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gegen-daemon
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V/H/S/85 (2023)
Possibly the worst one yet...
And I say that as somebody who has watched 100s of hours of awful found footage movies, since the Last Broadcast. Found footage horror movies are my jam, and I can't get enough of them. Even the bad ones.
But some, I can't make it through because even I have my limits.
Unfortunately, after enjoying most VHS movies before this one, I couldn't even manage to make it through the final 2. Which is a shame because I'm led to believe that the final segment is the strongest one. Maybe I'll go back and watch it seperately another time but over an hour of pure, self-indulgent garbage was all I could take for one night.
The third segment in particular was absolutely atrocious. If you plan on watching this, avoid the 3rd short.
Talk to Me (2022)
Excellent first hour, slightly let down by..
The final 30-odd minutes where the concept just descended into.. well, let's be honest, nonsense.
I would consider myself a horror movie fanatic, so I'm always looking for the next great thing. That said, I'm also fairly hard to please. I know what I like and when it hits the spot I like that feeling fear, suspsense, mystery and satisfaction that only a genuinely good, wholly unique horror movie can bring.
Up until around the 50-60 minutes mark, Talk to Me felt like it was hitting that spot. I was enthralled, intrigued, the cast where doing a fantastic job and the concept was an interesting take on the 'haunted object' idea.
But the final half hour just kind of leapt off a cliff and turned a bit daft. I won't go into details, so I avoid any big spoilers but while the actions of certain characters can be explained away with 'they were possessed' there were too many inconsistencies and.. well, basically 'plot holes' for that to be valid.
One big issue I did have besides that though, is why the entire room of people just sat and watched as the kid brother repeatedly smashed his face into a table, a floor and then a worktop, when any one of them could've at least held him down to stop the possessing thing from doing that to him. Likewise, his sister just sits screaming and crying while hes' bashing his head into the wall at the hospital. None of these scenes made any sense and kind of take another point off. The movie could've successfully reached the same ending without these two scenes which made little sense.
Also, the young kid's sister, Jade, has to be one of the most useless, obnoxious characters I've ever seen in a horror movie.
The Unbinding (2023)
Was mildly entertaining, until..
They started to suggest that they were being guided/helping a Ukrainian, pagan goddess and - basically - saving her.
It was a little silly to begin with, but I don't mind that, I love the paranormal/horror/documentary format but the level of narcissism & self-importance to believe that you are the focus of a long lost, forgotten pagan goddess is just staggering. So much so, that I'm actually intrigued to see whether this is something that continues in their other projects/shows, etc.
Final shoutout to his wife, who genuinely thinks she's a witch; love it. Their conviction, at least, is impressive.
Disclaimer: I actually do believe in the paranormal and certain aspects of otherworldly things being real but I saw no evidence in this 'documentary', other than hearsay and speculation, that suggests any of what happened here is real. Just a lot of people saying what happened to them with surprisingly little to back it up. It's a real shame, because I'm one of those people that is desperate for it to be real but needs to see the proof.
The Batman (2022)
It's not a bad movie, it's just... a movie
I mean, I come from having just finished watching this on a TV. I've read a lot of people saying 'you have to watch this in IMAX' but if a movie is good, it shouldn't matter how you watch it.
I watched The Dark Knight in cinema, in IMAX and it was spectacular. I watched it on my 17" laptop a year later and it was still spectacular.
Anyway, the Batman is a solid movie. But it feels like a solid action/thriller with Batman copy and pasted on top. I enjoyed the first 45 minutes, it felt like a good build up. I liked the idea of Batman returning to his detective roots. I'd read there wasn't enough action but I didn't mind that. I felt like I was about to watch the Batman version of the Zodiac killings and I was totally in to that.
But what came next was just needless set piece after set piece, long shots galore, lingering looks between characters (clearly meant to be meaningful) and villains that were just thrown in to a movie without much character building (how do you waste John Turturro and Colin Farrell ffs?). In fact, most of the characters felt half-baked. Alfred was inconsequential (how do you waste Andy Serkis like this?), Catwoman somehow managed to appear completely un-charismatic (that's not Zoe's fault, she can only work with what she's given) and Batman himself just felt like a young, skinny emo kid who listens to Nirvana too much. And what's with him just needlessly being a dick to Alfred a few times in the first hour or so?
The Riddler's character was it's one saving grace. Right up until he turned into a raging, whining psychopath when he got arrested. Then I just lost interest. I'm sure they'll make a sequel but at this point, the Dark Knight trilogy is still so far out in front as the best Batman movie series that it's not even close. Such a shame, as I had high hopes for this one.
It's worth watching once. We don't all feel the same way about everything and you may even love it but just don't believe the hype going in or you'll come away even more disappointed.
Bird Box (2018)
Average, rushed-feeling adaptation of an excellent book
OK, so first off - to all of you people going on and on and on about A Quiet Place (which, in itself, was a thoroughly average film with a daft concept full of plot holes), Bird Box - the novel - came first. Josh Malerman's novel came out in 2014, at least a couple of years before Mr Krasinski thought about writing a Quiet Place.
Secondly, this is a thoroughly average, rushed adaptation of a superb novel. The fact that it's rushed tells me that it WAS adapted in response to the success of A Quiet Place.
So much has been changed, from how Mallory's sister dies, to how she discovers she's pregnant, to who the people are in the house she ends up in & when they arrive. And, as is often the place, a lot of it is needless. At times it almost feels as if those doing the adaptation of the novel into a script feel the need to stamp their mark on it. It baffles me that Josh Malerman would be happy with how it's changed.
One of my biggest sticking points was how rushed the arc featuring Gary is. The book is such a slow-burn but much of the best beats are either missing from the film or changed entirely for the sake of it, seemingly. Along with this, the bit about how she teaches 'boy' and 'girl' to tell anything that's around them or what's happening in general is a huge part of the novel, she utterly relies on the kids and their hearing ability, which she trained from birth. We only find this out in the final 15 minutes of the film.
Had it not been an adaptation, it would've been a solid thriller/horror. As an adaptation of one of the most original concepts I've read in a while, it's a huge disappointment.
The name of the director, and a lot of the stars in it means it'll get a lot more leeway than it deserves, much like the above-mentioned A Quiet Place. If it had had a long list of B-actors it wouldn't have been so well-received.
Bad Ben (2016)
What a great surprise, amongst too many so-so found footage films
I should point out that I'm one of those rare breed of people that absolutely loves found footage films. But it's possible for them to be so awful, they're un watchable. Many of the recent ones I've seen have fallen in, or close to, that category but I was very happily surprised by this.
You can see that the one and only guy in the movie is an 'amateur', so to speak but he does a fine job of keeping you captivated throughout, simply by playing 'normal'.
The insistence of filming everything is questionable at times, particularly when some genuinely scary stuff starts going down, but I find people choosing to stick around once the scares go through the roof questionable in most films so can't complain too much here.
As somebody else said, the actor reminds me of that US comedian from the Big Bang Theory and Sarah Silverman Show and even sounds alike, adding to the comedy element of this movie.
I have a question though - what in %@*&'s name was Bad Ben at the end there?
The Possession of Michael King (2014)
Awful, just awful.
Unlike previous reviewers, I'm at a loss to find anything positive to say about this film.
Usually with the genre known as 'found footage' or 'shaky cam', I'm always happy to give even the worst reviewed movies a try. Don't think any worse of me for it, I just love horror movies and this is perhaps my favourite sub-genre of horror. I'm often able to find positives in even the worst of these movies too but there's little to redeem this mess, with only the decent production values standing out here.
I think that, with this genre it is always important to have the main character/s be relatively likable. I mean, if I'm going to spend 90 minutes watching one or two people primarily, I want to at least be able to like them/relate to them. The main actor here is an obnoxious, smarmy tw*t, so it doesn't help that you have to spend an hour and a half looking at him at listening to him. The rest of the cast appear almost apologetic for having been in the movie.
Cast aside, the film is basically just 90 minutes of OTT gore, LOUD NOISES WHEN YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING THEM and jump scares. I would've thought the whole point of this guy recording his experiences was to document what's happening to him as he tries to find out whether there is a God or Devil, however it's almost as if he's in on trying to scare the audience, very cheaply.
One of the oldest staples of horror - and it's worst staple - is the jump scare and I think when a director has to resort to nothing but these you know that they know that they aren't capable of scaring you without them. Every five minutes the volume either shoots up to a level that's totally unnecessary or something (or one) jumps out at the screen - if you like this, then dive right in, if you like your horror a bit more original avoid at all costs. I wish I had.
Sinister (2012)
One of the best horrors in the past 30 years
That may sound like a big, big statement but everything Sinister achieves is based purely on atmosphere.
In recent years, I've loved Insidious, Sinister, Paranormal Activity and a handful of others and I think that they all achieve great things because of the unique atmospheres they create.
In Sinister, for the first 45 minutes you could almost be convinced you're watching a thriller/mystery, with the writer/main character setting out to find out what actually happened to the family that his investigations centre around.
However, the footage he finds (and watches many times), whilst very simple, creates such a chilling, uncomfortable aura around the house and the film that you'll be watching through your fingers without really knowing why.
I really can't recommend Sinister enough and I've watched it multiple times myself. Check it out, otherwise you're really missing out.
Gravity (2013)
Nothing at all special.
Quite often, a project has its worth enhanced by the names attached to it and that is exactly what happened with Gravity.
Having Clooney, Bullock and Cuaron's names attached elevated a particularly average (often borderline awful) movie about an astronaut floating in space to a level it doesn't deserve to be at.
Then there's also the 3D aspect.
I purposely neglected to see this in 3D, as a movie shouldn't need to be seen a certain way to be appreciated. I DO appreciate that using a particular technique or say, a big action flick being filmed for IMAX screens has benefits but it only makes the experience more fun or more engrossing, it doesn't affect the movie in any other way than cosmetically. So when I'm told 'you have to see Gravity in 3D; it's meant to be seen in 3D', that's great but if you take away the 3D there should still be a great cinematic spectacle to experience.
Instead, what you're left with, is Sandy Bullock floating about in space for 70 minutes, seemingly losing her grip on reality.
Maybe this was a cinematic gold for some people, but for me it just left me feeling a little lost as to what all of the fuss and hype was about.
Evil Dead (2013)
'Simply astounding!', 'Near perfect experience.. ' - It's good but I wouldn't go that far.
When I first saw a lot of these reviews of the Evil Dead remake, I was very excited.
I've seen both Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2, along with Army of Darkness (with Army of Darkness actually being my favourite) and although they're all fun and I think highly of them, I wasn't going to kick up a fuss about a remake ruining my childhood, like some people are prone to.
But to call this 'a near perfect experience', or 'simply astounding' is a little daft. It's a good, very solid, incredibly gory horror but it does little different from other, similar genre movies and can't exactly be called entirely original.
On the whole, I'd recommend for fans of horror, provided you had a strong stomach but I wouldn't mislead anybody by inferring this is a stone-cold classic and you just have to see it.
There are many better and will be more to come too but if you lower your expectations you won't come away disappointed.
The Upper Footage (UPPER) (2013)
'Like Blair Witch'? Not on your life..
The best thing you can say about this film is that, like the Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity, the creators managed to create a very real sense of 'this is real; this all actually happened' around it and those comparisons seem to have been made across many reviews I've read.
However, that is where any similarities end.
I've read time and again that the 'found footage' genre is stuck in a rut and that it's all been done to death and should be laid to rest for our own good. On the contrary, I'm one of those heathens that actually thinks that, when done well, it still has bags to offer and can be very effective and often terrifying.
The Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity were nothing new - they just perfected the use of the 'shaky cam' and discovered footage techniques to create very subtle scares and truly play on the 'what you can't see is always scarier than what you can' and Paranormal Activity was so effective at this that it actually had my then girlfriend - now wife - in tears on the couch watching this.
Watching 'The Upper Footage' could well also have you in tears but not for the right reasons, as it's an incredibly slow, boring movie. Classed as a 'horror' (depending where you look), the only thing horrible about the movie is how the main characters treat other human beings.
I found this aspect very realistic, having spent time at university with a number of 'privileged' individuals who didn't care in the slightest about how their actions affected other people.
This appears to be the driving point of the whole movie - how young, rich socialites will - and can - get away with murder, literally, as a direct result of their actions and how they will go to real lengths to cover this up. All in all, this could've made for a real interesting movie but little happens for the first 65-70 minutes. Even when we reach the point where the movie should pick up, it still feels very underwhelming.
Not even the girl that gets picked up near the beginning gets any sympathy from me, as she allows herself to be the entertainment for the rich kids, and as her face is pixelated the entire time she's on camera, it's even more difficult to relate to her in any way.
All-in-all, a pretty poor attempt at a different sort of 'found footage' movie, with little to recommend it.
Oculus (2013)
Incredibly... average, run-of-the-mill horror effort
I've tried to watch this movie once before but after 20 minutes turned off as the acting felt wooden and the actors appeared very disinterested.
But having read so many reviews and comments that seemed to think of this as a great movie in the genre I gave it another try today.
Sadly, nothing changed.
I think that, with Karen Gillan's start being on the rise, and her being a bastion of all things geeky/nerdy, people just assumed she wouldn't do a bad movie and decided that, despite the low production values & 'made for TV' feel to this, it must be good.
I know a lot of people will disagree (some will, not doubt, even give me some abuse) but it really isn't a very compelling or interesting horror movie.
Jump scares, poor effects and no real explanation for why a mirror could have so much power over people. At least 'The Possession' attempted to explain that the 'box' was cursed by some kind of evil spirit.
I like Katee Sackhoff, Karen Gillan will no doubt go very far in Hollywood and overall, this was a relatively decent idea. What it comes down to is that it all feels and looks so half-hearted.