Change Your Image
bernie1
Reviews
Starkweather (2004)
They can't be serious, can they?
Well, I can't work out all the people mooning over this movie. I was told the wrong version contains some boom mikes, etc. Well I've got the right version and I still see boom mikes. Never mind that, this is Nebraska, right? Then why are the characters talking with redneck hillbilly accents? Why does the scenery look like Arizona, not Nebraska? Are we presumed too stupid to notice? And the best one of all, the time-frame is 1957-58, right? Well then why are all the cars from the 1940s? OK, a couple are from 1950-51, but not a one newer than that. Again, I have to suppose we are credited with being unable to pick the difference. Old cars are old cars, what's the big deal? And just to ice the cake, several characters are wearing 2004-style eyeglasses. I'm sorry, but these stick out like dogs' balls. Any one of these items fatally damages the film's credibility. Put them all together and it becomes a joke.
Sorry, guys, sort out your backdrops, authenticate your props, localize the dialog and most importantly, get the cars right. I'll give it a 3 anyway, because the actors did a pretty good job. They even managed to keep straight faces.
Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)
Wow
Tongue-in-cheek it's gotta be, but Toby set out to make the definitive car-chase movie and succeeded beyond his wildest imaginings. It shouldn't have worked. The acting is eye-rolling awful, the paper-thin plot elusive, the hair and clothes styles embarrassing. (for those of us who actually dressed like that, anyway) The film is very obviously low budget, yet hundreds of cars were demolished in the making of it. It seems impossible that he could have gotten the blessings of so many police departments to cause so much mayhem. There were no special effects in this film; all the crashes were real.
But nevertheless, he pulled it off, and the 40-minute chase scene has you on the edge of your seat, even today. There is an unfortunate miscalculation and Toby cleans up a light pole and was in fact badly hurt, but evidently carried on bravely to the finish. I have nothing but admiration for this film. I have not seen the 2000 Nicholas Cage remake, but am led to believe it does not do justice to the original. This movie will remain an unchallenged classic, because there is no longer the option for anybody to try to repeat it. The authorities could not afford to allow such a thing today. They'd get the pants sued off them. Besides, it shouldn't have worked, what with the rotten acting, anorexic plot and personal financing, but it did. It won't happen again.
Alien Predator (1986)
The worst, I"m not kidding
Very nearly the, if not THE worst film I've ever seen. I got it by mistake; it was supposed to be AvP, but some idiot screwed up. Most bad movies at least partly redeem themselves, if only by achieving "so bad it's good" status. Not this one. The acting is stilted and the plot frequently makes no sense at all. Samantha is a totally insufferable bimbo and Damon and Michael are only marginally better. I don't recall it ever being revealed just what the three of them were doing driving around Spain in the middle of the night anyway, or what is the significance of the (apparently) Indian family whose fate was so terrible we weren't even allowed a peek at their bodies. I can't tell you what the monster really looks like, because I was only allowed tiny glimpses of it, not even enough to try to guess its species, never mind being afraid of it.
Bottom line is, they just shouldn't have bothered.
Bernie