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Dart_Adams
Reviews
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
So...where are the X Men? This IS an X Men movie, right?
******SPOILER ALERT******SPOILER ALERT********
As an adult who grew up reading the X Men comic book and the many subsequent spinoffs but only read them from time to time from 1993 on, let me just say that the two men that wrote this flaming turd of a movie need to never handle other comic book adaptation again. They took one of the most well written and ambitious comic books ever made and turned it into a Nickelodeon movie.
First problem, the arrangement of mutants was horrible. The mix of 1960's/1970's/1990's mutants was annoying. Having Iceman, Rogue and Kitty Pryde all the same age is stupid. Reducing Cyclops (the teams leader) to a nobody with no lines or impact spits on the entire premise of the X Men. Removing Nightcrawler, but adding Angel...just to have him DO NOTHING and say less is frustrating. Since they completely skipped/excluded the New Mutants, Emma Frost, the Hellions, Generation X, Fallen Angels, and key characters like Bishop, Forge, Cable, Gambit, etc. This becomes even more of an exercise in futility.
Let's get this straight...Collossus doesn't have a Russian accent? Juggernaut can punch Wolverine REPEATEDLY and not kill him? Juggernaut doesn't know Magneto? Professor X isn't familiar with Juggernaut? HE'S HIS STEPBROTHER!! THEY GREW UP TOGETHER!! Jamie Madrox is 30, but Iceman is 18? (Not to mention that he does NOTHING in the film) When did Juggernaut become a mutant? Who the hell are all of these no name Morlocks? Callisto's powers don't work that way, first of all. WHY WASN'T COLLOSSUS FIGHTING JUGGERNAUT? WHY WAS HE HIDING WHEN MAGNETO WAS SLINGING THE CARS THAT PYRO SET ON FIRE? WHY DIDN'T HE STAY IN ARMORED MODE FOR THE WHOLE FIGHT?
Where were all of the damn X Men? Callisto claimed she had 87 Morlocks...Where were all of the damn X Men? They were six of them...SIX? So Jubilee couldn't fight? No Cannonball? Mirage? Wolfsbane? Magik? Karma? Sunspot? Magma? They sure would've helped! So would've Richtor, Skids, Boom Boom and any other of the 50 characters they could've inserted since bets in the X Men Universe are apparently all off! Cypher? Sync? Chamber? Feral? Warpath? Anyone of these mutants were available for usage! I thought I'd see a final battle featuring mutants I was familiar with...WHO THE HELL IS ARCLIGHT ANYWAY? WHO WAS THE DUDE WITH THE PORCUPINE QUILLS? WHO WAS THAT GUY WHO WAS PRODUCING BONE SHARDS WHO FOUGHT WITH WOLVERINE? No Plague? No Sunder? No Masque? No Caliban? Where are all of the classic Morlocks?
Aside from the innumerable gaffes in regards to powers (Storm shooting lightning from her hands, etc.) and a HORRIBLE premise and storyline (tired rehashes of old comic book plots that were GOOD in the comic book) the lack of good dialogue annoyed me. Character develop was ZERO. Killing off Professor X, Cyclops, and stripping Mystique of her powers was even dumber. Juggernaut getting knocked unconscious was stupid (he's not a mutant, therefore Leech's power wouldn't affect him). The dumbest things about the X Men movies were how they had a WEALTH of available story lines and characters to choose from and they DROPPED THE BALL THREE TIMES IN A ROW!!! Rogue had no powers and Wolverine was a brooding, 6'3 ladies man who was put in charge of the kids.....NOPE! Bad call. Wolverine would disappear and end up having to take Kitty or Jubilee with him (because they'd follow him or stow away with him 80% of the time). Too many of the dynamics between different X Men was abandoned for over the top special effects...I'd rather read the comic book or watch the cartoon in that case..I WANTED TO SEE A MOVIE.
The beginning, middle and end of this movie made me want to strangle the writers of the flaming turd of an X Men movie. G4TV has been making fun of Brett Ratner's X Men 3 for a year now...I finally see why. I was disappointed in the first X Men movie. Disgusted by the 2nd one and I am appalled that this could possibly be worse than Fantastic Four. I gave that a 1 and this wasn't as bad as that so it gets a 2.
Let a WRITER who is familiar with the source material make these movies please! I would've made this the best comic book movie adaption ever. I guess all we have to look forward to know is Spider Man 3 or Ghost Rider. One.
Temporada de patos (2004)
This is what passes as a "good movie" nowadays?
***SPOILER ALERT*** (KINDA, ANYWAYS)
I love independent films. I love international films. I love character driven films without special effects set in few locations that are sometimes in black and white. I saw the trailer for "Duck Season" on IFC (A channel I watch regularly) a year ago...I thought that it looked interesting so I put it on my Netflix queue.
I just watched it yesterday and I have to say that I was bored out of my mind. I was completely uninterested in anything that happened to these kids...I waited for some element of the film to spring up and draw me in someway. I really wanted to like this movie. It was dull, bland, uninspired and I pretty much had to FORCE myself to see it all the way through.
I understood the symbolism, the coming of age tale, the friendship, the pizza delivery mans internal struggles, the gay undertones, the symbolism of the duck painting that the parents are fighting over, blah, blah, blah....The problem is that I just didn't care for ANY of the characters. Nothing the director did made me care about their plights, nothing that happened in that film made me want to invest anything in them. Not the *ahem* "action", not the dialogue, not the "conflicts", nor the characters....NOTHING.
I was bored after an hour and the film is UNDER 90 MINUTES LONG! I felt like I was sitting there waiting for something to happen...nothing did....Well, it DID...I just didn't care when it did. Who lets a stranger take a bath in their tub? Especially an adult? Fifteen minutes of high people staring at a painting of ducks doesn't do it for me. The last time I was this frustrated and disappointed in a film was Junebug. This gets a 3 out of 10 from me...I don't know what the rest of you were watching but this "film" did NOTHING for me. One.
My Wife and Kids (2000)
A Tale Of Two Shows...
This show was crap when it first came on. The first actress that played the daughter didn't fit the role, the writing was hit or miss, and Damon Wayans CLEARLY wasn't comfortable doing such a cornball family friendly show. The chemistry between himself and Tisha Cambell (they're long time friends, as are all of the Wayans clan with Tisha's husband and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett) DID work so they retooled the show. Once it returned, they recast the daughter, made the son much dumber (a la Eric from "Boy Meets World")and made the youngest daughter into a genius...(later they gave her a little genius boyfriend to do comedic guest appearances). The show, while if often rollercoasters from over the top buffoonery to being corny walks the line enough to keep it as a show that you can see Damon Wayans be comfortable in his own skin on the set (especially since the main writers, directors and consultants were ALL members of the Wayans family) AND in his character. Once everyone had been on the show for a while, they worked to everyone in the casts strengths and were able to make a consistently funny show on the air.
However, there is TOO MUCH buffoonery, too many over the top antics, and oftentimes too much chaos happening in the life of the Kyle family. They made Junior TOO STUPID, they also made the eldest daughter an attractive, clumsy idiot from time to time and the youngest daughter wasn't even spared by the writers. I feel they jumped the shark and signed the shows death warrant when Junior got his girlfriend pregnant, she moved in and he married her and her parents were introduced (Junior's wife's father's character makes me WINCE just thinking about him). The show remained funny...but it was a UPN show on ABC if that makes any sense to the reader.
The reruns are funny enough, but I'm relieved it's over...there was nowhere left to go with it. When it's bad it's REALLY BAD. It tends to be cornball at times but at least he was a black man who had a sitcom make it to syndication on a major network..Who can say that for themselves now? (Given the CW merger and the "brownout" on TV networks lately, that is). One.
Bomb the System (2002)
It represents the culture accurately.
This film is the best graf film ever made that isn't a documentary. It isn't Beat Street. There is no wack or corny dialog. No weak links on the acting side. No stupid side plots. If you are not familiar with graf or the culture of writing then watch it and learn. Do not judge this film as you would a general genre film. This isn't a drama, or an urban drama....it is a GRAF FILM. Pure and simple. If you don't like dirty and lewd comedy don't bother seeing The Aristocrats. It you aren't into seeing independent films, gritty urban/graf or hip hop related films then DON'T BOTHER WATCHING OR REVIEWING THIS FILM! True heads only need apply. 10 out of 10 for staying true to the culture...everyone who gave this film 1's need to reserve them for The Fantastic Four or another mindless summer blockbuster. Read my in dept comments on the board titled "Is It That Bad?" One.