Acharne Reviews

Nowhere to Hide (1999)

Horrible waste of time

[1/10 · 30 January 2006]

I trusted in my IMDb brethren that this movie would be at least mildly original and entertaining. Well I was wrong. This was quite possibly one of the worst movies of the past ten years. The direction was that of someone trying to make a European style film while working with a really bad Hong Kong wannabe script. Even the box claimed it was 'In the style of John Woo'. Ha ha. John Woo has made both good and bad movies but they had directions, plot, and occasionally even a touch of character development. This movie had nothing. It had disjointed scenes that didn't follow in to each other at all, attempts at comedy that looked forced and worse yet, a confused looking cast. In one seen the lead jumps on another guy and the camera shakes. Yes that's right, it shakes. I haven't seen anything that lame since 'Hard to Die'. This movie was a painful bore with misleading billing and absolutely no redeeming qualities except that it ends eventually. Please don't waste your time, go and watch teletubbies, Jaws 4, Rocky 5, ANYTHING other than this tripe.

Andromeda (2000–2005)

One of the most shamefully bad shows to claim affiliation with Roddenbery

[3 December 2004]

Andromeda is certainly a television show, it has opening credits, an ongoing plot, characters... but that does not make it good. From even the terrible opening song, obviously scythed out and horribly bad, to the ending credits one is bored with the amazingly poor execution. All the often the show has poor writing that makes the main characters look like intergalactic five year olds. The only character that is an adult happens to be Kevin Sorbo, who though he did an alright job as Hercules, is continuing to play Hercules, just in space. The idea behind the show, obviously accredited to Gene Roddenberry simply because someone retrieved it from a napkin Mr. Roddenberry had used to jot ideas down on before he passed on, is a simple attempt at a tie in to ST. I am a Canadian, and I like seeing Canada make our poor attempts at helping to making good scifi shows, though we have failed in every attempt, someday we may succeed. As for now... avoid Andromeda if you want to see something good.

Gods and Generals (2003)

One of the least watchable movies ever made.

[2/10 · 7 May 2004]

Gods and Generals is a movie made for and directed towards people who have a strong background in the American Civil War. I found the movie almost unwatchable. During the battle scenes I couldn't tell which side was which often. This was partially due to my ignorance of the war itself but mostly due to horrible direction and poor camera placement. The movie also bogs itself down in ridiculous revisionist monologues. All too often in modern American made movies from a historical perspectives the treatment of the slaves is euphemised and it is implied that they were not as mistreated as they actually were. This was shown in Gods in Generals from the way the slaves themselves had monologues that everyone listened to nodded their appreciation of. Slavery was an unfortunate time that should be acknowledged more than it currently is in this generation of movie making.

Unless you have a strong background on the different types of uniforms and the locations of battles this movie will seem horribly made and incredibly dull/unrealistic. I imagine this movie could have been much much better.

Safe House (1998)

Poorly Billed and misleading

[12 April 2004]

This movie was billed as a thriller and a semi caper film. Though I adore Patrick Stewart the movie had a very very 'Baywatch' feel, silly American production stereotypes and poor direction made it into a movie rather difficult to take seriously. Any scene with Patrick Stewart by himself is well done and believable. The other characters seem to get in the way of the main idea of the movie and blow of proportion the Clandestine sub plot (which was what the main plot was billed as) or the Maguffin if you will. This movie is worth a watch, but it isn't exciting or memorable really. Sloppy production, miscasting, misdirection and a weak story take away from what could have been a terrifying film about the middle aged 'coming of age' into senility and the fear that accompany's that.

Head Office (1985)

7/8ths Perfect

[7/10 · 5 December 2003]

This movie, like many in the 1980's suffers from studio slandering. The movie is brilliantly funny for the first half. An original satire on the wall street world. The second half and climax suffers from weak plotting and a silly shoot-out. Like most eighties movies. I still don't understand why they thought every comedy ought to have had one. Definitely watch this movie though. You will laugh alot.