elfsandwich Reviews

Sleeper Cell (2005–2006)

Not bad and not realistic enough

[28 March 2006]

Undercover FBI agent infiltrates a multicultural terrorist cell. We learn the reasons why most of them join is of course Evil America is trying to steal all of their land and oil. Oh yeah, America also kills thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians and calls it collateral damage. I just have a hard time believing that if American troops were killing thousands or even hundreds of civilians the world media would not report it. If anything they would drench us with coverage. The leader is an Arab, but nobody else is in the cell. The undercover agent is the main character and the only likable one. He is also the most convincing. I am sure there are a lot of Muslims of all color who feel their religion has been hijacked and misrepresented by these Islamo-Fascists . I will say that the idea is original and with some more realistic writing it could have some potential for an entertaining series. Just some advice, when you go out of your way to put the blame on America or make every American in the show to be a stupid hick or skinhead type, it takes away from the believability of the show.This is what happens when you go out of the way to be pollitically correct, most of the time you go in opposite direction of reality. If you made an NBA movie and so as to not affend black Americans you had a bunch of korean and mongolian players instead , it would not be as believable.Just because you cast a movie to match factual events doesn't mean you are bashing anyone group Of people.

xXx: State of the Union (2005)

Please pass the mandrake

[1/10 · 25 March 2006]

Hint to all young producers and directors: just because someone is named ice something does not mean he can carry a movie alone or even act. I don't mind Ice Cube, he is just limited and the angry black guy routine can only carry you so far. This a movie that Fred Olen Ray might have even passed on making, hell maybe even Jim Wynorski. If you must watch this movie, then you might not want to invite any new people over just in case of the whole first impression thing. Overall I would suggest that you would be more entertained by playing charades alone.Jump down. Turn around. Eat a bowl of arsenic.Seriously, I think ice might want to be a little more picky, if possible.

The Hunt for Eagle One (2006 Video)

kill me billy!!!

[2/10 · 24 March 2006]

This was the worst war movie I have ever been able to finish. The budget apparently was not big enough to hire an adviser with even a minimal amount of military knowledge. At the beginning they say the night before they did some bombing to clear out a valley, but they try to convince you that they are performing some kind of covert special ops mission.One problem, it is daytime. Also the prior days bombing not only did not enable them to land on the beach without getting fired on, it probably alerted every bad guy that was nearby. Also the soldiers are getting picked off left and right at the beginning. You would have thought it was the Swedish or Belgian troops prancing their way to talk the terrorists into a willing plunge off the nearest cliff. And of course the terrorist are not Arab. I mean everybody knows that a majority of terrorist attacks are carried out by Phillipinos out on a major Jihad. Overall I give it a 2.

The Jury (2004)

First Homicide, then OZ and now The Jury.Tom Fontana does it again.

[24 November 2004]

The Jury is just like Homicide, Life On the Street and OZ in one aspect, it is fast paced and never drags on. Except for one two parter the show is over and a

decision has been made by the jury in one sitting for the TV audience. To go

one step further , after you find out the jury's decision, you then are shown what really happened and whether the jury was correct in its decision, which in my opinion is the best way to leave your audience satisfied and not wondering

whether or not the jury's decision was correct. Another aspect of this show that is different from other one hour dramas is that the main focus of the show is the jury and their deliberation, not the detectives or the district attorneys. Therefore there is no main star of the show, which makes sense, the name of the show is The Jury. Each week you will have 12 different actors which allows for different jury personalities and personality conflicts, in my opinion keeping the show fresh and free. OZ was a hit, Homicide was a hit and if any network gives The Jury a chance , it too will be a hit.

Stranded (2002 Video)

Ew, Ah, go on without me, it's too late for me.

[1/10 · 5 October 2004]

Ed Wood rides again. The fact that this movie was made should give any young

aspiring film maker hope. Any screenplay you might have thought of using to

line a litterbox or a birdcage should now not seem that bad. Do not watch this movie unless you have a healthy stash of Tylenol or Rolaids. Watching this

movie made me realize that Boa vs. Python was not that bad after all. It probably would have been better to do this movie in Claymation as at least that way no actor would have had to take credit for being in this film. It is understandable why this director has so many aliases. There is a bright side to watching this movie in that if you can get someone to bring you a bag of chips, then you can eat your way out of the cocoon of cheese that surrounds you enabling you to

make your toward your TV set's cocoon of cheese that surrounds it.

In the Bathtub of the World (2001 Video)

Could not stop watching.

[2/10 · 24 June 2004]

I must first congratulate Mr. Zahedi for being able get a grant to pay for part of this project. I wish him nothing but success in his film making career for things can only get better. I recorded this film as this was something my father needed to see although the reason for which now escapes me. These two vegetarians take you through moments of their daily lives and various encounters with their friends. At first I could not figure out what was going on as I started watching halfway through January, but it mattered not as this film had the visual magnetism of a car wreck, a train wreck and a Bulgratzian canoe wreck rolled into one. Mr. Zahedi's with his Syd Barrett like aura and his emotional, hardworking hippie chick companion who does not liked to be filmed kept you wondering what was around the next corner. Although she does not like to be filmed, Mr. Zahedi arranged for one of his friends to film her all day on her birthday as his special birthday gift to her. This film is not filtered whatsoever. Mr. Zahedi feels guilty about about eating pizza which he believes triggers him into wanting to pick up hookers. After the first instance of getting stoned it is apparent marijuana is a trigger for him to bring up the topic of her mother's suicide. The days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months and the months finally bring us to the end of the 90's and the beginning of the 00's. Finally on New Year's Eve our couple spend an intimate evening at home counting in the New Year and gleaming on Ecstasy. The message is that while meat and eating in general are bad for you; marijuana, magic mushrooms, Ecstasy and neurosis beyond imagination are all part of Mr. Zahedi's yearly struggle to not drown in the bathtub of the world. God bless Mr. Zahedi and God bless America because if this was any other country which California almost is we would not be free to do as we please which includes making or viewing this film.

Boa vs. Python (2004 Video)

Waiting for Godzilla vs. King Kong

[5/10 · 23 June 2004]

I was not disappointed because I did not expect much. The former military diver scientist lady's sexual innuendos were quite refreshing for one of these movies. Before placing her two camera mechanisms on the snake's head she says, "With my implants we should be able to track Betty's every move and to look through her eyes." After implanting the implants the snake laboratory guy says, "Your implants are really something." Later while they are in the field hunting down the Python just to throw you off he says, "You have really great equipment. I mean your camera equipment." The snakes were different colors and that WAS the only difference as they were the same size and were identical in features. I almost recognized the head FBI guy, but then realized he just looked like some other B rated actor I had seen in the past, not that I expected anything else. It could have been worse, but I look forward the next VS sequel with unabated anticipation as the list of possibilities is infinite. Don't worry at the end Betty lived and so did some of her eggs.