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Sin City (2005)
Sinfully sexy and sinfully addictive!
Wow! That was my first reaction on a screening of this film. Many things drew me to the theater to see this film:
#1 - It's a comic adaptation done EXACTLY in Frank Miller's style.
#2 - Jessica Alba, 'nuff said!
#3 - Robert Rodriguez has never done a movie that hasn't disappointed and is always intriguing to watch.
I could go on and on but it's clear why this movie rocks: it's seeing Jessica Alba portray the stripper-with-a-heart-of-gold Nancy Callahan. The movie adverts specifically focus only on 6 characters but it was Jessica that caught my attention.
But enough about that, lets discuss the film: The film starts off with the first half of "That Yellow Bastard" storyline and then cuts halfway and then transitions to "The Hard Goodbye". Once THG is done, it transitions to "The Big Fat Kill". Once TBFK is done, it transitions back to the second half of "That Yellow Bastard". That's the movie in a nutshell.
--THAT YELLOW BASTARD: Bruce Willis plays the good cop role. AGAIN. Only this time he isn't yippee-ki-yaying his way on the screen. As you watch the film, you see Bruce play his role like a straight arrow. He never strays from convention and because of that, it's quite boring to see Bruce do his thing (since its been done a bunch of times in other flicks). But that doesn't mean he kills (literally). Another reason that the TYB storyline succeeds is because of the scorching Jessica Alba. I hate to say it, but Jessica herself DOES NOT have enough screen time. Her strip dances (is it safe to be called a stripper even if you DON'T show T&A?) are squeaky clean and she barely has enough lines or emotion in the story to care.
I loved Jessica in "Idle Hands" and "The Sleeping Dictionary" but she doesn't have enough to do in this film. Even though she has a cameo in "The Hard Goodbye" storyline, it just isn't enough. And YES, I have read the comic books and its safe to say that Jessica's character doesn't have enough to do in the book either. SIGH.
--THE HARD GOODBYE: It's kinda difficult to accept the fact that the story takes place so quickly. Marv (the main character of this story) has the best one night stand of his life with a goddess, wakes up an hour later to find her dead and goes on a deadly revengeful rampage. Sounds simple, right? I found this to be my only problem. Other than that, the story is super hilarious! It's great to see Mickey Rourke back to form after watching crap like "Another 9 1/2 Weeks". He pulls off the Marv character with such smooth panache that he LITERALLY steals the entire movie.
Watch as Marv is beat up from one sequence to the next and see him keep going. Marv doesn't stop until he is literally dead.
--THE BIG FAT KILL: A whole bunch of dialogue in the comic book was omitted for the movie. Dwight (the main character for the story) had a whole assload of dialogue in the book that is NEVER heard in the film. But after seeing the film, it was better left that way. The scenes would've taken way too long had all that dialogue been left in.
Clive Owen is a bit sketchy in this role. Since the character in the comic was a muscular character with a badass attitude, it was kind of difficult to accept Clive as Dwight since he pulls off a more James Bond-like smoothness rather than a rugged toughness (like in the comic book). Hey, he even cracks his accent as he tries to sound straight American. Other than those gripes, TBFK was a great adaptation. Rosario Dawson pulls off the Gail character perfectly (except for one character trait that she excluded). Benicio absolutely perfects Jackie Boy's form with no problems. It's so hard to see anyone else as Jackie Boy.
All in all, this film is super stylish. Since all the frames are based on the comic book, there was little room for error. If you hated this film, it's because you expected too little from the flick and it gave you 10x more than you thought. Don't hesitate, see the film, buy the DVD when it comes out, read the comic book! Immerse yourself in the sinfully sexy and sinfully addictive world...of Frank Miller's "Sin City."
Never Been Kissed (1999)
The original "Mean Girls"!
I saw this flick back in 1999 after I had finished high school. The trailer was quite funny and I though, "what the hell, Drew Barrymore looks cute in it!"
My first reaction was "Wow! Where have I seen this before?" Note the hint of sarcasm in that sentence. Does it mean I dislike the movie? NO! I thought this was an okay movie that took too long to get better.
What do I mean? Check it out, Drew Barrymore is an up and coming reporter with an assignment to review the high schools of modern day. Of course, her high school past catches up to her and the geekiness comes into play. As she goes undercover, we have to writhe in horror as Drew tries to re-connect with her peers and just falls flat on her face all the way.
For nearly an hour into the film, we watch Drew crumble before us and it is a BIG pain to watch. It isn't until her brother (David Arquette) joins the fray that the movie starts becoming watchable and fun. David practically steals Drew's thunder and basically scorches his way through every scene he's in. Whether he's dressing up as Tom Cruise's character from "Risky Business" for a costume ball (you know, the sunglasses, white shirt, and underwear), spreading good lies about Drew, or even talking about Drew being an heir to the Ex-Lax company, you can't help but thinking that the movie can't get any better.
Here's a good example of one of David's scene stealers: After David tricks the school into accepting him as a Senior, the first thing he does is win a coleslaw-eating contest in the cafeteria. All the cool kids in the school immediately chant his name and fully accept him as their own. Just watch as Drew watches in horror as David steal the entire scene from her (which took nearly an hour to get to)!
Again, Drew plays the geeky part so bad that she tries to make you sympathize with her as she finds peace with her past. On top of that, you've got Michael Vartan playing her almost-turning-to-a-pedophile-without-knowing-it Shakespearean teacher. He plays the straight role pretty well but then again, he ain't no David Arquette.
Same goes to Drew's co-stars: John C. Reilly (always great to watch, saw him in the local mall once which was cool), Molly Shannon (looking much sexier than she does in Saturday Night Live), and my favorite, Jessica Alba.
Speaking of Jessica Alba, let's discuss about her and her role. She, Marley Shelton, and Jordan Ladd are the original "Mean Girls". Before Lindsay Lohan came about, Jessica, Jordan, and Marley just scorch the screen with their steely-eyed hatred for anything geek-related. Watch Jessica get her mean streak going and HATE her (I say that in a good way). This is Jessica's only other flick I've seen (besides "Idle Hands") where she gets to flaunt her stuff both physically or mentally. You'll hate her feisty bitch character (and her crew) and you can't take your eyes off her finger-lickin' badness! She sticks like glue!
All in all, "Never Been Kissed" is a fun flick AFTER David Arquette kicks in the door. Jessica Alba just simmers in her feisty bitch role and Molly Shannon and John C. Reilly kill! Rent this flick if your sick of watching dumb Drew stuff like "Fever Pitch" or "50 First Dates".
Idle Hands (1999)
Little scares, lots of demented laughs, and lots of Jessica!
Why did you not see this movie back when it came out in 1999? My excuse? I was a senior in high school and was focused more on finishing school, how about you?
This movie is a great excuse to give Devon Sawa something to do. As much as I enjoy Seth Green, Elden Henson, and Jessica Alba, all I asked myself while watching this movie was "Why the hell did they choose the guy from "Wild America"? The special effects are gory in a comedic yet sick way. Examples include: --a character pulled under the bed and being squashed in a under a second --severed body parts: ears, hands, heads --lots of weed, bongs, nutmeg & oregano I would describe the rest but its too funny to give away. As much as I think Devon Sawa is kind of wrong for the part, he pulls it off better than he did in the god-awful "Final Destination".
Not much plot is given towards the actual "hand". It just sort of "happens" and when it does, it just rolls along and we just have to accept the fact that Devon's hand is possessed by something. By what you ask? The hell if I know! I dare ask anyone to tell me about the hand subplot! Seth Green is great away from his Scotty Powers role and gets the chance to show his natural comedic talents. Same goes to Elden Henson. These two give this flick the comedic touch outside of the goofy gore. And may I mention Ms. Jessica Alba! Out of all the movies I've seen with her ("Paranoia", "The Sleeping Dictionary", "Dark Angel", "Sin City", "Never Been Kissed"), Jessica actually gets to shine with that sexy smile and that great body. Even with the limited amount of screen time that she has, you never take your eyes off that thing. Just watch the scene where Devon tries to retrieve his cat from her house and just watch as she scorches the scene the whole way through.
But in hindsight, this movie is NOT to be taken seriously! If you watched this movie and hated it, that's because you expected too much from it. This is the "Charlie's Angels" (the McG version) of horror films. It takes homages from different films and twists it in its own way. I enjoyed it in a silly way and I expect you to take note. This movie should make you laugh not writhe in horror (although it does that at times).
The Sleeping Dictionary (2003)
Half sexy and half boring but it's all about Jessica!
I admit that many romance-themed movies usually get to me. I saw "City Of Angels" back in 1998 and wept my head off at the corny ending at the end of that movie (unfortunately).
Since then I've found myself watching less romanced themed comedies or dramas and stuck with straight drama or action. As I surfed through the TV channels on a lazy night, I passed through the Sundance Channel (or IFC, one of those two) and saw Ms. Jessica Alba steaming it up with this blonde guy. I checked on the info to see what the movie was and it was "The Sleeping Dictionary".
Surprised as I was to see actual nudity (which wasn't hers as I quickly found out), it stuck on my mind. But it wasn't until just a month ago when I saw Ms. Jessica Alba in "Sin City" that I decided to give her other flicks a viewing. One of them flicks being this one.
This is an okay movie. Not much plot is revealed throughout the course of the movie so it's unclear what exactly the movie is trying to say. My summary of the plot? A young Brit goes to teach a bunch of savages the ways of the Western World and falls head over heels for the accent-broken, way-too-hot-to-be-true Jessica Alba on the way. It doesn't get much complicated from there, but it doesn't get any better either.
As great as Jessica looks, its her accent that kinda gets the best of me. Her East L.A. accent becomes "Asian" and she ALMOST pulls it off. Bob Hoskins and Brenda Blethyn are riots to watch! It's so good to see them on screen after having to watch mediocre scenes previous. Hugh Dancy (the main character and Freddie Prinze look-a-like) does the meek and fish-out-of-water act for almost the entire film and it STILL bothers me that this guy was able to score with Jessica.
It's great to see all the physical work from "Dark Angel" pay off in this movie. Whenever Jessica is in almost practically nothing, you can see those muscles on that body just ready to kick your ass. Okay enough about Jessica, lets discuss this film.
This movie tries to pull off the "forbidden by tradition" boundaries and kinda doesn't succeed. First of all, was it EVER a tradition for the native women to sleep with the foreigners just to teach them the language? That's the main plot that baffles me. The plot goes off into other directions (like the mining subplot) and it just kills the mood of the film. I wish I could explain more but it would only spoil it.
The only reason to see this film was to see Jessica's sex scenes. As steamy as they are, it's only shown in the middle of the film and that's it! The "forbidden by traditions" subplot kicks in and the film's plot goes haywire from there. Everything to the abusive bad guy to the "who's-baby-is-it-really?" subplot, it's just hard to describe what the plot really is.
BUT...that doesn't stop the film from being enjoyable in a way. I urge you to rent this film and watch it with a lady-friend. You may not like it, but it's a definite guarantee that she will. All in all, I only recommend watching this flick ONLY if you are a Jessica Alba fan OR if you want to romance your loved one with a typical romance film, this movie is great both ways.
Paranoid (2000)
Jessica Alba at her lowest
I consider myself to be an average movie-goer. Some films may take a few minutes to figure out AFTER you've seen it and those kinds of films are my faves.
"Paranoid" is COMPLETELY devoid of ANY plot of ANY kind. I recently rented this movie for the love of seeing the stunning Jessica Alba. I won't go into detail but just know this: NOTHING gets solved in this movie. It's supposed to be a psychological thriller, so where's the suspense? The intrigue? Or even the PLOT?
Jessica's character is entrapped in a basement for "something" and we NEVER find out what exactly for! There are around 6-7 sub-plots that occur and NOTHING ever gets explained about why they happened! All the characters are completely DEVOID of personality, even the talented Ewen Bremner stalls the movie. Jessica herself is ALWAYS great to look at and it's easy to tell that she is trying her damndest to look like a tortured soul in this mediocre role.
Throughout the entire film, she gives a sour look on her face and never looks back. And to all of you who rented this film because of Jessica's nipple slip, YES, there is one but it is NOT the one in the beginning of the film. Anyway, the other players like Jeanne Tripplehorne, 14-year old Mischa Barton, and Iain Glen (who later starred as the villain in the Tomb Raider flick) really bog down this film. They are SO one-dimensional that you fall asleep as they try to look and act dastardly.
Here's a good example: Iain's character decides to suffocate Jessica's character with a large see-through plastic as she is handcuffed to the bed. Jessica writhes in horror as we see him try to "kill" her. A few seconds later he removes the plastic and says "YEAH! You nearly lost control there, didn't you?" This is another sub-plot that happens and is NEVER explained. AARRGGH!!! And while we're on the subject of disastrous, never-explained subplots, I'll bite the bullet and actually reveal them all right here!
--SUBPLOT #1: Jessica's character loathes her profession and what she's become. This is addressed a few times in the movie but never touched on again.
--SUBPLOT #2: Jessica's character has dual boyfriends. Both are musicians with really sketchy pasts and with really dull plot twists.
--SUBPLOT #3: Jessica's character has a voyeur neighbor who spies on her and gives her gratuitous phone calls. He later becomes integral to the last act of the film but we never find out the who, what, and why of this character. AARRGHH!!
--SUBPLOT #4: In the middle of the film, Iain's character imprisons Jessica for watching a videotape. But a few scenes later, we "find out" that he imprisoned her for something else and we NEVER know why!
--SUBPLOT #5: We find out later in the film that one of Jessica's boyfriend is married (to one of the ladies from "Couplings"). The wife stops by the lodge and sort of brings conflict for a few scenes and then disappears for the rest of the film.
--SUBPLOT #6: What the hell is up with Mischa Barton's character? I can't even begin to describe how useless her character and her own subplot was!
--SUBPLOT #7: Ewen Bremner brings a creepy presence in the film. He does a sort of okay job portraying the straight character. He videotapes everything in the lodge but we never know why!
--SUBPLOT #8: When Jessica first arrives in the lodge, she settles into her room and is being spied on through a sort of "Psycho" peephole. We see this camera trick once or twice and then that's it! We never know who it is or the significance of this peephole.
--SUBPLOT #9: Iain and Jeanne Tripplehorne's characters grill Jessica about her profession. We learn of Jessica's disgust and her lack of control of her life. And then...we never hear about it again.
--SUBPLOT #10: Jessica takes a few pills in the film. Supposedly, this habit leads to her downfall but like the other subplots...never gets mentioned or seen again.
I could go on and on and on with all the B.S. subplots but I think we all know one thing: many subplots DO NOT equal a plot!
In case I haven't mentioned it yet, this film BLOWS! It was a chance to see sexy Jessica strut her stuff and it was a complete waste. To see a more sexy Jessica, go rent "The Sleeping Dictionary". It isn't as bad as "Paranoid" but at least she shines in that film.
Avoid renting this film unless you are a VERY eager Jessica Alba fan. And just in advance: My apologies if you had to endure "Paranoid".