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Biotherapy (1986)
One Out Of Ten Aliens.
Biotherapy is a cheesy Japanese horror that has the cliché story that might have been repeated a few times, but with scientists, sadly, the unoriginal story isn't enough, we get this very cheesy alien disguise, who appears to wear clothes, which we should explain which planet where aliens dress like human, all we got is a big fat ignorance from the director, he clearly was making a bad movie right on set and we're supposed to have that feeling, but basically Plan 9 is the best worst movie is the feeling I'm having, at least that film was fun. This was not. This is just a terrible movie with a dull story that has been used several times. We get it.
Biotherapy might have been a good horror short but it's just a brainless gore fest where the alien goes on a rampage and kills people without any explanation. Why is the alien killing people? Where did the alien come from? It's best for the director to not answer these questions because he's more brainless than this movie.
Biotherapy has some of the worst special effects on screen. Every creep who watches this just loves how bad the FX is. We can see the freaking pixels around the alien's hands. Biotherapy has a really irritating sound queue that loops over and over until you will go almostly insane. Biotherapy is pretty much a lost Japanese horror film and deserves that treatment.
The Irate Gamer (2007)
I'm A "Fustrated" Reviewer and Running. Ranting on the Irate Gamer.
The Irate Gamer is seriously one of the worst gamers on the internet, and in real life. I wouldn't have a problem with Irate Gamer but he chooses so many bad choices and that makes him bad for the good reasons. He wants to copy James Rolfe's identity, use it in a corny way, and make his own show cashing in "The Angry Video Game Nerd". It's like The Asylum taking a hit block buster, raping it, and turning it into a special FX fest with poor acting. The special FX in here aren't so special as it weren't you, gamers. The physics in Chris's world don't apply. Now on to the rant on the Irate Hack! He is, you know what that means, not funny. That one joke he made in his ROB the Robot review, was one of the worst jokes in existence. Don't get me started with his other jokes, they're as corny as you think. He is also a very bad actor, and I mean very bad. His friends give out terrible roles as well. Well, he only has little friends, that's why the additional characters are all played by him. He isn't so irate, he just makes these faces like he's taking the biggest dump in his life, and oh boy, overacting. Gotta add the over acting! His research is as thick as his acting, I can't explain it, and I must say that I'm disappointed that this hack is still alive!
The Irate Gamer (2007)
I'm A "Fustrated" Reviewer and Running. Ranting on the Irate Gamer.
The Irate Gamer is seriously one of the worst gamers on the internet, and in real life. I wouldn't have a problem with Irate Gamer but he chooses so many bad choices and that makes him bad for the good reasons. He wants to copy James Rolfe's identity, use it in a corny way, and make his own show cashing in "The Angry Video Game Nerd". It's like The Asylum taking a hit block buster, raping it, and turning it into a special FX fest with poor acting. The special FX in here aren't so special as it weren't you, gamers. The physics in Chris's world don't apply. Now on to the rant on the Irate Hack! He is, you know what that means, not funny. That one joke he made in his ROB the Robot review, was one of the worst jokes in existence. Don't get me started with his other jokes, they're as corny as you think. He is also a very bad actor, and I mean very bad. His friends give out terrible roles as well. Well, he only has little friends, that's why the additional characters are all played by him. He isn't so irate, he just makes these faces like he's taking the biggest dump in his life, and oh boy, overacting. Gotta add the over acting! His research is as thick as his acting, I can't explain it, and I must say that I'm disappointed that this hack is still alive!
Frozen Flesh (2008)
What? I mean... what? That's it, I've got nothing to say.
I don't know why Justin French, the director of this movie, loves this so much. This is highly a terrible movie with no plot, no horror, no anything, except for this one shot of a knife stabbing the air, a candle lightning up, and a hand being baked in the oven with a red filter over it. How can anyone f*ck up film making this bad?! How can they do this to us? Is this our punishment for not liking low budget home made films? Well forget it this ain't a movie or a horror, well yeah, but it is, it's one hours long, it has the horror genre thrown over the film, it has a serial killer, it has creepy music and suspense, so it IS a horror, just a very bad one. The music sucks, the actors suck, the camera work sucks, everything sucks. FROZEN FLESH SUCKS!
Black Past (1989)
I wanted a good movie.
But I didn't get one. Instead, I get a debut film from gore master, Ittenbach, back when he was a teen. Yes, you heard folks, Ittenbach was at his teen years when this was made, and boy did he have a sick, twisted mind; and he does prove that by making the most god- awful of debuts, BLACK PAST, which wants to be the new EVIL DEAD (the movie that stars Bruce Campbell, that stunk too), because he drags scenes too long, like when Thommy (why is there even an H I will never know) kills his girlfriend, who was suddenly possessed by the devil of the mirror he stupidly took from a wooden box, that keeps coming back and we just wonder where we've seen this already.
Now let's get to reviewing to this "video". The acting is terrible. Ittenbach might not have heard of a take, because these people cannot act. The story isn't even good, like really? A mirror with a dark past which is possessed by the devil by what? We never know because this movie lacks logic. There is tons of gore (like if you want to call it that) thrown over this movie you might want to be screwed over by it, but sadly I'm not one. The main character, Thommy is a whiny idiot. How's it going over there being a drama queen, you bad actor? What? You're not as good as Tom Savini?
The Nutzoids at Cannibal Cove (1989)
Very crap
This movie starts with a Jewish family, and a son, who's very stupid, loses his car so his family go around looking for it. They stumble by a old lady and they take her with them. Their car breaks down and they stumble by the woods, where they get lost and end up in a cabin where nothing happens. Next morning, the parents become zombies for no reason. It just pops out of no where. The others get help from a nun, and all ends there.
This movie could be the next worse thing out there. It has the worst direction, worst lightning, worst editing, worst video quality (it looks like VHS quality), worst audio I ever heard, seriously I thought the characters look fuzzy themselves, and worst actors or actresses. Another horror comedy that stinks. Family Saga was more entertaining, though the movie was bad itself, but had effort put into it. The title itself is just so misleading. There were no cannibals! The only scene where they actually do cannibalism, it isn't even shown! Just Movie Maker text and cheesy translation. No gore for the crowd.
Another thing that bothers me is that IMDb says this movie is forty minutes long, when the actual time is thirty three minutes. This movie can not be found anywhere except Video Mayhem, where I get most of my SOVs.
This has been my review, and I would like to see you next week.
Halloween (1978)
What a joke
Horror classics are such a joke to the world, considering that they are either boring, have lame story lines, and very little suspense, this is one of them. Halloween, is something that should have stayed has a holiday, or should have ignored it like the plague. Halloween is very lamer than Friday the 13th cause only 3 murders are committed in this entire movie. And John Carpenter gets fans and money for it? Pathetic! Nightmare on Elm Street was more interesting and scary, but pretty stupid at times. The lightning isn't very good either because we barely see anything, and we can tell that it's a comedy. The scene with Bob and that other girl just shows it all, also the scene where Laurie fall down the stair rail is lot more funnier. Again, the main should either be Michael or Loomis, because females just annoy the hell out of me. Get this movie out of my life.