Royce_Alvacura Reviews

Jason Manford's Funniest Ever TV Adverts (2022)

Unoriginal dull poorly made

[1/10 · 28 May 2022]

Don't know how and why this was made. Manford condescendingly hosts with a fake smile and humour that the canned laughter cant hide. Set is straight from the 80s like the old Blockbuster shop. Manford jokes outside of the show that this was made in lockdown and the audience was not there. This statement feels correct, the audience feel superimposed, they are there, but when shown they are not reacting at all to how we hear them.

The clips of the adverts are also dubbed over so much by Manford and edited shorter that they aren't watchable or enjoyable. Perhaps YouTube is a better source for watching funny adverts?

Car crash tv at its worst.

Let Me In (I) (2010)

Not enough vampire, too much angst, boring.

[4/10 · 29 September 2010]

When I went to go see Let Me In, I have to admit I was really excited, having seen Chloe Moretz in Kick-Ass earlier in the year, I was looking for outstanding performances. I know Let Me In is in a whole different genre; a horror thriller, well not so much horror but lots of tension...I will repeat LOTS of tension. Too much.

From the very beginning with the shot of New Mexico in the snow we a get a very long look at the vistas across the mountains, I waiting for the next shot to come, eventually we get another then another, if this is trying to build up tension we are hardly ever relieved, it gets very boring and slow. The soundtrack is heavily used for tension, yes we get those annoying repetitive high pitched screechy sounds and thumping noises throughout especially when something scary is about to happen. *rolls eyes*

The characters were all very dull, reserved and uninteresting for me to care, no characters hardly ever spoke! I was annoyed at how the preteen 12 year olds had enough angst to give Kurt Cobain a run for his money.The bullying scenes go a bit too far and I felt they were trying too hard to shock me when really I couldn't give a flying monkeys.

And as for the whole set in the eighties theme, we get... pacman and guess what... a rubix cube!!!! How predictable, but what ruined this was plonking in Justin Beiber lookalike who played the main bully. Argh.

Not enough vampire, too much angst, boring.

The Orgasm Diaries (2010)

Bold, Racy and Excellent Performances

[8/10 · 19 June 2010]

I was fortunate to be one of the first to see this at the EIFF press screening. I haven't felt a film speak so honestly before. Here we have two characters Manchester and Noon, tangled in a sexually fuelled and intense relationship. They both live for the moment and everything outside their world threatens their together-ness.

The film focuses heavily on racy, intimate scenes between the pair. The chemistry between the two is very believable, I especially enjoyed Noons character played by Nancy Trotter Landry. her angelic face catches every single moment of emotion and you are sometimes taken aback at how filthy she is during the film. I also commend Liam Browne who plays Manchester for being brave enough to show his genitals whether urinating or being frozen cold. I haven't seen a film like this where a relationship is so thoroughly sexually explored.

The plot of the film is lacking slightly but I feel it is contrasts the mundane northern feel. Nevertheless very good acting and I was fixed to my sit throughout. This feels like the way British cinema should be going, bold, brash and modern.

The Illusionist (2010)

Beautifully made but plot lacking colour.

[7/10 · 16 June 2010]

When I went to go see this film at the Edinburgh Film Festival there was a big buzz surrounding it. People were enthralled that a movie would focus so much on the city, but did it do Edinburgh justice?

A few minutes into the movie Edinburgh comes into picture. Set in the 1950's we see a quiet and very quaint Edinburgh. It features heavily on many of the monuments still present today and I love the way we see the architecture unaffected by modern builds. It made me wish I lived back then. The 3D shot that encapsulates all of Edinburgh in one go, is mind-blowing.

However, as much as I loved seeing Edinburgh in the wonderful rich colours of detail, I was disappointed by the rather gloomy feel to the movie. Yes, it has its charming moments, especially with the merry, drunk Scotsman character, but much of the side plots and main plots I feel are a tad melancholy which in turn, sobered my experience of the film.

The little dialogue (mainly in French and Gaelic; I don't understand either) is pretty easy to follow, but during the end of the film I was left cold when I misunderstood small phrases. It did frustrate me a little, but it led me to interpret the film differently, giving an ambiguous feel to an overall very charming and impressive piece of animation.

Killer Bitch (2010)

A film that can't be taken seriously.

[4/10 · 26 May 2010]

If you were to rate this intellectually it would get a very bad review, but If you want to see loads of terribly fake death scenes, loads of boobs and nothing mentally stimulating as the plot is very basic then this goes for good hangover watching.

I like the whole British feel about the film, some good location shooting of wee pubs, industrial parks and London's River Thames, there's a lot of British humour and small one liners which brings the whole film down to earth. Again i'll repeat this film is not to be taken seriously.

There's a good pace to the film that probably kept me going and its refreshingly entertaining to see how poorly a film can be made; at times very stale acting, cheap props, too many things to mention.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010)

It's up there is one of the biggest flops of all time.

[2/10 · 19 May 2010]

As soon as I heard Gyllenhaal was put in the role as the Prince of Persia, I was excited as he has performed brilliantly in many serious dramas, but apprehensive because this was suppose to be an all action Disney film.... Oh yes I was right to be worried, this was utter trite, Gyllenhaal and Price of Persia have been Disney-fide (in a bad way) Gyllenhaal just relies on his wit and good looks (of which I was kind of put off by his long, greasy hair) and there is no depth to his dialogue, his English accent reminded me at times of Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

The funniest parts were unintentional for example when Princess Tamina who one of the 'worlds beauty' unmasks herself to the soldiers and they all stop and gasp in amazement...yeah she is pretty but not THAT much. This therefore added to the very unrealistic plot and at times I felt I was being spoon-fed information which was not needed; 'THEREFORE THE DAGGER USES SAND TO TURN BACK TIME!?', such information made the experience of watching very tiring and as for action, when it eventually comes, it had been so overly CGI'd that there is barely no actual on location stunts, very disappointing. This is up there with some of the biggest flops of all time, please do not make a sequel.