. Did this show actually air on network TV? It's hard for me to believe it did. It is akin to watching a car crash. It is sheer morbid curiosity at this dismal failure of a show. And that, my good invisible friend, is its charm! The only other comparison that comes to mind is the musical version of Superman called It's A Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman- except that was actually funny. Dick Shawn's talent is gone to waste here, as he just appears to be going through the motions rather mechanically like he doesn't care- which is, I suppose, a kind of grace. I do enjoy watching him not care. However, knowing the genius he's capable of, his performance is beyond subdued. To sum this TV show up in a word: Wow.

Double Trouble (I) (1992)

The greatest movie made since Gone With the Wind

[8/10 · 17 September 2008]

For those of you who are not acquainted with the genius of "The Barbarian Brothers," I shall hereby inform you that they are twin body builders with fantastic hair. As opposed to actually being brothers in real life, in this cinematic masterpiece, they play brothers: One is a criminal and one is a cop. The contrast of such polar opposites makes for many peculiar situations between the two young men. Of course with such a highly profound concept, it attracted the stellar talents of Roddy McDowall and James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek). Excellently, both these fine thesbians utter the eff word, which alone makes it worth seeing this movie. Also, Billy Mummy (The stupid little boy from Lost in Space and the writer/singer of the classic Fish Heads song) is all growed up here sporting a ponytail. He plays a brutally murderous thug with consummate skill and aplomb. And wouldn't you know it, Troy Donahue and David Carradine show up too! Back to The Barbarian Brothers. These guys are just so silly that one cannot help but like them. This movie is quite different from their most astounding classic, "Twinsitters," but it definitely delivers the great dialogue. When remembering their dear departed Dad, the touching conversation goes like this: "Didn't dad have old timer's disease?" "No, you mean Alzheimer's disease." "Yeah, he turned into like Ronald Reagan ya know. Couldn't remember anything. And one day, I guess he couldn't remember to wake up." Too funny! And there's lots more where that came from! There's actually a plot here too, but who cares.

Empire of the Ants (1977)

Hey now, what's that sound, buncha giant ants movin' 'round!

[10/10 · 10 September 2008]

When you have a bunch of low rent actors plus bad special effects, you get lots of fun! When the giant ants attack screaming victims there's always extremely dramatic music playing and the camera moves wildly around, which only serves to heighten the hilarity. This movie is better than any Saturday Night Live skit. The one-note plot is ants versus people. You have to love the simplicity. None of the characters are likable... except when they're killed, because they make funny faces attempting to look scared. These poor actors. The more they try, the more embarrassing they are. We know when ants are about to attack because they make the sounds of cicadas, toads, and who knows what else. God, Bert I. Gordon was a genius... OF BEING STOOPID! Oh yeah, there is also a mighty whacked-out twist ending.

Agent Red (2000)

Hey, I own this and have watched it twice so far. What's my major malfunction?

[9/10 · 2 September 2008]

This movie is both funny and interesting. The lighting, direction, and imagery are all striking. The funny bits, other reviewers have already pointed out. I'd have to add bad Russian accents as well. Also, the twelve seconds it's supposed to take for the virus to kill people ends up taking somewhere between ten and twenty minutes. I also enjoyed seeing Dolph run around in black Converse Allstar sneakers (are they standard government issue foot ware?). This is a near perfect movie for pure entertainment value. My only complaint is there was no projectile vomiting, bleeding rectums, or bleeding nipples as promised. If this was included, the movie would've been supreme beauty to behold. I guess, unfortunately, somebody up top thought this might be too much. Can you imagine Dolph's zingers then? I think, "Looks like you're having your period," would definitely have been uttered. Probably also, "Blow it out your @%!" Or how about: "I can't tell if he's speaking Russian or vomiting." Yes, I'm a sickie.

The Mexican (2001)

The best five dollars I ever spent at Walmart

[9/10 · 30 September 2007]

Here I am jazzed up on coffee to add to the millions of comments on this movie. First off, the title should've been called El Pistola or something like that. There is no prominent Mexican deserving of the film's title. My other gripe is the whole hit-man switcheroo at the end. So who exactly sent the fake Leroy? Oh well, guess I'll have to pay better attention next time. In any case, I could really relate to Brad Pitt's character. Things in real life, at least for me, are always getting messed up for one stupid reason or another. One of my favorite details of the movie is when Pitt's character drops his gun on the ground. Too funny! Ultimately, that's why I liked the movie- the things getting messed up part. It's fun watching him channel Donald Duck throughout the movie. The whole romance thing with Roberts character was nice too. I'm not a fan at all of Julia Roberts- in fact, I'm the opposite- but I think she did a good job for once. That's it.

The Student Prince (1954)

Wonderful but....

[5/10 · 2 May 2007]

I thoroughly enjoyed most of this movie, even many of its technical faults. The story is a great concept of the stuck-up rigid personality being forced to relax and enjoy common pleasures. It provides for great insights and lots of timeless humor. All this is totally destroyed by the terrible sad ending, which I hated. Am I the only one? The ending takes a totally uplifting movie and flushes it straight down the toilet. If I could reach back in time and somehow smack the person responsible for it I would. It's that horrible! Would it have been so much of a stretch for this light fanciful tale to have ended with the prince marrying the woman he loved and living happily ever after? I really don't think so. Not considering that the fact that he breaks into song every ten minutes with someone else's voice ridiculously coming out of his mouth. God, that ending censored-worded me off. I'm done now.

The Gumby Show (1956–1969)

Why Rhino? Why?

[1/10 · 21 February 2007]

Here is an email I sent to Rhino: "I recently bought the Gumby boxset and nearly threw up at what you did to the series. For reasons that can only be attributed to severe mental retardation and brain damage, or just a callous disregard, the powers-that-be at Rhino had the sheer gall to eliminate the original Gumby theme song and replace it with some bland soulless aural-feces. It's truly incomprehensible as to why anyone would do this. You also redid the voices and sound effects which were a signature of the series. Some of the charm of Gumby were the voices and great sound effects. It almost makes the episodes in this DVD box set unwatchable, knowing how great they were originally. It's a tragedy that the Gumby episodes will be forever preserved in this repulsive manner. I really think Rhino owes Gumby fans an apology for this mishandling of this classic." ............ And here is their response: "Dear Mr. Cohen, I apologize for the tardiness of this response and am sorry that you are disappointed with this release. We were not able to license the original voices & music, so the elements from the sydicated (sic) re-runs in the 80s were used. If you would like to return your boxed set for a refund, please send it to:" yadda yadda.............So, now we know the reasons. Sad to say the least. For hardcore fans, hunt down the VHS episodes (not the Rhino releases, obviously), which are readily available on Ebay and Half.com. The quality of the videos vary, but at least you get to see the show as close to as it was meant to be seen.

Children of Men (2006)

The challenge of idiotic paranoid liberal propaganda

[2/10 · 12 January 2007]

My title sums the movie up. Children of Men is a cheap-shot, bleeding-heart, tear-jerker that offers no logic, lots of emotion (just like good propaganda should) and horrible spectacles of a mean old conservative government anti-utopia. Oooh scary! The directing is amazingly effective during scenes of violence. It lulls you in and at unexpected moments puts you, the viewer, in harm's way. Not exactly a pleasant experience, but hey, this ain't supposed to be. The acting is great as well, although I didn't think Clive Owen was all that special. For a future where a child hasn't been born for awhile, why is it so overpopulated? Beats me. The answer must be Children of Men. This contradiction is also interesting from the liberal perspective, because of the conservative pro-life message of the movie. Wacky huh? I couldn't be bothered to figure out this lazy storytelling. Creative confusion is always a good way to misdirect you from the fact that there's a lame plot. Michael Caine expertly plays a cliché character of the old pot-smoking, cuddly, has-been, hippie layabout. When he got shot, I wanted to cheer. Will liberals ever let go of this kindly old hippie grandpop image? Will we forever be haunted by the moronic ghosts of hippiedom? And also conversely, the evil ghosts of Nazidom (images of which permeate this movie)? What exactly were the motives of the political gang who killed off Caine's hippie character and wanted to kill off Owen's character and use the baby for an uprising? Beats me. The answer must be Children of Men. An uprising of who for what? Children of Men. The ending is totally lame. I was like, that's it??? Children of Men. What the eff does that title mean? It's stupid.

Futureworld (1976)

Gave me a nightmare

[8/10 · 1 January 2007]

I was lucky enough to have seen this movie as a kid in the movie theater. It left an indelible impression on me, in the same way that something like Scanners did. I hadn't seen this movie again for thirty years until last night (yes, that's right, I'm nearly 40-years old). I don't know if it tapped into my uncritical child's mind and awakened all my old primal fears, or what, but last night I had a nightmare. Basically, almost everybody in the world was a robot, chasing me, trying to kill me. I was ripping off their faces and pulling out the circuitry behind to deactivate them. I was stuck in some gigantic building, trying to escape from floor to floor on an elevator, without any success. Needless to say, I woke up with my heart pounding. Still half asleep, I had the panicky feeling that I was in an amusement park filled with humanoid robots. Any movie, no matter how flawed, that can provoke such a reaction from this jaded viewer, gets my respect. Enjoy fellow paranoid sci-fi fans!

Ark II (1976)

Why does the monkey talk?

[5/10 · 17 November 2006]

A kind of odd gimmicky show reminding me of congealed oatmeal touted as a continental breakfast. We are given a talking chimp, a flying jet pack, the cumbersome Ark II vehicle (complete with ripped-off Star Trek sound effects), and a multicultural crew lead by a hippie-looking bearded blonde Ubermensch. These elements beg lots of questions that are never answered ever in the show. The stories are barely interesting and the acting is about as expressive as wood paneling. Add the repetitive elevator Muzak meandering in the background and you have an ambient sleeping aid. Tack on a moral for every show and you can't say it stinks without feeling guilty. I say this show stinks. Now I feel guilty. Because of all this awfulness served up as sci-fi slop wrapped in crass, insincere morality, the show has a negative appeal for me. I love hating it. It represents the low end of the 1970's, that I grew up in, with all its pallid leftover hippie "save the world" regurgitation. At least the characters' teeth look white when they fake smile. I think I'll go watch an episode now.

Happy Here and Now (2002)

One of the best unseen movies ever made

[10/10 · 22 October 2006]

This is a mystery with a charming dose of very low-budget sci-fi added to it about a girl's missing sister, duality, imitation, and the internet. Those looking for an Arnold Shwarzenegger shoot-'em-up will hate this movie because you actually have to pay attention to it and have half a brain. If you do pay attention and do have half a brain, you will be rewarded with a moving experience and be able to enjoy the sites along the way. There are lots of great characters, wonderful scenery, and plenty of wiggle room for going out on a limb. The acting is super. The directing is top-notch. And the story is mighty cool! Thank you Michael Almereyda! Please keep making lots of movies!

High Desert Kill (1989 TV Movie)

A classic in the Twilight Zone tradition

[9/10 · 24 April 2006]

This is one wild movie. It just goes to prove that there is still a lot of overlooked great sci-fi yet to been seen. The less you know of the plot, the better. Unfortunately, the video box art and synopsis give away the shock ending. Shame on the marketing department! I could've also done without the opening Indian scene. The acting runs the range from top notch to over-the-top ridiculous, which in my book, works for me. Chuck Conners delivers all the great one-liners in the movie. Marc Singer steals just about every scene with his whacked-out performance. And Anthony Geary holds the whole thing together. There are some unintentional laughs to be had to be sure, which again, in my book works. The story is cool and the symbolism is excellent- especially the very ending. This one definitely falls under the "psychotronic" category. I'd recommend this with a double feature of Project Nightmare, which is also in a similar vein and worth seeing.

Triple Cross (1990)

Made me an instant Rothrock fan

[8/10 · 28 March 2006]

Cynthia is totally hot in this, both looks-wise and with her martial arts skills. The fight scenes are adrenaline inducing. They are extremely well choreographed and some of the best I've seen anywhere. This movie could've put Cynthia on the mainstream map with the likes of Schwarzenegger and Stallone, except that the plot is confusing and stupid. However, being the sucker that I am for movies with dead-on kick butt action, I am willing to ignore the major non-plot flaw. You definitely need to check your brain in at the door with this one and just enjoy the ride of pure orgasmic violence. It is a rock 'em sock 'em roller-coaster! Get ahold of this- I command it!

The Mystery of the Third Planet (1981)

The Most Amazing Animation I've Ever Seen

[10/10 · 21 March 2006]

I got this DVD at the dollar store and it is easily worth one hundred times that price. There is really no description I can give to do this justice. It is imaginative and extremely psychedelic. It has a warm and fuzzy early 1970's feel, like a black light poster come to life. The plot loosely has a little girl, her dad, and a bearded guy flying through space in search of animals for their zoo. They stumble into a conspiracy that has something to do with a talking bird. As generic as this may sound, it is mind blowing. I really can't believe this masterpiece never got a proper DVD release. The dollar store quality is actually not that bad, but certainly this deserves to be re-mastered, in widescreen, with lots of extras. I can't believe what little information about this exists on the web and that I am the first to comment. In any case, your life will be improved by seeing this movie. See it.

Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974–1975)

A great series truly deserved a better DVD release

[1 January 2006]

There is much praise for this series that I agree with. I will therefore not repeat what others have said here. Instead, I would like to comment on the series finally being released on DVD. I'm sure that legions of fans are very thankful for this, as am I. However, considering the cult status of this series, I'm extremely disappointed that Universal didn't shell out the extra bucks for any extra features. Some interviews or episode commentary would have been greatly appreciated. There aren't even any cast bios. Nothing. I find this to be very sad and I shake a shaming finger at whoever is responsible for this. There really is no excuse for this. Even if everybody involved with the series is dead (which they're not), I'm sure that Chris Carter or any number of Night Stalker fanatics could easily have provided some insights into the show's history.

Bar-B-Q (2000 Video)

Great low brow comedy

[10/10 · 25 October 2005]

Hey, I don't understand all the bad reviews here. I think a lot of people are brain damaged by cgi effects in movies. This movie shows you don't need any high production values to make an entertaining film. I laughed my butt off at it. The fart and poop jokes alone make this funny. What else can I say? The various over-the-top characters are hilarious. You just never know what vulgarity will happily prance across the screen next. I really don't know what these other reviewers were expecting from a movie called Bar-b-q with a bunch of smiling black people on the box. Yeah, it's amateurish- this makes it better in my book. This is great stuff if you ask me!

Bad Boy Bubby (1993)

Too much and too little

[5/10 · 14 June 2005]

This movie could've been great, but tried to pack way too much into it. The church organist who owns a factory who hates God was too wham bam of a segment. It was pointless. This movie reminded me of the countless E.T. copy cats. Just stick a funny cute little alien into cheap shot situations. He becomes a rock star? Give me a break. Don't get me wrong there were lots of good ideas in this, but their potential just fell flat. Zippy the Pinhead comics are more believable. Bubby just magically takes off his gas mask after years of traumatic conditioning? I find this lack of logic as insulting as the latest Star Wars movie. This is lazy film making.