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Reviews
Your Highness (2011)
So bad I enjoyed it but...
This film is so bad I enjoyed it. It definitely throws a pie in the face of the traditional Conan the Barbarian and Lord of the Rings approach to fantasy. The acting was quite good but I heard it had practically no script and this stops me from giving it a higher rating.
The premise is good. Younger brother deliberately kept mediocre to prevent him from being a threat to the heir is a sad historical truism. The idea of Thaddeus being a wanking weed junkie suddenly thrust (unwillingly) into a quest he is definitely not equipped for is a good start. My main gripes are: one - Thaddeus is actually quite prescient but cannot see that Natalie Portman is one kick-ass princess and will not appreciate being treated like a damsel in distress by him trying to chat her up. Two - Thaddeus has some impressive skills (such as language) which could be used more in the story but isn't. Third - even as a prince kept mediocre Thaddeus would have some fighting skills. Not in the same class as Fabious or his Knightly companions of course but enough to know how to handle a sword and perhaps unintentionally lure Damian Lewis into making a fatal underestimation in the final fight. James Franco's Fabious is good - every inch the hero of fantasy and a little naïve to round him out. Natalie Portman is as cool (or hot - depending on your viewpoint) as ever as she is meant to be.
Just love the 'Minotaur' trophy.
Viking Destiny (2018)
Could have been so much better
I gave this title two out of ten largely in that the costume was half-way passable - that and the behaviour of Loki throughout was reasonably in keeping with who he is. As for the rest, insipid acting, lame fight scenes and a cliched story. At first I could tolerate it but when the heroine Helle comes across the community of wandering peace-loving foragers I wrote the whole thing off. this decision was borne out by the climactic fight scene when usurper Bard confronts them with his band of mercenaries these unarmed, untrained people fight back and AREN'T slaughtered in two blinks of an eye - despite the support of Loyalists from Volsung just strikes me as absurd. The sad thing is the basic story - true heir fighting to regain inheritance - is one of the core plots of storytelling but here was handled so poorly it's sad. Once again, full marks to Loki.
Texas Rising (2015)
At least they used Flintlocks
I won't comment on the mangling of Texas history - too many others have done so much better than I ever could I bought this on DVD because I am a fan of Brendan Fraser. Brendan did not disappoint but as for the rest of it?
On the whole the acting was reasonable but the story dragged abominably at times. Many extras look like they've just walked off the set of Deadwood. The firearms were at least flintlocks and not a revolver or Winchester 73 to be seen thank god! The motley collection of muzzle-loading flintlocks well reflected the Texican army's supply situation although Bill Paxton's Sam Houston referring to them as 'rifles' grates when 'muskets' would be the correct term. The story drags intolerably at times and a number of sub-plots - the settler family massacred by Indians and the Hays-Wallace quest for their stolen property - simply make no sense to the overall story.
The action scenes are good enough with the right touch of gore and violence for today's audiences although the sex scenes are tame compared to Rome or Game of Thrones and perhaps should have been dispensed with.
On the whole I didn't mind the series, the acting and action (when it occurred) made up for a lot of the faults. When watching just forget history and think of tag line at the end credits: 'All events and people in this production are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons living and dead is purely coincidental'.
The Last Stand (2013)
Good old Arnie
I grew up in the 80's & 90s watching Arnie's films and liked all of them. It's good to see him going back to the sort of films he did well. Just enough plot to hold the action together and plenty of one-liners. I've been missing these style of popcorn movies and Last Stand is a nice breath of fresh nostalgia without the emphasis on 'deep and meaningful' that only slow the story.
True he's in his mid to late 60's and past his best and the film reflects that in many ways. The old Arnie would have taken the bad guys out single handed but this time he has a team of kick-ass deputies and a screwball (Knoxville)to share the load which makes it a little more plausible.
Sure the critics who criticize indifferent bad story and mediocre acting have a point but those have NEVER been a prerequisite for a Schwarzenegger action flick.
Ring of the Nibelungs (2004)
Better than some, worse than others.
I saw the 2 disc DVD at the store and bought it and I was not disappointed. Sure it's no LOTR (but what is? LOTR is in a class of its own) but it is superior to some other films of the genre. Like many film adaptations of literature it's easier to enjoy if you aren't familiar with the subject matter. When I first watched it I admit to only a passing knowledge of the legends of Siegfried, afterwards I read up on it so if nothing else it made me broaden my horizons.
Yes, the screenplay bore precious resemblance to the original legends but there were some gems. Siegfried's challenge to the two Saxon kings is classic: "It takes more than a treasure to make a man worthy to fight a King" - "It takes more than crown to make a man BE a King".
The acting was average for the most part although it was refreshing to see Max Von Sydow in a somewhat different role than normal.
The Special Effects were okay for the most part and didn't look cheesy. Being a history buff it is always nice to see a reasonable effort to get some of the weapons and costumes period-correct to the point where it didn't jar sensibilities too much (it almost makes me cry to see things like late medieval dress and weapons in a 6th Century setting).
Not without it's faults it is still an entertaining watch although it would really be something to see the story put in the hands of someone of Peter Jackson's caliber.