Space_Lord Reviews

My Little Eye (2002)

I should poke out my eye for watching this CRAP...!

[1/10 · 17 July 2005]

Absolute waste of time and money...! I'm kicking myself for wasting my money renting this CRAP FEST! It's times like these, during the viewing of this film, where you realise that time is a very, very special thing that can't be replaced! While the concept of the film is promising (horny teenagers locked in a house, big brother style, but for the amusement of voyeuristic killers), it just doesn't execute!

It's just an irritating film! The actors SUCK, the effects are bad, and the story is poorly executed! Granted, these things are not unusual for a "horror" film, but DANGIT, that just goes to show how bad this film is! A similar premise was pulled off much better in one of the vignettes in the almost as abysmal CRADLE OF FEAR!

And I'm not sure if this was just because of my audio setup, but during the sex scene, I was suddenly blasted by a PEACHES song, notably several octaves higher than the rest of the audio recording! YIKES!

Seriously, don't fall into the trap I did. Don't end up deprived of your time and money!! DON"T WATCH IT!! IT ABSOLUTELY BLOWS!!!

The Fearless Hyena (1979)

The Chan man at his jaw dropping best!

[7/10 · 5 July 2005]

All I'll say about this movie is sit back and watch the mayhem!!! Featuring a young Jackie Chan in his prime, this film contains some of the best choreographed fight scenes you will ever see!! Highlights include an awesome stick fight between Jackie and his grandfather; a gender-bending, cross-dressing female-impersonating Jackie dealing to a muscular chinaman; kung-fu fun with bowls and finally a climactic kung-fu ass kicking fest!! All part and parcel of the insanity we can expect from this period of Jackie's career! Sure, the dubbing is terrible, but who really cares what they're saying with Jackie kicking ten kinds of ass all over the shop!! A must see for kung-fu movie fans!! WICKED!!!

12 Monkeys (1995)

Gilliam is gold....!

[8/10 · 6 June 2005]

Just watched this movie again last night, nearly ten years after I saw it when released! Gosh but does time fly! I'm pleased to say that 12 monkeys more than holds up to a second viewing. Great performance from Brucie, in a role that was completely different to anything he had done previously. I was never sure if what he was experiencing was his imagination or reality. And Brad, who is the epitome of insane genius! Didn't he get nominated for best supporting actor for this role? Not sure if he won, or what, but the man played crazy like nobody's business! Former python Terry Gilliam is at the helm and once again crafts a quirky, unsettling look which is present throughout the picture. A true masterpiece which will make your brain do backflips!!

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Stupid, silly, Ferrell... what else do you need?

[7/10 · 6 June 2005]

Will Ferrell is undoubtedly one of this era's great comedy geniuses. Every time he takes the screen he cracks me up! His performances are a laugh a minute and are always hilarious, even if the films themselves aren't so great (I hate to mention The Ladie's Man!). So it comes as no surprise that Anchorman is right up there on the laugh scale. This film is so unbelievably stupid but Ferrell plays it dead straight as Ron Burgundy, the legendary 1970's news anchor. Burgundy's status as network top dog is threatened when young, ambitious Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate) is hired. Stupid, silly humour is abound throughout the film and is set off by a number of things. The 70's gear is a absolute crackup! And so many cameos!! If you are a fan of Will Ferrell or just good old fashioned dumbass humour, you just have to see Anchorman!

Saw (2004)

This ain't no Seven, folks...!

[5/10 · 6 June 2005]

When a film claims to be the best psychological thriller since 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Seven', it's gotta man up and deliver. That's a damn bold claim, and Saw, while trying hard, doesn't quite get there. The film starts out promisingly enough, with two men chained in an old bathroom. They are the latest prisoners of the "Jigsaw" killer, who sets elaborate puzzles for his victims, basically pushing them to see what they would be willing to do to survive. On the killer's trail is a cop who wants to avenge his partner, a victim of the killer. As the film wears on we find out more about the characters and their personal lives and why they were targeted by the killer, who sees himself as a giver of life lessons, however sick they are! As I say, the film starts out promisingly but becomes clichéd and silly. In the end entertaining but a pretty average effort.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

What's a Lemony Snicket?

[7/10 · 6 June 2005]

Previous to viewing this film, I didn't know who or what the hell a Lemony Snicket was or is! Some kind of refreshing hot drink perhaps? I don't know! So when watching the movie I was a blank slate, I had no preconceived notions about the film. A rare occurrence nowadays! Initially I thought it was a wannabe Tim Burton project, but as the film went on it starts to impress. The dark, dry humour that makes you wonder if it was appropriate to laugh. The anachronisms that makes it virtually impossible to guess when the film is taking place. The fantastic performances by the cast involved. I usually can't stand Jim Carrey but I must admit he goes very well in this film. A great family movie that won't disappoint!

The Waterboy (1998)

Foosball is the devil...!

[6/10 · 30 May 2005]

Good old fashioned dumbass humour feelgood comedy is what Adam Sandler has built a career on, and he doesn't disappoint here!! Sandler plays Bobby Boucher, a 31 year old mild mannered mentally inhibited bayou boy who lives with his mother and has an unnatural obsession with water and its cleansing, life giving properties! Boucher is the waterboy for the worst college football team in America. He gets a chance to play and when provoked, unleashes primal rage that has been brewing all his life, and it decimates the opposition's offense!! Yeah baby let it out!! Great performances also from Henry Winkler as Bobby's coach and mentor, and Kathy Bates as Bobby's god fearing, domineering mother who thinks everything is a path to THE DEVIL! Great dumbass humour that not all will appreciate, but you'd have to have a real stick up your a$$ if The Waterboy doesn't make you smile at least once!

Shou zhi ao chu (1981)

I should 'Kung Fu Execute' myself for watching this CRAP....!

[2/10 · 30 May 2005]

I should 'Kung Fu Execute' myself for watching this CRAP....! Apparently this film was also known as 'Black Jim Smashes All'. Now THAT'S a title I can go for!!!! But no matter what you called this film it still SUCKS BALLS. And that's coming from a kung fu movie fan. There are a few things worth laughing at though if you can bear to sit through it. The fashion of the time is absolutely fantastic, you'll dig those 70's duds. The fight scenes are quite well choreographed and contain some cool moves. There is even a totally unnecessary full frontal shower scene which looks as if it was inserted just for the hell of it!!!! The main problem is sitting through the incredibly boring excuse for a story and trying not to go insane from the terrible dubbing. I expect bad dubbing in a kung fu flick but this film takes it to new lows. A good one for the fast forward button, to get to the fights or nudie part. Watch only if easily entertained. WAAAAAAAAHHHH!

The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (2003)

Zatoichi kicks ass..!

[6/10 · 30 May 2005]

Didn't know much about this film when a mate lent it to me. Rarely had I wondered how much a$$ a blind Japanese masseur could kick. Quite a lot, as it would seem. Because the elderly sight challenge gentleman is Zatoichi and his cane doubles as a sword which he'll use to dice your a$$. Blind Zatoichi wanders from town to town in feudal Japan, making money from giving massages and also gambling with dice, which he is also handy at as he can hear what side the die has fallen on. During his adventures he stumbles upon a plot by two geishas to avenge their murdered parents. Great story, action, musical numbers (yes, that's right!) and more than a fair share of dry Japanese humour makes Zatoichi an entertaining watch!

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Go Gwangi!!!!!!

[5/10 · 30 May 2005]

I love Ray Harryhausen's films, even ones that aren't so great. This one falls into the average category. Typical monster movie of the period. You know the deal, misunderstood monster (who would've been fine if the humans had left him alone) is kidnapped / captured. Sure enough he breaks loose, goes on rampage and dies a painful death. Hey, I'd be angry if I was captured and displayed for the amusement of puny humans!!!! I'd want to go on a rampage if I was nervous and scared in an alien environment!!! This is basically the same story as KING KONG. My main beef with the film is that it seems to take forever for them to get to the 'Forbidden Valley' (a-duh, don't go there, it's forbidden!) and once they get there the cowboys just shoot everything. Typical Americans!! Harryhausen's work, as always, is marvelous and is the only thing you should watch this film for. GO GWANGI!!!

Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1980)

Porn + zombies = film-making disaster....!

[2/10 · 30 May 2005]

Porn! I love porn with every fibre of my being. Pornography has undoubtedly been one of the greatest influences in my life. Zombies! Zombies are just cool. Terrifying yet they command your empathy. A slow relentless scourge that forces man to look in the mirror and face his demons. Or because they eat brains. Whatever. So naturally you combine these two extremely cool genres you're bound to have something worth watching, right? Nearly. This film is a mess. Two guys and a girl go to the forbidden Cat Island (oooooo, spooky name) as the superbly mustachioed property developer (who earlier gets nasty with two ho's) wants to erect (pun intended) a hotel there. Of course there is a mysterious girl and old man on the island, and zombies. What are they doing there? Who knows? Who cares? Sex scenes scattered throughout the whole movie. Plenty of nudity for the perverts. I was disappointed there is only one porn scene, would've been great to see Laura Gemser get in on the action!!!!

Five Bloody Graves (1969)

Al Adamson... king of CRAP!

[4/10 · 30 May 2005]

Ben Thompson is a messenger of Death. We are constantly reminded of this through the CRAP FEST that is Five Bloody Graves, by DEATH himself no less! Crappy narration aside, there are plenty of things to keep the watcher engaged, or more accurately, perplexed. Beautiful scenery is destroyed by bad acting. Promising character development and story lines are killed by senseless violence, most notably a rape scene. This is probably an accurate portrayal of what occurred in the Old West, but this seems like lazy film-making. I wish the Indians had won. One redeeming feature of the film is John Carradine in his role as a sleazy preacher. While this is easily one of the crappiest westerns I have ever seen, I truly don't believe it deserves a rating as low as 1.8. That's not to say it doesn't deserve a low rating. Maybe a 3 or 4 perhaps? Death demands it!!!!

8 Mile (2002)

The 'Rocky' of hip hop films... go Rabbit!

[6/10 · 30 May 2005]

When I watched this movie on TV last night I wasn't expecting anything great. Just something to kill some time. Well, I didn't get anything great, as expected! 8 mile ain't no Oscar winner, but it does contain some interesting insights and social commentary. Rabbit (Eminem) is a young white boy who lives in a trailer park with his mum and young sister. His mother is an alcoholic who is dating someone barely older than him. In fact they went to the same school! Who wouldn't be frustrated with that? His friends are all wannabe rappers who just think it's a matter of time before they get a record deal. Rabbit is also a talented MC, but freezes in front of people other than his friends. Since music is the only outlet for his frustration, this kinda sucks! He is constantly promised that he will be a part of a music 'empire' which always fails to materialize. The film follows his frustration with his white trash existence and his struggle to come to terms with it and realise his own potential. It's not hard to root for Rabbit. Who doesn't know guys that sit around talking s#!t about when they become the next big thing, only they never get off their ass to do anything about it? Who doesn't know families that seem to exist day by day, or people that are always looking for a hand out and not a hand up? Who hasn't been promised this or that by someone who tells you they have connections? OK maybe not everyone, but everyone loves an underdog, right? Rabbit ultimately decides he needs to walk his own path, and not rely on anyone else, which is the message I feel this movie is trying to push. No one is going to hand you what you want in life, you have to work hard and sacrifice to get to where you want to be. The ending isn't typical Hollywood drivel either. He's not handed a record deal, he's not famous, but he is determined and knows what he has to do to get there. Work hard at your day job, stay passionate and keep focused on the goal. Not sure how close the film is to Eminem's own success story, but there are some great positive messages that can be taken out of this film. Great to see my man Rabbit get his props!!!!

The Matrix (1999)

Changed the way movies were made..

[8/10 · 29 May 2005]

Only after a recent viewing of The Matrix did I realise how much of an impact this film has had on the film-making industry. Think about it. Fight scenes, action sequences, 'bullet time' have all been used (ripped off)in other movies. The Matrix has not lost it's impact since its release in 1999. I remember back when I first saw the film the question everyone wanted answered was 'What is the Matrix?'. Nobody was sure what to expect, and as a result the movie was an absolutely mind blowing experience. When people asked me how the film was, I simply said they HAD TO watch it themselves to form their own opinion. Even though everyone knows what the Matrix is now, it's still one of the greatest sci fi action films ever.

Women in Cages (1971)

It sure ain't BBBBAAAAAADDDDAAAASSSSSS.....

[3/10 · 29 May 2005]

I'm a little disappointed with this film. The DVD cover led me to believe that this was BAAAAADDDDAAAASSSSSSS cinema, so I bought it on this pretence. It has Pam Grier in it so it has to be BBBBAAAAADDDDAASSSSS, right? WRONG. This film is just BBBBBAAAAADDDDD! Trying hard to be a 'roughie' and exploitation / escape film at the same time, Women in Cages is a hotch potch job, it's all over the place. I had trouble deciding which character I despised more. Sure, there's nudity and violence etc, but not much else to stay awake for!!! Exploitation, fair enough but this isn't even 'good' exploitation, if that makes sense. I likes mah explore-tation a tad mo sleaziuh and mo well done than this.......

The Forgotten (2004)

Fuhgeddabout watching this...!

[5/10 · 26 May 2005]

I wasn't sure what to expect when I rented this. It looked promising enough, and true to form the film started out well and had me guessing. It seemed more like an episode of the twilight zone or some such, but with Julianne Moore who does an OK job, along with the rest of the cast. What could possibly be making people forget they had children? But then what the? What an anticlimax! The ending just seemed like a quick way to wrap things up nice and easily, it was like the end of a cheesy TV sitcom where everything worked out OK in the end and they're all happy families again. CCCRRRRRAAAAAP! I feel like I need something else!

The Fury (1978)

Nosebleeds A-go-go....!

[7/10 · 26 May 2005]

Man, I picked up a great bargain when I bought this film for half price. It absolutely blew me away! Kirk Douglas stars as (a rather old) retired agent of a top secret government project dealing with psychics and harnessing their powers. Of course, Douglas' son happens to be psychic and is abducted by the project. It's up to our wrinkly ballbreaker to rescue him from the government's manipulative clutches, and he'll need help from another powerful psychic chick to do it. Did I mention at that people tend to bleed copiously when the psychics touch them? Great pace, action and gore will keep most happy, and listen to the advice Mother Knuckles gives Douglas. Priceless!! Also,the movie contains one of the most explosive endings you are ever likely to see!!!

House of Flying Daggers (2004)

Pretty colours....

[5/10 · 26 May 2005]

A mate lent me this film, so I thought what the hell I'll give it a shot, Hero was pretty cool. But I couldn't get behind House of Flying Daggers the same way. Starts out promisingly enough, but for me it loses something in the mix. There is no doubt that this film is a visual symphony, it is beautifully shot and the use of colours is excellent. The costumes were awesome! I felt the film was at least a half hour too long. Some shots just went on forever, however beautiful they were. At the end of the day I guess the film is targeted towards those who like a bit of romance and tragedy with their kung fu. A movie to watch with the missus, maybe?

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

Complete crapola!

[3/10 · 25 May 2005]

Blasphemy! That's all that can be said about this film! This shouldn't even be considered a sequel to the Exorcist as they are two completely different films that have completely different directions. T

he only thing they share is Linda Blair (who I don't mind saying has 'grown up' a little more in this one! BOINGGG!) who reprises her character of Regan McNeil.

And what's the deal with that brain synchronisation machine? Who thought of that? James Earl Jones lends his powerful presence to the proceedings but doesn't really do anything. Avoid if you want a horror movie, I don't know what it is, but it ain't horror!

Escape from L.A. (1996)

Snake's back!

[7/10 · 25 May 2005]

I honestly believe that this film is just as good, if not slightly better, than Escape from New York. It's essentially the same flick... Plissken coerced by the government of moral America to rescue the President's daughter in this case. But it follows the same formula. Break into prison compound, meet and deal with oddball characters, rescue hostage, get out and get the antidote to whatever poison they injected Plissken with. I can't quite place my finger on why I like this film... I'm just into this kind of stuff. Kurt Russell rules as Snake, and there are some useful cameos, most namely by Bruce Campbell. And the ending is something to think about, wouldn't it be great if that happened for real!!

Equilibrium (2002)

Gun Fu!!!!

[6/10 · 25 May 2005]

I was surprised when I watched this film! The action in it is ridiculously good! In a distant dystopian future, emotion has been outlawed to prevent war, and humankind is dull, grey bunch. Enforcing the rule, arresting 'sense offenders' and burning anything that may stimulate emotion is the task faced by the Tetragrammaton (what?) clerics and Preston (Bale) is the stone cold top dog who eliminates with no thought. He watched his own wife get arrested for sense offending and didn't even blink! However this doesn't last long and through a series of events begins to question if he's on the right side... Equilibrium blends familiar sci-fi concepts with balls out action for an enjoyable watch.

End of Days (1999)

Arnie vs. Satan... for all the marbles!!!!

[4/10 · 25 May 2005]

Arnie vs. Satan... for all the marbles!!!! This is easily one of Arnie's worst films. Satan threatens to take over the Earth at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve on the Millennium. (Which wasn't really the millennium, that didn't start until 2001, but that's another story. I guess Satan couldn't wait another year before bringing hell to Earth) So, it's up to a jaded cop to save the world from Satan, who is a f**king choirboy compared to him!! (Say in an Arnie accent for maximum effect!! That's one of the few redeeming features about this film, Arnie's accent and one liners!!! I'm struggling to find reasons to watch this film again. But hey, there's some cool effects and explosions!

Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Hilarious dumbass humour...

[6/10 · 25 May 2005]

This is the film that pretty much made the Farrelly brothers. They followed this up with Kingpin, There's Something About Mary etc. I can't stand Jim Carrey and can't understand why everyone else does! But in spite of that I can understand why this movie was a big hit. It's just so hilarious watching the dumb idiot friends (played by Carrey and Jeff Daniels) bumble their way from one idiotic situation to another. It's definitely not the most intellectual humour but it easily gets you laughing, poor taste or not. I would recommend watching this when you need a good, hard belly laugh and don't have anything better to do. Enjoy!

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968)

Drac is back! Again...

[6/10 · 25 May 2005]

Hammer productions are always top notch when it comes to costumes, sets etc, but are often lacking in other areas. A weak script, poor FX, whatever. I guess there was demand for this film at the time and it is still an OK watch, but it pales in comparison to previous Hammer Dracula films.

Christopher Lee as always is a pleasure to watch, as well as some fine performances by the supporting cast, but the film seems lacking in substance as well as any genuine creepy moments. The story seemed a little weak as well.

Still, a solid watch and recommended to fans of Hammer films.

Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde (1971)

Sex change slaughter....!

[5/10 · 25 May 2005]

Think about this for a second, guys. You're a scientist who swigs a magic potion that turns you into a chick, rack included. You'd stay at home and play with yourself all day, right? Yeah, me too. But what if the potion also had a side effect that turned you into a homicidal murdering maniac? Well after playing with yourself you'd probably go out and KILL! This is the interesting twist on the Jekyll & Hyde story that Hammer brings us in Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (minus the playing with him/herself part). This film is quite innovative, blending Jekyll and Hyde with Jack the Ripper! Who ever thought that the Ripper was a chick? As always in Hammer films the costumes, sets and dialogue are top notch, but it suffers greatly from atrocious lighting! OK film that will hold those interested.