catschasemice9594 Reviews

RiffTrax: Robo Vampire (2019)

Hunh?

[8/10 · 23 March 2024]

The hopping demons are a theme in Chinese martial arts films. Usually, they are far more coordinated and move in gangs. These demons/vampies apparently did not read the manual. The film is a mess. There are fourteen plots which never really make sense. The characters are from the mustache twirling school of villainy. Even more puzzling are the credits. The cast seems to have western names but the main characters are Asian. The names were changed to protect the incompetent? Someone somewhere was desperate for a tax write off which is probably why this film was made. I'm giving this Rifftrax version a heap of stars because the snark and the jokes justify the existence of this film. Do not watch this film with out the Riffers.

Damsel (2024)

Straight otta Datlow

[10/10 · 20 March 2024]

If you're a fan of the new wave of writers who rework fairy tales from the old Disney Princess story line you will appreciate this film. This is a dark tale of betrayal on many levels with a strong feminist twist. The characters are complex. The prince is a flawed boy who has no ethics. He feels terrible about some of the things he does but only sees the ultimate goal in his future can be fulfilled thru evil. The step mother isn't wicked. She is annoying but does love her daughters. We still have the evil Queen; a sociopath politico who murders to acei e her goal. The film looks beautiful. It's even more fantasy kingdom than Cinderella Land. The costume department knocked it out of the park. The Dragon was one of the best CGI characters I've see. I think Damsel may not be for all viewers. I'm surprised that there are complaints that the plot is simple. It is t in the least. Damsel is a step toward making better genre films. It won't satisfy the sad puppy contingent of fantasy. I liked it.

The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (1957)

OBG

[6/10 · 20 February 2024]

These Corman films are cheesy and low budget but fun. This isn't his best film but it was a nostalgic gem. Friday night at the drive in. A double feature of truly bad movies. A big bottle of Red Mountain or maybe Pagan Pink Ripple....pop corn....and some mean green. Smuggling people into the movie in the car trunk. Corman films were really the background for teenagers and college students doing what they did on the weekend. Many of the actors in this film went on to have careers in better movies. I gave this film an extra star for the wooly and extravagant outfit worn by the villain Stark. The same outfit cropped up as part of hippie fashion a few years later.

Made in Italy (2020)

Mediocre

[5/10 · 8 February 2024]

Skip this dull cliched film and rewatch Under the Tuscan Sun. The healing power of the warm Italian climate seems to be a theme for the British. Misery and tragedy can be resolved in the idealized warmth of the South. Dad versus lad in this one. The usual father son divide keeps two men from connecting emotionally. They actually talk to one another in Italy. Probably because they're hopped up on espresso from the cliché cafe. The villa is restored with little apparent effort. The men find women who like them even if they are depressing and dull. I finished the film by fast forwarding in hopes of seeing something new. I think I need to watch real Italian cinema to get over this. I need yelling paisans and great hand gestures over a bottle of Chianti. This film is meh with diet cola.

Alexander: The Making of a God (2024– )

Alexander the Shallow

[4/10 · 1 February 2024]

Maybe the creators didn't want to remake the Farrell Alexander. Or maybe there wasn't enough info that would be palatable to the Netflix audience that gets bored in the age of TikTok. Nita particularly good look at Alexander's life. The series starts with Al in exile at age 20. It leaves out his education with Aristotle and the taming of his famous horse. These two stories are part of the legend. Why they were left out is beyond me. Another reviewer noted the flaws in the armor worn by the troops. I can't speak to that but the horses were too large and the tack was off. I get really annoyed by that detail. Narrators pop in and out to provide sciencey exposition that stops the motion of the story. I'd suggest reading The Persian Boy instead of watching this series. And let's quit making the Persians the Evil Empire. It was a long lived and culturally diverse area that existed as part of the Silk Road. A series on Persia would be fascinating.

Godzilla Raids Again (1955)

A fun follow up

[10/10 · 25 January 2024]

Far less serious than the first Godzilla. It's a good winter pop corn movie. The monster fight between Big G and Anguirus is well staged. It's the 50s so don't expect CGI. These are rubber puppets punching each other and going a little Sumo. We also find out that this is a second Godzilla since the first G got killed in Tokyo Bay. Angurius is our first other kaiju. The lot moves along with alacrity. G stomps some very well crafted miniature architecture. I also enjoyed the sometimes odd subtitles that attempt to render dialogue and Japanese culture. If anyone does you a favor give them red bean soup. And of course there are always army guys in these films pointing at stuff.

I'm sure George Lucas saw this film. Lots of Star Wars echos. The bombing of the mountain hints at the attack on the Death Star. And a little Star Trek since Kobayashi is the name of a main character.

I enjoyed this film more than the over complicated monster stuffed 70s films. It's simple with developed characters. And the ending worked. So on to the next of the 38 or 39 films in this series.

Fast X (2023)

Running out of gas

[3/10 · 22 January 2024]

I'm not a car person. I generally enjoy the stunts in this franchise. So that's why I watch. I ignore the fact that lots of innocent bystanders are killed or maimed in these chases. Seriously if the Torreto family as living in your city how safe would you feel? The plots tend to be the same. Nice family forced into committing crimes because evil mustache twirling villain threatens their friends and relatives. Evil guys turn good to help thwart more evil guys. And how all of a sudden did an Italian family become African American or is Little Brian not Doms kid because he doesn't look like Dom or the lady that got dropped out of the plane. Plus uh and nuh on the 12 year old driving like a40 year old stunt driver.

I would redo the franchise for Eleven. Keep Theron because she kicks butt. And Helen Mirren because Helen Mirren. Keep Statham and bring back the Rock. Add Sam Rockwell. Get rid of all the kids. Keep the stunts and the fights. These movies don't really have a plot so no need to do anything original. Just pick a recent car crash movie.

So three stars for stunts, Helen, Charlize and Stratham. May the farce be with you.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

Adequate

[4/10 · 24 December 2023]

This series is derivative of other sci-fi and fantasy media. It's beautiful to look at and has some interesting world building that's cobbled together from previous films. The story line is predictable. The characters are lazy. Because we've seen them before Snyder thinks we'll just get who they are. They're straight outa Star Wars, LOTR and Vikings. And what's WITH the Vikings in space thing anyway. Was it easier to buy beard beads and puffy shirts on ETSY than come with new costume designs? I also object to the uraki that are just horses with weird masks on their heads that make what seem to be growly noises. Too much pew pew gun stuff for me. Compare this to the Mandalorian series. Rebel Moon is the lesser.

I'm watching this for the visuals. This is the age of great fantasy and genre fiction. MK Jemisen is a favorite of mine. Film makers can be very conservative in developing stories. Maybe they need to read more. Or maybe they need to watch some of the good anime films that are on Netflix. Studio Ghibli should be an inspiration. Not the overdone Star Wars world.

Kandahar (2023)

Twisted threads

[8/10 · 23 November 2023]

If I'd seen this film in a theater I would not have liked it as much. I've followed middle eastern politics and history for years but I still had to pause play and sort out the threads; unknot the knots of the geopolitics in this film. The characters are avatars of the various factions in the tragedy of the area. Butler and Fimmel are well known Western actors. However, the Arab, Iranian, Pakistani and other players are top notch. Complaints from reviewers that filming was done in Saudi Arabia make no sense since both the towns and desert are similar to Afghanistan. That's like complaint that Mos Eisley want filmed on Tatooine. And no one is crazy enough to actually film in a war torn country risking the lives and budget of a major film. The action scenes were good enough for me. I like good political themes better than boom boom pew pew that goes on for too long. The film was better than the usual action movie with endless battles that I've seen multiple times. I'm off to Wikipedia to check some history because I'm a wonk.

Blue Beetle (2023)

Characters in search of a movie

[5/10 · 19 November 2023]

Blue Beetle seems to be built from spare parts to produce a machine that doesn't work. The Mexican familia would have fit into a pleasant TV sitcom. I like them. Especially enojada abuela. She could have her own show. And why no flying slipper. The two young leads belonged in soap opera. Handsome Jaime didn't really fit in with the family. Someone less eye candy would have made more sense. Somehow these interesting Latinos got dumped in a truly cliched super hero movie with a massive sink hole sized plot that made no sense. An in debt college student uses an airline to return home. Nope. He would have used a bus. Then the plot sickens. In the end local neighbors come to help la familia. The neighbors look like they have sitcom potential since they include a variety of non Latinos. The possibilities for stories with those characters is interesting. The crazy uncle is someone I want to see more of. And the scientist. He'd be a good other crazy uncle. Mean Guatemalan guy can find a better film. Sarandon can just go away.

So the movie gets five stars for characters who deserve a better format. If not for them this meh messy film would get one star.

Nyad (2023)

It's about character

[10/10 · 17 November 2023]

Standard sports movie but that's not what resonates in this movie. I'm pretty sure that the negative reviews are coming from folks too young to get what it's like to be a 60plus woman. The characters in this movie are the women I see at my senior luncheons; the women who volunteer to make our town a great place to live; the women who don't sit at home because they've been told their aged and useless. Nyad is irritating. She is a narcissist and demanding. But she is still pushing herself to excel. Bonnie is the friend who supports her and sometimes shoots her down in a kindly fashion. The interplay between these two characters who are decades long friends is so real. Both Bennington and Foster are at their crinkly wrinkly best. Nice to see unglossed actresses.

Life on Our Planet (2023– )

Pretty but dumb

[5/10 · 7 November 2023]

The visuals are attractive and somewhat entertaining. However the story line in most of the episodes repeated what has been covered in other documentaries. The Jurassic has been done to death including crashing space bombs. How many times do we have to see that same scenario? And big chompy monsters eating wee baby dinos? It's certainly dramatic but it's a distraction from the big picture of how life evolved. In the entire series ten minutes is spent on plant evolution. The most important shift on the planet wasn't from reptiles to mammals. It was the rise of the angiosperms. Along with flowering plants insects evolved and became more complex. If you think human brains are evolved try looking at bee and wasp neurobiology which developed along with flowering plants. In fact, in a couple scenes flowering plants appear at times when they shouldn't have been there. And the concept of the dominant dynasty.......and the crappy coverage of paleo geography .......okay I've ranted enough.

If you want pretty pictures watch this. But pause and at least look some of this stuff up on Wikipedia to get the accurate details. And read. There are lots of great books including HOW THE EARTH TURNED GREEN if you want to know more.

Sharks of the Corn (2021)

What were you expecting

[8/10 · 22 October 2023]

The movie is called Sharks of the Corn so I hope you didn't expect a high budget star studded grade A film. It's a B movie. If you love Troma or those dumb SyFi channel films this works. The concept is good even if the script smells like chum. The cinematography is surprisingly well done. Cell phone videos have opened up the film world to anyone who wants to take a shot at making a movie. Anyone can be an actor. The lead in this one chews the scenery like a Great White Shark. You've gotta admire his dedication and hope he has a day job. All and all a big dumb film that takes you away from the news.

Treehouse Masters (2013– )

Fun to watch

[8/10 · 15 October 2023]

I like shows like this where stuff gets designed and built. I learned about carpentry; something I won't ever do but I want to understand. I do not mind that the show has the same structure every week. I'm not sure chaos would work when your trying to produce a tree house. I'm also into the corny dad jokes and crew camaraderie. And quit picking on Pete. He's not an actor. He's a skilled carpenter. Sorry Tic Tok gen. You really aren't doing any better in your vids. On the real down side, in a world where housing is short and homelessness is increasing building tree house for wealthy folks who often have a town house and a country house seems to be a let them eat cake moment. Maybe Pete could come out of the trees and do some tiny house projects. I can appreciate these tree top extravagances although I have reservations about the social worth. And my.last complaint. The designer who took over in the eighth season has weird ideas about what belongs in a tree mansion. On one episode she installed a dead stuffed raccoon. She also seems to favor light colored furniture. I guess the maid comes twice a week to the arboreal tree palace. In spite of my critique I loved the show. I may some day build a cabin. It won't be a tree house but the show has given me some interesting ideas about what I'd like.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Popcorn and beer

[6/10 · 20 August 2023]

Good old fashioned animals run amok movie. Like Crocosaurus and Sharktopus with a much better cast and script. I'm all in for this no brainer film. In fact, it's way better than that dumb TV show THE BEAR. I would love to see this coked up bear in that restaurant full of hyperkinetic burger flippers. I live in bear country. Our dumpster gets visited by our local bear population. They know the schedule. They can also open car doors and cause other mayhem.. And they leave a giant pile of hot steaming custard as a thanks. They don't mess with people unless provoked. I doubt that any of them would survive a big dose of cocaine. It makes for a good story however. Next Sasquatch on blow. That would be a seriously interesting movie.

Hunter Killer (2018)

Star Trek at its best.

[10/10 · 20 July 2023]

I enjoyed this film although I'm not a fan of military movies. Probably because the plot, characters and action are straight out of Star Trek. Crafty captain opposing alien Russian Klingons to stave off world war whatever with reasonable Klingons helping. There are even some red shirts. Vulcan advisers to the president as an added bonus. The military stuff wasn't excessively long and was easy to follow. Most war films just go on and on with the shooting and boring soldier action. Lots of coinkydink that made for an interesting series of plots even if they were unbelievable. The tech stuff is probably off but so is the tech in Star Trek. I was entertained and did not fast forward as I do in most war films. So I'm recommending.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

Stranger Things light

[3/10 · 28 May 2023]

Ugh! Kidcentric version of what should be a wry and well written series. I liked the three previous GBs. The sardonic humor, puns and snarkiness made me entertained. This film repeats the same old trite kids move to new town and are maladjusted themes. Kids pal up and get accepted. Parts of the film are boosted from the Tremors series. The only thing that saved this film was Paul Rudd who exudes snark. Get rid of most of this film and write a sequel around him....throw in Akwafina and you might have a good movie. If you have kids you want to get rid of for the afternoon so you can watch something better give them this. If you're older than fourteen don't bother.

Citadel (2023– )

Hunh?

[3/10 · 6 May 2023]

The basic story would be great if the writers had bothered to do some world building. Instead we get a lazy. Exposition filled series of episodes with a plot that has more holes than Swiss cheese. Kyle remembers nothing from eight years ago. Somehow he has a wife and a kid. The kid has to be ten. No indication she is adopted. There are a bunch of action scenes with little real development to actually make them drive the story. These writers must have stayed home from the class that discussed character development. There is none unless you count cardboard personas as interesting. The villains are just snarky. I will probably get through the first season by fast forwarding.

The Night Agent (2023– )

Had its moments

[5/10 · 25 March 2023]

The first four episodes were entertaining enough. The subsequent episodes became cluttered with a plot full of holes, multiple minor characters, and too many twists. Ten episodes was way too long to carry the story. The major characters were developed unevenly. Can we get a series where modern people don't have family/daddy issues? Is America headed in the wrong direction because of bad parenting? I like the two evil villains and wish they could have their own Killing Eve type show. Psycho hit lady was actually the best character. Her boyfriend was a close second.

I made it through all ten long episodes in spite of the overly complicated plot and awful music. Back to watching reruns of Dr Who til spring returns.

Buy My House (2022)

Grotesquely insensitive

[1/10 · 16 March 2023]

A bunch of rich real estate moguls selling ugly houses. No one in this show seems aware that there is a housing crisis in this country. The problem isn't just finding homes for the unhorsed. It's also about affordable homes for folks with moderate incomes. The cost of building apartments and single family homes has gone up because these insensitive real estate moguls have one goal in mind. Maximizing profit. Throw in rising interest rates and the short supply of costly building materials and you have the mess we see in this country. Shame on Netflix for this utter trash. How about getting these people to come up with solutions that would help America. And that's not maximizing profit on a place with a water sucking pool.

Perry Mason (2020–2023)

Jake Not Perry

[9/10 · 6 March 2023]

As others have pointed out this isn't the Perry Mason of the old series or the books. It's gritty noir LA in the thirties. Police corruption, a character like Amy Semple McPherson and Hollywood high jinx are part of the story line. The deep dirt is contrasted with scenes of palm trees and snappy Mission style home shown in vintage post card colors. Perry Mason is really Jake from China Town. He is a lost soul suffering from PTSD, alcoholism and cynicism. Yet there is still some quality of mercy in him. He turns from cheap gum shoe to finding a new life as a lawyer Other characters from the Gardner works are fully developed into real people. Della Street is given her due. She's smart, ambitious and a stand out in a culture that does not value talented women. I was happy to see the recreation of Angels Flight. This was a trolly that ran the hill near Old Town LA. It was torn down when certain big corporations decided that selling busses and oil was more important than cheap clean transportation. It took me a couple episodes to warm to the chane from the old Mason to the new dark Perry. It was worth sticking to the series to get there.

Oblivion (I) (2013)

Confused mess

[2/10 · 28 November 2022]

Tom Cruise plays Tom Cruise. He shoots stuff, rides a motor cycle and blows up stuff. This movie is less Sci Fi and more about Cruise doing the same thing he does in every move. If you love Cruise this is your movie. There are too many plots holes in Oblivion. The world looks good but we have a sketchy idea of how it works. It's rare that I want more exposition. It would have helped. Too many threads that go nowhere. Are the pilots clones? Why is there a watery oasis with a secret cabin in the apocalyptic world? There are a number of good ideas in this movie that could have been better developed. A book series would have been a better place for the story.

Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)

Does Justice to Byatt

[10/10 · 25 November 2022]

A S Byatt is one of my most favored modern authors. She writes beautiful fiction that often uses framing to tell the stories of her characters. She moves her narrative through time giving the reader insight into the humanness of the folks in her tales. This isn't easy to carry into film. The movie version of Possession was an atrocity. Miller has done an amazing job of taking Byatt's Djinn story and arranging it in 3000 Years of Longing. I think this is my year's choice for best movie. It isn't for everyone. Best to avoid if you want a super hero experience. And I'd watch Tilda Swinton play. Ben Franklin if that show ever got made.

Limitless: Fasting (2022) Season 1, Episode 3

Not well researched

[3/10 · 18 November 2022]

Yes. Fasting is a thing and there is some good science that indicates that it has benefits. The NYT has done some articles on this. The fast is normally for 24hours in those stories. It does not hurt to skip a meal. That isn't my objection to this episode. A tribe of hunters is portrayed going after food. It is stated that they have not eaten for several days. That the tribe will starve if they don't slap a dead animal onto a fire for their people. The role of women gathering plant based nutrition is ignored. To the point ; a woman is pictured at a grind stone processing seeds. That is food. This has been a constant theme in the study of Hunter/Gather societies. Emphasis is on the male role in these groups. Women probably provide the basic diet. Protein is important but it's not the only source of nutrition. In some societies protein distribution may be selective. Males get first dibs on the meat. Men hunt but they don't carry babies or lactate. In Children of Ash and Elm Neil Price points to evidence of malnutrition in females in Migration Age Scandinavian. A condition not present in males. First dibs to males in a society rich in seafood and farmed meat. They got my Anthropologist goat in this episode. And yes I have killed and eaten my own food. And gathered. I can even make the tools. That would be the real challenge.

Where We Call Home (2022– )

So so

[5/10 · 16 November 2022]

The first season is better than the second season. The homes in season one seem to be more personal and comfortable. I could see myself living in a couple of the structures. The second season does nothing for me. Structure after structure looks the same. Huge spaces with impersonal industrial design owned by people with far more financial resources than most viewers could scrape together. I'm happy that old buildings are being preserved. However in a time when homelessness is rampant someone living in a 50,000. Sq foot McMansions seems unreal. If you have the money to have a huge garage for your car collection perhaps you should look at your perspective on life.