mikejallen79 Reviews

The Handmaid's Tale (2017–2025)

Blinded By The Dark...

[3/10 · 17 July 2017]

Fantastic I thought... Finally this classic tale would be given the 'long' treatment with plenty of time to tell the story and fill in the characters.

Only trouble is... I spent most of the series squinting to see what the hell was going on... You can take dark and moody so far and then it becomes a fault.

May I suggest to the producers, before you waste anyone elses time or ruin any more classics that you introduce your production teams to the concept of lighting... It's quite a simple field in film making, everybody is doing it.... Everybody except you of course.

Prisoner X (2016)

Excellent film...

[10/10 · 6 June 2017]

Yes, it's low budget. No, you probably don't know any of the actors...

But...

This is a fantastic sci-fi film that will keep you guessing, keep you entertained and even give you some ideas to think about.

It's well paced, edgy and claustrophobic with an excellent story line.

The actors work hard and work well together.

No, it won't win any Oscars for anything but it will win your appreciation, of that I am sure.

The Other Half (I) (2016)

Eh? What? Waddya-say? Eh? Pardon?

[1/10 · 11 March 2017]

Do you know what? I think this had the makings of a really good film according to the synopsis on this site...

Actors seem good. Good camera work, nicely lit, suitably moody soundtrack...

But...

Try and hear a damn word that anybody in this film has to say... Go ahead... try it...

I even tried lip reading...

Of late, this is not an uncommon thing in films out of both North America and Canada... Mumble, mumble, mumble...

What is it? Are your scripts such rubbish that you're ashamed to let the audience hear the dialogue?

How about you do everybody a favour... If the reality is that you actually have nothing to say that you want anybody to hear then for god sake don't waste peoples time with any film.

I for one have better things to do with my life.

VERY ANNOYED.

Ghosts of Darkness (2017)

Surprisingly good

[7/10 · 8 March 2017]

The is a UK low budget horror movie so when I say surprisingly good I am referencing the word budget from many angles.

The two relatively unknown actors carry virtually the whole film between them... No mean feat... And they do it very well.

The story isn't bad, the suspense is good, the creepiness is well timed and the scares are well launched.

I would go as far as to say I would watch it again in time and I would certainly recommend to friends.

Arrival (II) (2016)

Stunning but with a huge screech

[5/10 · 18 January 2017]

Let me say up front that for the reason I will lay out in time I would have given this film a flat out 10 stars without hesitation. It's with a heavy heart that I halve that score in grief for what else this film could have been.

That said this film will remain a modern classic, up there with the likes of The Matrix, Inception, Contact, ex machia... any of that ilk. It has everything in stunning filming, thought provoking ideas and philosophies. It asks questions without being rude enough to answer them for you.

You'll want to see it again... Despite my misgivings I will want to see it again.

So when flying saucers land in several major cities on Earth the audience is drawn into the immediate concern about how the various nations will respond... Nothing wrong with that until...

Until Hollywood decides that the good old US of burgermunching A is not only going to be the most peaceful, the most rational nation in this regard. Not to mention the only nation on the globe that has a single clue what to do next and how to work it all out.

Whereas the other nations, especially china and Russia decide to go all psycho and declare star wars.

Some historical context in case you're reading this in 2018... Obama has just left office and obviously Trump hasn't got us all killed yet.

At the time of it's release no nation on earth was doing more to promote bloodshed, violence, anger and malice than the USA not to mention a complete lack of tact, imagination and communication skills... China and Russia on the other hand...

The message that "It's OK, the USA has this, the Earth is safe" was layered like thick strawberry jam over every single frame of this erstwhile Sci-Fi masterpiece. All it needed was a marching band and pom poms.

I'm not stupid, I am well aware that nations and even military's have their say in global movie making but can't they keep that sort of nonsense for Stalone & Schwarzenegger movies?

So my message to Hollywood for this is simple...

How dare you? How dare you? How dare you?

Missing (1982)

Blowback

[2/10 · 5 January 2017]

A quick history lesson...

On Sept 11 (yes indeed) 1973 at the direct behest of Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger... A coup was actioned in the sovereign country of Chile... Something to do with the people electing someone who intended to put people first... Can't have that now can we? Crazy idea.

So is this film about how that coup which killed thousands affected the people of Chile.

Well don't hold your breath coz this is Hollywood.

No this film is about how a single American family was personally (sob) affected (sob, sob) by the events (oh the tears). Didn't Chile's military know that in the American passport it says "No Americans To Be Affected? Duh.

So if your looking for the thought provoking historical drama that this could have been then you're in the wrong place.

If you want to celebrate spreading freedom and democracy at the barrel of a somebody elses gun then get your pizza, your freedom fries and your cool beer and sit back.

All topped off with a typically manipulative soundtrack by Vangelis of course.

Dark Places (2015)

Eh? What? Pardon? What was that? Eh?

[2/10 · 5 August 2015]

I read the reviews here prior to viewing and since they were largely favourable I was really looking forward to seeing it.

Unfortunately, most of the important dialogue in this film is spoken at barely above a whisper... Utterly pointless.

What's your plan here Hollywood. Most people in the USofA don't have an attention span far in excess of a goldfish... Is this the market you're appealing to?

Or was the dialogue so appalling that you were embarrassed to let people hear it.

This is something I have noticed with many Hollywood movies lately... Get a grip will you?

John Wick (2014)

Mirrors the nation that made it...

[3/10 · 14 January 2015]

OK, so it's a revenge movie and who hasn't seen one of those?

But I am almost tempted to re-watch this movie and count just how many people are killed by the main Protagonist (Keanu Reeves). Surely, there comes a point when there is so much killing you realise the makers of the film had no other ideas.

Which backs my summary headline. When it comes to easing down on the violence America seems to have run out of ideas.

So why three stars?

1/ Even when Keanu Reeves is basically playing Keanu Reeves he's still worth a vote. That said, this film is way beneath him.

2/ A good soundtrack.

3/ Slick cinematography.

For its genre it's OK and if you're watching for the action you'll be pleased. But 30 less dead bodies and a little more story would have made this something special.

If I Stay (2014)

I wish I'd left

[1/10 · 9 November 2014]

I am furious... You wanna know why?

I am proud of the fact that I have never in my life watched an episode of Glee...

There are several reasons for this... It's reputation precedes it for a start. I am 49, I have pubic hair, a brain with two hemispheres, I never drink soda or eat fast food, I put my smart phone down occasionally. . Add to that the fact I am old enough to have seen some incredibly thought provoking movies of a philosophical persuasion.

This nonsense is an hour and a half of Glee... When I think of all the things I could have done with that hour and a half... I could have scooped my own eyeballs out with a fork... I could have gone to a local bar and got my head kicked in by the doorman... I could have finished a book I'm reading.

And now the spell is broken... Hollywood sneaked a very long and very naff episode of Glee past me and I feel strangely violated.

Into the Storm (2014)

Doing the flag waving maths

[3/10 · 31 October 2014]

Well here's how it works...

Every time 2000 Americans have died because they thought waving an American flag at a tornado would scare it off... Hollywood makes a new movie.

Think Twister (1996)...

Obviously we have reached or passed that number of dead, dumb, American burger munchers who thought rebuilding their house for the fifth time in five years in tornado alley was a good idea.

And so we have Into The Storm to celebrate.

If you're looking for a reasonably impressive storm CGI film that allows you to still consume your popcorn having left your brain at home then this should suit you just fine.

Locke (2013)

Watch it for Tom Hardy

[6/10 · 25 July 2014]

Even from the trailer this film reminded me of and signalled ahead that it was going to be one long advert for BMW and how great it is to have integrated communication systems.

Sort of reminds me of that Jodi Foster movie Panic Room. I'd never heard of panic rooms before that. Now all the rich and famous have them. It's cynical and I despise that in movies.

And it's such a shame because the theme of the film, the overall philosophy and message is very good and definitely worth your time.

I gave this film a 6 because it stands tall on the concrete foundations of a towering performance by Tom Hardy acting alone.

Without the glaring product placement it would have been a 10.