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royalty1974
Reviews
Zombieland (2009)
Did not like it
For a zombie movie, it had less gore than the opening scenes in Tropic Thunder. It did feel like it tried too hard, without getting it right at all. And how did the girls survive at all when they are so mind numbingly unaware of how to handle zombies? They may have been great con artists, although I would NOT go out of my way to help a woman who clearly stated she was engaged. But they had apparently no clue on zombie rules. Also, I found it odd that there were perhaps 100-200 zombies in the entire area of the country that the gang experienced. I faced more zombies on my original Xbox in Hunter the Reckoning. There were huge lulls where no threat of any kind appeared. Shaun of the Dead was funny because they took the extraordinary and experienced it as ordinary average people. While there was not the inexplicable Japanese style bikini clad chick fighting zombies, the gang did not seem to put any thought to armor or at least thick leather clothes and precautions against infection. Startling number of locales with what I can only assume was self sustaining generators. I love zombie movies and games and this was a let down.
Defying Gravity (2009)
Baseball plus gravity equals huh?
So the lead guy seems to be sending us a video diary like all the other people on the ship, but he tosses a baseball and it does not float like the other non nanoteched items. If you are gonna go and defy gravity, try not to defy defying in your own show. Quality control to major Tom. Poor poor NBC. Overall I am somewhat interested in this show, obviously I want to know what the mystery is, although I think I may have an idea now. The clues that were already revealed steer me to a conclusion, and it seems that they do have a set idea they are heading towards, unlike LOST which is pulled out of orifices each week. I hope this thing can generate interest and have a solid story beyond the big secret. If they make these shows where the main idea is to solve one specific problem, it is hard to care about any other nonsense they try to distract with. Also I hope they make a Windows 2045 joke.
Dark Ride (2006)
God Awful
Where to begin, OK easy. The gore was ridiculous and the "beheading" looked like it was planned by a third grader with no knowledge of human anatomy. The acting was bad I think, if any of them were acting and not just wandering through the picture. I believe that the middle portion of this was filmed by three different directors. Upon seeing what they had wrought all three committed suicide when they were overcome with deserved guilt. Along comes a fourth director with no conscience, probably one who makes the Disney tween shows, and he takes all three of the others' work and pastes it together. How else can one explain our "heroine" suddenly stopping and declaring she would find the others, but then abandon her friend and return to a simpering useless twit again. And the ending made absolutely no sense. Surprise who else is a killer, but then lets the girl go after she killed his brother, and after he killed a guy for facing his brother?!?
Embryo (1976)
Creepy and Dark but not in a good way
This movie was dark, not moody dark but pitch black, filmed with the lens cap on dark. And creepy. Old guy creates young hottie and gets busy with her creepy. Aside from that, meh. The dog was amazing, the things they got her to do was cool. The first thing we are supposed to notice that there is a bad seed in the "created" creatures is when the Doberman kills a yappie yorkie that got in her face. Large aggressive animals are actually known for being large and aggressive so what's the big deal? The dog actually covering up evidence better than my children when they steal cookies was impressive. And how exactly is there an existing remedy for rapid aging when there is no drug or case of rapid aging? Did he just fill her fulla whatever crap he had laying around, which happens to only be harvested from <6 month old fetuses!? and hope for the best? As an aside, thinking like a 2009 parent, when the weird chick is in the park and a strange child approaches and insists she swing him/her/it, (I couldn't tell), and then the weird chick ends up playing on all the kids' rides having way more fun than the now pack of parentless children she then leads to the beach. Holy Megan's Law Batman! My aforementioned children are fighting behind me now and I think I lost my train of thought. All in all, an odd cinematic thing. Also if the poor actress is traipsing around starkers at least have the decency to turn some overhead lights on. Why was the poor thing there catching her death of cold and we the audience can't see squat.
Knock Knock (2007)
Not that bad honestly
This was not the cinematic masterwork of the 21st century but not the worst movie of all time. The gore effects were creepy and made me squirm which is very rare. The acting ranged from truly awful to decent and believable. The story was OK, a bit confusing and seemed like some scenes were missing that might have explained some of the deaths better. I guess that the reviewers that say this was the most horrible movie ever are fortunate enough to have missed the many many bad movies I watch regularly. And FYI it is not "aeriola" productions, it's "ariola" which is the director's credited name. Sounds made up to me and there was only one nude scene, albeit a lengthy one, but not wall to wall like many low budget slashers.
Transformers (2007)
Not good at all
Simply put, the toys were fun to change back and forth, but I have never understood how that would translate into a show or movie. The back-story is odd, and I am a sci-fi fan, and the concept of the alien life is never really clear, like why can't they be repaired from any damage, and what is their vital organ(s) to kill them. Can they feel pain and why? Mainly, trying to make a story out of this silly concept is in my opinion pointless, since their is no compelling reason for these things to bother transforming. Why would they hide when they are highly resistant to human weaponry? Then they took the small amount of sense about them mimicking our machinery and added the animal and insect forms.
Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970)
Easiest Idea in the world
The computer goes nutso, starts taking over. The scientists are frantic trying to figure out how to stop it. Hardware is protected. Super processor can't be overloaded. It has control of our nuclear arsenal, and with his buddy, Russia's nukes as well! It has no problem with killing people it sees no use for! It sees you when you're sleeping! It knows when you are awake! It has a sense of humor in letting little humans scramble about futilely trying to disarm or disable it; until it decides it's ready to kill them. WHAT TO DO TO CRASH A SUPER-COMPUTER? Simple same as any other computer, install a copy of windows on it. Buh-dump-ksssh. (Rim Shot)