lapratho Reviews

Absentia (2017–2020)

Scenery and sets weirdly wrong

[5/10 · 5 May 2024]

What is this? Some weird sci-fi thing? It is not advertised as such. Not being sci-fi or intentionally surreal, it just went wrong.

An international co-production gone wrong, right in the first episode! It was so weird, not obviously, but in such a weirdly subtle way, I jumped off this series in episode 1.

I grew up in Europe myself, and know the differences between USA and different countries in Europe, which are also all different from each other.

I like international productions, and am also a total fan of lip-sync, which I grew up with. Many international co-productions are done right and are excellent.

This one is goofy at best!

So an FBI agent comes back home after an extended disappearance, supposedly to somewhere in the USA.

Except the "feel" is all wrong! The family house, the surrounding woods, the streets, the clothes, nothing looks US-American! It is all from some weird imaginary America, but definitely not any place anybody has ever experienced in USA. It is like somebody, who has never been in USA, and has seen only a couple of movies, like maybe "The Godfather", wrote a script and created scenery drawings in that script, being totally clueless.

So it turns out, that this is an Israeli/USA co-production, which may explain the weird perspective, if this was done by an Israeli crew, that never left Israel.

Filming was done in Bulgaria, likely including the family house.

Obviously no attention was paid to any props, furniture, styling, or anything.

The result is something, that looks so wrong and bizarre, it is not a bizarre art-house thing, it is just plain off, which makes it bad.

That, with the slow pace, was just too odd, a turn-off for me.

Somebody else may be able to watch it, but I had to quit at the end of episode 1.

What a waste of studio funds!

3 Body Problem (2024– )

Seriously? A CHORE to watch without synch!

[1/10 · 5 April 2024]

THUMBS DOWN!

I do not speak Chinese, so Netflix: YOU FAILED!

Netflix, like some other streamers, has a lot of really awesome International TV, documentary, and movie content in different languages, some lip-synced, some sub-titled.

I grew up with synching and MUCH prefer it over sub-titles, for good reasons.

"3 Body Problem" is BANISHED for me, because it is way too complex to sit through the chore of deciphering sub-titles.

WHY did Netflix not sync it, when they sync seemingly better than half of the other stuff, including a Titanic-load of silly anime for pretending-to-be-grown-ups??

Sub-titles make watching the scene difficult, and you do not get the original dialogue anyway, plus the dialogue has to be shortened to be able to keep up with reading, or it is simply a lousy translation done fast and cheap and is nowhere near the real content.

This is why sub-titles SUCK, because while reading you miss visual clues and action, and the dialogue often is totally butchered. A GOOD synch solves all of that!

This is a major production that deserves a respectful treatment, so give us the choice of a synchronised sound-track!

Is that too much to ask, when you can do all kinds of cheap productions with excellent synch jobs? These el-cheapos prove it does not cost much to do an excellent sync. I am bilingual, and can improvise my way through a couple more languages, so I can tell, if the synch is good or bad. Netflix usually does really well, so why no synchronisation here?

I BET this is synch'd in Germany, but I have no access to that stream. BUMMER!

Station Eleven (2021–2022)

Disrupted incoherent borefest

[1/10 · 24 August 2023]

You need to start every series with the first episode. The "Station11" pilot totally blows it and sets the amateur peeping camera style and expectations for direction/cinematography/acting so low, it makes this dismal!

There is no point in even mentioning what "Station 11" is supposed to be about.

The characters are randomly placed people without a clue, who add no point in the story or anywhere.

The dialogue sounds irrelevant and is recorded to sound like a background discussion in a coffee-shop three or five tables over. A kid with a cheap cassette recorder could have done better in the 1970s!

You cannot relate to what the "characters" talk about, and I kept thinking "WTF is this".

Frankly, it would be more entertaining and mind- and imagination-stimulating to drop a box of Lego bricks on a table and just stare at them, not even bothering to build anything. This is what this piece looks like!

I gave up after 1/2 hour into the first episode.

I grew up on slow paced dramas that challenge your patience, so this one is in a (LOW) class of its own.

If you want a great example of a slow burner, watch Fassbinder's original "Welt am Draht" (World on a Wire, 1973, on DVD), or any BBC drama from before the millennium.

Got the expectation of slow anti-action drama now? This is not meeting it in the least!

The 100 (2014–2020)

What a ride !!!

[10/10 · 23 March 2023]

What a ride!!!!

I was left speechless and in tears after finishing my over a week long binge of CW's "The 100" (currently on Netflix), which ran its live debuts from 2014 to 2020.

Some complain about season 7, but this being hard scifi, it makes sense to wrap it all up with an Arthur C. Clarke sort of higher purpose. I for one think, they did pretty good in the way they ended the madness. Or did the madness really end? Telling more would be giving away too much though for those, who have not seen this exceptional piece of drama!

"The 100" has one of the seriously best casts of actors I ever had the honour to watch!

This is apocalyptic and straight up hard science fiction at its best, and it takes us from our modern world back into forced dark medieval ages, something that war is actually doing right now in many parts of our pretty blue marble, that is so easily destroyed.

NOT a teen show at all, but definitely a showcase for the current generation. (many of whom are now already getting into their 40s as well, damn time goes fast!) You easily get that "teen-show" impression just by the "CW" label and watching the first season, due to the actors with a young appearance playing teens, but who were mostly already in their mid to late 20s in 2014 (first season release year) while playing the "criminal" teens that get tossed down onto the scorched Earth, to see of the still radio active surface is survivable.

These teens however are no kids, but jaded young people, with a tough life, who were almost executed for petty offences, in an environment so desperate, anything can cost anybody's life! Now they are being thrown down on the still radiation soaked planet, left to live or die as human lab-rats, because the space station is dying.

The series as a whole has an extremely serious tone, thanks to first of all the deadly serious situation on a scorched planet with only a few green strips of land that came back, and then of course there are also the older crew members, who initially stay in space, allowing the audience full focus on "The 100" teens on the ground.

The performances of the actors playing mostly young and teen characters are marvellous, and between all of them, it is tough to "steal the show", but there a few who still manage to do it.

The one that steals just about the entire series is a fan favourite, Marie Avgeropoulos (Canadian) as Octavia Blake, whose tragic life and experiences will transform her into monstrous "Blodreina", or Red Queen. Her talent is sheer magic, and as a lifelong Canadian wilderness outdoor survival fan, she was perfectly prepared for this mad adventure series. She is also plain frightening as a fighter, despite her small stature, and it looks absolutely believable, when she drops a 6 foot plus heavy muscle package chopped into pieces and dead, before he hits the ground. She can take you from heart broken and scared girl to avenging furious banshee in 3 seconds flat!

And she actually did all those stunt and fight scenes herself! All stunts depicting her, were done by her, which makes me cringe just thinking about it. She literally not handed out, but also took all the beatings, and there is a scene, where she gets her chin whacked on a steel railing! OUCH!

I need to seriously dig up my viewing projects with her and others from "The 100" in mind!

Not that anybody in the world of "The 100" has a good life by any means, but some of the characters have it harder than others, leading us directly to the next scene stealer: One of the stand-outs on the "Grounders" side (the ones who survived the nuclear apocalypse on the ground instead of on the cobbled together space station ark, which is breaking down and failing after 97 years) is Lexa, Commander of all the clans, born in the Trikru clan, acted by Alycia Debnam-Carey (Australian). Keep an eye on this lady, she is too good to pass up in any role!

Her most trusted war chief is Indra, who is grumpy, crusty, suspicious of all, and pragmatic, also from the Trikru, played by Adina Porter, a well accomplished and award winning American actress. I will have to check out "American Horror Story" (aka AHS), as her IMDB page and bio lists her as a regular there, and she simply nailed me to the screen with her screen grabbing performance in "The 100"!

Then there is Richard Harmon (Canadian) as John Murphy, the guy everybody loves to just hate and mistrust, simply because he really starts out as a toadie (who loses favour very quickly) and is just a mean rat, but ends up being good for a few surprises, just when you wanted to see him killed off a couple of episodes earlier!

The last two seasons confront us with a rather psychotic character, Russel, played by Seam Maguire (Australian). His imposing figure, coupled with his expressive skills for being an utmost menacing presence, allow him to transform from bad to worse, as a host for - that would be telling!

Naturally, they picked a strong lead, with Eliza Taylor (Australian) playing Clarke. She delivers the goods well! I cannot help just loving her and sympathizing all along, even when she goes overboard and makes a few serious mistakes.

BTW: Kudos to CW. They do not mess around, and they have several epics they pulled through to real completion. Even when they cancel shows, they tend to at least have a roll-up and closure in the last season, something which other networks do not do!

As far as complaints by a few about the writing: If you read all of my above observations, you may notice that the series is really well done, makes sense throughout, is good for several surprises, but most of all, it is good for a LOT of philosophical observation about human nature. This is done without getting into "metaphysical" BS, but it is all on a very real level! I wish I could say the same about the sooooo much famed and totally overrated "Dark" on Netflix, but what a bunch of nonsensical hog-wash with serious violations of logic that was.

Nope, "The 100" is dandy, because it is simply clear headed, and is basically one huge argument against war and what it does to us and our tiny little home world, which is the only place we can live, that we know of, in this vast sea of hostile stars, that are impossible to reach for us for now and most likely ever. If you doubt its message about war, just talk to some refugees of the wars we have going on on Earth right now! The writers got it right about the madness of humans!

OK, so if you have a job, or somebody to get cuddly with, it will take you a bit (a long bit that is) longer than a week for sure to digest the 100 episodes, but it will be well worth the time.

Planet Sex with Cara Delevingne (2022)

Should be shown in schools, very good information, all in great taste!

[10/10 · 8 March 2023]

So along comes Cara Delevingne and BOOM makes a splash on Hulu with "Planet Sex".

She blazes a new trail in a really daring venture, that is sure to help out a lot of people. She presents everything in good taste, and shows a very human and sensitive face in her explorations of different aspects of sexuality and cultures and societies of the world. Cara does show different countries and their problems, like the Arab part of the world, as well as different solutions and research in places that are enlightened, like interviews with people, who fled for their lives to Germany, and the important work being done in some German research institutes.

The importance of a program like this cannot be under-estimated, because we have a lot of ignorance and hate around sexuality, gender identity, relationships, personal identity, and pleasure in this world. I really think this should be shown to all kids about to pass into puberty, regardless of what screaming prudes may say!

This series is fantastically informative, and is just a delight to watch, and it may well be for sex, what Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" and its remake by Neil deGrasse Tyson became for astronomy!

In previous decades (a long time ago!), we had Dr. Ruth (Dr. Karola Ruth Westheimer), who talked about sex very openly, but I have not seen her, or anything like her on TV in a LONG time now.

I tried Playboy-TV some years ago, but it was lousy, with lousy wannabe "celebrity" moderators and porn that was so bad, it was plain boring and embarrassing to watch.

"Planet Sex" is certainly nothing like Playboy-TV at all. It is serious, is not porn in the least, and presents information in a very classy way.

Regarding bad critiques, just stuff them! I did read a few nasty comments about "Planet Sex" being boring, and there are oodles of haters of Cara Delevingne, simply because she was born into money. I am not bored at all, because my nerdy brain gets tickled by the presentations of stuff, some of which is new to me as well, like the internal production of cannabinoids during an orgasm, which is a major reason why sex feels good!

So hop on Hulu, or wherever this may be streaming in your country, and watch "Planet Sex". Maybe you can learn something.

Devs (2020)

Worst ever amateur actors in a wasteland of expensive FX

[1/10 · 18 March 2022]

Whoever wasted all that money on great F/X and creating an excellent scenery, obviously either had no money left to pay real actors, or just wanted to let friends and family have a job.

This is seriously some of the worst acting I have ever seen, and I have watched a LOT of B-movies and small series, that will run circles around this seriously lousy production.

This series claims a lot of "philosophical" debate, but the actual content and execution is so lousy, I decided to quit wasting my time after 2 episodes.

Mercifully, the people in charge apparently saw what a mess this was, and did not renew this past the first 8 episodes, to spend good subscription money elsewhere.

Jim Button and Luke the Engine Driver (2018)

Badly aged story in a remake showing all its flaws

[2/10 · 30 July 2021]

The movie itself as a piece cinematography is beautiful.

This is where the good part ends, because Michael Ende's story has too many flaws from a mind with a narrow imagination. This is a remake from a puppet show, that should have never been made. Prize winner many years ago or not, his stories are aging very badly.

After seeing the actually very faithful remake of Jim Button (Jim Knopf, an black orphan infant left on a small island in a basket) as a life action movie, the generally fondly remembered and beloved German "Augsburer Puppenkiste" puppet performance on TV from the early 70s was far superior.

It turns out, in a puppet theatre, so much was left to the viewer's imagination, one did not always imagine the scene as it was actually written. The author Michael Ende was of a strange mind, and his ideas directly transcribed, turned out to be extremely insulting and xenophobic, whether he had intended so or not. With his background of being from a family pursued by the 3rd Reich themselves, this is all puzzling, but also needs to be seen as a sign of cultural isolation and a certain "innocence" when dealing with people of other skin colour and appearance. Whether it is the now frowned upon use of the word "n*gro", or depicting a particular Chinese family as being the size of little dolls, the whole story of Jim Button (the black baby found in a basket, who is then raised by the handful of people on the small island, and who becomes friend and apprentice of Lucas, the locomotive engineer) manages to step into one faux-pas after another.

The whole movie is indeed just like the puppet theatre show, but everything now being put fully on screen, with little left to imagine, the full onslaught of anachronistic views is embarrassing.

I have that DVD in my shelf, and I ended up cringing through it all in pain, just to finish it.

Mata Hari (2016–2017)

Captured the story with few liberties in International star studded epic

[9/10 · 29 March 2021]

The real events were not exactly adhered to 100%, but after some more digging, this is as close as you can get it in a serialized drama, with the exception that 100 years after her execution it is pretty well established that Mata Hari was not a German spy at all.

However, the artistic license taken was done quite well. This is mainly a critique of some of the reviews here, in order to set some things straight about this International mega production with faces that will be familiar to a world audience.

While some of the historical and biographical details can be nit-picked, the series does compel one to do at least some rudimentary reading about the real characters and times they lived in. There are a few deviations, but overall this is a fascinating period costume piece! Anybody interested in and watching "Downton Abbey" and other similar drama series with a deliberate pace and detailed story telling, will have an interesting time watching this series, and will not be bored in the least.

Many quite obviously chauvinist reviewers have expressed their misgivings about some "feminist" rewriting of history. Like it or not, this is a woman's history, so tossing in some background is called for, and needs to be seen in context. Why else would a small time house wife coming from a bad marriage end up being a world stage player amongst royalty, which is what Mata Hari was. As far as some of the supposed "strange" behavior, like in the rape scene, it is actually quite common that fear and terror cause breakdowns and surrender, with the offender getting the upper hand, especially when they are aggressive manipulators. Humans have many different reactions, which are unpredictable, and never expected, when they are subjected to forced situation of violence and humiliation!

It is also rather typical of a xenophobic audience to complain about voice dubbing. It is far less distracting to watch and listen in a dubbed version, than having to endure reading sub titles that distract from the cinematography in an international production, but some audiences still need a lot of education in that regard. This was never even a discussion topic in Europe, where dubbing is preferred and done routinely, and people watch movies and TV from many countries without getting daft about occasional slips. I am used to dubbed movies and TV, and the quality of all the dubbed scenes in this series is actually rather excellent. The pace, cinematography, dramatic pauses used, are all tools of advanced dramatic theater arts, and are well used here. The acting is top notch. This is NOT a wham-bam action piece, but a thinking person's piece, for one who takes their time to sink into the story telling.

The atmosphere and spirit of the times before and during WW1 are right. Women were indeed second class humans then, even more so than now. Characters like Mata Hari were certainly created by the circumstances of their times, as is told here. It is interesting to watch the slow turning of a common house wife into an International power player. "Mata Hari" claims no innocence for her, but shows a gradual corruption of a human being into a dark fate, that could have been so different in better circumstances.

100 years after her execution, France actually released all of her files, and it turned out, that she was executed for political expedience, not for being guilty as a spy.

Away (2020)

NOT Science Ficton, but soap opera, annoying bible school, plus junk science

[1/10 · 23 October 2020]

What happened? This was supposed to be science fiction, and could had so much potential! I don't think this piece of space-soap would survive very long in daytime TV! But even worse than this being amateurish space-soap: Was this whole thing another proselytizing Sunday Bible School junk attempt??? Only the very last scene has a bit of redeeming value for this series' first season, with a show of a little bad ass attitude. Otherwise, the whole thing had deteriorated into a not even thinly covered scholarly showpiece of "values" and dripping sugar sweet super-Christian godly Sunday-School preaching by the God-Squad. I have never heard people speak with dialogue like this in real life, and the ongoing pious religious pondering is just tanking this whole techno adventure into another bible school lesson - especially since so much of the science and technology is waaaayyy off. Don't even get me started on the seriously bad science, like the radio signal delays, and the water recycling plant, that is obviously designed for drama effects, but not real use to regain water from urine.

Gray Lady Down (1978)

Totally enjoyable fantasy cover story for leaked secret spy sub!

[9/10 · 2 May 2020]

What most people don't realize, is that the "rescue sub" was indeed real hardware. But it was not a rescue sub. It had been built to tap into undersea communications cables for eves dropping, not as a rescue sub, and was never used as such. As far as this movie is concerned, it was apparently made as a cover story, because the spy sub had somehow been leaked. For this movie, the story worked well, and it is definitely one of the great classic disaster adventure movies of the 1970s, with the usual ingredients of a collection of all star actors doing well, solid scenery and sets, cinematography, direction, and effects. It is a classic movie that should be in anyone's collection!

And it is absolutely believable! As far as the implausible collision and incompetence of the officers not changing course is concerned, which so many reviewers here complain about: Just look at all the stupid collisions that happened in real life, including even very obvious huge big bridges, and the damage done by commercial and naval vessels. If you can find those stories, do you get the idea, that officers can be even dumber in real life, than they are on screen? I am a veteran, and I have seen a few things myself.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Wonderful feel reminding of TOS despite the grit and blood, lost the "soap" and techno-babble

[10/10 · 23 November 2019]

An absolutely wonderful reboot, laying out the imagined future history of the universe after "Enterprise", and before the NCC-1701 Enterprise kids born in the 1960s first saw, with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty! While it is much grittier than previous franchise members, playing during the Federation vs. Klingon War, the series is still back to Roddenberry optimism in a roundabout way, as it plays on themes of hope and redemption against all odds. Discovery also lost the technobabble that was so intrusive after the original series, which I think is one more major reason, why the following series have a hard time to this day compared to "TOS". The Berman series also very often suffered badly from a soap opera feel, that took me quite some time getting used to. Discovery is back to full drama without any "soapy" feel, and yet does great character development, which is a difficult balance to strike. Altogether, a truly stellar comeback of a phenomenon I thought had died a long and quiet death. Star Trek is alive! I only wish they wouldn't hide it on CBS' subscription streaming channel, instead broadcasting on regular TV.

Dr. T & the Women (2000)

This movie is one big, tasteless joke

[3/10 · 31 August 2019]

There is some good acting here, which earns a few stars, but everything else is painful. "Dr. T and the Women" is in my view one of the most misogynistic, insulting pieces ever made. Maybe it was intended to be a comedy, but it's not funny, just embarrassing. The women in it are with just a couple of exceptions all completely stereotypically nuts. Ok, to many of us men, the other gender can at times be a little bonkers, but this is going non-stop, and is just too much! The chattering women scene in his clinic for example is outright insane, and his wife going cookoo in the Mall is just a mad fantasy about madness. As far as the central figure is concerned, Dr. T is basically another typical typecast role for Gere. I always had the impression, that Gere was very intelligent, and somehow amused at the audience, shaking his head, not happy with what he was doing on screen as an actor, and just did the work. His acts were always stoic, not much happening at all. He was usually cast as and acted as eye candy, with women flocking to theaters, VCRs, and later video discs of all formats. He's just kinda there, gets stared at, doesn't get to do much, and then goes home when he's done. Here, Gere is once again just kinda there as the object of all the mad adoration, in this case not by all the women he's surrounded by on-screen, but by the audience as the poor guy in the eye of the storm, shaking his head about all the craziness around him. The only thing I recall where he actually got to be part of a special story in a special part is "Hachi: A Dog's Tale (2009)", which was remarkable. Other than that, I end up usually passing on "another one with Gere" fashion eye-candy piece, that also usually depicts a very rich middle class, that is just not the way most people live in the U.S. This movie is more of that stuff, and maybe the worst of it. Thumbs down for a waste of time.

Passengers (I) (2016)

Intelligent SciFi

[9/10 · 20 June 2019]

Since the beginning of "moving pictures" about 150 years ago by now, there have been precious few good hard Science Fiction stories on screen. I have most of the historical masterpieces and milestones in a small (!) DVD collection. This movie is absolutely in that elusive bunch. The characters are interesting and humanly real with their flaws and strengths. The story? It starts with what the previews reveal, so no surprise there, but things go in unexpected directions from there. It is about human nature, our possible reactions in a bad situation, and intelligent behaviour instead of shootem-up, which is not possible and would be insane in the given situation. There are (wonderfully refreshing!) no slimy aliens or zombies, and yet the tale keeps you watching and rooting for the people on board a ship beyond reach of any rescue. Despite the novel and slick design, for the most part they even got the current physics right and the imaginary future solutions for some space related problems are even being worked on now. Ok, so they goofed on a few details, especially the zero-G effect failure, but which movie has not had its flaws in physics? That is why there is one star missing in the rating, but otherwise kudos! This is a believable involuntary adventure story, that is well made, with very good actors, and visually appealing in a way that will stand the test of time. Cinematography is excellent and avoids "modern" camera styles that only annoy and hurt my eyes (no jiggle camera, no incessant zoomie-zoom, no wanna-be documentary "style', etc). Oh, and for special effects, they are of course there, are not obnoxiously in the foreground, but simply build the scenery. They are of a nature, where you forget about them and you just see the drama unfold instead, which is what GOOD use of FX is all about :) I totally love this masterpiece!

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018–2020)

Delightfully mature and smart, and not for the easily entertained

[10/10 · 17 April 2019]

Kudos to Netflix, you landed a smash hit :) The acting is excellent by the great international star cast, which is studded with familiar faces and also new talent, and direction, production, cinematography, and effects are flawless. Be warned, yes, it does poke at religion of any confession. The serious atmosphere presented makes for wonderful tongue in cheek humour in little dialogue morsels you need to watch out for. It has complex brains, which is so badly absent from many other network productions. Here is finally a series one can watch at any age without being annoyed and insulted with eternal "diet" brain farts. Aside from having enough gratuitous violence, gore, and sex to keep it interesting, all that "juice" is actually in good balance with story content and tastefully executed. Like a gourmet dinner, the spices are well balanced here. Lovely! This is apparently a reboot of a 90s teeny-bopper show, which I can dimly remember as yet another waste of my evening time, but the resemblance is fortunately by title only. This new series does not cater to the"ha-ha" sit-com crowd. Instead it has grown up. Be prepared to take some dives into scenarios resembling real life, dealing with psychology, society, and politics. There is a lot of dark humour beyond reach for those only used to watching light fare. Couldn't think of anything to improve :)

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

B movie without originality

[1/10 · 2 April 2019]

Oh dear, what a waste of time. I tried watching and liking it, but gave up after about 75 minutes. There is nothing original here, unlike in Besson's masterpiece "Fifth Element". The aliens look like and were apparently drafted from Star Wars and Avatar, a torturing traitor a'la Darth Vader or evil emperor does his bad deeds, and the teenie bopper all too young "Major" must have made his rank in prep school. At a 200 million budget even the effects are put to shame by old cheesy BBC blue screen video effects in vintage Dr. Who episodes, since they look like an animated cartoon movie version, instead of realistic landscapes. It can be done better with cheap cardboard models and macro-photography! Now, if this had been a B movie on a small budget, they might have concentrated on the story and the acting, instead of making an effects laden and action overloaded spectacle for the feeble minded. But as is, it is a very expensive , well, effects laden and action overloaded spectacle for the feeble minded. Is there a story? Maybe, but it is not told in this failure.

The Beyond (2017)

"new look" jiigle camera work makes me sea sick!

[1/10 · 8 June 2018]

Ok directors and producers, get this: I am not the only one who is sick and tired as well as sea-sick from your constant abuse of jiggly camera work. Was there no tripod in the budget? But of course there is something different happening here. This jiggle camera work was initially pushed in the 80s for advertisements to make them look like documentaries, as well as to keep the observer's brain busy trying to constantly correct the undue motion of the camera. This allows to sell anything and brainwash people into consuming yet another thing they do not need, or get them to vote for the worst possible political candidate, etc. I sampled the entire length and the jiggling never stops. This tells me you are trying to sell junk. I refuse it.

Eddie and the Cruisers (1983)

Typical 80s movie that got it all wrong

[2/10 · 20 June 2017]

I am not sure if the below would count as a spoiler, but I am raising the spoiler alert in any case :) As another reviewer wrote, reading the book is probably a much better idea to get the story. While some of the acting is OK, the very premise of this piece, a story about a late 50s or early 60s band is completely destroyed in this implementation. The music alone is so typically 80s, it is simply impossible to remotely imagine it as the band's music that was so ahead 20 years earlier. There were a lot of very poor junk movies that were made in the 80s that had a very odd and twisted sense of reality and history, and this is sadly amongst them. Nothing is right in the settings or sound track, so the whole thing is a complete failure. Sorry, but this one is not worth anybody's time.

Heart Like a Wheel (1983)

Great dramatic piece of work

[10/10 · 23 May 2017]

Great acting, direction, and camera work. Bonnie Bedelia is outright spooky with her resemblance of the real Shirley Muldowney. While this movie keeps you glued to the screen from start to finish and does have plenty of action, it is not one of those obnoxious special effects flicks that give me a headache with all the non-stop shouting and jiggle-camera that make me sea-sick. Instead, it satisfies an audience with brains. This is a great movie about racing and also delivers some sharp social comment. It begins with a flashback to one of those exciting key moments in childhood and never lets up with keeping the story interesting to the end. Aside from gorgeously done racing scenes, it wrestles real problems that women face to this day, as I witnessed them growing up as the son of a divorced mother. Just reading some comments in other reviews right here shows that sexism is alive and well, so there are lessons and thoughts to mull over for everybody. This is well worth watching!

Die Insel der Krebse (1975 TV Movie)

A lost critical dystopian SciFi classic

[24 March 2014]

I saw this a long time ago, and would love to see it available for purchase or online. Regrettably, German TV stations do not treasure much of their great productions like other countries' stations do, so entirely too much has been lost already.

Today, the presented idea is more relevant and more of a threat than ever, as we basically already have all necessary pieces for this technology, which was a possibility, but not yet real 40 year ago.

This TV movie had believable acting and great real looking remote controlled robot models. Some modern serious university grade research and the latest combat prototype robots in insect or crab shapes don't look much different from this fare back then.

If my memory isn't completely wrong, this TV movie was about a scientist contracting for "defense". His mad invention was a machine that could replicate itself using metal scavenged from weapons on a battlefield. The utopistic, idealistic thinking was to have a wave of ever multiplying little robots that simply eat the enemy's hardware, until the war has stopped, and people don't get killed. The machines were small and looked like crabs, so they had 8 legs, were thus stable, and had simple programming: Find gun metal, eat it, use it to make more robots, go on get more metal, make more robots, and so on. A test was made on an uninhabited island, observed by a small group of people. The whole idea was of course flawed, so the tiny machines grew bigger with each cycle, looking for ANY metal, including the observers' gear right down to their watches and their rings on their fingers. A horror scenario unfolds.

ATTENTION! SPOILER!

In the end, for lack of metal on the small island, the larger robo-crabs cannibalize the smaller ones, until just one giant crab is left, the size of a tank. In a way, the experiment is a military doomsday success, far more effective than anyone could have imagined or feared. Will the final giant armoured tank-crab, now watching the beach, simply overwhelm any ships with its torches and cut them apart to build an even bigger machine, as they are trying to land attempting to save the human survivor? Will the technology be used by unscrupulous businessmen and military? Will the survivors ever get off the island?

There is a lot to digest here, mainly the exponential reproduction of the robots, that can simply swamp the planet. They would just eat away and multiply as armoured pests, as long as any metal is available. This would of course mean an end to all modern civilization and would condemn us to a permanent new stone age.

It was almost 40 years ago, and I was about 11 or 12, when I saw this on German TV, so I will refrain from any attempt to laud or criticise this movie. The story however was one of those that burnt itself in, its lessons were sound. This is a thought provoking concept. Thoughtful contemplation is too often lacking in modern big budget Science Fiction productions, and ironically I keep going back to older, cheaper, often "campy" pieces packing more punch.

Oh ZDF, please make this available for viewing! The BBC makes it possible for fans to watch old productions, even if the video is half shot. I have read many comments about replies to rerun and video requests from German TV stations that older productions were not rerun, because of poor quality and the high cost of restoration or updates. Never mind all that updating stuff! Just make the materials available and let the viewers decide, if a cosmetic cure is called for!

Climax!: Casino Royale (1954) Season 1, Episode 3

One of the worst "so bad, it's just bad" movies ever!

[1/10 · 15 April 2012]

You need to know this first: In the old days TV didn't count count much for quality and any critique would not have shot down a novel that anything was based on.

This Bond movie was VERY fortunately placed on TV, because as a regular theater release it would have absolutely killed the entire Bond franchise, no questions asked ever after. We would have never enjoyed the funny, tongue in cheek, and very stylish Bond movies we got to know with Connery and Moore in the lead, if this had been in theaters, instead of TV, which nobody took serious back then! The acting of the main "Bond" character was lousy. No, it was worse than lousy, and the thing that makes Bond special, his British manners and tongue, were completely butchered by the urge to do it the "American Way". No style, no finesse. Early on, Bond is leaning against the Casino Royale entrance, smoking a cigarette in a completely exaggerated and outright ridiculous "cool" fashion, and it gets worse from there. As a children's theater production, this would have caused parents to applaud, but for grown ups, this is sheer embarrassment! I have to give it historic significance though, and for any serious fan, it will be a MUST watch. In contrast, you have to appreciate, what Broccoli Productions managed to squeeze out of a set of novels, that could have easily gone sour, just as the "Perry Rhodan" series (world's biggest and longest running SciFi franchise of novels ever - what, you didn't know?) did later on.

I never finished this original 1954 Casino Royale when it ran on TNT many years ago, because it was SO bad, that it was not even the least bit good.

Put it this way: If you are an international SciFi buff, you will know about the German "Perry Rhodan" series of novels that has been published weekly (yes, EVERY week!) since 1961 and is still running without interruption and is not known in the US at all, because of it's lousy debut as an Italian "spaghetti SciFi movie". With over two and a half thousand novels spinning a grand saga of the universe in the same series, it is the worlds longest running and most successful SciFi movie failure ever! Why? Because they released their el-cheapo cheesy movie in theaters back in the 1960's and never recovered from that failure. Look for "Mission Stardust", watch it, and know why the entire series failed to be filmed ever after!

This Bond movie is just as bad, and actually worse, and if it had been in theaters, nobody in the movie world would ever have known Bond, period! If you like pain, watch it! If you are a serious fan of Bond, this is a MUST for education and cultural knowledge.

Otherwise, save the pain and watch something else... like the "Flint" movies, which did it the American way, but with every bit of style to be expected from Bond, and of course the Broccoli Bond movies with Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, and Timothy Dalton :)

The Transporter (2002)

Impossible and Lame Superstunt Re-Write of a Classic

[1/10 · 5 November 2007]

I had a hard time sitting through this masterpiece of modern impossible action untertainment and wasn't the least entertained.

Others have made enough comments on the impossible stunts, so I'll spare details.

When a movie goes overboard it becomes unbelievable - this one breaks that line big time. Even some Schwarzenegger flicks and the impossibly surreal "Chronicles of Riddick" worked better than this one!

Conceptually the whole thing is similar to a 1977 (TV movie?) "The 3,000 Mile Chase", which is also listed here at IMDb. Except that I found that original courier chase story far more enjoyable.

In today's video game culture something is missing - a good reality check!

Hollywood has always managed to do the impossible, but things have gone too far out of reach for a real human being with even half a brain and a little basic physics education to imagine being part of the story. Never mind "character development" - bland or psychotic, I see people every day that make movie characters seem real by comparison, "developed" or not :)

But for the entire action thing going here: Thumbs down!

I think modern directors and writers need to watch some of the classic flicks like Burt Lancaster's "The Crimson Pirate" to understand what really good stunt and action work is all about - make it real with and for real people and forget computer animation!

Kid Blue (1973)

The Old West as it may have truly been

[9/10 · 22 July 2007]

If you like Dennis Hopper, you like this kind of introspective crazy thing about life, so watch it :)

This is not a classical 50s or 60s Western - this is about how the Old West may well have been for real. No superstunts a'la "Matrix" her for sure, but there is some funny action!

I am only now starting to appreciate the 70s way of making odd movies, with all the less than adequately brainy, all computer tricks, and no substance material coming to our screens these days.

It's all about real people doing mundane things, at times doing stupid things, and occasionally doing even really stupid, but outright spectacular things.

Nothing is sacred, and conservatives will have to hate this piece, that leaves no legend untouched, and shows the old West at its end in its transition to modern times, in which even steam power can already be made out to be relic some day, but not quite yet. Modern times is a comin! The characters are simply everyday people, hypocritical, twisted, evil, a little nice at times, always mean in a way, denuded of social grace as well as soap and water, except when it serves the purpose of getting closer.

This is not a classical Western - this is about how the Old West may well have been for real, spitting, sex, and all.

So stuff your dreamworld, because if you want to be a honky cowboy, you may think twice after seeing this one.

Boring? Yes, there are boring stretches in this movie. But that too were the good old times. So change your pace and watch a true classic of the 70s Western genre. Did I say a classic, when I said before it isn't? Actually, this one is a classic - just a different kind.

The Bank Shot (1974)

Fluffy Comedy with great laughs!

[28 March 2007]

This may be the one that George C Scott cringed about, but WHAT a laugh it was! Certainly not an intellectual feast, but why should every movie be just that? I like my mind to be tickeled, but laughs are always welcome and badly needed to! This is one of those movies that is small and light and fluffy and is simply truly great entertainment, simply because it is so unpretentious. If you want a break from every day life, this is great watching with gags galore, and it is precisely Scott's very annoyed attitude that makes it work. His "Leave me alone you crazies" attitude makes the other characters carry through a vision of a crazy world, that is despite its outrageous insanity closer to the truth of every day senselessness than we all would admit. I first saw this one as a kid, and I can still laugh about it. It is from the same period as "Harold and Maude" and while by no means carrying any social or philosophical comments like Harold and Maude, it certainly has that irreverent flair of the 70s. Does a movie always have to be serious? Whatever happened to simple laughter and charme and the kind of babedom and sexiness displayed by a young Joanna Cassidy? Every character punched through and was flavorful and strong. I will also take this movie's camera-work over anything done with the 90s vintage (and still in use) "new look" stupid jiggling camera and zoomiezoom wiggle-jiggle and zoom-in-zoom-out-pretending-to-be-documentary stuff that makes me sea sick and makes me hit the "off" button regardless of what the story line may be! This one is one of my all time favorite comedies , and I don't care what critics think or Scott thought! It feels right and it lives in a different world. Now isn't also what movies can be all about?

The Joy of Living (1961)

Classic Comedy

[9/10 · 2 January 2006]

Unlike a previous comment, I have to strongly disagree - this is one of the most hilarious movies I remember! It stuck in memory for over thirty years, and just that alone says something about the impact this piece made. One of those movies where I sat and alternately laughed and held my breath continuously. If you want to see a classic bomb tossing match, as the German title broadly indicated with "Halt mal die Bombe Liebling" (Please hold the bomb for a few my Darling) look no further! You need to have a certain sense and mindset to watch this kind of movie though. Simple, straightforward, lighthearted comedy with the over the top exaggerated flair only older French and Italian movies were able to generate and get away with. Just don't watch it, if you hate for example Louis de Funes or other European comedians, because this movie is in their style - a style and art form that seems long lost since Hollywood remade so many of these European movies into stale commercialized copies that spoiled everybody's appetite for more.

Trafic (1971)

One of the great comedies!

[10/10 · 25 August 2004]

Unlike the previous reviewer, I have to say that the French made many great comedies. But just as there are many styles in US cinema, so are there many styles in other countries.

"Trafic" is a wonderful stab at modern life and our infatuation with cars that is more up to date than ever, with traffic jams at an all time high.

In passing, or rather sitting, through the summery vacation road chaos, this Tati movie slaps everything from drivers' behaviours and quirks that are borderless, to general human characteristics, and even matters of national pride.

I disagree with the inability of the French to laugh at themselves - but one needs to realise that the humour involved is very deep and tongue in cheek, but is just about even more stinging because it is not so superficial.

What makes this movie, just like the other Tati movies, so remarkable, is that one does not need to speak or understand French and can still watch it in its original sound track, because the camera does all the work. "Shtick" with brains, a piece of visual art that might hang in a modern art gallery, were it not a movie, self contained, intelligent, funny. It is a neat feature about most Tati films.

I remember being in stitches when I last saw it, and that was after seeing it several times already.

Other great French comedies would be the original versions of

"The Tall Blonde With The Red (Black) Shoe", ie "Le Grand blond avec une chaussure noire"

(note that the original odd shoe was black, not red),

"Birdcage", ie "La Cage Aux Folles", the German title of which was much closer to the actual "A Cage Of Fools" .... oh heck, just look up movies with Pierre Richard, Jean Rochefort, the unknown to Americans (because he would have put Hollywood to such shame to kill their business in comedy) all time unforgettable Louis De Funes, Fernandel, Mireille Darc, Yves Montand, Jean Paul Belmondo (one of his movies is an obvious blueprint for Indiana Jones), .... these are all true actors that are also capable of character studies and can deliver such a punch that it flies right over many people's heads .... maybe the previous reviewer is right ... the French have no comedy ... not of the shallow sitcom style in any case. If you can laugh with your whole heart, head , and soul though, then start digging and you will find much of the best ever made.