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joshua-patrick-jones
Reviews
Onyx Equinox (2020)
Cliche writing. Horribly boring characters. Things just happen because plot magic.
After the panther says "do it boy. fulfill your destiny." for the 90th time in the second episode my eyes just couldn't roll any further back into my head. "Faster boy. You need pain to become tougher." The panther just says boy so often and has no personality besides shouting commands that the boy seems to complete completely on accident or by running away until the monster inadvertently kills itself.
The animation is straight from Avatar. But then they through in some suicides that are the dullest death scenes you could imagine. They all die in the exact same way. Slit throat. Eyes stare straight ahead and they fall over. Apparently slitting your throat elicits no emotion or response whatsoever. No grasping at their necks. No sign of pain. Boom falls over. So its likes the avatar animators wanted to get edgy but not too edgy. But then the writing feels like something straight out of a 6th graders edgy fan fic. Everything just happens because it needs to happen. The writing is so flat its 1 dimensional.
It really sucks because the story could have been so good exploring a very seldomly told story. I wanted to enjoy it but its just cringey and boring. It feels like they chose this animation style so they could make everything flat. A temple just fell over and it crumbles in killing people but the physics just aren't right. If you gave this 10 stars i will put money on you being a socially awkward 7th or 8th grader.
Over the Moon (2020)
Nothing in this movie happens for a reason.
Some people liked the songs and I just felt like that was really all there was to it. Its a weird story that doesn't make any sense. The songs aren't fun. They are all about adult or teenage things but the animation is clearly made for babies. Fei fei needs a picture of the goddess to prove to her dad that he shouldn't move on for no logical reason. Chang'e teleports the girl to the moon for no reason. Chang'e demands a gift for a picture for no reason. Then magically the gift they were searching for is in her bag for literally no logical reason. Everything just happens when it needs to for no real reason. My kids were bored because all it was where flashing bright colors with all the elements just happening. She also gets a laughable amount of rail for her ship like 20 miles of rail and magnets is something that a kid could buy off the internet with 20 miles of space for the kid to set up her ship inside a city. Overall nothing made sense and things just happen because the story wants it to.
Dirty Money (2018)
It's like american greed if it tried to make the bad guys seem like they are getting ripped off.
The second episode is sickening. The guy steals a billion dollars from poor people and they try to make him a sympathetic figure. He creates shell companies based out of indian reservations and then just runs them on US soil saying the do not call list doesn't apply to them because they are owned by a native american. If you are operating on US soil you are subject to their laws. Really complete garbage go watch american greed.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
Pure garbage
I hope Disney pulls your star wars deals when they see you can't finish a commitment. You made x men origins garbage. George RR Martin you deserve this for giving the gues that made deadpool a silent wheelchair bound angry pincushion. You got a second chance with a running start and you tripped so damn hard it I could not imagine seeing another thing with your name attached to it ever.
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
The victims make all the wrong choices.
Everything they do is the dumbest choice you can make. He ha's a gun. The have killed his mom and dad and he doesn't shoot. The guy that kills his dad literally shows up seconds after he leaves his dying dad. You don't even look back on your dying dad you didn't want to leave 10 seconds ago? Hey a guy just through a brick through your window maybe we want to look around for him a bit so my dad has a chance? Then the pool scene the guy is swinging his axe with all his strength. The kid has a knife. He dishes 5 swings gives the killer a chance to recover so he can swing again. Why not just wait until he misses and stab him? Because that would make too much sense. Then she kills one of them with the shotgun. Somehow the shotgun is just out of existence when bag head shows up. What did you do with the shotgun moron? Also did you know putting on a mask basically makes you a ninja capable of sneaking up on anyone anywhere? You can sneak up on someone in a tube. A cop in the middle of the street. You can hide in plain site right next to a car and no one can see you.
The strangers had plot armor that made everyone so stupid you hoped they would die.