Change Your Image
FrederickThornborrow
Reviews
Amityville Death House (2015)
You get what is expected... or not expected I guess
This is a Palonia brothers movie. When you see that name, you know what you're getting (or not getting to be more accurate).
Will there be a good script? No.
Will the direction be good? No.
Will any of the actors be even remotely talented? No.
Will the special effects knock your socks off? No.
Having none of these things can often lead to a great time while watching a movie (see: Neil Breen, Jim Wynorski, Andy Sidaris, Albert Pyun, Fred Olen Ray, etc, films for example).
And really, that's what makes the Palonia Bros so terrible. They can't even screw up in a way to make it fun. They just churn out these boring, awful films.
This one is no different. Avoid it. Go watch something by one of the guys names above and thank me later.
Summoning Sylvia (2023)
Almost really good... just not quite enough
Summoning Sylvia is almost a really good movie... but it's just not quite enough comedy/horror to push it over the top.
There are some genuine laugh out loud moments throughout the film and overall, it certainly works well as a decent comedy. The "horror" aspects however are basically non-existant.
It really felt like the film would have been boosted even more if there was a little (or maybe even a lot) of extra emphasis on the supernatural threat. The characters never feel like they're in any jeopardy at all.
The cast was overall really great imo as well.
It's too bad, but it seems destined to become a film you'll see and forget about, instead of joining the list of great horror comedies.
Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)
Frustrating, confusing, and nonsensical
What a frustrating film.
It seems to start with a decent premise, a woman becoming a park ranger to go to, and search, the park in which her sister went missing when they were kids. The protagonist in search of answers, certain something far more sinister took place than the authorities explanation.
But the film plods along somewhat aimlessly, before culminating in a puzzling journey of self-pity, grief and past events that may or may not have occurred. Lennon has to decide, will she do what she's being asked or will she refuse and sacrifice herself instead?
Well, as it turns out, she does neither.
Lennon is freed from her predicament by someone else who makes the sacrifice for her and she then decides to help the evil malevolent forces that took her sister and attempted to take her.
Why? Well, who knows. Her journey ends by finding no answers and becoming a willingly complicit party to aiding more mysterious disappearances.
Ticks (1993)
Peter Scolari is the WORST DAD EVER!
This is just a review of Peter Scolari as the worst dad in the history of movies. Why is he the worst dad? Let's count the ways:
(1) His daughter hates him
(2) He never defends his girlfriend. Ever.
(3) When his daughter is grabbed by the main bad guy, he just stands there and lets three kids save her!
(4) When someone has to race to the van to save them all, he makes teenage Seth Green do it.
(5) When a giant mutant tick is breaking into the room to kill them all, he jumps out a window and LEAVES HIS DAUGHTER AND GF behind!!!
(6) When Rome is being eaten by the mutant tick, Peter just stays hiding in the van!
(7) Even when they all get out and into the van, he makes Seth drive them all home while he cuddles with his GF.
There ya go. Peter Scolari is the worst dad in movie history (and a pretty horrible youth counsellor to boot).
Deep Space (1988)
80s B Movie Gem!
If you love the 80s, love low budget B movies, and want a super fun 90 minutes, definitely watch this one!
The comedy is plentiful... and often unintentional, with the climax battle against the blatant Alien rip-off monster really taking things over the top. The number of times our tough as nails, doesn't follow the rules Cop protagonist and his sexy "new-cop" sidekick (who is in her 40s) get surprised by the monster, fall down, drop things, get sprayed by gunk and just generally screw everything up in their life or death battle had me laughing hysterically.
It's clear they didn't take themselves too seriously on this one and it worked out great for us viewers.
Cuando acecha la maldad (2023)
An original horror take in 2023!
FINALLY! Something that feels fresh and new.
The film probably deserves an 8, but I'll give it a bonus point for originality.
You probably know the plot by now.. two brothers unwittingly help trigger a plague of demon possession on their small town and race to save their family before its too late.
SPOILERS:
It has some downright horrific scenes.
Mrs Ruiz axing herself in the face while pregnant, the dog attack, Sabrina eating her young son's brains while walking down the road in the dark, and Jair coughing up his grandmothers bloody hair.
The acting was surprisingly good and the practical special effects were executed very well.
If you're a fan of horror, definitely give this one a chance. You may not like it, but it will at least give you something new in a genre filled with sequels and copycats.
The Alpines (2021)
An absolute stinker
Just awful.
Ridiculous story of a group of "friends" who are all keeping secrets from one another involving various love triangles, spurned lovers and hatred towards others.
The acting is bad. The story is bad. The direction is bad.
This would all be great if the movie ended up being unintentionally funny... but it isn't. It's a real tough watch, alternating between boredom and cheesy melodrama.
To top it all off, a ridiculous ending with the surviving members of the group trying to cover it all up because the cops will pin it on them? D'oh!
But of course there's a twist as the antagonist sits speaking to his doctor before the credits roll. Did any of it actually happen?
You will certainly wish it didn't and that you could get your time back that was wasted on this one.
Venomous (2001)
So bad, it's good!
Bad acting? Check.
Bad directing? Check.
Nonsensical plot? Check.
Cliché military bad guys? Check.
Grainy, old, stock footage cut in? Check.
And the, "oh no, a snake survived!" ending to set up for a sequel? Of course.
Oh but wait.... there's so much more!
Treat Williams creating a cure in about 30 seconds? Definitely.
Snakes suddenly appearing on a helicopter? Sure.
A guy pulling a bazooka out of his trunk? Why not!
Averting a nuclear military airstrike with a flare gun? Hell yeah!
Yes, this movie is terrible.
A hilariously bad movie that will have you laughing throughout. Definitely recommended!