alrightwerewatchingit Reviews

The Collector (I) (2009)

Even Jigsaw Would Squirm In His Seat

[8/10 · 30 December 2023]

I was not ready walking into this film...I was not ready. As an avid horror fan of many years I could say I've seen everything under the sun, including SAW, but even Jigsaw might put in his resignation after seeing The Collector. No, he does not have the same manner of elaborate traps but in a way it is what makes him more demented and terrifying; he doesn't need them. He's got his own torture toolkit that may put you in a neck brace from rapidly turning away so many times throughout the film. It is a kind that burns absolutely white hot and never simmers, does not let go. This is not the kind of party night buddy movie involving laughing, chortling, exclamations of "OHHHHH GOT 'EEM", complete with knee slaps; it is dark, it is raw, it is gruesome, and utterly relentless in burning itself into your mind.

Normally, I'm not a huge gore hound, but I thought I would give this one a crack and now I feel like I need a litter of puppies in my arms to try to restore my innocence. The acting and pacing are stellar - I love the way it starts off at a slow but comfortable pace that gradually develops into a full sprint complete with neck-breaking twists and turns. The actors and actresses are all fantastic and the mood would have Edgar Allen Poe telling them to lighten up.

I do like the idea too of a would-be thief of the same house in the movie becoming the savior of the family, and he is not detestable, in fact The Collector is so abhorrent I couldn't help but cheer for Arkin throughout even if he was. Despite the gore there is story and development here and I appreciate that. It isn't like Hostel or Saw that try to wind a convoluted, clunky, predictable story around somebody's warped idea of creative torture.

I'm on the fence about seeing the sequel, The Collection, as I'm not sure how long it will take my psyche to recover. Maybe if it comes with a puppy to hold although I am reluctant to subject the puppy to something like this too.

The Midnight Man (III) (2016)

Thank Goodness It's The Midnight Man and not Freddy Krueger Because This Put Me To Sleep

[2/10 · 30 December 2023]

I honestly couldn't even get through the first 10 or 15 minutes of this. The premise and title sort of seemed promising but it's like they took everything deplorable about The Bye Bye Man (which is, well, everything), fed it through a paper shredder and stuck it back together with sheep turds to develop this snorefest. The ideas are tired, the pacing is downright convoluted and rushed like the production crew had a curfew, and the acting/delivery is so wooden it makes Pinocchio look real.

A friendly tip (especially for the crew): If you haven't, go watch The Babadook to see how this type of film premise is properly done. Shudder, please protect your dignity by removing this from your library.

The Monster (2016)

I Realize Why They Already Reveal The Monster on the Poster

[10/10 · 9 September 2023]

Because it's not where the focus ultimately is, at least for me, it's not the part of the film I was invested in by the end. Sure, the monster's fine, looks like a doped up oil spill with teeth and makes the same (honestly kind of tedious) screech/growl roar you've heard since Jurassic Park. But the reason this movie is a ten for me is because of the story centralized around the two main characters, Lizzy (the daughter) and her recovering alcoholic mom, Kathy. At first I honestly strongly disliked Kathy too and wondered how on Earth this kid hadn't run away from home or called CPS yet. But as the movie progresses, WOW do you start to feel for Kathy and just get totally invested in Lizzy.

Kathy has been staving off a crippling alcohol addiction she shared with her ex that turned life for Lizzy into a hell I'm glad they only show minute portions of onscreen because it's one of the hardest things I've ever watched. It's clear Lizzy goes to school and I didn't know how the school had not intervened and locked Kathy and her deadbeat, dirtbag husband (at the time) up. Lizzy is a strong character her endures an unbelievable amount of mental pressure as the movie shows throughout her life and because of that strength you root for her big time. I like that she still frequently shows her age too though to make the character even more believable. By the time the monster enters stage right it's already clear that the relationship between mother and daughter is feebly patched up and there is genuine love somewhere in there. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the whole family dynamic but it didn't matter because I was still glued to these two characters.

The Monster is a movie about more than what's stalking through the woods or snarling under your bed - as Lizzy says at the end, monsters are real and they are all around us, and she clearly doesn't just mean the jet-black, razor-toothed juggernaut she must ultimately confront, but most scarily they can be right in your own home, underneath the skin or in the hearts of those you think you know, love, and trust. To my interpretation, this black behemoth manifests the fear and scarring Lizzy has developed of her parents' dark sides, and it seems very clear to me that Kathy's "monster" is the very thing that turned her into a demon herself - the alcohol addiction, and though she appears sober you are constantly on the edge of your seat wondering if Lizzy is truly safe with this woman.

Ultimately, you will bite your nails til they bleed throughout this movie. Though it's in the Parent Guide, I will reemphasize that the monster scenes are tolerable as long as you're not too squeamish, but I strongly warn and do not understate that the flashbacks showcasing Kathy and her husband's alcoholism are deeply disturbing and hard to watch. For anyone who has endured this in their own lives my heart goes so out to you and I could never imagine that kind of torment and this might not be the right movie for you. If you feel you can endure both though, do not miss this absolutely incredible film.

The Hole in the Ground (2019)

Dear Ireland, Please Keep Sending Us These Wonderful, Creative Horror Movies. Ours Suck. Love, America

[9/10 · 9 September 2023]

Now, before some loyalists start foaming at the mouth and climbing up the walls screeching obscenities, I'm not saying all American-made horror/suspense/thriller movies are trash. Some exceptional diamonds in the rough have come up throughout the years that I absolutely love, especially in the folkloric genre (Looking at you, The Witch). But boy, did I underestimate how incredibly spinetingling Irish legends and fables could be and I haven't seen this one done so effectively since it made an appearance in Supernatural. Without writing a book, the cinematography was really cool - definitely some Kubrician influence, I believe, the actors and actresses were sensational, especially the child who plays Chris - he knocked it out of the park in creepiness and believability. I always have a special appreciation too for these films that thoughtfully juxtapose mental illness and folklore into one movie to make their viewers think, but also not to just paint all people with mental illness as just invalid and crazy. I really like Sarah's character too and sort of felt for her throughout the movie. I feel like the absent-dad aspect of the story was used a little too vehicularly just to make the story work and just wasn't fleshed out enough, but the movie works well enough that I didn't dwell on that point long. There are a couple of key moments in the film that are referenced in cool and clever ways during the climax. Lastly, I want to know about that hole! Was that a natural one that was already part of the filming location or was it manmade?

Anyway, I don't get the bad reviews, I had a nail-bitingly good time watching it and I feel this is the sort of creative time and attention these films need.

One Piece (2023– )

See Netflix?? You CAN do it...

[10/10 · 4 September 2023]

This is bar none one of the best live-action adaptions to any animated source material I have ever seen. I have been a diehard One Piece fan since I was a preteen; it was one of the first manga I ever read and I still watch it to this day. Admittedly, when I first saw a remake was in the works and saw the promos for it, I could feel myself almost instinctively getting nauseous. I saw the characters and bauked at the mere aesthetics of the show, let alone the other details. My heart sank into a pit as I pleaded pitifully in my head, "Please, PLEASE don't touch this one. I still haven't recovered from the massacring of Avatar TLA, Dragonball Evolution (I know those weren't Netflix, but still), Death Note, AND FullMetal Alchemist, please don't destroy something else from my childhood just for the sake of playing pretend and trying to get subscriptions ."

But lo and behold, I watched the trailer for it and every previously described feeling of dread in me was evaporated by a sudden rush of euphoria and excitement. I had goosebumps on my goosebumps and my heart was in my throat. I immediately resubscribed to Netflix and began watching and MY-GOSH, guys.

I will restate that this is the best adaption of any source material I've ever seen. I will warn you the more "human" looking rendition of the characters takes some getting used to, but my gosh, it's all there - the humor, the action, the heart, and barely a single editorial or filmographic choice is wasted. You're not going to find a cut-by-cut (no pun intended, Zoro) rendition of the original story, but that actually works here and keeps things moving and working in a cohesive way.

For first time fans or devoted veterans like me, you could not ask for a better introduction to an anime series in this medium. Please give it a chance.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

The Evil Dead Live On...

[9/10 · 26 August 2023]

As a loyal fan of the original trilogy, I was really curious how this new iteration into the franchise would fare without the iconic support of Bruce Campbell's star-spangled chin and lighting-in-a-bottle catchphrases. I'm pleased to say it did not disappoint and I believe it's earned its seat at the honorary table of its predecessors. I was so worried modern Hollywood would simply use it's same generic cinematographic cookie cutters to stamp this concept into it's bland dough of creativity and shove it into its oven at "place your money here" degrees, but I was pleasantly surprised.

It's all here - the same gratuitous levels of wild gore, obscenity, and utter insanity that made the series iconic and gave even Mortal Kombat a serious run for its money, but also with genuine, carefully-crafted horror strategically mixed in. The makeup and effects department deserve an all-expenses paid trip to Bermuda along with their checks for their work; the possessed/infected in the movie are as chillingly unsettling and disturbing as the deadites in the past films, but with a grotesque, slick 2023 facelift. Combined with the lighting there are certain parts of the film that will be searingly burned into your brain and nightmares. I remember when IT came out and Bill Skarsgård became famous for his iconic "Pennywise" smile. With all due respect to his stellar performance, Allysa Sutherland (Ellie) makes it look like the smile one gives after accidentally audibly farting in a library. The poster doesn't do it justice.

The child actors and actresses were all sensational especially for such an intense and demanding film. I really felt for them even after they are possessed or killed (save the one, of course) and I found myself genuinely rooting for them (as well as Beth and Ellie throughout the film).

Props to the director and writters as well for using jump scares effectively and relying more on the intense rawness of the atmosphere to keep the audience rattled.

Before this gets too long, I would recommend just seeing it if you haven't already. If you're a fan of the series you will find an extremely memorable and appropriate installment into it, if you're brand new, while I insist on you watching the originals, this is more than a fine introduction. To borrow from my British friends, be ready for a truly bloody good time.

Restaurant: Impossible (2011– )

Diet Kitchen Nightmares, but Keeps Its Flavor and Integrity

[8/10 · 31 July 2023]

If you've seen 5 minutes of KN with Gordon Ramsay you could script an entire episode of this yourself - all of the conceptual and structural components are there. However, those who find Gordon Ramsay a bit too intense or vulgar may enjoy Robert Irvine's mellower interventional approach more. He is a verbally cleaner host than Gordon Ramsay and does not seem to prescribe to the methodology of getting a rise out of people by insulting them to instill or reignite passion. The show may also be more digestible as it cuts a lot of the fat (pardon the pun) out that KN typically leaves in which, again, select viewers are partial to but some feel makes accessing the actual meat of the episode more tedious. He also lays pressure on his aspiring restauranteurs in a different way - if you imagine it like flattening a veal cutlet for cooking, while Gordon metaphorically is not reserved in grabbing the meat hammer and going to town to tenderize it, Irvine follows a calmer press and release tactic that remains firm but the volume level rarely changes. For those used to Ramsay's tirades, Irvine will almost seem borderline vegetative sometimes, but he offers the same critique and constructive feedback and his passion often still shows through.

Ultimately, your preference for this show really boils down to which personality you resonate with more. I love both for different reasons and for me they seem to work together to create a nice balance, in the sense that I love KN all the same but when I get tired of Gordon's more razer-sharp, explosive approach, I can turn the heat down and watch this show. When I find myself dozing off from the show's mellower disposition, the other will be there to get the pans really blazing once more. Either way, you can't go wrong.

Red (2008)

Prepare to be Caught Off Guard in the Best Way Possible

[10/10 · 30 July 2023]

This is not your typical John Wick style tale of vengeance. Brian Cox puts on an expectedly stellar performance as a placid but grief-stricken man who loses his beloved dog, Red, to a tearaway teenager and his accomplices during a robbery while on a fishing trip. Despite being an army veteran and fully-loaded, the gory bullet storm you'd expect does not ensue, but instead a nail-biting slow burn on his quest for justice by appealing to lawmen, reporters, and anyone who will listen. As we delve into Cox's character, Ave, we learn that he is no stranger to death and bloodshed, even before his furry best friend's demise and what he presumably experienced in war, and amazingly we see that he is also not aloof to broken households and deeply troubled teenagers. The actors playing the teens all put a phenomenal presence into their characters that is admittedly detestable but also sympathetic, and we catch an indirect glimpse into the layers of causality possibly fueling this behavior. Though it is hard to watch, the most polarizing relationship developed throughout the film is between Ave and Harold (the brother of the dog-killer) who is clearly along for, but not invested in, the chaos ensued by his brother and his friend. I related so much to him being that teen myself once upon a time until I broke off from them. And it was amazing to see Ave almost fill in a stern, fatherly role for the two brothers that their unqualified real (billionaire) father seems to not have time for. While in the end both brothers end up dead during the conclusive gunfight, it leaves at least a flicker of solitude considering if Ave maybe provided some true parental intervention for them in their lives.

The movie does not end on this sour note, however, as Carrie, a reporter befriended by Ave, presents him with a (absolutely adorable) new puppy. This does make us reconsider the true bounty of his crusade for justice and leaves the old question lingering - "Was it really all worth it?" Especially since he wound up with another breed of what he lost anyway. But I think this emphasizes Red's death being only a vehicle to exhibit and examine the deeper character studies within the film.

I absolutely enjoyed it and if anyone is looking for a justice, not a revenge (they are two different things), story with an admirable provocation of thoughtfulness and insight, this is your film.

Radiant (2018– )

When I Reaquainted Myself With Anime, I Am So Thankful I Started With This

[9/10 · 5 August 2020]

This brought me right back and brought back a warmly nostalgic reminder of why I was obsessed with it as a teenager. It is presented in a, well, radiant and eye-catching HD format with enrapturing settings, unique character models that really accentuate the impressive voice acting that comes with each one.

Though they really push the air-headed joviality of some characters such as Melie and Seth, there is still an ocean of depth and background to each that, though I have seen times before in other shows, still knows the right sorrowful sonata to strum on my heart strings. None of them ever become unintentionally/over-the-top obnoxious or unwatchable and there is a fist-clenching coolness to them as well (I am especially entertained by the Launch-like curse (minus the sneezing) that Melie suffers from.

They really fit like perfect puzzle pieces into the imaginative world around them and it really makes for a cleaner, entrancing, and absolutely hilarious original series that pays homage to predecessors like Attack on Titan, Bleach, and even Rise of Shield Hero. I am four episodes in and I see no indication of stopping in the distance.