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marlymanson734
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Transformers: The Headmasters (1987)
Taking a dump on the Transformers
Boy, this makes Victory seem like Gone with the Wind; I had to fast-forward to certain scenes as I had little patience with the idiotic script. The art design is bad; the colors and textures are drained of life and vitality and the robots lack presence and look like huge piles of fertilizer. When the Japanese were solely working as animators for the original show, it was alright, but working also as writers, they show no respect for the source material or the concept of what the show is about.
In anime, why is it that when it's all about giant robots piloted by humans, we are presented with mature stories as in Armored Trooper Votoms or Mobile Suit Gundam but when it's about sentient, giant mecha, it should be treated as a children's show? For the people who made Headmasters, it seems autonomous, independent thinking robots are a license and an excuse to make the shows as stupid as possible and unfit for anyone's consumption. Robots lifting weights, using a treadmill or drinking lemonade? Really? Even children are sophisticated enough to know that robots as a concept are machines, as opposed to organic beings, the writers should work within certain fictional parameters and limits with regard to this concept. Unless it is a cartoony type of show like Ren and Stimpy but this is Transformers we're talking about here. There is no serious treatment of the characters or the story; it's just one big string of retarded, moronic nonsense. If Japanese kids are bombarded daily with this mental hogwash, I wouldn't be surprised if they grow up to become serial killers and mass murderers. The people responsible for this atrocity should be tortured or anally raped by members of the Taliban. Producing this garbage is a heinous crime for Christ's sake.
If I have to mention one episode for sheer levels of stupidity, there's "The Death of Ultra Magnus". The rest I cannot remember; and there's that fight between Soundwave and Blaster; the two masters of espionage kill each other and are later rebuilt: Soundwave as "Soundblaster" and Blaster as "Twincast" or whatever. There are ideas floating around here that are later fully developed in Power Rangers, err, Super God Masterforce and Victory like Fortress wielding a sword and such.
Headmasters is a C-rate show and campy as f—k like Beast King Golion, probably much worse. It is recommended only for those with sado-masochistic tendencies.
Yûsha ô Gaogaigar (1997)
Overrated
To otakus, Gaogaigar and the following Gaogaigar Final are like the holy grail of anime, some fanboys can't praise them enough: "such bad ass action", "awesome mecha designs", "such drama" etc. The list goes on and on. But when you come to this show minus the adoration and the hype, you'll realize the series and the subsequent original video animation as one of the sacred cows of anime.
On first viewing, GGG is a fairly decent, if mediocre and underwhelming show (translation: boring). It starts off as a monster of the week type of show like Voltron with each episode, a human is "zonderized" by a bunch of aliens and metamorphoses into a giant monstrosity. Naturally, like Godzilla and King Kong, this monster rampages and causes untold destruction in the districts of Tokyo. A long-haired "cyborg" named Gai pilots a mechanical lion called Galeon which transforms into a robot called GaiGar; during "Final Fusion" with so-called "gao machines", Gaigar transforms into "Gaogaigar" To be fair, the stock footage used in the Gaigar and Gaogaigar transformations are okay by super robot genre standards and show great attention to detail; they are in fact comparable to other great transformation and combining sequences in other mecha anime. In addition, clichés in the super robot genre are many; Gai needs to shout the name of every weapon and hi-tech tool available at his disposal: "Broken Magnum!!" "Dividing Driver!!" on and on, etc (this is not bad actually, as a kid, I thoroughly enjoyed "Voltes V" and "Daimos" and thriled to every announcement of "Ultraelectromagneticpop!" or "Daimos Death Blow!"). There is also a lot of red tape that accompanies these verbal acrobatics, apparently, approval from bureaucrats is required before final fusion or the use of the dividing driver is permitted.
As the series progresses, a bunch of new characters are introduced; twin robots Horyu and Choryu are brought on-board to give Gai some new allies; the tedium of the show stops a little as their imaginative combination sequence called "symmetrical docking" is truly inspired; later, Volfogg, Goldymarg and Mike Saunders the 13th are added. In a way, this gradual introduction of the robot characters is more fascinating and interesting than the initial "monster of the week" gimmick the show is saddled with as the viewer expects the cool factor with each new character introduced as they anticipate a new transformation or combination sequence (yeah, I'm a sucker for those, especially if done well).
While the robot characters are interesting only because they have some cool transformations or some related ability, they are comparable in personality to those in Transformers Victory, they're too normal and boring, like people who wore robot costumes to the office; this seems like a tradition in anime as the Japanese cannot imagine transforming mecha as nothing more than cheerful yes men with the exception of Goldymarg and the annoying Mike Saunders the 13th. The human characters aren't that interesting also; Gai is boring with little to no personality, Hikaru in Macross is a lot more interesting and sympathetic, Gai though is a one dimensional cardboard character; the other major character though, Mamoru (which means "to protect" in Japanese language) wins hands down as the most boring and wack character in the whole show. His adoptive parents are also irritating for some reason. Each time, Gaogaigar beats a zonder monster, Mamoru transforms into a male tinkerbell and waves a magic wand while uttering some gibberish: "horatio..koktura" to purify the "zonder core".
In the middle to latter episodes, the series change gears and suddenly adopts a more epic way of storytelling. The character "Pizza" becomes "J", (no he's not some hip hop emcee) a hero and rides his own mech and so on. In the end, while things get interesting, it is not enough to salvage the show from its inherent blandness. The last episode tries to salvage the damage done by the previous runs and is surprisingly good but unfortunately the writers turn it into another clichéd ending.
While some may enjoy it, Gaogaigar is eventually overwhelmed by its derivative script, boring characters and lack of subtlety.
Beast Wars: Transformers (1996)
This is a Joke
Before saying outright that Beast Wars is a steaming pile of guano, I have to say that I am not some elitist G1 fanboy; G1 while good isn't entirely faultless as it has its share of garbage from episodes (too many to mention) that have been clearly made for torturing members of Al Qaeda. With that out of the way, here is my assessment of this 90s TV show.
Frankly, BW sucks on a lot of levels; the animation is rendered in CGI and I imagine the people back in the 90s went apes--t (or Optimal Primals--t) over this gimmick but I'm not impressed. CGI works in console games such as the new Mortal Kombat, movies like Jurassic Park, Kung Fu Panda, Shrek but with Transformers, it don't look good; sorry, traditional animation works best; action scenes (of the robot on robot type) just don't work out well in CGI and to put it simply, transforming mecha are expressed and depicted more truthfully with the old school way of animation; here the robots look like a bunch of drab looking rejects from the Pixar cutting room.
In addition to the awful computer graphics, Beast Wars use a lot of modern puns and wisecracks in its pathetic attempts at humor. Lines like "You want your expert consultant fee now?" or "Die cast construction! It's a lost art." may sound cute to hip minded people but to those who want their stories to be based as possible on reality than on self-conscious parody, it does take away the suspension of disbelief a lot (anyway, what does a friggin'"robot", in prehistoric earth know about consultation fees for Christ's sakes).
An episode where the Maximals and Preds came out like gunslingers and outlaws from the Old Wild West is a case in point (the scene kinda reminds me of that preposterous one in TF Victory where Star Saber is also channeling Sergio Leone); Transformers is originally about sentient robots fighting a war, not a bunch of role-playing schmucks. The makers of the show probably thought that John Waynesque scene was cute but it's actually a mockery of what the original show was about. Sure, some would say, "nah, it's just a cartoon, you're taking it too seriously, when's the last time you got laid, blah blah blah" My reply of course would be "how would you feel if the first and second Terminator movies were made in this way, the liquid metal terminator and Arnie terminator were decked out in cowboy outfits in an OK Coral setting? Of course, it would destroy the atmosphere. The stylistic approach of the original cartoon where there for a reason but BW's writers and directors are just a bunch of hipsters who watch too much Oprah and CNN. The three part show opener "More Than Meets The Eye" set the tone for the rest of the series and the Beast Wars people could have followed suit but instead, they chose to dispose of the "serious" tone of the original and settled for a campy b-movie feel.
To sum it up, Beast Wars is a failed attempt by Republicans and Democrats to infiltrate the minds of children and adults, just joking, he-he. Seriously, the potential of the original series is yet to be realized, with the right writer, director and studio, Transformers, as it was meant to be shown might well be made someday; those who cannot wait settle for boring and corny fiction by Simon Furman (a terrible writer who can't write to save his life)or the Bayformer movies that are the film equivalent of chicken diarrhea.
Transformers: Victory (1989)
This is bad
Craving some Transformers show with a GI feel, I really was stoked for "Victory". The first episode isn't so bad, it's actually fun and the opening song gets you pumped up for some robot on robot action. Two episodes into the series, the novelty of the show wears off and you kinda snooze off; what seems to be the problem? First, the characters: they're boring as hell; unlike in the American scripted and directed series where the personalities of the transforming mechs are distinct from each other and are well realized characterizations, in Victory, nothing seems to distinguish the cast from each other; this is especially true with the Autobots; the Cybertrons as they are called here are so dull and drab, the way they talk and act, they feel more like civilians or office workers in robot costumes than giant mecha who're out to kick some serious b--t; the villains on the other hand are more entertaining than the heroes: Leozack seems like a cross between Star Scream and Shockwave while the Dinoforce are effective comedians;
What is most annoying about the show is that it has no respect whatsoever with its target audience; while it's a children's show, the scriptwriters could've at least constructed stories that do not insult the intelligence; even kids know that robots cannot drink coffee, weep, ride escalators in a supposedly alien planet or wear blankets(!) It's alright if this is Transformers: The Looney Tunes version but this is supposed to be a show about giant robots for Pete's sake; I mean I can tolerate cheesy and absurd scenes but to a point.
On the positive side, there are some cool and awesome portions to a few episodes; the transformation of Star Saber from space jet to robot never grows old as well as the combining of the various robot teams into gestalts are undeniably the highlights of the series but the Victory Saber merging footage is downright embarrassing; the fights are so-so but in the episode "The Resurrection of the Decepticon Fortress", Deszaraz and Star Saber's fight is surprisingly good (the episode itself is good along with "The Death of Ginrai" and "Fight, Victory Leo" and the last three episodes;
In the end though, a few quality episodes cannot redeem a downright awful and terrible show.