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Reviews
The Water Horse (2007)
Scottish Films Need Scottish Actors
I enjoyed this film. I loved the setting especially. Who wouldn't? Plus, the story line flowed well and the special effects were amazing. Indeed, this film would have received at least 8 stars IF it had bothered to cast more Scottish actors. Since it didn't, it gets just 3. I picked up on only two genuine accents: Brian Cox, of course, and probably one of the fishermen. Ben Chaplin puts in a noble effort, and the boy can almost be forgiven for limping along trying to shape his mouth like a Scot, but casting a bunch of Sassenachs muddling through the burr while accusing each other of being Sassenachs is incredibly lame. Emily Watson and I both were most at ease when her mouth was shut during a scene. Misery to watch her try to portray a Scottish mother. There are tons of excellent Scottish actors. What's the matter with you, Liz Mullane and Susie Figgis, that you thought this would fly? Big mistake for an otherwise wonderful movie.
Zoolander 2 (2016)
Painful
Imagine if an internet troll made a movie and you sat down to watch it. That's this movie. Harrowing. The one glimmer of amusement was Cumberbatch's performance. But the only thing that saved that was the force of the actor's acting. The film itself verged on sickening, because again and again it invited a viewer to laugh at people for the crassest reasons. For this reason, it was like taking into public that embarrassing relative who will blurt the most cringe-worthy things trying to be clever, and they're the only one to laugh, and you just stand there dying inside. That's this movie. Even if you have no love for Bieber, and I don't, watching what they do to the kid called my own schadenfreude into account. And the later quip about it is an abysmal, below-the-belt cheap shot in the vein of Mike Myers lampooning the famous cosmetic surgeon who afterwards did himself in. This film should be recategorized as a horror movie because it gets you to stop laughing fast and you're left feeling terrified they'll make another like it. Then you're angry and have to leave a review somewhere to absolve yourself of even watching such a creepy stink-pile. Watching some abandoned kid get mocked, exploited, and abused IS NOT FUNNY, especially in light of the pedophile investigations in the UK, and the really freaky and ill scandals here in the US. The vanity and narcissism in adults that can and do destroy kids IS NOT FUNNY. What hurts even more is when you see names and faces you might want to see, like Sting and Will Ferrell and Owen Wilson, and they're all spouting inappropriate one-liners. What an abuse of talent. You end up just feeling dumped on by the whole industry. And exploited at the box office.
La reine Margot (1994)
Would have been empty without Auteuil
The lurid makes a surprisingly bland backdrop against Daniel Auteuil's transcendent performance as a sensible man caught among madness. Once you get past the massacre and the sex, the story picks up, and you may find yourself taking a small interest in what happens to Margot as she begins to betray more human qualities. Furthermore, other elements of the story do remain in the memory, such as the poisoning scene. Really, it's handled quite well. But the beginning is regrettable. Wanna-be ballet- dancers drizzled with blood verges on a spoof of a massacre. If meant to be taken seriously, as this was, it's an obscene gesture to any witness to or victim of a real one. It turned me off to the movie, and the sex scenes made for more, "Oh come on" moments. Even so, I watched it again, fast-forwarding through the silly, tasteless parts to watch this certain actor carry out a gem of a performance. Here, as in other films, you have to hand it to Auteuil. He's a brilliant actor.