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Reviews
Howl (2015)
Lazily competent
Genre movies in England are hard to make. So to see a movie like this is a rare treat.
Having said that, it is a passable movie. Don't kill you're self to watch it. Don't spend money. Wait for it to come out on netflix.
The werewolves look great but they don't look like werewolves. They do look scary. But the director blatantly shows the monsters from head to toe.
So they stop being scary. The victims in the train are the typical "they- don't-help-and-cause-more- trouble-than- they-are-worth" type of characters.
As you watch this movie, you will often ask yourself, "Did this idiot really wandered off into the darkness pit of the Forrest and said, "Hello?"
Decent/above average horror production with decent actors and weak story. The story is weak because we have seen this scenario in some shape or form In other movies and TV shows
Condemned (2015)
Its like a Troma movie
Johnny Messner killed it. And that's the best thing i can say about the movie. I guess this movie is a vehicle for Sean Penn's daughter, Dylan Penn.
Shes a blond with a huge rack. And thats the second best thing i can say about the movie.
Dylan plays a spoiled brat from the suburbs that has had enough of her parents domestic arguments.
So she takes the train to NY to meet her loser boyfriend who squats with 3 friends in a condemned building that is occupied by 2 junkies, a Chinese meth cook. Johnny Messner (sexualy humiliating a gimp bodybuilder) a crazy black guy, a Jewish pimp and his black transsexual call girl/boy.
All of these people get exposed to some bad drugs and begin to get sick and from there everybody loses their minds and begin attacking each other
400 Days (2015)
A Brandon Routh movie
Need I say more than that? No? OK. Here we go.
The story is about a private corporation running a simulation by sticking 3 astronauts and Dane Cook into a fake spaceship that is located underground.
The simulation is about if these astronauts can handle being stuck in outer space with Dane Cook.
"Now thats an interesting horror story," I thought to myself.
Its 2 hours of my life i wont get back.
Now the meat of the movie comes when an intruder breaks into the fake spaceship. Scares the crew half to death with his mutated appearance and then leaves.
The crew begins to feel dizzy and one of them passes out. It turns out that they lost cabin pressure.
Brandon Routh says,"The hell with this. Im going outside."
Once the crew manages to open the airlock, they stand outside to see that the earth is covered in moon dust and there is no sky.
So far, the crew suspects that this is still a simulation. But more elaborate.
At the end of the movie, it doesn't feel like a simulation, but more like a prank being pulled on Brandon Rouths character.
And right before the credits roll, it leaves the audience with a stupid, broad conclusion to the story; was it all for real or was it a simulation?
It felt lazy. 400 days of Dane Cook.
1 1/2 stars out of 5
Ash vs Evil Dead (2015)
Well aware horror comedy
I absolutely loved this show. I hope we get 3 more years of this.
Sam Raimi directed the first episode. And it was amazing. I can already presume some snobs who watch The Walking Dead will most likely tear this show apart.
The Walking Dead is an awesome show. But Ash vs. The Evil dead is so aware of its self that it knows it wont compete with a serious show like the walking dead.
So it tilts to the other side and makes it a comedy.
If people complain about the effects looking bad, well, i say to them, "when were the effects in the Evil dead movies any good?"
But despite the show being shot on the cheap (Raimi is producing this show in New Zealand.) It genuinely looks really good. Professional.
Its odd, but the show looks so good that i get the feeling that they intentionally try to make the show look bad.
Moving on to Bruce Cambel and the supporting cast. Awesome.
Bruce is so comfortable playing Ash. He knows how he moves and how he sounds.
Bruce Cambel has grown as an actor. He went from being a B movie actor to "acting" like a B movie actor in a horror movie. It just works.
I also like the supporting cast of Dana DeLorenzo, Ray Santiago and Jill Marie Jones.
Dana looks like Cher. And I like it. Lol.
Marie is attractive but not much of an actress. But it could be intentional. Because Dana keeps repeating that her mother died 6 months ago. But the line is delivered exactly the same way. Multiple times.
And Ray Santiago is the obvious side kick. Dana and Ray have great comedic timing. I guess Marie is more of a tragic victim.
Lucy Lawless only appears for one minute.
I give this show 4 1/2 stars out of 5
The Final Girls (2015)
Wow. Possible classic
I have a que of films that im watching for the month of October, and Final Girls was in the list.
Wow. I came into this film not expecting a lot from it.
Its directed by the same guy that directed Harold and Kumar 3. We all know that movie was awful. But Final girls is by far his best movie. Its shot in an interesting way, too. There is this effect with the camera flying around the room. But its done quickly and it never loses focus.
I wonder how they accomplished those shots.
Without spoiling it too much, the story is about a young girl who has a horror B movie star for a mother, and this young girl manages to be absorbed into one of her mother's horror movies.
I know this sounds similar to the plot of "The last action hero." And it is. Except this is the horror movie version.
Great cast. And a sad, yet incredible ending. I highly recommend this movie.
I have a feeling its going to be a classic.
4 out of 5
American Ultra (2015)
Its not a stoner comedy
I finally got to watch American Ultra and i have to say that its a decent film. Its an action movie shot on a 30 million dollar budget. And it shows. It is competently directed. The cast is great.
The weakest part of this movie is the story its self. People like to say that this movie is a cross between The Bourne identity and Pineapple express.
Its not. Its all Bourne identity. That was the whole point of The Bourne identity. That a brainwashed government agent could be anybody and they can be activated.
The initial engagement of the movie for the audience is that Jessie Eisenbergs character is a loser stuck in a no name town. And passes the time drawing doodles, smoking pot and hanging out with his "mery-sue" girlfriend.
Naturally, the audience will feel sympathy for the character. But similarly like a plot in a comic book, the character gets thrust into an adventure where he comically murders other super agents.
The set up is unrealistic. And it also shows how cheap the movie is, since its all shot at night, in some nowhere, no name town.
Jessie Eisenbergs "30 minutes or less" is a real stoner comedy. If compared to this movie.
Putting it simply, its an August movie. That should tell you if its worth the price of a movie ticket.
My Wedding and Other Secrets (2011)
"The Asian girl from the show "The tribe"
Yes, Michelle Ang is still a working actress.I wanted to watch this movie because its a New Zealander movie. And im an American that loves foreign films. Im always curious to see how the other side of the world works.
And yes, right before watching the film, i did read the synopsis. And here it is: Its the story about a young Chinese college student (a nerdy Asian girl) that falls in love with a white college student (a very tall, lanky young man that plays videogames)
She goes out with the young man. They have dinner and sex and talk about what they want to be when they graduate. But her Chinese family is still stuck in the dark ages (theyre racist) and Michelle Ang's character keeps the relationship secret....yeah, i rolled my eyes, too.
I personally didn't think that having a relationship and keeping it secret was the big deal of the movie. It was the fact that she proposes marriage to her white boyfriend so she can scam the government for a student grant.
Yes, that happen. Michelle's character wants to make a Kung Fu movie for some film school thesis. And she needs money. In New Zealand,the government offers cash money to newly married college students so that they can have a little bit of extra help.
Ang's character seems to be very self- centered and doesn't consider committing fraud a big deal. Her excuse to her boyfriend is that they are in love and its not defrauding. Its just a way to get money.
My problem with this film is that the writer/director couldn't figure out what plot to use. And tackles all 3 possible plots. Her boyfriend, her racist parents, committing fraud. The director talks about everything, but doesn't finish anything.
I felt it was a relief when Ang's character agrees with her boyfriends wishes to meet her parents. Here, is where we see the boyfriend learning mandarin Chinese.
He gets intense about it, too.
Its a very well shot film with great actors, but lousy characters. And a tired- out "Chinese-culture-shock" movie that doesn't make sense.
The Joy luck club was a better film and i suggest you watch that movie instead. Another good "Chinese-culture" shock movie to watch is "The Wedding banquet."
"The Wedding Banquet." is almost identical to "My wedding and other secrets." But its better.
I enjoyed This movie. But i can make some safe assumptions about the audience that is going to watch this. And i know they wont like it.
Its a movie that wants you to take the side of the main character. But its hard to like her.And its somewhat embarrassing to portray a Chinese family as ignorant racists.
I cant agree with that to be a fact. And if it is, then its pretty sad.
Guyver: Dark Hero (1994)
Snake as Raiden
This is indeed a cheap, 90's chop-socky action movie. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. The acting is terrible and the visual effects are cheap.
But for some reason, its not a slow movie. And that's good. I think this is the first, live action performance of David Hayter. He looks like a very, young and generic 90's man.
He looks like someone that would have appeared in the TV series, "90210".
This movie was directed by prop maker Steve Wang, and the fights and stunts were done by a Japanese stunt team that used to do stunt work for the power rangers japan.
So the fight sequences look a lot like a power rangers episode, but imagine it to be more like a Rated R power rangers. And that concept alone is worth watching this movie.
There is some over the top violence. But its not disturbing. And its a short film. As a matter of fact, i miss action films like this. In my opinion, this film has better "fantasy- kung fu" fights than the Matrix.
I feel i can recommend this to "The Evil dead" crowd. The film sequences are over the top. But it still has enough polish and style to be taken as a serious film
Devil's Mile (2014)
Solid Snake is in this?
This film could have gone under the radar. And it would have been fine. But the fact that David Hayter is in this, it will mean that every immature, armchair critic/gamer is going to take this movie apart with a dull, cheap kitchen knife.
It's not difficult to assume that this film is at best a college project. Everybody involved in this movie is young and have no previous film credits. Except for a handful of short films. David Hayter is fine. Its just odd that he's in this.
Its a confusing story. And the reason is because its trying to be too clever. At the end of the film, we get a twist ending that doesn't warrant why anything had happened. Its a bunch of kidnappers that hold 2 Japanese women inside the trunk of a car. The kidnappers drive into the middle of no where and they lose track of time. And then they get haunted by a female ghost for no reason. It jump cuts to a garage with a bald man that is holding one of the kidnappers upside down and the bald man tries to sound creepy. And then it jump cuts back to the road with the kidnappers.
The film is a mess. But that kind of thing is expected from first time film makers. The project was too ambitious to carry. My advice to the film makers regarding future projects: less is more. And a high concept idea doesn't mean confusing the audience through out the whole film and then fix it with a twist ending. People are just going to get aggravated.
In a positive note - the actors were actually good. All of them. They were very likable. Except the bald man. He was trying too hard or not hard enough