Change Your Image
jkeitz
Reviews
A Rainy Day in New York (2019)
Like Seinfeld, but...
Ok, imagine if you took any average episode on Seinfeld, then you re-cast it with bland, unlikeable actors. Now, all you have to do is studiously remove any trace of humor, and viola, you have A Rainy Day In New York. This movie is just painfully bad. The runtime is a merciful 90 minutes, but it feels longer than a Marvel movie. The lead was good in Dune, so I had some hope here, but he's just dull as the rainy streets the movie takes place in. Then there are the constant esoteric art references, like Shaun Spencer, only without any connection to the rest of the script (I almost wrote "plot," but there isn't one, just a rambling series of set pieces that don't really connect in any way. Just avoid, or if you find yourself stuck watching this film, open up an umbrella in front of you and get a good nap.
Peacemaker (2022)
My Favorite Comic Book Show!
I had been looking forward to this since Suicide Squad. When I got to the first episode, I thought it was a really good John Cena vehicle, but the rest of the cast was a letdown...at first. It really seemed like they found a group of two dimensional characters to check all the boxes on HR's DEI sheet, but Peacemaker and Eagly could still carry the show. Then I saw the second episode, and all of those two dimensional characters really came into focus. Every one of them started growing into full fledged, deep, well written characters, and the show began to soar! (In fairness, Robert Patrick's character is still two dimensional and over the top, but as a villain that actually works here. I don't care why he's evil, he just is.). The writing is perfect, every joke lands, but the heavy emotional beats are even more powerful as a result. John Cena is really more talented than I ever gave him credit for! James Gunn shows why he is one of the most talented people in Hollywood here. Even the opening credits sequence is a masterpiece!
Wolf Hollow (2023)
Might Actually Be The Worst Movie Ever Made
I've seen lots of movies in my 56 years, but I have never seen one this awful. I barely made it past the opening credits. I have zero artistic talent of any kind, so I've never before said "I could have done better," when it comes to a movie. Unfortunately, this one actually made me say that out loud. The acting? There isn't any. It's just some amateurs wandering around making inane conversation. The writing? There isn't any. I'm convinced they just made it up as they went, and it wouldn't have mattered because the sound mixing is so bad you can't make out any of the "dialogue" anyway. The special effects? Well, that's pure Spirit Halloween store on a very low budget. Save yourself! I cannot imagine how this movie was even made, let alone released.
Andor (2022)
It's Like Two Different Shows
I should start by saying that I think Rogue One is the best of the Star Wars movies. As a result, I was eager to see this series. Unfortunately, I was left severely underwhelmed. It's like watching two different shows at the same time. Whenever Diego Luna is on screen, the show is solid, somewhere around 8/10. Whenever he's offscreen, with the story focused on the supporting characters, it completely falls apart. Outside of Andor and Meera, I had little interest. In fact, I actually quit the series twice before coming back to finish it. The whole storylines without Andor are like watching golf. I'm not disappointed at the lack of action per se, but the Star Wars universe isn't known for its deep storylines, that's more a Star Trek or Stargate thing. Therefore, centering so much of the story on uninteresting characters really hurts the tempo and tenor of the show. I really hope that in the second season they focus the narrative a bit more, due to it's getting closer to the events of Rogue One.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022)
Finally! Star Trek is Back!
The Paramount Network has been trying to resurrect Trek for years now, and the results had ranged from the pretty good Picard, to the passable Lower Decks, to the downright awful Discovery. Now, however, they have finally delivered on a powerful, well written, well acted Star Trek that we have waited so long for. Pike is the best captain since Kirk, and possibly a little better. Number One, Spock, L'Aann, Uhura, and M'Benga are outstanding. Nurse Chapel steals every scene she's in!
I used to call Discovery a One Star Mess, but I have to upgrade it to a Two Star Mess just for birthing Strange New Worlds for us!
Halo (2022)
Entertaining, But Critics Have a Point
I have played HALO, though I much prefer sports games and arcade games, so I'm familiar with the source. I've even read a few of the novels. I have to say that both camps of reviewers have valid points. One the one hand, you have an entertaining sci-fi adventure with decent acting and plotting (and I think the CGI is fine, since it's based on a video game, so it kinda gives the game feel to have obvious CGI). On the other hand, the casting, like most Hollywood productions, was outsourced to a university diversity department. I've seen worse, but I recognize the argument. If you don't, just imagine they cast Ron Pearlman to play Cortana. Now do you get it?
Despite its flaws, it is definitely entertaining and worth a watch, at least so far.
Suspicion (2022)
Great Setup Terrible Payoff
Apple has had a good run of top quality hits. Ted Lasso and For All Mankind are the best things on TV. See, Foundation, Invasion, all excellent. With all that success, they have also produced a couple of stinkers (Dickinson, Schmigadoon). Suspicion starts out with gripping plot and interesting characters, leading you to think this is another Invasion quality show. They build up the intrigue right to the end of the sixth episode, and then.... Well, let's just say it gets as cliche as Dickinson/Schmigadoon. First, they introduce a completely implausible motivation for the whole plot, then they follow that up with literally every kidnapping cliche ever done, alone an achievement! It left me angry that I had wasted six previous hours building up to this. I think I would have preferred they just build up for the whole season and never even try to pay it off like they did with Mosquito Coast.
The Afterparty (2022)
Another Apple TV Hit!
To begin with, this is an amazing concept, not just a take on the different POV story telling, but to take each and craft it into a separate genre really makes this a hit! Every one of the characters is well crafted and extremely well acted, well except for one. The only let down here is the highly overrated Tiffany Haddish. She's not particularly bad, just she's nowhere near as good as the rest of the cast, so there is a bit of a needle scratch whenever the scene veers back to her. Still, it is a solid 9 star series which could have been a 10 with a better lead.
Star Trek: Discovery: Anomaly (2021)
Such a Let Down!
The first season was sub par, but the second season really picked it up, mainly because they added good characters (Pike, Spock, and #1), but there was hope. The third season was a train wreck, but for some reason, I continued. Then they released the first episode of the new season, and it was perfect! I thought they had finally figured it out and Star Trek was back! I was so excited for this episode, and then I watched it. All the progress from the first episode was thrown away by the opening credits. Whining, simpering, all about superficial characteristics of the superficial characters, another visit to the USS Therapy. Such a let down.
At least New Worlds is in the pipeline.
The Luminaries (2020)
Cut-Rate Pulp Fiction
Take Pulp Fiction, set it in the 1860s in New Zealand, cast lesser actors and a poor writer, and this is what you get. The most boring piece of trash of the year. I had hoped for something more like The Nevers, but I was sorely disappointed. It is a relatively simple plot that is scattered in a random fashion in an attempt to make it seem more complex. I managed to stay awake for most of it in the vain hope that it would fall together in an interesting way, but it failed miserably.
Sonachine (1993)
Amazingly Awful!
To begin with, the production is awful. The guns all sound wrong, and the muzzle flashes look like they're actually firecrackers shoved down the barrel. There is a near constant background noise from the 80's arcade game Zaxxon. Still, the production isn't the worst part. That's a tossup between the acting and the "story," (in quotes because there isn't really a story, just a basic outline of a story filled in with obvious filler just to make a decent run time).
Generic hero gets sent on a suicide mission, survives, wastes the bulk of the time at the beach doing random and disconnected things, until he stumbles upon the guy who wronged him and he decides to take them all out. The ending is completely out of left field, but in the interest of saving you from "spoilers" I won't mention it here.
Best to avoid this at all costs. It's 90 minutes of your life you won't get back.
Vagrant Queen (2020)
Possibly the Worst Thing on TV in Years
I actually managed to get through the whole first episode before writing this review. Where to start? The SFX are super cheesy, stuck at early 90's CGI. The writing is the lowest level of simplicity, utilizing every cliche imaginable. The dialogue is cringeworthy, and I mean Babylon 5 cringeworthy (I love B5, but the dialogue there was some of the worst in TV history.). The acting is so awful, it is almost like they just grabbed some people off the street just to save some cash. When the entire plot can be fully communicated in an elevator pitch, you probably shouldn't green light the project. Hopefully, this dies a quick death, but I won't be around to see it.
The Outsider (2020)
Almost Perfect
This is an excellent adaptation of one of King's best novels. The creepy atmosphere, the cinematography, and the writing are top notch. The acting is excellent too. The only reason for the nine stars is the recasting (and subsequent re-writing) of the Holly Gibney character. She is one of King's best characters from Mr. Mercedes. The crossover was a treat in the novel. In this case, however, the perfectly cast Holly from Mr. Mercedes is replaced by someone completely different. This necessitated re-writing her character from the "atypical" Holly of Mr. Mercedes (and The Outsider novel), into something more akin to one of Professor Xavier's charges.
Still, that is only one drawback. The series is still well worth watching
The Twilight Zone (2019)
Great Start, Terrible Fall
I cannot remember another series that started out so well, then fell so quickly. The first episode is well written, well acted, and has a deep point to make, along with the TZ twist. I was 10 star impressed. That is followed by an outstanding remake of the famous Nightmare at 30,000 Feet. The alterations there (no spoilers) to bring the story into the present had me thinking this show was going somewhere. Then I saw the third episode. Pure propaganda, unbelievable, full of plot holes (how does the racist, racist, sheriff keep finding the innocent college student? How did all those other students make it to their college through the gauntlet of KKK members populating the VA State Police force?). The fourth episode, while not outstanding, at least got back to regular TZ storytelling. Then came The Wunderkind. Perhaps the most idiotic story ever produced for TV. In that story, they run a kid for president (never mind the Constitution, they have a silly way to get around that), but in reality they just hired a kid to write it. I think it was supposed to be some kind of Trump Derangement Syndrome episode, but it is so childish that it only serves to make the President's detractors look silly, rather than the other way around. You may not like the current administration, but they would never greenlight something this stupid. I might give it one more episode, but I don't see continuing. It is so unfortunate that they couldn't have produced more like the first two episodes.
Dracula (2020)
Starts Out Ordinary, But Grows Extraordinary!
In a world full of vampire fiction, the creators of Sherlock take the relatively dry source material provided by Stoker, and they start with a pretty straightforward retelling of the story. The first episode is good, but ordinary. The second episode is where this really starts to find its feet, comprising the voyage to England on the Demeter. It is the third episode, however, where the true brilliance of this series shines. I don't want to give anything away, but between the second and third episodes, there is a huge twist that makes this whole series worthwhile. It is a must see!
The Umbrella Academy (2019)
Simply Outstanding! The Best Netflix Has To Offer
Starting with one of the best graphic novels of all time, adding an amazing cast, throw in incredible music, and you end up with the best superhero show of all time, and by far the best thing Netflix has to offer. The introduction of the family is exactly how it should be done, and it all builds to the reveal of Vanya's, well, characteristics (avoiding spoilers). In the beginning, Legion had the potential to go like this, but that show squandered all potential in exchange for pointless edginess/weirdness. Here, the show has the stylization of the graphic novel, but it all has purpose. Every word has purpose here.
Not to be missed!
Captain Marvel (2019)
A Surprise Movie
I have to begin with noting that, while I have always been a fan of Captain Marvel, I was worried after hearing the star of the movie's bigoted views. I had hoped for the best, but expected to be let down. I am happy to say that I was presently surprised. While this is an origin story, I really liked the original way of introducing the character. Every member of the cast, right down to the cat, was outstanding. Larson and Jackson have great chemistry, leading to excellent humorous scenes. Also on that note, I have to admit that despite her personal issues, Larson knocked this out of the park. I don't think anyone else could have embodied Carol Danvers better. Have to give credit where due. This is already one of my favorite Marvel movies, right behind the Guardians.