Change Your Image
sublimer13
Reviews
A Dirty Shame (2004)
A weak effort on John's part
For the past decade, I have been fascinated with John Waters, upon having viewed his 1988 classic, Hairspray. I was later introduced to Cry Baby, but my Waters obsession did not begin until this year, when I viewed his "masterpieces," including my personal favorites, "Female Trouble" and Hairspray." I picked up the John Waters DVD box-set for a steal on Amazon, and popped in "A Dirty Shame," having never seen it before. I was dissatisfied with the results. Unlike Waters' previous forays into film, there is not one likable character to encounter. Nearly everyone grated my nerves throughout the film, and I did not laugh until well into the second half of the film-- a good forty-five minutes in. I found even Mink Stole to be dull and unsatisfactory, which was wholly unnerving to me. The phrase "Let's go sexin!" uttered throughout made my stomach turn whenever I heard it, because it became so God-awful annoying. Every single character is flawed and undeveloped, which is unheard of in any of Waters' other films. A few moments with Selma Blair-- Ursula Udders-- made me chuckle, but main players, Sylvia Sickles (Tracy Ullman) and Ray-Ray Perkins (Johnny Knoxville) were bland and nearly unwatchable in their roles. Although "Shame" garnered an NC-17 rating, it is tame at best-- a bad move on the Ratings Board, in my book. I've seen COUNTLESS "R-rated" films that are a million times worse. Shame on the MPAA in that regard. Although the purpose of this film was largely to recapture the essence of Waters' earlier films ("Pink Flamingos"), it lacks the dialogue and the characters that made those films fantastic to view. A weak film altogether, but I am definitely looking forward to Waters' "Fruitcake."
The Parent Trap II (1986)
Wow.
Wow.
This film.
What can I say? Disney has become infamous in the last decade for producing cheap sequels to their beloved animated classics. However, from 1986-1989, they produced a slew of three forgettable, low-budget, made-for-television sequels to their 1961 classic, The Parent Trap.
The Parent Trap is an amazing film. I grew up with it, for God's sake. Picking it up for $9.99 at Circuit City was a steal-- I barely remembered Parent Trap II (having seen it a few times on Disney Channel as a kid in the nineties), but nonetheless braced myself for the worst when I popped it in to the DVD player (it comes on Disc 1 of the set). My expectations were not unfounded.
The characters, plot, cinematography and dialogue are duds. Mary's father is cited as "gorgeous," but he looks like a creepy pedophile. His maid, Florence, is a cheap imitation of the beloved Verbena from the original, uttering "I don't say a word" twice. Other supporting characters are just as forgettable. That annoying girl in summer school has a BRONX accent and they're in Florida, for God's sake. And I was not surprised to see that the guy who wrote this "teleplay" never got work again. His characters are SO utterly exaggerated and unbelievable as human beings: eleven year olds CONSTANTLY going on about "cute" boys? Don't think so. Not to mention the fact that this film doesn't tie in with the first AT ALL. The scheme Mary and Nikki "cook up" is uninspired. Susan is introduced doing some "yoga" in the beginning. As Mary would say: "Yikes." The montage at the beginning of scenes from the original is just out-of-place and unnecessary. Also, watch out for the clear rip-off of the original's ending!
Hayley Mills. Hayley Mills. What were you thinking? Her talents have greatly diminished in the thirty-five year gap between Parent Trap I and II. She overreacts and her inflections are enough to make me wanna toss my cookies all over the floor. Katherine Fei Heim is utterly talentless. She reminds me of Pippi Longstocking and I wish she'd march back to Villa Vilekula where she belongs! She is a horrid actress and when she screams "YAHOO!" I want to wring her neck...
Parent Trap II is basically four episodes of any cheesy sitcom from the '80s spliced together. Nearly half as long as the original at eighty minutes, its plot makes viewing seem to last for eons. Thank God Parent Trap III and IV have faded away into oblivion. The fourth is titled "Hawaiin Honeymoon." Need I say more?
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Pretty good followup to "Dream Warriors"
Kristen, from the third film is back, and has made some new friends, along with her old ones. One of her new friends, Alice, becomes the Dream Master after all of her friends have been killed off, and faces Freddy with a certain nursery rhyme which keeps him at bay.
I actually prefer the fourth to the second; I found it highly interesting, even though Kristen got murdered, and it of course introduced a new heroin, Alice, who appears in the fifth film as well.
The climax was great, and it's an overall good movie. Though some scenes made me cringe because of disgusting scenes/lines "Soul-Food," but, besides that, it's still pretty good, and REALLY great if you just watched Part 3.
A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989)
Deaths are disgusting and gross; not too great film.
Where do I begin? Nightmare 5 takes place a bit after Nightmare 4, and isn't the best of the series to say the least. I don't know. Alice is a great heroin, and I'm glad she's back, but, sadly, this film isn't as good as the first four.
The plot is kind of so-so, with Freddy trying to live in th through Alice's unborn baby, and he is killing off her skeptical friends. The deaths were just nasty, with one girl being forced to eat her own insides, and Alice's boyfriend fusing with his motorcycle, and crashing into a bus. Another stupid death is some guy being turned into a paper comic-book character, and being slashed.
And, during the film, we discover more about Freddy's heritage; that his mother was a nun raped by 1,000 maniacs... His mother speaks to Alice through dreams and visions.
Once again, Alice, or the Dream Master is a quite great heroin, but, even though she survives this installment, we never find out what happened to her after this. It's an okay film, but pales in comparison to some of the others.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Deaths are stupid; an all together pointless film!
I don't know WHAT they were thinking with this one! Seriously! It takes place in the future, and all the kids of Elm Street have been killed off, leaving crazy, childless parents behind? Dear Lord! I don't know HOW it was advertised as "the best for last!" Didn't Rachel Talalay realize that that whole "long lost daughter" thing had been done a million times before?!
This whole movie is about pointless cameos that take away from the all ready lacking story, and 3D! By this outing, Freddy is not only NOT scary, but stupid, and cracking jokes as well! And, Alice who SURVIVED in the fifth movie isn't even MENTIONED! What's up with that?
99% of the time, I was like "When does it get good? It HAS to get good!" But, sadly, it NEVER got good OR interesting! If only they would have used the screenplay by Peter Jackson; I'm sure it was at least DECENT!
Freddy's past is revealed... DUN... DUN... DUN...! But, sadly, it's done HORRIBLY! The spirits which visit him while he's burning in the flashbacks are just FAKE! Why, oh, WHY was this piece-of-crap movie made?! How did Wes Craven let them WRECK Freddy so bad, that he wasn't scary, and was just *yawn*... BORRRRRRRIIIIIINGGGGGGGG!
Dear Lord! And, the death scenes... STUPID! That Freddy video game thingie was just dumb, as was the hearing aid escapade! Why was this movie made? WHY?! The first was great, the second was okay, the third way great, the fourth was pretty good, and even the fifth was decent... But this one! This one is pointless, stupid, dumb, and might I say dumb! Skip this one, and go straight to seven!
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
A clever way to end the series!
Taking place exactly ten years after the first nightmare film, New Nightmare brings Freddy into the real world, where he targets both Heather Lagenkamp and her son... making the young boy have frightening nightmares about the "guy with knifes for fingers." When I first heard of the plot, I thought it would be HIGHLY stupid, but was pleasantly surprised by how well-written and acted it is. In the seventh and final nightmare film, Freddy is back, and more frightening than ever with scarier knifes for his fingers... This film is very good because fact clashes with fiction, and Robert Englund, Heather Lagencamp, and Wes Craven star as themselves as well. It's very well-written (Wes Craven did the screenplay,) and it isn't trying to be funny like Nightmares 2-6. After the HUGE letdown of "Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare," New Nightmare proves to be scary and real; the deaths aren't gross like in the fifth film... The deaths are bloody and well-done like in the first film. I truly believe that this is so great because Heather and Wes are back. But watch out for that annoying kid of hers! Though not as good as the first, it nearly is.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1910)
Truly Enchanting...
This is the earliest surviving filmed version of L. Frank Baum's books, and when I heard that this 13 minute film from 1910 would be on at 7:45 on TCM, I got really excited... when it started, I was deeply surprised at how beautiful it looked 95 years later... whoever restored it did a fine job, might I add. The little girl who played Dorothy did a good job, even though she never spoke, and the addition of the cow from the 1902 stage musical was a riot! The tornado sequence was very good, and I'm sure it was ahead of its time. The sets were also fantastic, and the witch... well, you'll see for yourself. The Wizard of Oz is timeless, and this short film made me understand this much more than I had before. Now, even though I already LOVED silent films, I appreciate them more and more!
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
A poor adaption of one of the greatest novels of all time (SPOILERS)
O.K., I write this as a "Harry Potter BOOK fan." My sister and I are huge fans of the five novels, and the first two films (great adaptions!) But when we saw this film, we were greatly disappointed! They took out A LOT, and added A LOT. There was a shrunken head on the night bus. They took out the quidditch cup, they took out Crookshanks' involvement with Sirius Black. They did not explain the whole "protection spell" Dumbledore used on Harry and his parents. And what was with changing Hogwarts so much?! Dememtors flying?! Sirius NOT slashing Ron's drapes with a knife?! This film being shorter than BOTH of the previous films?! That new director RUINED my second favorite Harry Potter novel! They deleted AT LEAST a hundred and fifty pages of the book, and added TOO MUCH new (and stupid) material. There was some dumb hunchback, and Harry behaved too much like a hero. The novel is 435 pages, and the fourth novel is 734 pages. I shudder to think how much they'll butcher the fourth film. If you are a loyal book fan, DO NOT see this film, read the books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ** out of **********