eviltimes Reviews

Cowboy Bebop (2021)

Couldn't be worse.

[2/10 · 21 December 2021]

So. They are just reshooting the original episodes - in twice the time - 25 vs 45 min! Then fill the extra space with nudity and profanity. "Fight" scenes are in decrepit slo mo to further kill time. The space battles and frankly all the space scenes are gone - no budget? Where is the. Swordfish II ?

Worse - these characters are actually hostile towards each other. While their relationships in the anime are rather crude, they are still genuinely affectionate towards each other - not nasty childish Americans from the early 21st Century.

Good parts include beautiful sets and cutesy camera angles (that work).

Yoko Kanno music - but in the wrong places for anime fans who are used to the musical cues.

Avoid this if you ever loved the anime.

FLCL Alternative (2018)

Non Gainax = not FLCL.

[4/10 · 19 September 2018]

Shameless trash cashing in on one of the most creative anime's ever made. @000's Fooly Cooly was innovative, delightful and twisted in it's mind blowing artwork and distinct homages to animation from Evangelion to South Park. These two new 6 episode blunders are only moderately entertaining and lack any of the depth and insider humor of the original. A strike out for Adult Swim.

Electric Dreams (2017–2018)

Real PKD.

[8/10 · 16 January 2018]

This is exactly the way PKD wrote - his style, his characters, his words. If anything they are a bit too long (if you've read his short short fiction, you know what I mean). Aside from some banal special effects, these are great film tales as created by the master. Loved all 10 in a binge watch today!

NCIS (2003– )

The end of a ratings generator.

[6/10 · 5 October 2017]

Standard network potboiler that has been on the air far too long. Now, with the loss of Abby (Pauley Perrette), this will be the final nail in the coffin for us.

Ratings remain good, but only because there really isn't anything else to watch in that time slot for those without options. Truly, there is so much to choose from that, providing you wish to spend the money, there is no limit (if you merely wish to bury bombs, there is no limit to their size - Dr. Strangelove.)

Ghost in the Shell (2017)

OK if you've never seen any of the originals.

[5/10 · 5 April 2017]

I'm about to save you $20. This is a typical Hollywood sloppy SF flick with little value except for the SFX. WARNING: If you are a fan of GITS you will hate this film all the way down to the tiniest bone in your body. For the "plot", they just took scenes from the movies and TV shows, strung them together, changed who the Major actually is (I almost typed IRL - Ha!), and generally turned one of the best anime's of all time into a typical summer action flick. Don't waste your money on this one, use those dollars to buy one of the many versions that already exist. Try Ghost in the Shell 2.0 (it's the first anime movie, released in Blu Ray with a little computer SFX tossed in.) Eventually you must see all 4 versions of the two Mamoru Oshii films; two seasons and one TV film of the TV show; four 50 minute OVA's under the name "Arise" and its extended version called "Pyrophoric Cult"; the latest anime film "Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie" and by then this live action Scar Jo version will have made it to free TV. I would have only rated it 5/10, but tossed in an extra 2 points because it is GITS, after all. But truthfully, the backgrounds of the original hand drawn anime are far superior to the CGI garbage you will be subjected to if you waste your time on this trash. For $110M, somebody is going to lose a lot of money on this one. So there won't be another (thankfully). See, I just saved you $20.

Snowpiercer (2013)

Korean Garbage

[1/10 · 19 June 2014]

Korean created shite with Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, John Hurt, Octavia Spencer, Ed Harris and many more picking up a paycheck in this complete waste of time. After a chemical is released into the air to stop global warming, the Earth freezes and everything dies except for the passengers of a fantasy train that somehow runs forever without fuel or resupply. After 18 years of cannibalism and decrepit conditions, third class passengers in the rear of this immensely long train fight their way forward to the almighty Engine to confront it's creator and take control - to eat steak instead of the black jello protein slabs they're being fed. In the hands of an action film director or even more interesting - say David Lynch or Terry Gilliam - this film could have least been adequate entertainment, even something wonderfully bizarre - after all, there was $40 million to play with. Sadly it succumbs to the standard long drawn out bloody battle where you don't feel for the heroes or villains as no one is ever properly introduced as a character. Tilda Swinton is hysterical, and it's hard to tell if that's what they were going for or not. Captain America is a soulless rube who is used by the actual powers that be in what amounts to an exercise in population control. Ooops! Did I give away the big secret? :) No stars. Microwave on high for 5 seconds - to be absolutely sure, you understand.

Enough Said (2013)

Goodbye, Jim

[8/10 · 12 January 2014]

This film has seven women characters who spend their days whining and complaining about their lives, relationships, ex-husbands - you name it. Horrifying chick flick fare, right? But no - sprinkled throughout the screeching, wine guzzling and over acting comes our savior - papa bear Jim Gandolfini. He lights up the screen with his charming low key wit, his delicacy (yes, delicacy) and pure gentlemanly happiness. It just shines through, bathing the viewer with goodness. It makes you wonder how Jim ended up in this trashy flick. Julia Louis-Dreyfus overacts as always (hey - Seinfeld is dead, OK Julia?); the rest of the female cast are loathsome characters you'd push in front of a subway given the chance. Forget about all that, watch this one for Jim. He's a peach.

Blood-C (2011)

What a waste!

[1/10 · 31 August 2013]

The anime series Blood-C is a collaboration of Production I.G and Studio Clamp. As a result it has the Clamp style super thin long limbed, heavy breasted, mostly female cast. But the storyline and character for Saya - an already established character from Blood the Last Vampire and Blood+, has been abandoned. In this 12 episode series, The first 10 episodes are identical, with only a different monster rising from the ground for Saya to kill. As one of the monsters says to her: "pathetic" - and he is so right. Only in episode 11 are there any hints as to what is actually going on, and then everything is dumped out all at once in episode 12 (which is good stuff, but should have been spread out, foreshadowed - anything to make the rest of the anime interesting). This is just an extremely long trailer for the movie Blood-C: The Last Dark.

Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo (2012)

Third time is not a charm.

[6/10 · 28 June 2013]

Third in the "rebuild" of the original series and advances nothing. It's all action and whiny Shinji - Will he ever quit whining? Otherwise there is no character advancement - the others hardly speak. The story moves forward 14 years, yet the EVA kids have not aged, and Shinji has been in a coma all this time. It's several large battles and extended scenes with Shinji whining again. I don't know what they're trying to accomplish but I watched it twice and it's a real failure as a standalone film. They've turned the EVA storyline upside down, yet fail to explain why any of this has occurred. May be it's the translation, but I doubt it. 6/10, and I'm being kind. Well, have to wait another year to find out how this mess ends - again.

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Worst ever.

[1/10 · 8 June 2013]

A useless turd of a film. What? They can't even make a Die Hard movie anymore? My wife said that they tried too hard, but I say they didn't try at all. Nice special effects, with Russian helicopters that haven't been seen in Hollywood pictures before (the Mi-26 is the largest production helicopter in the world and they use it as a 120 passenger airliner in certain areas of Russia and the Old Soviet Union). But some splosions and a thousand squibs do not make an interesting motion picture. An absolutely lame attempt to generate some chemistry between John McClane Senior and Junior fails on a truly epic level, as does the entire plot of the film. For once I would argue that this film needed to be longer to develop something rational - the "heist" storyline is as ill defined as virtually any relationship in this mess. I can't even rate this garbage. Once again, an imaginary negative non existent number.

Chain (2004)

Poor comparison by someone who doesn't get it.

[1/10 · 28 August 2008]

Endless shots of malls and hotels. The annoying student art film of Jem Cohen, better known for REM videos. Here are the allegedly parallel stories of a 31 year old Japanese business woman scouting for investment partners in the US for her "Corporation", verses a homeless American teenage runaway girl's travails. The Japanese woman's timid behavior towards her Corporate bosses is part of their society, and cannot be compared to the stupidity and laziness of the American girl. The Japanese woman has a future, the American girl could easily end up a prostitute. Now take this simple story and fill in about a hour's worth of footage of corporate chain stores (KFC, McDonalds, Marriot, etc) from Australia to Germany and I think our film maker found a way for various film companies to pay for his world wide vacation spree. Zero stars.

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Worst "movie" of the decade.

[1/10 · 19 February 2007]

I speak for a size-able minority in that "Little Miss Sunshine" is a travesty.

It celebrates aberrant, criminal behavior and child abuse.

This behavior is sickening and disgusting.

Did I mention CHILD ABUSE?

I have no problem with films about stupid people doing repulsive things. They are, for the most part, the most interesting and creative movies ever made.

This one left me and my wife sick to our stomachs.

What is wrong with you people? How can you tolerate this garbage?

Oscars? Razzies and jail terms would be more appropriate.

When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (2006–2007)

racist drivel

[4/10 · 21 November 2006]

To maintain his street cred, the wealthy Spike Lee ladles out the BS for 4 hours. "The white man caused all my problems." and "Bush abandoned the poor black man." Anyone with any brains knows that the 9th Ward is where the poorest of New Orleans lived because it is the lowest area, flooding all the time, thus with the cheapest rents and mortgages. What are we supposed to do, repeal capitalism? And the Federal Govt. can't rush in anywhere as the result of the worst war in our history (more died in the Civil War than all other wars combined), because the result of that war was the primacy of the States over the Fed. The last time a President broke that law was when Kennedy sent troops to Little Rock to integrate the schools. So Spike can soothe his conscience over his success, but it's just racist drivel.

Friends (1971)

my wife and I saw this movie as kids

[7/10 · 12 November 2006]

My wife and I saw this when we were 17. The only good thing my father ever did (get us in). This is "our movie" and the music is "our songs". Michelle's song is "our" song. Yeah, nowadays, it's a crime to show naked children on the screen, but we were screwing at 16, why not these kids? The movie is- rich boy impregnates poor girl, then rich dad steals him away from her at the end, after she gives birth under impoverished conditions. She is left alone with child. It is a love story and a "growing up" story. The music is fantastic, and the story is one any person could relate to. May be someday this will be released on DVD.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex - Solid State Society (2006 TV Movie)

A fine addition to the cyberpunk SAC universe.

[9/10 · 4 November 2006]

Kôkaku kidôtai: Stand Alone Complex- Solid State Society. It has been two years since "Major" Motoko Kusanagi left Section 9, a Special Forces unit assigned to cyber crime and answerable only to the Prime Minister of Japan in 2034. Family man Togusa is now leading a much larger force. Chief Aramaki has visibly aged in the job, walking painfully with a cane and attended by Proto. Batou has become a brooding, depressed commander of the training school. All wonder if the Major will ever return.

This time around our heroes must deal with the seemingly unconnected rash of suicides, mass child abductions, conspiracy involving elderly healthcare, a "Wizard Class" hacker called the Puppeteer, and as always, corporate malfeasance and political wrangling. All tidied up with a terrific subtle "what if?" ending.

At $3.2 million SSS is one of the most expensive TV movie anime's yet, and all the money is up on the screen. Illuminating the convoluted storyline are: Increased detail in both background and foreground (missing in 2nd Gig). "Busy" scenes found only in big budget movies. Naturally smooth movement by people and machines. Small touches like the Nissan concept cars, wrinkled clothing, reflections and small lighting effects, raindrops, "Handheld" camera angles, etc. There are plenty of "remember this?" scenes and other touchstones from the series, including great music by Yoko Kanno, with Origa singing the opening and closing songs. Motoko's face is even cuter than ever and the rest of her- you just don't mess with perfection.

Overall SSS is a fine addition to the cyberpunk SAC universe. Can't wait for the English dub next year. Additional SAC stories are promised by Production I.G.

GITS: SAC is not for anime fans looking for scantily dressed little girls, giant robots or magical swordplay. Its story lines, dialogue and multiple overlapping themes are more suited to readers of William Gibson's "Neuromancer" or P. K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" So if you prefer the new "Battlestar Galactica" instead of "War of the Worlds", Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex- Solid State Society might just be for you.

Coda: Rest in Peace, my angel - Origa aka Ol'ga Vital'evna Yakovleva, Oct 17, 1970 - Jan 17, 2015.

The X-Files: Jump the Shark (2002) Season 9, Episode 15

Lone Gunmen Redux

[8/10 · 13 July 2006]

Lone Gunmen Redux

Near the very end of a series (The X Files) that had long before lost its way and "Jumped the Shark" in industry parlance, Chris Carter gave a very nice finale to the canceled spin-off show "The Lone Gunmen".

Our three quirky heroes had fought the good fight in a fun, underrated show that had been dropped after 12 episodes without an ending.

Bruce Harwood, Tom Braidwood and Dean Haglund face their final foe along with series regulars Zuleikha Robinson (Hidalgo) and Stephen Snedden (Charmed, Six Feet Under). Michael McKean, Annabeth Gish, Mitch Pileggi, Gillian Anderson and Robert Patrick also drop by to send the boys off in heroic style.

Winter Passing (2005)

Zooey unable to carry this screenplay

[5/10 · 17 May 2006]

Zooey tries real hard, but her "Anita" character from Almost Famous is out of place, nasty and unable to carry this film.

While Will Ferrel and Ed Harris do well in their supporting roles, it is completely up to Ms. Deschanel to illuminate the plot, forward the action, and give us the resolution. It all seems fake, like she was bored with the storyline.

While the 25 year old has been working steadily since 1998, may be she just wasn't ready for the solo lead in a drama such as Winter Passing.

We know she can sing and do comedy, perhaps a little seasoning is in order for her talents to carry a sincere dramatic role like this one.