Change Your Image
handatthelevelofyoureyes
Reviews
The Wicker Man (2006)
This is a terrible movie.
I'm sorry to sound so biased, but it's been a long time since a movie made me this angry. I felt entirely cheated out of my $10, and couldn't help but furiously mutter, "That was bulls--t" to my friend, the moment the credits rolled. This movie has all the depth and plot intricacies of baked ham, and one can basically predict every second of this awful film, especially if they've seen the preview. The only part I didn't see coming a mile away was the ending twist, which the film creators made somewhat surprising by having it really not make any sense at all. Perhaps most infuriating of all were the glaring cinematic moments thrown in utterly shamelessly with no point whatsoever but to try to make the audience jump--such as Cage's totally irrelevant medication problem that serves just to allow him frightening hallucinations. I am so mad at this film, all I can say is trust my and the overall rating of it on this site, and don't give the greedy creators the opportunity to take your money.
The Phantom of the Opera (1989)
Fairly good, in this Phanatic's humble opinion
Yes, I am indeed one of those "Phanatics" as they're called (though I'm almost starting to think we have a bad reputation...), and I personally would like to say that I found this movie rather enjoyable. I think it could have done without the modern sequences altogether and stayed in the one time period, and yes, a few scenes are a bit cheesy or cheap. But believe it or not, I think that Robert Englund did a fairly good job. My favorite Phantom will always be Michael Crawford, but when one compares Englund to Gerard Butler's Phantom (even using Crawford as the standard), he practically blows that little pansy-ass out of the water. It's refreshing to see an old, decrepit Phantom again, with more subdued, majestic style than Butler's gaudy, emo character. Also, this time the Phantom isn't scared to spill some blood, restoring some respectable fear for Erik that the 2004 version kills. Englund's voice--at least when he isn't screaming--seems surprisingly perfect for the part, and all film critics alike will see that he can indeed act, but has merely been restrained by his previous Freddy typecasting. All in all, I'd say this film makes an excellent counter-balance to the 2004 film, and both those who like like Chaney's Phantom and Crawford Phanatics alike will definitely enjoy it.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Severely disappointing, even for Freddy fans
I have watched all the Freddy movies in order by now (save for New Nightmare), and though 4 and 5 were a bit of eye-rollers, they had good Freddy moments, and I was excited for the climactic finale of number 6. All I can say is that I was incredibly disappointed. Aside from some nice (or at least far less cheesy) Freddy lines--and one or two interesting flashbacks--near the end (everything before and up to the horrific Nintendo sequence is trash), and ONE truly good scene between Freddy and Yaphet Kotto, the doctor, the movie was simply awful, an insult even to the rest of the campy (but fun) series. Most frustrating was the final battle, which had endless potential (see my message board topic, "what should have happened), but was reduced to just one more fight with all the epic drama of eggnog. Unless you have an insatiable urge to see every last Freddy film, just believe me when I say this film WILL disappoint you--just steer clear.