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Reviews
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986)
Oh. My. God. That was excruciating.
Take every bad Africa legend and stereotype, sift carefully to remove all traces of logic, place in food/word processor, top with stupidity, mix crudely and serve with a thick garnish of corny. It wasn't that there were dumb stereotypes of Africa in this movie; it's that there were so *many* of them, strung together with a plot as rich as your average porn movie and horribly overwrought sound. The beginning was kind of cheesy but maybe could go somewhere. As I watched, it did indeed go somewhere - downhill. It just kept getting stupider. I was hoping for fun and campy, if somewhat stupid, in an Indiana Jones & Temple of Doom sort of way. Nothing big or fancy, just an entertaining action/adventure flick. But I had been hoping for something somewhat less formulaic and thick with clichés.
I have some pretty stupid goofy movies in my collection, for when I want something mindless. But this is going straight in the garbage. I don't ever want to see it again as long as I live. I picked it up for a pittance at a thrift store and clearly spent too much money. Thanks to IMDb for at least giving me the pleasure of excoriating it in public.