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Mr_Grindie
Reviews
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
Simply awful.
I liked the first Resident Evil movie. Okay so it didn't really stick to the games, but it was a good movie... if a lil' pointless. There was only one thing that pissed me off about it and that was the lack of zombies.
I thought they'd sort this out in the sequel, I mean, c'mon, that's the main point to the games: ZOMBIES! But no, there were even less zombies this time 'round. Instead, we have the Nemesis. This guy looked so damn class in Resident Evil 3 (the game that is), and they've recreated him here exactly how he looked in the game. This may please fans, but you just can't take this thing seriously. He just looks... uh... funny, like something from a Power Rangers episode.
But that doesn't matter, 'cause the Nemesis is only in the movie for about 3 and a half seconds. The rest of the time is spent showing Alice kicking stuff, jumping through windows and flicking cigarettes at stuff. I thought that this movie would be a great 'leave your brain at the door' kinda action movie, but no, it's DUMBER than that.
There is no point to the movie at all. Nothing happens. The gang just walk through the most dangerous places they can find for an hour. THAT'S IT!
Every action movie staple you can think of is here too. This movie plays like one of those action movie parodies... except... this is all straight faced. It's hilarious, but not in a good way. Don't even get me started on the token black guy.
If you've seen your fair share of action movies, you'll hate this. It offers NOTHING new, NOTHING AT ALL! Instead it's just a random mess of recycled action scenes from other movies. You've seen this before a million times, trust me.
While watching the movie, I just had this image of some Hollywood big-wig handing a 10 year old a few million dollars and saying "Hey kid, wanna make a movie", then he leaves the kid to do whatever the Hell he wants.
POINTLESS, UTTERLY POINTLESS.
Viewtiful Joe (2003)
The perfect difficulty.
Viewtiful Joe is a hard game. The quicker tempered of you will probably stick your fist through your TV screen whilst fighting some of the hard as nails bosses.
It's hard, and it's punishing, but you wont want to stop 'til you can whipe that smerk off of Capcom's (the guys who made the game) smug face. You know they're laughing at you, you know that they're sniggering at your embarrassing reaction speeds and you know that they're placing bets with each other on how long it'll take their level or boss to BREAK YOUR ASS!
Games these days simply whore themselves off to you, they're cheap and they're easy. Which is why developers reward your play time with a 20 minute FMV sequence as a reward. Viewtiful Joe is different. Okay, so it still rewards you with a nice ending movie but completing the game is a reward in itself. The pride you'll get from completing the game is better than any stupid ending movie.
Unless you're playing on the easy mode... in which case, you make me sick.