matthewtessnear Reviews

Dragnet 1967: The Little Victim (1968) Season 2, Episode 22

Mrs. Marshall Ruins It

[5/10 · 12 March 2024]

Brooke Bundy's over-the-top acting mars what would be an important and resonant episode of Dragnet. Her character of Mrs. Marshall comes across as a crazed and submissive weakling that wields her stupidity to kill her baby and ruin her own life. In the closing seconds, she admits to officers she and her husband didn't want the baby her husband was abusing. She then hits her husband fusses at him, only to immediately apologize and say she didn't mean her words to him. She's not even charged or held in the end. In Jack Webb's defense, people really act like that, so he is reaching his goal of portraying real life. However, Mrs. Marshall is so unlikeable that this episode is frustrating to watch.

The Santa Clauses (2022–2023)

Fun Story Marred by Bad Acting

[6/10 · 13 December 2023]

I have found the two seasons of the Santa Clauses fun and entertaining continuation of the three movies. And I understand that it's a Disney production that's intended to be goofy to an extent. However, the acting at points in this series is so bad that it can't be overcome. In the second season, Magnus Antas and his gnome Olga are comically bad. I love Eric Stonestreet from his time in Modern Family, but this is not his best work. It often feels like bad local theater acting to the point that it cannot be overcome. I watch because I love Christmas movies and shows, but there's a nagging feeling of disappointment with each episode.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

I like this...and I'm not a Muppets fan

[8/10 · 12 December 2023]

I enjoy this. It's saved by its soul, its songs and by Michael Caine as Scrooge. I don't enjoy the Muppets or quite understand why people are so fanatically in love with them. I grew up on Sesame Street and still don't love the Muppets. Most of the time, the Muppets are just goofy ridiculousness. I have a sense of humor, but I don't love the puppetry and characters. I do love Dickens' tale, and I believe Henson did well here with it. Michael Caine's performance as Scrooge is award-worthy. I'll watch this again, and that surprises me. I figured I'd only want to watch this once and be done with it. And that says everything to me.

The Holiday Shift (2023– )

Fun Show with Tons of Christmas Movie Nods

[9/10 · 27 November 2023]

It's fun as someone who loves Christmas movies to see all the references written into this show. This was better than our family expected! It moves fast too! It's a great example of how much it's enjoyable to watch a show more than a movie because it moves so quickly. As you're watching, look for nods to movies like Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, It's a Wonderful Life and much more. I don't have more to say but IMDb has created this silly requirement to make you add hundreds of characters. It leads to needless drivel. Let them know it's annoying like I have so we can have real, authentic reviews again.

Champions (2023)

As 10/10 as it gets

[10/10 · 25 May 2023]

If you can't give this a 10, you aren't watching it with the right heart and mindset. This is a beautiful movie and story with a ton to offer every viewer. I'm glad I watched this. For reference, know that it can be streamed on Peacock even though it doesn't show it here. This is one of the most real and inspiring sports movies I've seen in a very, very, very long time. I'm so glad I took the time to watch it. Woody Harrelson is himself and at his inspirational best. He hasn't missed a step and will embark on a new stage of his career with this movie. It's incredible how many characters in this movie are fun and touching.

Matilda: The Musical (II) (2022)

Not Matilda

[2/10 · 18 May 2023]

This musical is of quality, but it's not Matilda. It's not the book story nor the original film. It's an example of rampant filmmaking to make producers rich at the expense of a weak-minded public of consumers. This should have just been adapted enough to be an original story. It's not Matilda and might as well be something different altogether. I wouldn't watch this story again no matter what. It's just not all that entertaining. I found myself waiting on each section to see how the original story in the novel was changed, erm, butchered. I couldn't bring myself to care about any of the characters or the storyline.

History of the World: Part II (2023)

Delightfully Irreverent

[8/10 · 30 March 2023]

Mel Brooks finally follows up on Part II of his History of the World mini-epic. These sketches are full of insensitive takes on history, as only Mel Brooks and a stellar cast of comedians can deliver. The main negative I have is that the sketches are so disheveled in presentation. I don't mind the out-of-order timeline, but the repeated return to various sketches is a bit odd. Still, this is a must-watch for all comedy and history fans with open minds. I'm thankful Brooks offered this up before his time on earth is done. I look forward to finding some background on how this came to be and how it ended up on Hulu.

Elvis (2022)

A Laughable Letdown of Epic Proportions

[5/10 · 26 January 2023]

Elvis was absolutely unwatchable for me. First off, the movie from the start should be called Col. Tom Parker because that's the lens through which we view the story. Second of all, Tom Hanks was a terrible choice for Parker because his voice comes across sounding just like the bum he voices in The Polar Express. That alone killed the movie for me. Next, the pacing and styling of the movie don't scream authenticity at all. I feel like I'm just watching a random movie. If it were an original tale, that'd be fine. But it was a movie about a real-life character named Elvis Presley. It's just fake and fraudulent through and through. Finally, the makeup and styling did not make the actor look one bit like Elvis. The match wasn't close enough to be believable. That's regrettable for all involved. This is exactly the kind of movie that sucks today's viewer in, much like Marvel movies and the like. It's loud and fast and exciting. For most people that's enough. For anyone wanting true substance, it's a letdown of epic proportions. This movie being nominated for eight Academy Award categories is laughable. It shows the state of film-making, and it reveals it to be in a very sad state indeed.

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey (2007)

Poor Rehash of the Book

[4/10 · 22 December 2022]

I love the book by this name. It is a beautiful story with beautiful illustrations. However, this movie is such a poor retelling of it. Many movies feel like they didn't really need to be made. They feel forced and contrived, and that's what I see here. I didn't enjoy this nearly as much as I hoped I would. It felt like everyone was just going through the motions. I wouldn't watch this again if I had to. There are so many high-achieving Christmas movies. This one falls so far short of my expectations. I didn't even feel like the adapted screenplay was appropriate. The setting felt off, even. They could have done so much better.

Twitches (2005 TV Movie)

Laughable - in the worst way

[1/10 · 22 April 2022]

The script, acting and effects of this are horrendous. Don't watch this movie. Please, don't watch it. This will absolutely be a candidate for one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.

King Richard (2021)

Lacks Soul

[6/10 · 30 March 2022]

This movie got so much fanfare, but it lacks soul and heart. The acting and production are clearly just going through the motions. It's so bland. I love biographies and historical stories. This is one I won't be compelled to watch again.

Gone with the Wind (1939)

Horribly Overrated

[3/10 · 29 January 2022]

Hattie McDaniel is the only redeeming quality of this film that glorifies the old South. Scarlet O'Hara is downright unbearable as a character. It's 4 hours of whining and dramatics that amount to very little. This may be the most overrated American 'classic' film of all time.

How I Met Your Father (2022–2023)

Just another money grab

[1/10 · 27 January 2022]

Just another money grab for people who like Duff or watched How I Met Your Mother. The comedy doesn't hit. The acting is so contrived. The whole show just doesn't make any sense. The story isn't even compelling.

Santa Inc. (2021)

Among Worst Christmas Media All Time

[2/10 · 13 December 2021]

I watch anything and everything Christmas. And raunchy doesn't really bother me. This was just poor quality and no redeeming value. I finish most every show I try. I have a thing for pilots. I didn't finish half of the first episode of this show. It's historically bad, as others have said.

Dean Smith (2015 TV Movie)

Some Fresh Insights, Odd Pacing and Narration

[6/10 · 20 September 2021]

This doc offers some great fresh insights that haven't been presented in the same way, along with many others that are repeats and familiar. Sam's narration just doesn't hit. He sounds like he's reading a script, not like his voice just belongs on the underlying audio track. The pacing and background audio track is also odd, uneven and at times distracting. That all leaves this doc as just okay.

Bridesmaids (I) (2011)

Surprisingly Boring

[3/10 · 17 September 2021]

This movie gets so much pub. One of my former coworkers acted like this was the best movie of all time. (In my opinion, there are films and there are movies. The lower tier, including most comedies, is films.) This movie is so boring. It feels like they were trying to make a female Hangover. It doesn't hit at all. If not for Melissa McCarthy, this movie is a total flip and waste of time. I could barely watch it.

The D'Amelio Show (2021– )

Confirms Everything I Already Thought

[1/10 · 3 September 2021]

The D'Amelio Show confirms everything I already thought about these TikTok teens. This show is uninteresting and often cringe-inducing. I couldn't watch past 10 minutes. It's just a feeder of the conceited and egocentric focus of social media and entertainment culture.

Miracle Workers (2019–2023)

Goofy, Irreverent, Random

[9/10 · 14 July 2021]

Great cast and concept that doesn't always hit the mark in its execution, but this is a series worth watching for its comedy and relevance to our world today.

Bless This Mess (2019–2020)

Entertaining Show

[8/10 · 24 April 2021]

The storylines on this show and the characters are entertaining. The only complaint I have is that the theme song seems to be a partial rip off Bob's Burgers' theme song. It's interesting to me that the rural show movement is back a bit, however, it's gone now after 26 episodes and cancellation.

Brockmire (2017–2020)

Highly irreverent-and entertaining

[10/10 · 23 March 2021]

Brockmire is absolutely a must-watch show for any major baseball fan. It's also incredible entertainment for a variety of others. Just be sure you don't mind vulgar language, sexual references, unsavory race and orientation comments and other lewd content.

Last Man Standing: Pilot (2011) Season 1, Episode 1

Underwhelming Show Lacking Originality

[5/10 · 30 January 2021]

This show screams 'Tim Allen wanted to keep doing Home Improvement but with daughters instead of sons!'

Everybody Hates Chris (2005–2009)

Under-appreciated Sitcom

[9/10 · 10 January 2021]

This short-lived show based on Chris Rock's adolescence is underrated and talked about far less than it should be among sitcoms of all time. The casting is impeccable, the characters are relatable, and the storylines are spot-on takes on the 1980s that hold up firmly today.

Christmas in Carolina (2020)

Wanted to like it but don't

[2/10 · 8 December 2020]

This movie is poor quality in everything, from writing and directing to photography and sound production. The over-acting is also impossible to ignore. I wanted to like this because it has the Winslow siblings from Family Matters who return to play siblings in this story. But there's nothing good about this effort. The story's not even good, and it advances illogically and without any sensibility. Don't waste your 75 minutes on this Christmas movie.

Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (2020)

Most Disappointing Netflix Product I've Watched

[3/10 · 29 November 2020]

This is a contrived ripoff combination of The Santa Clause 3, The Polar Express and Wall-E, with a musical format. The continuity and viewer's connection for the characters is completely erratic and weak at best. It doesn't even work as a musical. The African-American cast is strong, but the writing, directing and editing production doesn't back it up. At times, the film is even laughable, for hokey hilarity, not for quality humor. This is easily the most disappointing Netflix product I've watched.

A Christmas Carol (2019)

A Creative, Refreshing Take

[10/10 · 25 November 2020]

This version is so well-produced. The only change I would make is truly dividing the production into 3 or 4 installments to make it more easily digestible. The writing, the acting, the production and all directing decisions were fantastic, in my opinion. This is something I'd watch every year. It's such a solid reminder of the need to better ourselves to better humanity.