Change Your Image
CryptoGuy
Reviews
Patterns of Evidence: Exodus (2014)
Garbage
It is apparent that critical thinking is dead. Given the smallest of detail, I'm pretty sure I could convince the religious I'm a descendent of Jesus.
As the saying goes, "If you buy the premise, you buy the bit." That's exactly what's going on here. Viewers who believe everything is true within the Bible, will no doubt be convinced everything conclusion in this "documentary" is true. That's no more the case than believing George Clooney is really a doctor because he played one on TV. If Superman could make leaps and bounds like ol' Tim here, he'd be Superduperman.
Put on your critical thinking cap, question every thing, don't be satisfied with affirmation. Seek to truly understand.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
Adolescent at Best
This is a movie for 13 year old boys who love fart jokes and saying the word f@#k when mom isn't around. Since a large majority of our male population stopped maturing around that age, these days, the film should do well. B movie writing and acting dressed up in overdone special effects.
Old (2021)
It's half your life
Simply awful from script to acting. Not a single good performance in this lazy film. But the actors had very little to work with as the writing was so on the nose and horrible, it makes you wonder if M. Is getting notes from anyone. A weak attempt at filling gaping plot holes was made, but it just made the film that much more laughable. The best part of the movie was M's welcome back to theaters message before the film started. You've been warned.
Without Remorse (2021)
Buckle Up for a Mediocre Ride
Overall, I found Without Remorse disappointing. While a mediocre action film that was mildly entertaining, this was not by any imagination an adaptation of Tom Clancy's Without Remorse.
Probably one of Clancy's finest books, Sheridan and Staples manage to shred anything remotely close to the novel. Rather than a realistic portrayal of a man filled with rage and bent on revenge as he walks the tightrope between self-destruction and duty, we get a stylized military version of John Wick.
Don't get me wrong, I love the John Wick movies. They're entertaining fun not to take too seriously. Without Remorse (the movie) hits those same notes. But that's not why Clancy fans have waited decades to see this story come to the screen.
But if this movie hits the same John Wick notes, then why is it mildly entertaining? The film takes itself seriously, and it is hard to accept. Not too mention some questionable choices from the writers and director that are just hard to swallow.
Poor logistical choices for locations, ridiculous military representations that make Godzilla movies seem like Pentagon training videos, poor casting, and a Swiss cheese script keep Without Remorse from being memorable.
Stefano Sollima was absolutely the wrong director for this project. Based solely on his work on Sicario: Day of the Soldado, the acceptable sequel to Sicario, Sollima is a quasi cohort for Sheridan. But Sollima lacks the sophistication to truly tell a compelling story and directs this picture as a Sheridan lapdog instead. Frankly, Sollima stinks and should stick to television.
Tyler Sheridan approached the adaptation with a bug gnawing an idea in the back of his head. He's currently developing a television series about the first female Navy Seal. Obviously a fantasy piece that's already been done with G. I. Jane, Sheridan believes he can put a new spin on the idea. Here he tests the waters with Without Remorse, and the water is cold.
Karen Greer, played by Jodie Turner-Smith, is a one-dimensional piece of wood. And Turner-Smith has as much range as a squirt gun. Not too mention she doesn't come close to the type of woman that could prevail as a Navy Seal. A miss by all accounts.
Jordan as the lead John Clark managed to breathe as much life into a dead-eyed version of the character from the book he could muster. Frankly, the writers and director set him up for failure, but he somehow still came out unscathed.
Without Remorse is filled with implausible action sequences, a plot we've seen a million times, stiff acting, and a predictable ending that doesn't even try. Three stars is being nice and is for Jordan only.
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
A Blockbuster B Movie
A laughable film. Only thing it was missing was Nic Cage. Cool monster fights to a point. Became repetitious after a while. Enough plot holes to embarrass a swiss cheese factory. You'll be required to make so many incredible leaps, you'll wonder if you're Superman.
Coming 2 America (2021)
The long awaited sequel
And this is what we get. As bad as you can get. Nostalgia is a disease to creativity. Just a money grab. Not worth the time.
Faith Under Fire (2020)
Simply Awful
Let's start with the student film cinematography. Poor lighting, janky focus pulling, and cliché movements. Now we'll move to the the questionable editing. The movie was put together like someone found footage. Poor transitions, jumbled scenes, odd cuts. Maybe not entirely the editor's fault. I get the feeling there wasn't enough coverage. The producers either never heard of sound design or couldn't afford it. The acting was mediocre, at best, and the casting a mess. Set design didn't even exist. The directing was missing in action. So many poor choices. The director owes all the actors an apology. The entire film was like watching audition tapes. Ultimately, the blame falls on the director. He had what could have been a really great story, but lacked the talent to tell it. You can see the potential in the very few scenes that barely shown through this heap of garbage. Disappointing doesn't even cover the feeling. Bad. Bad. Bad. If this movie's budget was $2.5 million then the producers belong in jail for embezzlement.
Marauders (2016)
A Rainy Bummer
This movie has so many half-ass plots and subplots going with consistent rain, it's a bummer. A complete jumbled mess with high energy acting (that's not a good thing). Miller strikes again!
Mimesis Nosferatu (2018)
Awful, Simply Awful
Who keeps letting this guy make movies? He couldn't direct his way from the toilet to the sink. Mimesis Nosferatu is unoriginal, lacks vision, lazy directing, no style, no thought, nothing.
Da 5 Bloods (2020)
Bottom of the Coaster
Wow. There are brief moments, but they are so brief I can't even recall them. Da 5 Bloods plays as if a film student who really likes Spike Lee tried to make a Spike Lee film. There are shot call backs to every Lee film, even some familiar rhythm in editing. Moments of preachiness appear as with every Lee film, but this film handles them like a turkey playing checkers. As for production design and setting, it's rather cheap. Da 5 Bloods was made for Netflix and it shows. Not much care went into this film. Ultimately, as with every bad film, the problem begins with the screenplay. Even if Lee set out to make a meaningful film, he didn't stand a chance with the script. Spike Lee fans may forgive him for his ham handed film making here, but history will list Da 5 Bloods as Da Dud.
Hunters (2020)
Bring in the Clowns
If only the creators took the subject matter seriously.
Such a wasted opportunity.
1917 (2019)
Technical Aspect is Good
Nicely directed and edited. Fine acting and camera work. The set design was wonderful. The story was Swiss cheese.
I enjoyed 1917, but I wasn't blown away by the film. Mendes is a wonderful director and I'll pay to see his work any day of the week. All that being said, he cheated. The one shot gimmick was used well. They managed to hide the cuts in post and in camera. I was impressed. Then Mendes cheated. He had the character lose consciousness, fade to black, fade into several hours later. This could have easily been avoided if the characters just left hours later in the day.
As for the story, well, it's pretty straight forward - Guy must deliver a message before it's too late. Not much room for anything else. Yet, we still ended up with the usual war movie tropes. I found myself rolling my eyes at times. Additionally, there was a poor use of time and space in the film.
It wasn't enough to make me dislike the film, but this is not a Best Picture or Best Director. Maybe Best Production Design. Maybe Best Editing. However, there are far more superior films nominated. 1917 is worth a look in the theater, but don't go in with big expectations. The 10 and 1 reviews are out of their minds.
The Irishman (2019)
Boring attempt at capturing lightning
It's as if Oliver Stone took an Ambien and tried to make a Scorsese film. Irishman is an unnecessarily long, fantastical farce that has been wrongly casted. Pacino has his moments early on as Hoffa, and by early I mean an hour into it. He shines, but then turns into Pacino later on. Apart from the book the film was adapted from, there was little to no further research on the era, locations, even proper pronunciations. Everyone sounds like they're from New York. The CGI de-aging failed to account for turkey necks and old man postures. Overall, this film is lazy, cinematic sentimental hogwash. But the Scorcese fanboys will disagree vehemently. He is, after all, their pope.
Hangman (2017)
Shameman
About as refreshing as toilet water. Horrible writing from start to finish. The directing is mediocre television directing. The acting is over the top, subtle isn't the name of the game. Just one giant turd.
I Am Richard Pryor (2019)
Absolute waste
I Am Richard Pryor's only redeeming quality is Richard Pryor. The film is a glossy tabloid pretending to offer deep insights. There are some interviews from professional peers and even a few from people that didn't know him, except for his ex-wife or widow. It's not a bad documentary. It's just a wasted opportunity.
Us (2019)
Symbolism doesn't translate to Masterpiece
I get the message. I understood the allegory. It made sense. The symbolism was actually on the nose. It isn't difficult or deep. All that being said, the film was dull, a jumbled mess, took great leaps, and wanted to be so clever it forgot to actually entertain. The humor fell flat, was disingenuous, and awkward. The film tried to call back to so many classic horror films it started to get muddy.
I didn't hate it, but I certainly don't think it's a masterpiece. And frankly, anyone declaring it so has probably never seen or read a masterpiece. Grow up. Jordan Peele isn't reading your IMDB review.
Triple Frontier (2019)
Waste of Talent
This is the type of movie you turn on while you read a book. You're not going to miss anything important. Very little character development, though attempted, but ultimately poorly written. Here's the problem. You've seen this movie a thousand times. There's nothing new. It's a heist film, period. But it's not even a good heist film. It's okay. Not terrible, not good, just okay.
The cast makes it promising, but I think they had very little to work with. Just another payday in the end. I blame the writer. He made lazy choices. No wonder so many actors dropped out during development.
I Saw the Light (2015)
I saw the light and it was dull
Probably one of the dullest biopics ever made. HW is a fascinating subject, but this film is as bad as watching someone's vacation videos. Poor effort all around.
Bullitt (1968)
Not as great as they would have you believe
I'm a McQueen fan. There, I said it. He certainly is the King of Cool. But as far as Bullitt is concerned, it's a real sleeper. Aside from the car chase, which is fun, the film offers little. McQueen was famous for wanting as few lines as possible and he got his wish with this one. There's not much of a plot and that would be fine if this was a great character study, but it doesn't even do that. The only thing fast about Bullitt is the car chase. The rest is slow and dull and meaningless. If you really want to get into a great McQueen film, try Papillon, Nevada Smith, or the Cincinnati Kid.
True Detective: Now Am Found (2019)
Last Episode Only
The third season was good until it wasn't. The characters are intriguing, the style of each show superb, the plot engrossing. Then came the final episode.
Don't bother guessing what happens. It won't be what you think. In fact, the final reveal will only leave you unimpressed. Frankly, the last episode was lazy. Purple's arc ends nicely, but that's about it. Everything else is vanilla. I was really disappointed in the finale. Of course, the bar was raised extremely high in season one, so they're constantly having to try and one up it. That can't be easy. Unfortunately, season one is there and is a measuring device. Still a fan.
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
The Queen is the Soundtrack
Aside from the performances, which were wonderful, and the soundtrack, this film is a jumbled mess. Starting with a horrendous script, filled with questionable directing and mediocre cinematography, finally rounding out with some of the worst editing since Taken 3. Big ups to the editors for trying to save the film, no thanks to Singer, but ultimately it only compounded the garbage. Frankly, Malek deserves a nomination just for having to wade through that nightmare. Queen fans will like it for the soundtrack, as well will those unfamiliar with the band. However, this film will not stand the test of time.
Colombiana (2011)
Giant Pile
This movie is so unbelievably bad, I hate myself for sitting through it. Horrible script, poor cinematography, and ameture directing. Everything in this film is cliche. Everything. Not one original thought went into any part of this film. Everyone phoned it in. Don't waste your time.
First Reformed (2017)
Just dull and bad
This is a dull, unrealistic, lazy film. It's hard to believe it was nominated for best screenplay. Either the nomination was for the climate change points or an apology for not nominating Schrader in the past. In either case, poor move.
As for directing, I've never been so uninspired by a director. The movie plays like a student film, albeit a promising student's film. The problem is Schrader has been doing this for a long time now. Kevin Smith moves the camera more.
I forced myself to finish it just to see if it ever went anywhere. It did. It took a giant leap that made me chuckle. First Reformer is a sophomoric film pretending to present serious juxtapositions in today's world in a meaningful and powerful way. Uggghhhhh.
Bird Box (2018)
Lazy and tired story
Nothing new here. Keep moving. Bird Box is a lazy film being passed off as a meaningful horror film. The premise is ridiculous and I'm all for ridiculous, but if you're going to establish rules in a fictional world, you better stick with those rules. There are as many holes in this film as my sock drawer. Hindsight is 20/20, but these problems could have been easily resolved if a little more time would have been spent on the script.
Acting is well done considering the poor character development and motivations. Unfortunately, that's all you get with this film - actors doing as well as they can regardless. Actors don't just make a move good. You need so much more. 10/10 reviewers are hyperbolic fanatics and 1/10 reviewers are Netflix sourpusses. Truth is, Bird Box is a good B movie, nothing more.
Gotti (2018)
Worst comedy ever
I really wanted to like this movie, but, whew boy, what a turd. You could blame the wrirlting. You could blame the producing. You could blame the acting. But you would be wrong. Blame the directing and editing, then throw in the most ridiculous soundtrack.