Jakethemuss Reviews

Ghost Rider (2007)

Rated 15....for age 15 and BELOW

[3/10 · 1 February 2008]

How could a film starring Nicholas Cage, Sam Elliot and Peter Fonda be bad? Lets ask Mark Steve Johnson, the director of this lacklustre cheeseball of a movie. Okay, hes a newcomer to the directing game, but that doesn't excuse how this movie turned out.

I'm not familiar with the "Ghost Rider" comic, but this film has done nothing to spur me into getting my hands on a copy. If you were to cross the average episode of Angel or Buffy, with Torque, then the result would be something like this. So if your no fan of those sources than I would not recommend watching this. The lines are so painfully tired and stale your left wondering whether its meant to be an all out spoof. It just seems to move from one embarrassing example of dialogue gone wrong to the next, interlaced with flashy, slow-mo action scenes, which maybe the only thing that stopped me from turning it off.

As for the performances; it would be fair to say that this movie would come very near the bottom of the resume for most of the main cast. Cage at least puts a little effort in, but is really pushing it for a man of his age to star in a film like this, I mean "The Rock" was over 10 years ago! His fancy wig and semi naked flexing in the mirror fail to impress. Peter Fonda puts on a grim face as the Devil, but...isn't the Devil supposed to be scary? As for Wes Bentley, the strange kid from 'American Beauty', couldn't they have found someone more sinister looking to play Blackheart? A little make-up and dark clothing doesn't really suffice.

If your a special effects hound, then you may get a buzz out of this. If your a fan of cinema, then I recommend you prepare for a disappointment (if you feel the need to watch it). The director seems to think that by throwing fancy special effects, rip offs of better movies and cleavage into a stirring pot, the audience will fail to notice how lazy the film-making is.

Apocalypto (2006)

Gripping and powerful

[8/10 · 1 February 2008]

I'm not too sure of the films Gibson stars in, but when hes behind the camera he is very gifted, as Apocalypto proves. Similar to Gibson's previous work, this film is brutal and bloody, with almost every kill showed upfront and direct. So bearing that in mind, if you are not comfy with seeing a Jaguar savage a man's face then perhaps this film is best avoided. If you are okay with blood and violence, then watch on!

It is set during the Mayan civilisation in the jungles of Central America. It focuses on Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood), a hunter and family man who like the rest of his tribe, lives in peace and relative safety. The film takes a fairly sharp turn however, when a more developed and much more ruthless tribe pay Jaguar Paw and co and rather unexpected early morning visit, and they're not there on a social call! Without giving too much away, a series of events happens which result in Jaguar desperately running for not just his own life but that of his family. The latter part of the film is effectively a frantic and exciting chase sequence in which the increasingly brilliant Jaguar Paw survives the odds and defies those who wish to bring him down.

The camera work itself deserves praise, as the shots do a great job of capturing the essence of the action and combat. Be it slow-mo weapon swings, panicky up close face shots as young Jaguar Paw hurtles through the jungle or wide shots of a cheering crowd baying for blood. It is also clear that a huge amount of effort and research has gone into re-creating the feel of the era; costume, body markings, weaponry, piercings give the film an authentic feel. This is a film that has you captured from very early on, and keeps you watching until the end. A superb spectacle with re watch value.

300 (2006)

Rule No. 1: Never threaten a Spartan with death or slavery

[9/10 · 15 January 2008]

This is another of Frank Miller's graphic novel adaptations, with Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead remake)in the driving seat. Similar to "Sin City" it is all shot in a studio under a dark filter and relies hugely on CGI and special effects, this is not necessarily a good or bad thing, but something worth noting.

It is set in ancient Greece, Sparta to be exact, and tells the bold tale of King Leonidas and his 300 elite warriors who set out to defend Sparta from a vastly larger army of Persians. Only 300 march out as the authorities have ruled out the possibility of a full on war. 300 may not sound a lot, but these guys are not your average man. It quickly becomes clear that the Persian's have their hands full with this fiercely lethal, combat effective unit of sword wielding warriors.

This film does not set out to be a perfectly weighed, factual, historical documentary on an ancient battle, but does set out to provide a powerful, energetic, gripping story of valour and sacrifice....and succeeds. The many battles scenes are gloriously bloody and graphic, with countless impalements, limbs flying, be-headings and more. The more you see the steadfast Spartan's achieve against vastly unfavourable odds the more you inspired you become, at least that was how it was for me.

Great performances help make this film what it is. Gerald Butler is outstanding as the growling, fiery eyed, fearless Leonidas. His battle cries sound authentic enough to send a chill down the spine, and his unquestionable dedication to Sparta wins more than a little respect. Lena Headley gives a solid performance as Leonidas's wife and Queen, Gorgo. The love between the 2 is a true, pure love, and this is proved in her constant support to send re-enforcements to help her King defend whats their's.

I remember the huge internet hype surrounding this film pre-release, and can say after 3 viewings, it is worth it. If you haven't already seen it, SEE IT!!

Assault on Devil's Island (1997 TV Movie)

Reduced to basics

[2/10 · 26 November 2007]

This is one of those ultra low rent "action" films which just doesn't give a damn. It is so dire, to criticise it would do no good as you would virtually dissect the film to nothing. Instead its better to just laugh at how bad it is, and enjoy the ride.

Unintentional comedy? It must be. This film has clearly had no real effort or much else put into it. Expect slow-mo explosions, huge guns being fired from the hip, totally unrealistic and uninterested action scenes, and off course Shannon Tweed getting topless within about....5 minutes.

This is the kind of film where the hostages are screaming, card board cut outs of girls who find themselves in a totally laughable situation-and do nothing but wait for help. There's also the henchmen, who are muscled, pony-tailed guys with open waistcoats. Billy Blanks appears as some high kicking, beret wearing villain, who's kicks are so good that the same shot of him kicking Hulk is used about 3 times!!

28 Weeks Later (2007)

An injection of Hollywood isn't all that bad

[7/10 · 14 November 2007]

Upon hearing that a sequel to the brilliant 28 Days Later was being made, I was unsure. When I read the plot, I felt like totally dismissing the film. "Oh great, Americans save the day again!" was my initially response, as I felt irritated at the idea of Amercians muscling in on an effective and quality British horror.

I finally saw the product last night, and breathed a sigh of relief as my earlier doubts turned out to be a little off target. Okay, the sequel is much bigger budget with extensive special effects and a much wider focus. The low budget, grainy Indy feel of the first one is not so strong here, as the small scale setting of the first one has blown into a city wide, high octane military deal with skyscrapers, helicopters and all matter of weaponry. This film has many more people involved on a much bigger scale. You could call the whole thing an 'injection of Hollywood', but trust me, it could've gone a lot worse than people here are whining about. The energy of the 28 Days is still here, the shaky camera-work during combat scenes, the frenzied feel when the infected attack, the tension and the moments of emotion between survivors.

In 28 Weeks Later, a section of London near the millennium dome has been wardened off by the military, in which society tries to rebuild itself after the infected have slowly died off. It is a complex of tall sophisticated blocks, high tech systems, and plenty of well armed troops around the campus. Robert Carlyle (Trainspotting) takes one of the lead roles as a family man who is reunited with his kids early on in the film. It is soon discovered that his wife is not quite like everyone else, a medical phenomenon, but at the same time very dangerous to be around. Without giving too much away, an internal outbreak is triggered, and lets just say the film gets VERY messy from here on in. If you thought the first one was gory, then strap yourselves in, as this goes off the scale with blood'n'guts. This could compete with "Land of the Dead" for gore, albeit this is gore you can take seriously.

Brilliant but never OTT special effects make the combat scenes gruesomely entertaining, camera-work is worthy, as is the tension as various survivors struggle to stay alive in what becomes a free for all area of carnage and mayhem. I thinks fans of the first one disappointed with this should be grateful it wasn't turned into something like Resident Evil:Apocalypse, which would've been just a little insulting.

I think it would've angered people a lot less if the military force sent in to control and monitor the situation were simply UN, instead of having to be solely American. Apart from that the film kept up and gets 7 stars.

Dead Rising (2006 Video Game)

Hack'em and slash'em folks!!

[8/10 · 5 November 2007]

Upon reading the basic plot for this genre I was intrigued, and thought how can you go wrong with a game based on a mall full of zombies with well over 150 weapons at your disposal? Upon actually playing it, I admit to being impressed as there is much to see and do in the game. It pays homage to the famous "Dawn of the Dead", but is not an exact copy, only the scenario is the same.

There are different ways to go about this game. You play as Frank West, a freelance photographer who is dropped off a small town mall on midday, and have 72 hours in the game (which translates to around 10.3 hours real time) before the chopper returns to collect you. In this time, you can either follow the story, and complete the set missions, or just go berserk with whatever weapon you can find on a mindless zombie rampage. As far as weapons go, they range from the brutal and devastating such as the small chainsaw, shotgun, katana, machine gun...to the downright useless and comical items like teddy bears water pistols, dinner plates and CD's! The more effective the weapon, the more satisfying the zombie death, ermm "re-death?" is. Alongside the vast range of weapons available, there are a series of hand to hand moves Frank can master upon levelling up. Levelling up happens when you collect enough points to progress to the next level, which is always rewarded with with an extra health bar, an extra inventory bar, or a skill. Best thing is, you can carry your skill onto the next game, so don't worry about not reaching level 50 as you can simply start again and continue building.

I find this game super addictive with massive replay value, as you can never get bored of laying into the hordes of literally never ending undead with your insane arsenal of grizzly tools. The zombies re spawn constantly and in the same numbers, so don't be shocked when you re-enter a room to find it packed wall to wall with zombies after clearing it out afew minutes before. If the walking corpses aren't enough, you have human dangers to deal with. Whether its felons tearing round on a armed jeep, a Vietnam vet with a machete, a disgruntled food store owner with a spiked shopping trolley or much worse...they are just around the corner. Survival takes a new meaning in this game, as there are very and I repeat VERY few places you can let your guard down. There are human survivors around the mall, who have to be not only located, but persuaded to come back to the security room and then escorted. Escorting survivors can be very irritating, as many are slow at moving and just run into crowds of zombies, meaning you have to keep going back to rescue them.

You are given time limits for everything; psychos, missions, survivors etc. You can easily check when the cut-off line is for each objective by checking your watch, you will need to do this in order to plan out an order of tasks, starting with most urgent.

All in all, an immersive, blood soaked, no holds barred rampage worthy of its 18 certificate. Just remember to get hold of Adam's chainsaw and the 3 books which boost its impact if you REALLY want to do some crowd controlling.

RoboCop 3 (1993)

What went wrong?

[2/10 · 27 October 2007]

Robocop, the visionary sci-fi film, was and is a masterpiece. Ultra-violent, stylish and visually brilliant, it is one of the best films of the 80's. It was followed by a lesser sequel, Robocop 2, which was inferior to the original but at least kept its head high enough to be a countable sequel.

Then comes Robocop 3, an abysmal third outing to the series. Having seen all 3 within a fairly small time scale, I can say that this film has a totally different tone to the first, and none of its appeal. It seems to be aimed at easily impressed 14 year olds (or younger) in a similar way Joel Schumacher's 2 Batman outings were. The strong violence of the first one is replaced with cheesy, watered down action scenes you would expect to see on a second rate Saturday night TV series. As for Robocop, he has lost any character or gravitas he had in the previous films, and is now just a dumb machine played by a different actor (Peter Weller made a good choice to avoid this one).

Add a cutesy little girl in one of the lead roles, robotic Japanese ninja's (one of whom is introduced in a meditating position, despite being a robot) Robocop zooming around on a jet-pack and hammy acting galore, hey presto, a recipe for disaster.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

A touching spectacle

[8/10 · 29 September 2007]

I cannot really say this film has a plot, or has a message to get across. It is a lazy, easy going film perfect for chilling out too. As for the comedy, it is not forced or OTT, never loud or down right crude, but charming and sometimes subtle as it doesn't try too hard. It is a mixture of wacky ideas, amusing characters, unforgettable dance scenes and much more.

Napoleon Dynamite is the name of the film's...errmm...hero? A fuzzy haired, dopey faced high school student who lives with his nerdy looking brother Kip in what seems to be a fairly sparse rural town somewhere in Idaho. The film focuses mainly on the cute relationships he forms with those he comes into contact with. There is the equally dopey faced Pedro, a Mexican student, in fact the only non-white person at the school, and Deb, a slightly mysterious girl with an interest in fashion. Then there is the wannabe business man Uncle Rico, who comes to 'supervise' the 2 Dynamite boys in their Grandma's absence. Rico is living in the past, and is reduced to filming himself throwing a football into empty air and watching it for kicks, after failing to become the football star he hoped to be.

The relationship between Napoleon and Pedro is priceless, right down to the facial expressions and bodily movements. It is almost like Napoleon and Pedro are on a different level to the rest of the school populous. It is amazing what can be accomplished when 2 nerds combine and get the cogs turning.

There are plenty of 80's/early 90's cultural references to be enjoyed as well, such as some of the debatable fashion on show, skinny white boys in gaudy jewellery body popping and Mexican's bouncing around in shiny souped up low riders amongst other things.

Seriously, it is hard not to like this film.

Borat (2006)

It is nice...I like

[8/10 · 26 September 2007]

The lead star in this cross culture docu-comedy is Borat, an energetic yet clueless moustached Khazakstani reporter. Borat is Sacha Baron Cohen's more appealing alter-ego, and this film is much funnier and wittier than the crude, cringe worthy 'Ali G Indahouse'.

The Ali G film was a failure as it took Ali G outside of his familiar mock interviews, which were humorous, and gave him a 90 minute film in which he had to operate on a higher level amongst a league of people very different to his bewildered guests. It relied too much on childish toilet humour and basically hammered a nail into Ali G's coffin.

Anyway, enough about the past. I am glad to say that Borat is a lot more amusing and smart than the fore-mentioned. The film is done in a mockumentary style, in which the reporter travels to USA for 'cultural enrichment' as he believes it is the greatest country in the world. He is accompanied by Azabat, a short fat grouchy sidekick who only speaks in his native Khazak, and helps provide the audience with a grotesque naked fight scene with Borat in a hotel room. The strange relationship between these 2 never lets us down in terms of entertainment, as a kind of Laurel and Hardy connection seems to happen. I would say the humour arises in seeing the blatant culture difference between Borat and the mainly middle class, middle aged Americans he comes into contact with. However, it isn't only that social group he encounters, there are the young African-American "gangstas", the drunken Leary guys in a campavan and the hand waving pentecostal Christians-all encounters are amusing in their own way.

His startlingly backward attitude to taboo subjects like animal cruelty, incest, mistreatment of woman and even rape raise afew eyebrows along the way, as Borat goes about his business with his own un-westernised attitudes and beliefs never far from the surface.

The humour can be offencive, such as the constant anti-semantic references (this is probably only allowed as Cohen is Jewish himself) in the form of Khazakstani village games and Borat's sudden fear and distrust upon discovering his kindly Guest House hosts are both Jewish. Then there are his comical reactions to being told women are equal to men and should be respected. This is NOT a film for the easily offended, but if you can appreciate the humour which arises due to the vast culture difference which is at the heart of this comedy, then you should be in for a treat.

Hard Boiled (1992)

Extreme use of firearms

[8/10 · 22 September 2007]

This isn't a film with gunfights, this is a gunfight with a bit of film thrown in. If this sounds bad or uninteresting to you, then so be it, but if your into head cracking shoot-em up carnage and crazy OTT gun play then rock on.

The plot is familiar (cops, undercover double-crossing cops, triads) and not terribly well played out, the character interaction is a little confusing and sometimes stays into weird, but this is made up for 10 fold in the high octane gun battles, of which there are many.

Whether its Tequila descending on a wire into a warehouse full of armed thugs with a shotgun and grenades, or a load of motorcyclist gunmen spraying a drug factory with Uzi fire, or even 2 guys with an endless supply of bullets shooting their way out of a hospital leaving a trail of bodies which could fill a morgue, this film does not disappoint on the violence front. Grittily shot and low budget, this is still John Woo's finest film, and nothing else has come close in terms of sheer blast for blast action.

To be watched when you think YOUR country's cops are heavy handed!!

The Punisher (2004)

Recommended to fans of the genre

[8/10 · 22 September 2007]

I haven't yet read the Punisher comic books, so can't give an opinion as to whether its a good adaptation. But lets just say, I find it unlikely the film didn't do the comic at least a little justice at worst. It came across as a tense, exciting and explosive picture that kept me watching and waiting to see how it played out. It is filmed in such a way I found myself truly hoping Frank would get revenge and do the world justice by evening the score.

The plot is nothing new, but rises to be more than just another revenge flick. The opening scene sees Frank Castle (Thomas Jane) as an undercover cop out to bust a smuggling operation by a docked cargo ship. The bust happens, but ends in the death of criminal kingpin Howard Saint's (John Travolta) son, who was one of the buyers at the deal. Howard is looking for names to associate with the death, and is informed of Frank Castle's participation in the bust. He orders the death of Frank, but his wife goes one step further and cruelly requests Franks entire family to be wiped out.

Soon enough Saint's thugs pay Frank's family a visit at a secluded beach retreat, which ends in a bloody massacre. An attempt on Franks life fails, which is the biggest mistake Saint's henchmen had ever made. Frank returns after a little recuperation, and sets about tracking down Saint and closing him in.

The way in which he goes about getting his revenge is brilliant. He becomes an angel of death, a true vigilante, a stone cold reminder of what happens when you screw with the wrong guy. Armed to the teeth and trained to kill, with nothing but vengeance on the mind, he steps into the one man army suit quite well. This film does not disappoint with the violence and combat scenes, it does not hold back. It combines dark humour with gritty drama, and a sense of impending danger as Frank goes about his business.

Death Wish (1974)

Straight to the point

[9/10 · 16 September 2007]

Directed by Michael Winner and starring the late Charles Bronson in the lead role, this is a gritty inner city revenge film which comes off as a competent and effective social statement.

Paul Kersey (Bronson) is a liberal architect living in a not so nice, crime ridden area of the city. He lives with his wife and daughter, who are brutally attacked whilst at home by 3 sadistic street trash thugs (a young Jeff Goldblum is one of them) whilst he is out. The wife is beaten into unconsciousness before later dying in hospital, and the daughter is sexually assaulted and goes into a catatonic state as a result of the shock.

It is this terrible event which changes Kerseys perception of law and order. He starts to change his way of thinking, starts to change his way of acting. He sees an overstretched police force struggling with the city's crime and social decay, and feels he, just one man, can make a difference. Kersey soon enough takes to the streets, never to look for trouble, but to let trouble come to him, and deal with it directly in his own way! He is tired of being the decent citizen who shakes their head at the morning paper, talks amongst friends but does nothing to change what he sees. The film becomes better still as the police find themselves under pressure with the recent vigilante killings, and the media report that once helpless victims are fighting back against their attackers inspired by this new rebel.

This is one of those films that has had a lasting effect on me, and I remember being quite shaken after watching it. It seems so real as Kersey could just as easily be a next door neighbour or uncle, he is no hulking giant with an arsenal of weaponry or superpowers, no fearless warrior who can't be scratched...he is just another man trying to make a living. Cleverly directed, well acted and graphic when it has to be, this is a great film and serves its purpose well. Gripping, raw and impactive, this is one of Bronson greatest films, and stands as a classic.

Commando (1985)

Excessively Arnie

[7/10 · 16 September 2007]

This is one of those action films where all brains and development flies straight out the window like one of Arnies unfortunate victims. Even for an Arnold Schwartzenegger vehicle it is ridiculously overblown and unrealistic. But it can't be denied as a film capable of giving off great entertainment. It is like watching a child's "BANG BANG" fantasy unroll on screen, and its hard not to get just a little drawn in.

Arnie stars as the indestructible one man army John Matrix, a retired special forces Colonel who's trying to live a quiet life with his daughter (Alyssia Milano) in their pleasant leafy retreat. This is threatened however, when General Kirby, a former colleague of John's brings ill news of danger. Members of Matrix's old team have recently been eliminated, and Kirby fears John is next. Soon enough John's daughter is kidnapped by the group in question, and all hell ensues.

The rest of the film follows John as he performs increasingly macho and dangerous feats to try and track down his daughter. Obviously, this must involve stripping down to the waist to show off oiled body, whilst firing just about every different gun he can get his hands on. But wait there's more....he also rips out a car seat, jumps back to his feet after being hit by a car going fast enough to cripple him and escapes from a moving aeroplane. The ridiculously Rambo-esquire scenes near the end feature John using one arm to fire a heavy machine gun from the hip at an oncoming crowd of 'card board cut-out' like soldiers as if its an everyday activity.

Loud, proud 80's gung-ho action at its peak, it has its place in cinema. Has to be seen to be believed.

Drive (1997)

Just relax...and Drive

[7/10 · 16 September 2007]

I stumbled upon this film about 7 or so years ago in the video store, and on a whim picked it out. I must admit to being fairly entertained with what I saw. The fight scenes are gloriously over the top and well choreographed, so much so I think I was laughing at several points during the film.

The plot is about as complex as a glass of water, but forget that for now, this is a film you watch for the action, for the cheesy comedy factor, for the hyper-kinetic, lighting quick scenes of martial arts mayhem. The fight scenes come frequent enough and do not disappoint. There are killer ninja robots, gun wielding assassins who burst through windows on stunt bikes, and a large supply of hapless henchmen who couldn't shoot a barn door at 3 paces.

Marc Dacascos shows of his talents in the lead role as Toby Wang, the hero and scene stealer of the film, Kadeem Hardison is on hand as Malik, the out of luck barfly who gets caught up in the ordeal, then there is Brittany Murphy in one pre-famous roles as a the ditsy daughter of a Motel owning couple.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

A Testament

[8/10 · 4 September 2007]

A testament in 2 ways. Firstly, you CAN have an action film with plenty of brains, secondly, you CAN have a 3rd in a trilogy equally as good as the first one, which is the case here. There is no cheesiness, no tired over used clichés, no silly macho heroics, just a damn good action thriller.

This film works similarly to the others in terms of plot and content, but throws new ideas in, as this film trilogy never stops doing. Matt Damon returns as the much hunted Jason Bourne (does this guy get ANY peace?) as he once again finds himself on the run from ruthless CIA agents with ultra high tech gadgets, super advanced computer systems and on call assassins! Yet this is not enough to en capture Bourne, a man who could get from New Zealand to Great Britain using only a toothbrush and a coffee mug.

This film uses shaky hand held camera techniques to help get the audience into the frantic and fast paced nature of the story, not to mention make the frequent action sequences gripping and exciting. The combat and car scenes are so realistic you almost forget your watching a movie. They have a raw, no nonsense feel to them. None of this slo-mo, souped up Matrix malarkey, it isn't needed. Here it is served upfront.

This is the kind of film where you could go to the toilet and miss crucial parts of the story, seeing as everything happens so quick. It is not a film to wind down to or watch while doing something else, as it takes concentration to keep with it. But it is worth a watch, fans of the previous 2 Bourne's will not feel let down or cheated, as what was in the previous films has not gone walkies.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Number One Film

[10/10 · 4 September 2007]

Out of all the films I've seen during my life, which is easily hundreds, it would be most fair to say that LOTR: The Two Towers stands as my favoured film. The middle of the stunning Peter Jackson trilogy, it is not the biggest or boldest, or most important, but I feel it is scene for scene the greatest film I have ever seen.

The film is basically split into 3 separate but intertwining plots. First, we see our warrior trio (Aragorn the Ranger, Leglolas the Elf and Gimli the Dwarf) as they track across vast plains in hot pursuit of the somewhat depleted Uruk Hai party that has kidnapped Hobbits Merry and Pippin, before making way to the ruling town of Rohan. Then, there is the ring carrier Frodo and his trusty sidekick and friend Samwise, who wearily hike across rocky unfamiliar terrain en route to Mordor, which is where Frodo's mission lies. Lastly and by no means least, we follow the path of Hobbits Merry and Pippin, who find themselves in the huge, dark Fangorn Forest upon escaping their green skinned captors. It is here where they see an old friend, and stumble across the ancient natives of the wood, who just might join their cause.

My favourite sub story would have to be the Aragorn one, as not only does that have the most battle and combat, but is also the main attraction of the film for me. It is the 3 fearless warriors who must help defend the people of Rohan as they take the dangerous but necessary journey to the mountain fortress of Helms Deep. Which is where they stand firmly together and await the sinister Saruman's next move.

I would not recommend this to anyone who has not already seen The Fellowship of the Ring, as this carries on directly and the viewer would be trying to fill in the holes as events progressed. It would also not be as enjoyable if you hadn't seen the build up to where they are now. It is immensely gripping and exciting to see the story unravel, almost impossible to not be totally swept in by it all. Everything has been handled just as it should, there is a little humour, passion, stirring scenes of valour, plenty of sword fighting and battle to keep the action fiends happy. As for the violence, it is not disturbing or malicious, but brave and uplifting. The men of the West, Dwarfs, Elves and Co. are fighting for a reason, to save themselves from extinction, they do what they have to do for survival. It is a true case of good vs evil here, light vs darkness.

Anything else? Oh yes, glorious cinematography, excellent and effective use of CGI, amazing New Zealand scenery, captivating dialogue and character interaction, not to mention great performances from Viggo Mortensen as the softly spoken yet ultra strong, bearded uncrowned King of Middle Earth, Bernard Hill as the noble Theoden and as always Ian McKellen shines as the wise and knowing Gandalf. Very few performances were bad in fact. Then again, this film has VERY little wrong with it.

10/10

In Hell (2003)

Not your average Van Damme flick

[8/10 · 28 August 2007]

Forget the wise cracking, smooth muscle man we've seen in previous films flying slo-mo through to air to knock some poor guys lights out. In this, Van Damme is very human and far from invulnerable. It is the best film in terms of his acting, as he goes through a range of dark emotions, including despair, blind rage and loathing. He actually acts in this movie.

He plays an American man married to a Russian woman and living a peaceful life in Russia. Until his wife is murdered by a Russian thug, for no particular reason I might add. The thug is connected to the mafia, so is released due to the corrupt judge being paid off. Van Damme exacts his own bloody justice in a burst of anger, and is incarcerated in a particularly nasty Russian prison.

This is no holiday for Van Damme, as the prison is full of anti-American convicts, sexual predators and an assortment of dangerous gangsters. This film, like many other prison films, addresses the subject of rape, by showing the targeting of a young, weak American man. Something which haunts Van Damme's character.

The main element of the film centres on a brutal, no holds barred fighting tournament that the sadistic warden and staff organise for the prisoners. It is here than Van Damme becomes a champion of the ring, thrashing his opponents in a street brawling style. Things start to change however, when Van Damme realises he is becoming what the authorities want him to become, he is forgetting who he is.

This film has a mainly downbeat style, and is a lot more gritty and raw than Van Damme's usual work. It has several disturbing scenes and dark ideas, but also has a message worth bearing in mind. Recommended to non Van Damme fans as well as fans, as this is where he tries something different.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Never ceases to amaze me

[10/10 · 28 August 2007]

This is one of those fairly rare cases where the sequel surpasses the original. In fact, T2 surpasses a lot of films, old and new. It was made around 7 years after the first outing, and is clearly operating on a much larger budget than the original. It has a blockbuster feel to it, as to the late night, B-movie theme of the first one, which still became a cult film despite its low budget.

The special effects are amazing, even by todays standards, but unlike other Hollywood blockbusters, it has story, emotion and depth to accompany the explosions, chases and CGI. It has been 16 odd years now since it was made, and despite afew choice haircuts and references to old school gaming systems, it feels as if it hasn't aged a day.

Linda Hamilton returns as Sarah Connor, but unlike her character in the first one, she is now a lean, mean ass kicking warrior woman. Arnie returns as the T101 Terminator, only this time he is playing a bodyguard sent by the rebel side, to protect a young John Connor (Eddie Furlong) the future leader of the resistance. Those who have seen the film (almosy everyone) will know just how much protection John Connor needs, as the machines send back the dreaded T1000 (Robert Patrick), a being formed of liquid metal, that can manipulate his body into almost anything at the drop of a hat, queue amazing special effects.

Sarah, John and the T101 unite soon enough and start a quest to try and prevent the rise of Cyberdine Systems, who are the company responsible for creating a special chip in the near future. This chip will give machines the ability to think for themselves, which in turn will have a devastating, and I mean DEVASTATING effect on the general population. They do this specifically by locating a computer developer named Miles Dyson, who is the lead scientist in the project. All the while, the T1000 is following their moves. He is more advanced than the T101, more ruthless and will not stop until his mission is complete.

This film is literally great scene after great scene. There is the brilliant storm drain chases scene, Sarah's escape from the mental institution, T101 with the chain-gun, the battles between T1000 and his target's bodyguard, with the last half hour or so being pure excitement. The character development is brilliant as well, seeing Sarah's bond with her endangered son John, John's father-son bond with the increasingly human 'machine', and Robert Patrick playing the emotionless T1000 with cold eyed precision.

This is a film which sweeps you up and pulls you into whats happening. It has laughs and humour to ease the tension, classic lines, great cinematography, top notch action sequences and scenes that will stay with you long after watching. If you haven't seen this, you truly should. It is unmissable.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (2004 Video Game)

A Legend

[10/10 · 27 August 2007]

In all fairness I have to give this a 10 out of 10, as it hands down the best game I have ever played, or could hope to play thus far. It serves as a superior sequel to the already brilliant Vice City, as almost everything has been bettered and improved. It is addictive, immersive, and has more replay value than any other game I've come across. This is the kind of game you could NEVER get bored of, as there is so much do to.

You control CJ, or Car Johnson, a young African-American who returns home to Grove Street after years away. He meets up with his friends and what remains of his family, and begins to try and patch things up, yet all under the watchful eye of 2 crooked officers who have a habit of using people like Carl to do their dirty work. The missions come as various friends and "aquintances" of Carl ask him for favours, for which he receives money, or at least respect for his efforts.

Whereas Vice City was just 2 islands connected by a series of bridges, San Andreas is a sprawling map of 3 major cities, with lakes, mountains, countryside, forests and mile after mile of highway. The range of vehicles you can control is huge, with cars, motorbikes, stunt bikes, go carts, helicopters, planes, tractors and even a jet pack at your disposal! Another stunning thing about this game, is the amount of everyday things you do on screen. You can eat at a variety of fast food restaurants (actually, you HAVE to) work out at the gym, bet on horses, bet in the Casino, swim, play pool, take girls out on dates, go dancing, play basketball, get haircuts, tattoos, buy fancy clothes...so there is very little time to get bored when in San Andreas.

The most expansive, developed and enjoyable game out there, for over 18's of course!!

District B13 (2004)

High flying mayhem

[9/10 · 27 August 2007]

After watching 'The Nest' afew years back, it struck me as particularly impressive and exciting for a fairly unheard of French film. So since then, I have kept an eye on French releases which may be up my street. I had recently become interested in parkour/free-running before seeing a trailer for the film, so knew that District 13 could not be missed.

Upon finally seeing it on DVD (very minimal cinema exposure in UK) I was anything but disappointed. The action sets in early and doesn't give in till the very end. Not only is it plentiful, but also amazingly well choreographed and fast paced. The main attraction of this film has to be the insane moves pulled off by free-running supremo David Belle and stuntman/martial artist Cyril Raefelli, it is unlike anything I've seen in an action movie before. Jumping out of high up windows to grab dangling ropes, scaling walls in a matter of seconds, crazy martial arts fights in casinos, and lots of rooftop running!

The plot is nothing really new (I'm sure you'll read it in other comments), but it doesn't masquerade as a serious Oscar winning film anyway. It sets out to give the audience a hyper-kinetic, breathtaking, pulse racing action film...which it more than achieves. Recommended to fans of Ong-Bak, as despite being a lot more westernised and stylised, it does have the same element of raw stunts and incredible physical feats.

Babe (1995)

Family Classic

[8/10 · 26 August 2007]

This is a family film in the classic sense of the word, and it'd be hard to find a more charming and heartfelt tale. Ideally for children, but it can be enjoyed by adults too. It is a fantasy world where animals speak just like humans do.....albeit not in Australian accents, which is where the film is meant to be set.

The hero of this tale is a young pig named Babe, who is transfered from the pig pen, to the village fête, to the hands of Farmer Hoggett who wins the little fellow in a prize raffle(James Cromwell). It is on the farm he meets the locals, and is taken under the wing by a kind sheepdog named Fly, who has been characterised as the warm and motherly type. Not so warm is Rex (voiced by Hugo Weaving of Agent Smith fame), her growling no nonsense other half, who believes pigs do not belong with sheepdogs.

Babe is portrayed as the personification of innocence, and his gleeful and inquisitive nature brings him into contact with a host of farmyard animals. Not too sure why they felt he needed a furry little toupee between his ears, but each to his own. As Babe gets closer to Fly and the sheepdog role, he even begins to assume this role, much to Rex's dismay. But Babe has an awful lot of ambition for a little animal, and his heart is set on being a "sheep-pig".

There are moments of sadness in this film, such as loss and death, but it is mainly sweet natured and enchanting. It is one of the few Universal rated films I enjoy watching, and that is saying something for me!

No Escape (1994)

solid B movie action flick

[7/10 · 25 August 2007]

I've seen this film many times over the years, as it has great re watch value. It is actually surprisingly good for a reasonably unheard of movie, and would be fair to say this is one of those gems your lucky to find.

John Robbins (Liotta) is a decorated marine sent to a ultra strict maximum security prison for killing his superior officer. He does not stay there for long however, as he is banished to 'Absolum' a monitored island in a guarded stretch of water. Here, prisoners are no longer really prisoners, as there are no rules, no bars, no guards, just you and them. By them I mean "the outsiders", a bunch of savages desperately struggling for survival under the leadership of the vicious dread-locked Walter Marrik (Wilson).

Then there are "the insiders", a society of former and somewhat rehabilitated inmates who live a peaceful and structured life, in a makeshift but well guarded fortress. They live under rules and respect each other, unlike the feral outsiders who have no code of honour.

Classic lines, likable characters and solid action make this a film in its own right. The film boasts many good combat/battle scenes, and the gripping feel of the film sets in early and stays till the end.

Right at Your Door (2006)

snore, snore, snore

[2/10 · 16 August 2007]

I remember seeing TV spots for this film, and thinking it looked fairly promising, one of these low budget but effective thrillers. I was severely mistaken, it was not good, and it become one of the few DVD's I have just turned off halfway through as I was having so little pleasure watching it.

There are only 3 or so real characters in this film, which focuses on a major terrorist attack in a LA, and the widespread panic caused. One of the characters is the husband who is at home when the strike happens, another is his wife who is in the city during the strike, and the other is a the neighbour's cleaner/handyman/chef (who cares?) who stumbles across the husband. The film intends to set up a tense and desperate situation as the man tries to contact his wife from inside the house whilst minimalising himself to the chemical element now polluting the surrounding air, and provide a gritty, realistic take on the situation by using hand held cameras and no nonsense cinematography.

I say 'intends' as I felt it fell real short of what it was trying to achieve. It was incredibly boring to watch, and didn't impress me at all. Whilst watching, it felt as if I was ONLY watching to see if the film got anymore exciting or gripping, which it didn't, so off it went. It was poorly handled, and a waste of a good idea.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

would you like a movie with your violence sir?

[8/10 · 13 August 2007]

Lets cut straight to the point. This is no masterclass in cinema, this is no thought provoking, intellectual study of human nature, or anything for that matter. Reality and subtlety go straight out the window for this flick. It starts as what looks like another "bad robbers take hostages" movie, but soon enough descends into a 'feast your eyes on this' gloriously OTT, bloodthirsty, semi-comic piece of gore porn.

It tells the tale of bank-robbing brothers Seth (Clooney)and Richard (Tarantino) Gecko, who are on the run from the law after several murders. Soon enough they run into a small family travelling in an RV, the father Jacob (Keitel) daughter Kate (Lewis) and son Scott (Lui). The Gecko's use them and their RV as means to cross the boarder into Mexico, where the brother have a meeting with a drug baron arranged. The meet is to take place at a brightly lit, Gothic looking venue called the "Titty Twister" out in the desert. It is about now that the film starts to turn into another genre, the hostage plot steps back into the shadow as the bar's employee's turn out to be seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLY bad news.

Does this mean it is bad? NO, I actually thought it was awesome upon first viewing and still do now. Its one of those totally uninhibited films you can sit back and enjoy without having to think too much. It is gripping from the start, seeing the Brothers run into various obstacles whilst evading capture, then later watching with baited breath as the remaining survivors trapped inside the Titty Twister contemplate their rather unfortunate situation.

Clooney is especially good as wise cracking but highly dangerous Seth Gecko, its quite a change from his other roles. Also look out for horror maestro Tom Savini, 80's movie star Fred Williamson, Cheech Marin playing 3 separate roles and of course what film set in Mexico wouldn't be complete with out Danny Trejo.

Only the Strong (1993)

Worth a watch

[7/10 · 11 August 2007]

I'm going to be frank, this is no Oscar winner by a long shot, but it serves well as a martial arts themed flick and I found it enjoyable.

The easy to follow plot revolves Green Beret soldier and cappoiera expert Lois Stevens, who has returned from a stint in Brazil to his old high school in Miami, which is in a sad state as drugs, crime and chronic underachievement are rife.

After Lois schools 3 menacing drug dealers in front of the whole school, he suggests teaching his martial arts discipline to 12 particularly bad students to see if this can focus them and broaden their horizons. He starts training them in the ways, and eventually they start to listen..and more importantly LEARN. The only obstacle is Silverio, the vicious leader of a notoriously tough city gang, who happens to have a cousin in Stevens' training group. But of course Lois isn't going to let some miscreant stand in his way.

This film, despite its cheese factor, has a positive 'can do' tone throughout, and is enjoyable for this reason. Also enjoyable for its fight scenes, which sees a dedicated and determined Lois take on hordes of opponents with his amazing skills.