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wadester22-1
Reviews
Traded (2016)
Crawled out of my skin and looked at my watch waiting for this to be over!!!
I have seen some questionable movies throughout the years and enjoy referencing IMDb for all the little factoids but have never felt the urge to leave a review. I can't let this one go. This is one of the most god-awful pieces of garbage to come out of Hollywood in a long time. Plot holes all over the place, horrible, wooden acting from everyone (Michael Pare, who has the acting range of a 2x4, sets a new low even for him, Tom Sizemore can usually be counted on for a good performance...not this time, Trace Adkins...please stick to music and Kris Kristofferson at 80 years old is as convincing at being a bad ass as Mother Teresa), predictable action, horrible, contrived dialogue, the makeup on the character "Girl" looks like dime store Halloween makeup...I can go on and on. IMDb describes Michael Pare's character as "the fastest gun in the west" as their leading movie teaser yet this fact is BARELY hinted at, the movie watcher has to infer this from the, again, horrible script writing. If you love to watch truly bad movies KNOWING they are truly bad then add this to your list. Otherwise do something more productive with your time like staring at the air or watching paint dry.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Barbed wire in the butthole is less painful than watching this!
This is without a doubt the worst f***ing piece of self-indulgent crap I have ever seen in my life!!!! SPIELBERG, YOU BAST**D, I WANT TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom Cruise deserves the Razzie for worst actor and whoever wrote the screen adaptation should be shot. Am I supposed to be impressed because Morgan Freeman did a voice over at the beginning and end of the movie? The son survives the fiery holocaust and makes it to Boston unscathed?!?!? Dakota Fanning doing nothing but screaming and looking catatonic the whole movie!!! Running from the aliens for the entire movie then they suddenly die off in the final three minutes from bacteria? Wouldn't they have died from the same bacteria all those tens of thousands of years ago when they supposedly planted the ships underground??? Save yourself the rental money and watch paint dry instead. It's far more believable!
The Manson Family (1997)
Pray that the REAL family kills you before watching this!!!!!
This has got to be the most god-awful piece of cinematic crap I have ever watched. It makes Mel Brooks movies Oscar-worthy by comparison. Jim VanBebber needs to be publicly slapped for trying to pass this off as ANY form of entertainment.
While some may say that this movie is true to the low budget genre of such classics as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" or "Night of the Living Dead", the production value is not in question. It is VanBebber's ability to cast and present a plausible story line. The casting is deplorable. For the role of Charlie he must have picked the first actor he saw with a beard and long hair. Never mind that this actor's hair came halfway down his back, (Manson's never went much past his shoulders) this actor spoke in a dreadful monotone without so much as a fraction of the personality that Steve Railsback or even Jeremy Davies lent to their portrayals of Manson. The actor chosen to play "Tex" Watson had curly blond hair instead of straight dark hair, a fact that anyone who has shown even the most remote interest in the Manson case knows. He looks like a Minnesota farmer on "Little House on the Prairie" The actress playing Susan Atkins has a butt wider than Oprah's, While those familiar with the Family members know that "Clem" was considered somewhat retarded, the actor portraying him did so in such a campy, Chaplinesque way it was like watching an old Vaudevile act. Instead of Sharon Tate looking like a beautiful pregnant woman, the actress looked like bloated, alcoholic trailer trash. VanBebber speeds up the filming in some places for artistic effect yet this technique hasn't proved remotely useful since "The Munsters". The end credits list every known family member yet we are never introduced to the majority of them and those we are introduced to we aren't sure who they are sometimes.
Facts are destroyed in this movie as well. "Lotsapoppa" did not die in real life, Steven Parent was shot four times, not twice, Abagail Folger did not have her throat slit, Where were Mary Brunner and Bruce Davis during the Himnan Murder? Patricia Krenwinkel never sported a "Dorothy Hamill" hair style.
The most baffling aspect of this movie is what the modern day "freaks" had to do with this movie? Why was the girl wearing a rubber mask with a dildo attached? What was their problem with the journalist? What was the meaning or purpose of the final confrontation? Why were they included, period? The viewer never knows!
Holy mackerel, I could go on and on but space prevents it. Don't try to eat popcorn during this garbage because your hand will be too busy scratching your head while you repeatedly say "What the f---?"